Holly stared out of the tiny window of her kitchen into the yard and wondered if she wasn’t already fucking up her second chance. Her son had been home for less than twelve hours, and she’d already exposed him to her suddenly kinky sex life. And to a bunch of men with guns. Yeah, she wasn’t an idiot. They’d all looked so innocent after she’d rushed out, but she’d caught sight of the bulge in Zane’s jeans, and despite rumors, she seriously doubted his thingy wrapped all the way around to the small of his back. She doubted any of them had been unarmed. Not a single one of those men would run around in the dark of night without some form of weapon.
“Good morning, dushka.” Alexei’s arms came around her waist, lifting her slightly as his face nuzzled her neck.
She’d woken up wrapped around him, utterly safe in his arms. She wouldn’t be cold as long as Alexei was in her bed. And she’d missed Caleb because he hadn’t gotten back into bed with them.
She was perverse.
“Good morning.” Doubt crept back into her head with the morning light. He was so beautiful.
“Your son, he is all right?”
Her son was still asleep. She’d tucked him in last night after making him a cup of tea and trying to get him to talk. He’d said little past the fact that Scott had kicked him out after discovering his sexual orientation, and his stepmother had done nothing to help him. That hadn’t been a big surprise. Connie was a cipher. She’d been handpicked by Maureen Lang to be the perfect political wife. She’d immediately spat out two genetically perfect kids and never disagreed with Scott. She wore what she was told to wear. She had a life filled with teas and events. Holly didn’t envy her.
“I think he’s fine. Well, he’s as fine as a kid who had his whole life ripped away can be.” Rage still threatened to choke her. Asshole. How could he have done that to their son?
Micky had told her a long time before that he thought he was gay. He’d known when he was a kid, and no matter how much football his father made him play, he couldn’t help the fact that he preferred boys. She could still remember the night he’d told her. He’d cried because her big response had been to ask if he had a boyfriend. Why couldn’t Scott have been the same way?
Alexei ran his nose through her hair, the sensation making her shiver with pleasure. She loved how affectionate he was. “I do not know, dushka. He seem to be very happy.”
She threaded her fingers through his. “He wouldn’t talk about it. He only wanted to talk about finishing high school online and where he’s going to go to college. How am I going to send him to college? I don’t even have a savings account. I’ve lived hand to mouth forever.”
Because she hadn’t really tried. She’d spent the last eight years getting by. She loved Stella, but did she want to waitress for the rest of her life?
He squeezed her close. “Do not to worry. We will deal with all things. We will find a way.”
He was so stinking good to her. She couldn’t argue with him. She couldn’t point out that he didn’t have a job and hers didn’t pay well. They weren’t exactly a power couple.
“I have to be going. I will make rounds in Bliss and then perhaps move on to Creede if no one is hiring here.” He kissed her forehead. “Don’t forget you have to see Caleb today. He will expect you in his office at noon. Do not to be late.”
Caleb wanted to shave her and prepare her ass for anal sex. Or did he? He’d seemed pretty freaked out. She wasn’t sure if he was anxious about the relationship or if the idea that she might have a son living with her made him rethink everything. She wouldn’t blame him. It was causing her to rethink. “I don’t know if that’s still on.”
Alexei slapped her ass, the sharp pain making her shriek. “You will go. Do not to be disappointing me. Caleb stayed. He did not leave until morning. He stay on couch, but it’s progress. So go.”
Maybe. But she also had a kid to think about. “I’ll talk to him.”
Alexei stepped back and grabbed her keys off the kitchen table. “You will obey him or deal with me.” He winked, but there was no way she could miss the command in his voice. “I take car. Is okay? Caleb walked back to town. When do you need to be at work?”
“I’m off today. Feel free to take the car. If I need anything, I can get Laura to take me to town.”
“Or I could do it.” Micky stood in the doorway dressed in a T-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. He looked younger than his seventeen years. Her heart threatened to break. He was so young and so precious to her. She couldn’t fail him.
Alexei leaned back in, but she moved away. She couldn’t make out with her boyfriend in front of her son. Alexei’s eyes darkened, but he stepped back. “We will talk about that later, dushka. Good-bye, Mick. I will be looking forward to seeing you later. Take care of your mother.”
“Always.”
Alexei left, waving good-bye, and she was alone with her son.
“Don’t you dare do this to me.” Micky crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her, a spark of rage in his eyes.
God. She’d already made him uncomfortable. What had she expected? He’d come looking for his mom and found her with two men. It was normal in Bliss, but Micky hadn’t grown up here. What must he think of her? Tears blurred her eyes. Just as she found some small measure of happiness, she was going to have to give it up because her son came first. “I’ll talk to him. Don’t worry about it, baby. This is your home. I won’t have you uncomfortable.”
“And you don’t understand me. I wasn’t telling you to dump your ungodly hot boyfriend. Seriously? I need to go to Russia. And Red is weird, but totally hot in a geek-chic, I’ve-got-PTSD way.” Micky shook his head and walked to her. “I didn’t come here to wreck your life. I came here to be with my mom.”
Every word seemed to cut through her. “And I should focus on you.”
Micky’s hands came up in frustration. He had some of his father’s coloring, but she could see her dad in Micky’s eyes. He had that same expression her father had always had when he thought she was doing something dumb. “No, you shouldn’t focus on me. You should be happy. What have you always told me you wanted for me? When Dad was putting me through every honors class and pushing me to achieve, what did you want for me?”
Micky had been under so much pressure to be perfect. “I wanted you to be happy.”
“You said happiness was the only thing that mattered. You told me to be true to who I am and what I want. To be kind to those around me and to love—to really love. Don’t you dare think I want less for you. I will be so mad if you break up with those gods of masculinity because you think I don’t know what sex is.”
Maybe he was more mature than she’d thought. She touched his face. God, she remembered how small he’d been, how he’d clung to her like a little monkey. He’d been such a sweet child, and he was almost a man. She’d missed him. “I wish I’d been with you.”
He softened. “You were, Mom. We talked every day we could. I never stopped hearing your voice in my head. I never thought for one second that you didn’t love me. You just picked the wrong man to marry.”
“I am going to kill your father. He had no right to do this to you.” She felt her fists clench.
“Don’t. Mom, please, don’t call him. It’s over, and I’m cool with it. I’m good. I want to move on.” He hugged her. “He wasn’t all bad, you know. I know he was a horrible husband. Still is, by the way, but he wasn’t a terrible dad.”
“How can you say that? You came out to him, and he kicked you out.”
“I’m not surprised. I was kind of hoping he would. Mom, I went into that room knowing he would probably do it. I’m a campaign liability. I’m good with this. Let it be. Come on. I have one year and then I’m off to college, and I don’t want you to worry about that, either. I want to enjoy this year with my mom. Can we do that?”
She nodded. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I care about Alexei and Caleb, but I know it’s weird. I think a lot of people would think raising a teen around a ménage relationship would be wrong.”
“Yeah, well raising a kid around politics is way worse. Trust me—all the backstabbing and double-dealing has warped me way worse than your crazy sex stuff ever will. Don’t worry, Mom. According to Gaga, you were born this way. And we should all listen to Gaga.” He grinned and walked around the living room. He picked up something that had fallen behind the couch. “But seriously, they’re slobs. We have to work on that.”
Two pairs of underwear. Alexei’s and Caleb’s boxers. Embarrassment flashed through her. She was beyond happy that Micky was okay with her relationship, but she didn’t want to push it in his face. She grabbed the undies from him. “I’ll make sure to note your preferences.”
He laughed as he looked around the cabin. She was well aware it wasn’t anything like the estate he’d grown up on. He simply straightened up the pile of magazines on the end table. “Good. And I’ll get ready for breakfast. Take me into town. Show me around. I want to see everything, starting with where you work. I have two weeks before I have to start sending in assignments. And before you freak out, I left all the information on the table. It’s a perfectly licensed school. Every college will accept the transcripts. It’s in California, but I can send everything in remotely, and my teachers will do conferences and lectures over the Internet.”
He’d figured it all out. She was beginning to be intimidated by her son’s competence. She played with the pamphlets he’d left. “I’ll look into it.”
Micky winked. “Do that. I’m going to take a quick shower. Hopefully the big dude didn’t take all the hot water.”
“All right.” She took a deep breath as he disappeared into the bathroom.
The phone rang as she sat down to read the material he’d left for her.
“Holly?” There was no mistaking the smooth, douchebag tones of his voice.
“Scott? You asshole. How dare you call here.” She practically growled into the phone. If she could have reached through it and ripped his throat out, she would have.
He snorted. “Yes, I’m not the one with nerve, sweetheart. Let’s agree that it’s a family trait. I want to make sure Micky got in okay. He left late last night.”
Now he was worried about their son? “You have no right to even ask about him. You kicked him out.”
He chuckled. “Damn, I love that kid. If that’s the way we’re playing it, then fine. I’ve always been the bad guy in your head. All right, I’ll allow that I am the bad guy. Is he okay?”
“He’s in one piece.” No thanks to Scott.
“Good. I hope he’s getting what he wanted.” There was a long pause. “You tell him to stick to our deal.”
The line went dead, and she was left wondering what was going on.
* * * *
Caleb stood outside the store, staring up at it. He did that sometimes. Sometimes Bliss was so weird, he had to stop and take the moment in.
Technically the Guns and Biker Stuff and More Store was halfway between Bliss and Del Norte, but damn the place definitely felt like Bliss. The building was a long cabin-style structure, and a big dude with a beard that any pirate would envy sat on a rocking chair on the porch rocking back and forth and drinking a beer at ten in the morning. If he was upset Caleb was standing and staring, he didn’t show it.
The purr of a truck caught his attention and he turned. Wolf was here. Thank god. He wasn’t sure he would actually be able to go into that place. It could be a trap. He would send Wolf in to get the items he needed.
What items did he need? Condoms.
How the hell was he going to buy condoms here? Did they sell them next to the revolvers? Did you get a discount for buying both? When he thought about it, they were actually similar. One protected a dude from assholes and the other from tiny humans who would need him far more than he could handle.
Did Alexei want kids? Did Holly want another one?
Stop. He wasn’t going there. That was a mighty big leap to take when he’d slept with her once.
“You just going to stand there?” Wolf came to his side.
“He seems to like standing,” the dude with the long beard said as he rocked. “He’s the doc, right? The one from Bliss? Seen him around. Folks say he’s weird. They’re right.”
The screen door opened and a tiny woman strode out. “Willie, don’t be rude. Wolf is a wonderful customer and this man is his friend.”
Willie shook his head at the newcomer. “Wasn’t being rude, baby. Just stating plain truth. Doc’s been standing in the parking lot for a good ten minutes. If Mel was here, he would say the aliens got in his head.”
“This is a parking lot?” It was a yard, and not particularly well kept. He’d gotten a ride from Cam, who’d dropped him off with a grin. “And I was waiting for Wolf. He’s the expert here.”
The expert on sex toys. Though he couldn’t be much of an expert if he’d brought them to a gun store to buy sex stuff. Unless Wolf was way kinkier than he thought…
The woman, who wore capri pants and a bright pink blouse, smiled. Caleb pegged her in her early sixties, with a bounce in her step and wide brown eyes. Her salt and pepper hair was wrapped in a coronet around her head. She glided down the steps and held out her arms. “Hello, Wolf. How is your mother?”
“Mom is great, Deb.” Wolf hugged the tiny woman with the ease of a man who knew how to connect to the people around him. Wolf wouldn’t have stood out in the “parking lot” staring at the hand-painted sign and wondering what the hell he was doing. Wolf would have strode in boldly and proclaimed what he needed.
“I’m here for a butt plug.”
All eyes were suddenly on him. Willie even took off the mirrored sunglasses that covered his eyes.
Wolf probably wouldn’t have put it like that.
A laugh huffed from his friend, and that seemed to break the moment. Deb and Willie both had a nice guffaw at his expense, but the truth was it wasn’t all that costly. He didn’t have a real sense of shame when it came to the crap that came out of his mouth. He’d grown up in a household where he’d been expected to be politic all the time. He’d never been any good at it.
Willie stood up. “Well, I think that’s my cue. You gentlemen join me when you’re ready. I’ll have a selection for you. Is this for you? I have a very manly set that came in just the other day.”
Of course he did have a nicely stocked sense of pure embarrassment. “I’m sorry, what?”
Wolf’s grin was as big as the sky. “Dr. Burke is not training his own anus, Willie. This is for his lady.”
“Ah, he finally got into Holly’s undies,” Willie said and then his eyes went steely. “Or is this for some other woman?”
He got the feeling that if he answered incorrectly, his access to anal plugs might be closed in this establishment. Or limited to ones with spikes or something. “My…” He’d been about to say girlfriend. “I like Holly.”
And he was absolutely certain he was going to love her asshole. That was really all the commitment he could make now.
“Then I’ll bring out our feminine line.” Willie disappeared into the store, his beer still in hand.
“I know I shouldn’t ask this,” Caleb began with a sense of trepidation that didn’t quite overcome his curiosity, “but what are the differences between male and female butt plugs? Technically the tissue is the same. The muscles are the same.”
Wolf shook his head. “I believe he’s talking about presentation.”
“Well, I was planning on presenting it to her with lubrication.”
Deb’s hand went over her mouth, obviously holding in her mirth. She took a deep breath and became the competent business owner once more. “I believe he’s talking about size and color, and Willie has a few with some interesting attachments. He’ll walk you through it all. Come on in when you’re ready. I’ve got blueberry muffins just out of the oven. We’re expecting the OG Pack MC coming through this morning, so I added extra fiber. Don’t let the name scare you. It’s not original gangsters. It’s Old Geezers. To become a prospect you have to show your AARP card. I’m going to put some coffee on. They get cranky without caffeine.”
And they called him weird.
“So you did the deed last night.” Wolf looked at him with approval. “How are you feeling?”
“Perfectly well,” Caleb replied. Sex had taken his stress level down briefly, but then the normal anxieties had come back. “My blood pressure is normal. Nose is a little stuffy but I bet that’s allergies.”
Wolf groaned. “I meant emotionally. How do you feel about the fact that you had a three-way.”
“I did not have a three-way.” He needed to put that rumor to bed now. “I had a one-way and Alexei had a one-way, and Holly was kind of the intersection. But our cars didn’t have a rear ender, if you know what I mean.”
Wolf stared at him. “You are insane. You know that, right?”
“I think the definition of sanity should be more fluid,” he admitted. “I didn’t enjoy the psychology courses I took. Now explain to me what biker stuff is. I get the guns. I’m curious about the more. Why biker stuff?”
Wolf shrugged. “Willie watched Sons of Anarchy and his guns and more store became a place to buy biker stuff. Not like motorcycles, but they have all kinds of accessories. I don’t know, man. I don’t actually go into that part of the store. Deb is an expert on firearms and ammo and Willie is the toy maker. Not that he makes the plugs, but he’s an excellent artisan when it comes to paddles and floggers. Now tell me how you feel.”
“I feel like you’re way weirder than me because you know these people. I thought Nell and Henry were the odd balls. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I also feel I should stick with the butt plug because Holly might become concerned if I came home with paddles and floggers.” She might use them on him.
Wolf stared.
And stared.
Caleb let out a groan of frustration. “Fine. It was great and I care about her. I do. I didn’t even hate Alexei being there. It felt oddly normal.”
“Then why did you try to run?” Wolf asked.
Damn gossip mill. “Because it felt oddly normal. Because I liked it too much. Because Holly told me she loved me and for a minute I wanted to say it back.”
Wolf put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s good.”
“I didn’t say it back.” He couldn’t.
One big shoulder shrugged. “Well, we’re taking baby steps. I heard her son is in town. How did that go?”
“Seems like a nice kid.” Mick had handled finding his mom with two men pretty well, considering. “A little sarcastic, but I can deal with that. I think Holly was embarrassed though.” Maybe he should think about this.
“Stop right there,” Wolf ordered. “Don’t even go there. You’re all adults and her kid is in his last year of high school. She deserves to have a life. No one in Bliss is going to blink an eye.”
And Mickey had seemed cool with it. “I’m trying. Like I said, it was nice. It was probably the best night I’ve had in a long time.”
The trouble was he wasn’t sure he could trust it. Not because he didn’t trust Holly. It was the universe he didn’t trust. He’d come to understand that life was a capricious thing that tossed him one way or another like a boat in a storm.
Of course a boat was better handled when there was a crew on it rather than a singular captain trying to do everything. Maybe that had been why he’d felt so comfortable with Alexei. He’d known if things went off the rails, there was someone else there.
“I’m glad,” Wolf said, starting toward the store. “If there’s anyone who deserves a good night, it’s you. Now let’s go look at some butt plugs. We need to get a whole training set, and Willie experiments with some exotic lubricants. Don’t worry. Nell tests them all for parabens, whatever those are. She’s pronounced them organic and cruelty free. Well, not the ginger one. She said that one stung.”
Yep, Nell was a freak. It kind of made him more comfortable around her. Next time she threatened him with endless rounds of conversation he would inquire whether or not she was wearing a butt plug that day. That might mess up her game play.
Excellent. He wouldn’t be unprepared for their next round.
The growl of motorcycles rumbled through the air as a swarm of Harleys made their way into the “parking lot.”
Wolf waved for him to get inside. “Come on, man. You do not want to mess with those guys.”
There were about twenty bikes being parked, and six of them had more than one rider. The helmets started to come off and Caleb couldn’t help but stare. The men were all wearing leather vests that proudly proclaimed them the Old Geezers of the Rockies.
“Yeah don’t mess with us, young man,” a guy who had to be in his mid-nineties said, reaching out his hand for his…yep, that was his old lady. She was maybe eighty-five on the generous side, and she was wearing a tank top and no bra. “We’re one percenters.”
The woman at his side grinned, and when she did that she proved that age should be judged on so much more than a mere number. “He calls us that because we’ve got about one percent of our lives left.”
“Then we should party!” another called out.
There wasn’t a single one who could possibly be under seventy-five.
Caleb smiled. These people were living. They were giving a big old finger to the world and gave not one fuck what anyone thought.
Alexei would think they were cool.
He’d just thought about calling Alexei and telling him about the experience.
“That big old truck yours?” one of the OGs asked Wolf.
Wolf nodded gamely.
“Get out of your cage, son,” the man said. “Get a bike and see the world. Time’s a wasting.”
It was. And suddenly Caleb didn’t want to miss a minute of it.
He jogged to the steps. He had a set of butt plugs to buy.
* * * *
Three hours later, Alexei parked Holly’s tiny torture device in the back of Stella’s and began to walk up Main Street. Useless. The whole morning had been useless. He looked up as he heard another car stop.
“Hey, we lost track of you last night. I take it things went well with Ms. Lang?” Jessie asked, getting out of the white SUV they’d rented. She’d changed into slightly different colored slacks and a pristine white shirt.
“I tried to tell her that you’re a big boy now,” Mike said, shutting the driver’s side door. His loafers crunched against the gravel. “But she was worried. The appeals court hands down its verdict any day now.”
Yes. He’d forgotten about the appeals. The thought of having to go back into court was not pleasant. “I am fine. Nothing to worry about.”
Jessie looked around. “I don’t know. I’ve heard some crazy stories about this place.”
“It is nice place.” Bliss was the nicest place he’d ever been.
“Nice enough for a Sommerville. I saw him last night at that bar. What the hell is Caleb Sommerville doing in a place like this?” Jessie asked. She’d been the one to recognize him that day so long before.
Alexei turned to her. “Please to not be telling that around town. He is hiding.”
Jessie sighed. “After what happened to him, I can’t blame him. You know they shot his wife right in front of him. By the time the State Department finally found him, he’d been held captive for months. They said he’d been held in what looked like a box.”
A box. Caleb had been caged in a small space for a long time, his body encased, surrounded. For most men, it would make them claustrophobic. What if it had the opposite effect on Caleb? What if he needed to feel surrounded to be comfortable? An idea started to play in his mind.
Mike shook his head. “Poor bastard. Well, at least he had someone as powerful as Eli Sommerville on his side, or he would have been left there to die. Guess he didn’t deny his family name then, did he?”
“He has a lot of friends,” Alexei said with a frown. “If he wishes to be anonymous, this is his choice. I suggest you to be leaving him alone. I would not take it kindly if his secrets get out when he does not wish them to.”
“You’re close to him?” Jessie’s eyes assessed him.
“I would listen to him if I was you.” A tall, dark-haired man turned the corner. He’d obviously heard a good portion of the conversation. “Caleb here is Alexei’s partner. We take partners real damn seriously here in Bliss.”
Caleb stood with the other man. He stared a hole straight through Alexei. “You aren’t going to blackmail me, are you?”
He was so stubborn. “I tell you this.”
The dark-haired man held out his hand. “Wolf Meyer. Nice to meet you. And I spent a good twenty minutes of my life explaining that to Caleb. He’s got a thick head. I tried to explain that if a man like you wanted money out of him, you would put a gun in his face and demand it.”
It was good to know he had a reputation. “I would not to hurt Caleb for the world. He save my life.”
“Yeah, I told him that, too.” Wolf turned to the other two. “Feds?”
Mike looked offended. “US marshals.”
Wolf rolled his eyes. “Same shit, different uniform. Caleb, you have everything you need?”
Caleb nodded. “I think I can handle it from here.” Wolf walked away, but Caleb stayed. “Are they your handlers?”
“Not any longer.” At least he hoped that was true.
“We’re in town to make sure he’s okay. There are two men he testified against who are up for an appeal. I’m nervous they might come after him. These are powerful men with long arms, if you know what I mean,” Mike explained.
Caleb turned to him. “Impatient bastard.”
Alexei shrugged. “I wait long time.”
“Dr. Sommerville, will you talk to him?” Jessie asked. “It would be better for everyone if he stayed in protective custody.”
“My name is Caleb Burke. If you insist on formality, you can call me Dr. Burke. I changed my name a long time ago. It’s legal. Use it. As for Alexei going back into witness protection, that’s not a good idea. He has responsibilities here. Don’t worry, if someone shoots him, I know how to stitch him back up.” Caleb gestured toward the town square. “Enjoy your stay in Bliss. Come on, Alexei. Walk with me.”
Alexei waved good-bye to his handlers. Maybe they would get the idea that he wasn’t going back.
“How did the job hunt go?” Caleb asked gruffly.
He sighed as they passed The Trading Post. It was the one business in town he didn’t have the courage to go into and ask if they were hiring. The neat storefront was one of the mainstays of the town. They sold everything from groceries to books to sporting goods in the multi-story structure. It was also run by Logan Green’s mothers.
“I will keep searching. I will try other towns this afternoon.”
“Yeah, you keep right on walking, buddy. Maybe you should try some other states.” Logan leaned against the side of his county-issued Bronco, his eyes narrowed.
“Just keep walking.” Caleb nodded at the deputy but didn’t speak to him.
Alexei stopped. “Logan, perhaps we could talk.”
He needed to figure out a way to make this right with the deputy.
“I think I’ll pass. I remember what happened the last time we talked.” The deputy’s eyes were rimmed with red. It was obvious he hadn’t been sleeping much.
“I am so very sorry for the pain you went through. I would do anything to make it go away.”
Logan stood up, his stance predatory. “You didn’t do much when that fucker was trying to kill me, did you? I believe I would have been termed an acceptable loss in your books. Tell me something, asshole, did I play my part? Was I a good distraction? Did me getting my ass tortured buy you the time you needed to save your own sorry self?”
“I did to save Holly and later Jennifer.” It was his reason, but the words felt hollow in the face of Logan’s obvious pain. How could he tell the deputy that he still had nightmares? He could still hear the low, animal moans Logan made as his life was altered forever.
“Yeah, I’m sure that helps you sleep at night.” Logan slammed his fist onto the roof of his Bronco.
Caleb took a couple of steps closer to the deputy. “Have you been drinking?”
“You know what, Doc? That’s none of your fucking business.” The deputy took a step back.
Caleb wouldn’t let it go. “It certainly is if you’re both on duty and driving around. You carry a gun, Logan. You can’t do this. And what’s wrong with your eye? Is that a contusion? When did it happen?”
“Don’t touch me, Doc. It’s fine. I got in a fight last night. You should see the other guy.” Logan stepped out from behind his car. “You should remember that, you big Russian asshole. I’m not a kid anymore. I’m not a pushover, and you won’t be able to use me again.”
Yes, he could plainly see that Logan’s youth had been taken from him in a brutal way. And he might not live for long if he kept getting drunk and fighting.
Logan looked at his car but pocketed his keys. “I think I’ll avoid the doc calling my boss. I’ve had about enough of this town’s interference in my life. And Markov, you should leave. There’s nothing for you here. Not a damn person is going to hire you, and Holly will wake up one day and see you for the criminal you are.”
Alexei watched as he took the steps of his mothers’ store two at a time.
“He should get that contusion looked at.” Caleb was shaking his head as the door to The Trading Post opened and closed.
He felt utterly helpless. There was zero chance the deputy would ever accept help from him, but it was so obvious he needed it. He knew the look on the young man’s face. He’d seen it a thousand times on his own. It was the look of a man who had nothing to lose and wouldn’t mind going out in a blaze of glory.
“Holy shit, you really aren’t tricking anyone, are you? You honestly give a shit that Logan is hurting.” Caleb stared at him as though seeing him for the first time.
“I cause him pain.”
“No, some asshole named Luke caused him pain.”
“Luka.” He could still see Luka as Stefan Talbot killed him. So much death. So much pain, and he was still causing it.
“You couldn’t have spared him. What would that mob boss guy have said if you had told him, ‘Hey don’t hurt the cop who arrested me. I think we should be a kinder, gentler mob?’”
He had a point. “I don’t think Pushkin would have liked that.”
“Nope. It wouldn’t have gone over well. He would have shot your ass, killed Logan, and I don’t like to think about what he would have done to Holly.” Caleb’s face went pale. “You can’t imagine what a man can do to a woman.”
Alexei could. He’d killed a man once, a member of his own group who had tried to rape a young woman. He’d managed to cover it up by letting the woman flee and blaming the whole thing on her. Alexei had given her money and helped her disappear. But he didn’t talk about it with Caleb. Caleb was lost in his own nightmare. Caleb’s nurses had been raped. “They were trying to do good, Caleb. They knew it was a risk.”
“They were dumb kids.”
“Yes, well, sometimes dumb kids change whole world. And sometimes they die. Why am I not responsible for Logan, but you are for nurses and wife? You did not pull trigger. You did not rape. You did not offer them up to save yourself.”
“How do you know that?” He asked the question between gritted teeth. “How do you know I didn’t beg them to take the women and not me?”
“Because I study you. You are man who walks away from wealth and privilege to help others. You are man who saves someone when it would be better for you if he die. I did not only come back for Holly, Caleb. I came back because I falls down for Holly, but I also came back because I admire you. I think you are lost and you are worth being found again.” He might turn away. Caleb could run. Caleb could think he was playing a game. For all Alexei knew, Caleb could think he was coming on to him. But he wasn’t going to lie to the man.
“You fell for Holly.” Caleb’s voice was tight, thick with some unnamed emotion. “The other way makes it sound like you’re clumsy, and we both know you aren’t that.”
Alexei didn’t smile, but he felt a little joy in his chest. Caleb wouldn’t respond by offering him affection, but not fighting him was the way the man gave acceptance. For all that the confrontation with Logan hurt, Caleb’s lecture on English warmed him.
“Are you going to come with me?” Caleb asked, putting a hand on his arm. “I’m supposed to meet Holly at the clinic in fifteen minutes.”
He should go into Creede. He should continue his job hunt. But the thought of being with Holly again, of watching Caleb preparing her… He needed to see her. “Yes, I will join you.”
Alexei stepped out into the street. The clinic wasn’t far away. He could consider it his lunch break. After he’d spent some time with Holly, he would feel better about finding a job.
Caleb stepped out with him. “I had Wolf tell me what to buy. I don’t know what kind of training the SEALs give out, but it obviously covered sex toys.”
He heard the squeal of tires just before he felt a sharp shock of pain and the whole world went black.