My house bristles with angst as Bethany and I try to round up Peanut. As usual, he has hidden somewhere in the house, and neither of us can find him in any of his normal hiding places. I called for him several times, but he didn’t reply. I’m beginning to worry until it dawns on me that the only place in the house that we haven’t checked is my bedroom.

“Peanut,” I call out as I enter my room, then wait for a response.

“I not here, Uncle Wuv.”

I chuckle inwardly that the boy has the audacity to respond that he isn’t in my room and then expects me to leave. I walk over to my bed and drop to my knees, lifting the covers so I can see the space between the box spring and the floor.

“Peanut, come on, buddy, we have to get going. That pretty doctor lady is waiting to see you.” Why not bribe him with Lillian's good looks? Hell, if it were me, I’d be running for the door.

“I no go. Not wanna go. Pwease, Uncle Wuv, no make me go.”

His scared little eyes look back at me, begging for a reprieve as he scoots further back under the bed. “Come on, buddy; I promise everything is going to be just fine. You’ll see.” I reach my arm between the floor and the bed and latch onto his hand, pulling him out from underneath. Holding him tightly in my arms, I kiss the top of his head. “I know you’re scared, buddy, but I promise that I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Pwomise?”

His eyes look up at me begging for me to reassure him, and that’s exactly what I do. I promise on the stars above that he will be just fine. Now I have to hope and pray that Dr. Lillian Vicci is as good as everyone claims she is.

When we reach the hospital, I keep everything professional, even though I want to pull Lillian aside and kiss her senseless. But this isn’t the time for that. No, this is the time to put aside my desires and focus on Peanut. I try to avoid going into pre-op with him, but he begs and insists that I have to be there.

Bethany stands beside Peanut, his little hand held tight in hers. “Sweet baby, you remember what Mommy said, right?” His little head bobs up and down. “The doctor is going to fix your heart, so it works better. The nurses are going to help the doctor make you better, so they’re going to give you some medicine that will make you sleep so you won’t feel anything. When you wake up, Uncle Love and Mommy will be right beside you, but soon, they have to take you away from us for a little bit.”

Tears start rolling down Peanut’s cheeks. “No, Mommy, you no leave. I go home, pwease.”

I want to give in and take him away, but I know I can’t. What I can do is give him my strength. With a wave of my hand over his forehead, moving his bangs away from his skin, I lean down and kiss his forehead. “Remember when Uncle Love had to get his stomach fixed?” Peanut wipes away his tears with his tiny fist and nods. “Well, remember you wanted to go with me and the doctor said no, you had to stay with your mommy and hold her hand, so she wouldn’t be alone?” Once again, he nods at me. “Well, that’s what your mommy has to do for me now, hold my hand, so I’m not alone. Otherwise, she’d be right there with you.”

A surprised look covers his face. “You scared, Uncle Wuv?”

“Yeah, buddy, I am.”

His free little hand grabs mine. “Why you scared?”

“I’m scared, Peanut, because I don’t want to sit in the big room by myself. Too many strangers around.”

Peanut lets go of my hand and motions for me to lower my head so he can whisper in my ear, “Otay, Uncle Wuv, Mommy can stay wit you, so you no get scared.” I kiss his forehead once again. “You know, Uncle Wuv, you kinda chicken for a grownup.”

I start to laugh, but then Lillian steps into the room. “Hello, Jefferson—” She clears her throat. “I mean, Peanut. How are you today? Are you ready to get all better?”

“Yup,” Peanut yells out, not showing an ounce of fear, even though I know he is still scared inside. “My uncle Wuv is scared ‘cause he’s a chicken.”

Lillian laughs briefly before introducing Joseph, the surgery tech. “Joseph here is going to take you to a big room and make you all comfortable, and then I’ll be right in, okay, Peanut? I just need to give your uncle a quick pep talk, so he doesn’t have to be scared. How’s that sound?” And at a nod of Peanut’s little head, Joseph begins to roll him away.

As the door closes, Bethany breaks out into tears as she clings to my side. I was fine until she broke down. Lillian goes over exactly what will take place and what we should expect. Though the risks are low, I know there will always be the chance that this is the last conversation I had with Peanut.

I take the liberty to stop Lillian before she leaves the room. “Doc, I promised that boy he’d be fine and he had nothing to worry about. Don’t make me a liar, Lillian. I’ll never forgive myself if anything happens to him. Promise me he’ll be alright.”

Lillian places her hand on my bicep, giving it a light squeeze. “You know I won’t promise you that, Lincoln. I can’t promise you something I can’t guarantee. But I will promise you that I will make sure that everything that can be done on my part to make your nephew better and we bring him back to you healthy will be done.”

That is it. All she says before she turns and walks away, leaving me with Bethany alone in the room. My heart is in the pit of my stomach, and my chest is aching and empty.

Four hours pass, and still no word on how Peanut is doing. I’m a mess, but Bethany is a disaster. Caroline, my mom, and Dad all sit waiting with us for any news that could possibly give us insight into how things are progressing. Caroline’s six children are at home with a sitter, thank God, because I’m not sure I could keep a cool head with all of them running around. By the time the clock hits the five hour mark, I am pretty much done with not having any answers. It doesn’t matter how much money I have; no one seems to be in the know. I’m just about to get up and find the president of the hospital when the door opens, and in walks Lillian. She looks exhausted and frankly, quite frazzled. My heart plummets with a sick feeling.

“Jefferson is in recovery. We were able to repair the hole, and he’s resting fine. You’ll be able to see him shortly.” Lillian answers a couple of questions Bethany tosses out to her and then turns to walk away. I follow closely behind her, and once we are out of the room, I reach out for her arm, then tug her to me and hug her. At first, her body is tense, but as I hold tighter and whisper, “Thank you so much” over and over again, she begins to relax. When my eyes meet hers, I know she feels as comforted by my hug as I feel by hers. I want to kiss her senseless but hold back and break eye contact for a brief moment, but it’s long enough for Lillian to compose herself and pull away.