I had just gotten out of the shower when my phone started ringing. I left it and started to dry myself off. Whoever it was would have to wait. It was too damn early. I pulled on a pair of boxers and ran my fingers through my hair. Droplets of water clung to the ends of my hair and trickled down my neck. I flung the towel over my shoulder and reached for my toothbrush just as the front door took a pounding from someone.

I cursed under my breath. What the hell was wrong with people? It couldn’t have been nine, and already I had two missed calls and an unwanted guest at the door. I shook my head and slipped into a pair of joggers. When I pulled back the door, Lola was there, pacing back and forth.

“Lola?”

Lola’s heavy breaths continued as she clung to the doorframe for support. Her cheeks were flushed as though she had been running. Had something happened back at the house? It wasn’t like Lola to show up here unannounced. In fact, she rarely ever came by at all.

Lola pressed her hand to her chest as she tried hard to steady her breathing. “You need… back up there,” she pushed out, pointing her thumb back towards the house. “Quick.”

“Lola? What’s going on? Is everything okay?” I frowned. She could barely form a single coherent word and her chest rose and fell quickly as if she was struggling to breathe.

“Yeah, no, everything’s fine. Great. Just… hurry. It’s Taylor.” She barely puffed out my brother’s name before her long legs began a sprint back towards the main house.

I quickly pulled a T-shirt from the hanger and slipped it over my head before I pushed my feet into my trainers and made my way up to the house.

When I walked through the back door to the kitchen, Lola and my parents were sitting at the dining table with a nervous look on their faces. It was then I noticed Taylor by the kitchen sink. He was pacing back and forth with his mobile phone pressed to his ear as he listened to the voice on the other end. His eyes darted to mine briefly, but he gave nothing away. Had something happened to his mum? She had been doing so well since she was discharged from the rehabilitation centre. Even my mum had been to check up on her a few times… something I never quite understood.

I looked between my parents, who I was certain hadn’t noticed my presence, and frowned.

When Lola glanced my way, her eyes widened and she ran to my side where she curled her hand around my arm and squeezed.

Gazing down at her, I frowned. “What's going on?”

“He's got the call,” she whispered beside me.

“The call?”

“The call,” she clarified.

“Oh,” I said, shuffling my feet. He finally got the call. The one that determined where he’d be playing football next season. Taylor had played at The Seahawk Stadium last season. They were a League One side and had recently been promoted. There was talk of them offering Taylor a new contract. He was too good for them to let go. But we knew that Taylor had his sights set higher than that. He’d made it clear that he wanted to play Premier League and we knew he’d get offered a place. We just weren’t sure where.

Ten minutes later Taylor ended the call, his expression remaining as blank as it had been when I first walked in. When he lowered his gaze and reached behind him to scratch the back of his neck, it was clear that he was struggling to process what he’d just been told.

We all waited in silent anticipation while he continued to give nothing away.

“Taylor?” Lola urged, rushing to his side. When she placed her hand against his chest, she gazed up at him in worry. “Say something. You're scaring me,” she said, fisting his shirt.

Taylor lifted his head, his eyes finding his girlfriend’s before he gave her an amused grin. Then he took the longest breath in and blew it back out. “Southampton have put in an offer.”

“Oh my God. That's fucking amazing, babe. I’m so happy for you.” She beamed. “Wait. You accepted it, right?”

“I don't know,” he said, shaking his head. “I still need to speak to Matt and go over the details, but yeah, I guess.” His eyes darted back and forth, acknowledging each person in the room. “Fuck,” he cursed, gripping his head. “Six figures. Can you believe it?”

“Six figures?” Lola's face paled. She looked as though she was going to throw up.

“Six figures, babe,” he repeated. Taylor pulled her closer and nuzzled into her neck. “I can't fucking believe it.”

“I can.” She smiled. “I always knew you were destined for greatness.”

Once the initial shock was over, my parents rushed to his side to congratulate him. He was going to play for Southampton. That meant he wouldn’t be leaving any time soon.

“I’m proud of you, son,” Dad said, clasping a hand to his shoulder.

“It's not Arsenal,” Taylor told him. His lifelong dream was to play for the club he'd supported his whole life. To follow in the footsteps of his hero Dennis Bergkamp. But he was going to play for Southampton, and going from a small team that barely reached the top ten to a top Premier League club was incredible.

“No, but it's a start,” Dad said encouragingly. You could see it in his eyes just how proud he was of Taylor.

Taylor eyed me over the top of Lola’s head and nodded. When he mouthed the words “you’re next” I could only stare back with that same blank expression he’d given me when I first walked in. Everyone was still buzzing from hearing Taylor’s news that they missed the silent exchange between Taylor and me. I knew I needed to tell them… sooner rather than later.

“So, when is it official? I mean, don’t they have to announce it or something? Will you have to move away to be near the training ground? Can you still stay here in Winslow?”

Taylor cupped his girlfriend’s face in his hands and shot her a lopsided grin. “Breathe, Lo…” He chuckled.

Lola took a panicked breath and blew out. “I’m sorry. This is just… I’m just so damn proud of you,” she confessed. Her eyes shone with adoration as she continued to squeeze him against her.

“I know you are. And to answer your questions… I don’t know. Like I said, I need to sit down with Matt before I officially agree to anything. He’s already going over the contract as we speak. Providing it all checks out, I’ll sign on the dotted line, and yeah, I guess they’ll announce it.”

“If it checks out, you’ll sign it? I mean, are you sure it’s what you want?”

I wanted to laugh at how flustered she was getting. I knew how she felt. It was a lot to take in, and Lola didn’t know the slightest thing about football—something we all continued to tease her about whenever the topic shifted to sports.

Taylor shook his head. “Honestly? I don’t care where I play. I just want to play.”

“Oh my God. I can’t believe this is actually happening. My boyfriend... in the Premier League. Oh, shit! You’ll be on the television and everything.”

“I did have one stipulation, though.”

“You’d be silly if you didn’t,” Dad said.

I looked to Taylor, wondering what was coming next.

“I told them I’d only sign if I get my number ten.”

“Can they do that?” My Dad frowned. Could they? Hell, I had no idea.

“What if it’s already taken? Surely they can’t strip someone of their kit?” Lola questioned. She looked sick again.

Taylor shrugged. “Then I don’t sign.”

Just like that? It all came down to a damn shirt number.

“It’s just a number, son. This is your chance to show them what you’ve got. You can’t turn your nose up at the chance of a lifetime all for a number.” Dad was trying to persuade him that arguing over a number was silly. But I knew Taylor, and he was being deadly serious. He wasn’t going to play without his number. It didn’t matter what anyone had to say.

“It isn’t just a number, Dad. It’s my number.”

Mum went up to Taylor and patted his back. “I’m so very proud of you, Taylor. Wherever you end up, they’ll be lucky to have you.” Her gaze shifted to mine. Her green eyes were soft and reassuring as she came up to me and slipped her arms through mine.

Taylor thanked Mum before his attention went to his girlfriend.

I glanced down at Mum and was met with a warm smile that she reserved just for me. She was trying, in unspoken words, to tell me she was proud of me, also. I knew she was trying to make me feel better. Although she really didn’t need to. I was happy for Taylor. Despite our history, he deserved this break.

“Oh my God! Imagine if you two end up on the same team?” Lola blurted out, her eyes wide again. “That can happen, right?” Lola waited for one of us to answer, her eyes shifting back and forth between Taylor and me.

I lifted my eyes to Taylor just as his eyes found mine. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it’s happened before, right?” Taylor said, his eyes searching mine.

No. It couldn’t.

I shook my head. “It’s over.” The words left me before I could even think about it and I instantly felt lighter. I knew I had done the right thing. It’s what I should have said a long time ago.

Mum stiffened in my arms and gazed up at me in confusion.

“Jake?” Dad’s voice came next.

Taylor’s laughter filled the silence. When I met his eyes, I knew it hadn’t registered properly. He thought I was messing with them. I wished I was. But it was the truth. It was over.

“I’m sorry, Mum… Dad… But it’s over.”

Taylor’s laughter eventually stopped and his eyes switched from humour to horror in seconds. “What do you mean it’s over?”

“I’m out. I can’t play.”

“Don’t fuck around. Matt would’ve told us.”

“I told him not to.”

“Son?”

I glanced at Dad. I could see the concern around the corners of his eyes. He wanted answers. More than the it’s over I’d given them. And they deserved that. At the very least, they deserved some answers.

“I didn’t come back because it was the end of the season. My season was over long before that.”

“I don’t understand, Jake?” My mum’s small voice trailed off in the distance. I wanted to take the words back just so she wouldn’t be hurt.

“Remember that injury?” I told them.

“Yes, but that was six months ago.”

I nodded. “I know, Mum. I thought it would heal. We all thought it would. No one knew how serious it was until I went back for training.”

“But, surely if it was as bad as you say it is then you shouldn’t have been out there training at all.”

“I lied, okay. I pushed through the pain, determined not to let it affect me. I tried. I really fuckin’ tried.”

“All those cramps? Those dead legs? They weren’t cramps at all, were they?”

I shook my head.

“This is bullshit, man. You should’ve told us,” Taylor forced out. He was angry and he had every reason to be.

“I couldn’t even admit it to myself. Saying it aloud would mean it’s real, right? That my life was over. Do you have any idea what that feels like, knowing you’ll never step foot on a football pitch again? Never feel the grass beneath your feet? Your studs sinking into the wet grass as the rain beats down on you. Or knowing you’ll never get to score another winning goal again. You have no idea what it feels like, Taylor.”

“Yeah, actually, I do. Remember when I quit the team? Moved back home to look after my sick mum? Pushing football to the back of my mind because I knew that the second I let it in, it would break me. I would crumble. So yeah, I do know what it feels like, Jake, because I’ve been there.”

“But you got it back, Tay. When your mum was on her way to recovery and you came back to college, you got it all back. Don’t you get it? I can’t get it back. I can’t play again. It’s over for me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry, alright? If I could switch places with you, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

“Don’t,” I warned. “Don’t you dare do that. Don’t you dare feel sorry for me.”

“Jake, I…”

“Tay?” I breathed out. “I’m happy for you. I really am. I know you’re going to do great out there. I believe in you. I always have. Since we were little kids running around the garden with shitty nappies. I believed in you then, and I believe in you now. But don’t you dare feel sorry for me. I don’t need your pity,” I forced out, my eyes darting across the room. I shook my head. “I don’t need anyone’s pity.”

Taylor nodded his head, knowing there was nothing else he could say.

I blew out another breath and looked between my parents. It was easy to say sorry. I’d apologised enough in my time to realise how easy the word was. Sometimes I hadn’t even meant it and simply said it out of habit. You did something wrong, no matter how big or small that something was, and your initial thought was to say sorry. I knew I owed them an apology. Only this time this apology seemed a lot fuckin’ harder than any other apology I’d ever had to make.

With a final glance around the room, I turned my back and stepped outside. I pushed my hands into the pockets of my trousers, angled my head towards the sky and breathed in the early morning air. The cool breeze tickled my face as I continued to take deep breaths, in and out. I knew I would have to face them soon. I couldn’t just leave it like that. But I’d told them the truth, and that would be enough for now.