His question was asked, and it hung in the studio while he waited for a reply.
Hailee drew a breath and turned her focus to the rest of the audience.
“I think first loves can shape the rest of a person’s adult life.”
And that was all she said before the host ended the show, the cameras flipped off, and the lights dimmed. He watched Hailee stand and wave at the woman she had promised a special meet and greet with after the show.
Hailee hadn’t given him a second glance, but he knew he wasn’t making a mistake the moment their eyes connected. Everything he’d been doing behind the scenes had to come out. Josh had to tell her every single thing. Even if he never saw Hailee again after today, he had to come clean. She had every right to want out of the contract, and he wouldn’t press her to stay with his publishing house.
The host started walking toward Josh, and his gaze dropped to the floor as he desperately tried to remember her name. He had no problem asking for special treatment since he was publishing Hailee’s book, but he hadn’t planned on making small chat with anyone in the meantime.
Damn. Why couldn’t he remember her name?
As the woman approached, Josh realized she’d suddenly forgotten about her husband at home.
“Still pining over your first love, Mr. Turner?” she nearly cooed, and Josh had to make sure he didn’t lose his breakfast.
“I thought you and your husband of fifteen years had—”
She laughed. “It’s all an act. I know how to make my guests feel wanted and comfortable. It’s a gift and a curse.”
“So you don’t have a husband and kids?”
“I do. I just should have trusted my gut when he said he didn’t want to be married.”
“I see.” Josh nodded his head, grateful he still didn’t have a need for her name. “Isn’t that a cruel joke on the audience?”
“You’re in publishing, Mr. Turner. Broadcasting and publishing are joined at the hip. Both worlds are about the story, and as we both know, very little about either is genuine.”
“I suppose for some.” He pressed his lips together. “But I think genuine qualities resonate—”
“Who said I’m not genuine?” Her eyes narrowed. “You bought my story, but really, is anyone truly genuine?”
“I’d like to think so.” Josh glanced at Hailee, and his stomach knotted. Maybe not.
“Well, I’m off to my dressing room. If you’d like any company for lunch, feel free to knock.”
The invitation was crude, and he didn’t enjoy being stared at like he was a meal, but he was grateful she was leaving, so he just smiled as she wandered off. It didn’t matter what coast he was on. The wrong kinds of relationships were always chasing him.
He turned his attention back to Hailee, who was laughing with the woman from Florida. There was no doubt about it. Hailee would be good for business. She had a way with people. She always had, which was why her first chapter confused him.
One thing was certain. She was even more beautiful in person. The way her long strawberry blonde hair fell past her shoulders and the curves of her body drew his eyes to her breasts made Josh wish there was a cold shower to hop under.
When he saw the two women beginning to part ways, he unbuttoned his suit jacket and jogged down the last few stairs to meet up with Hailee.
Planning his next move, he watched Hailee graciously say goodbye to her fan and pull her into her arms for one last hug. Once the woman had exited the studio, Josh walked over to Hailee, who still hadn’t turned to acknowledge him.
“Hailee?”
She drew a deep breath, and he noticed her shoulders tense.
“Or do you want me to call you Emilia?”
Hailee slowly turned around and let out a sigh.
“You know what?” She smiled. “I don’t even know anymore.”
He laughed, seeing the same sweet smile coat her entire expression.
“So, I was kind of hoping we could chat.” He smiled, and her eyes narrowed on him.
“Here?” She glanced around the empty studio.
“Probably not here.” He rocked on his heels and watched her intently.
She seemed confident and so sure of herself compared to what she’d written. He’d suddenly felt like he’d opened her diary and read entries he was never meant to see.
“Lunch maybe? There’s a great place down the street from here.”
She bit her bottom lip and glanced at the clock on the wall. “Sure. Why not? We obviously have a bit of catching up to do.”
“Yes.” He nodded. “We really do.”
“Let me just pick up my things from the dressing room, and then we can go?”
“Absolutely. Do you mind?” He motioned as if to follow her and she shook her head.
“I don’t mind at all.”
Josh followed behind her a few steps to give her space. He was pretty confident that his presence was already messing with her in ways he wouldn’t understand. She pretended to ignore him as she gathered her things, but he knew she felt his presence as she stuffed her phone into her purse. She spun around and took in a deep breath.
“Okay. I’m ready.” She smiled and looked around apprehensively.
“You okay?” Josh asked, feeling suddenly protective. “If you’re uncomfortable, we can always—”
“Oh, it’s not that. I…” Her voice trailed off and her gaze locked on his. “I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long time, actually.”
“Really.” It wasn’t a question.
“I spoke briefly with Dakota.”
He nodded. “I know.”
She tilted her head. “I thought you might be mad.”
He laughed and shook his head. “We have a lot to talk about.”
She slung her purse strap over her shoulder, nodded without saying a word, and followed him out of the building and down the street to the restaurant before she spoke. Once they were seated, she carefully slid her napkin into her lap and opened the menu without looking at him.
Seeing the way her hair fell around her face and the way she held herself with such grace stirred his desire to find out what had become of Hailee Howard.
He already knew what he wanted to order, so he patiently waited for her to close the menu, and when she finally did, he let out a deep, exaggerated sigh as he played with the silverware.
Hailee’s eyes locked on his, and his chest tightened. “I want to tell you how sorry I am. You never deserved what I did.”
“We were both young.” Josh held his hand up as if to stop her, but she quickly shook her head.
“But I was old enough to know what I was doing was wrong. I mean, really. You and Dakota were like my second family, and I abandoned both relationships. I feel bad about both, but leaving you has haunted me ever since.”
Josh was struck speechless. He saw a trace of sadness behind Hailee’s gaze, and he wanted to do nothing more than take her in his arms as he did when her grandparents had passed. He wanted to be her protector. He always had.
But she never gave him that opportunity, which did nothing but fester over the last eighteen years into anger and frustration.
She sat back in the chair and her shoulders relaxed slightly, “Anyway, I owe you an apology. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I don’t even know if I did.” Her lips formed a thin line, and she was still beautiful. “I hope it’s all water under the bridge though. We’ve both moved on, and I’ve heard how successful you are back east. Although, I haven’t the faintest clue what it is you do.”
Josh stayed silent and watched her fidget. He knew he could step in at any moment and put her at ease. But he liked how cute she was when she fiddled with her fingers and squirmed in her seat, and he wasn’t sure when he’d ever get to see it again, especially after what he was about to tell her.
Hailee couldn’t bear the silence, so she smiled and sat up straighter in her seat. “Do you have a family?”
“Only my parents and sister back in Silver Ridge.” He squared his shoulders and steepled his hands as he leaned forward. “I’ve pretty much concentrated on my career since leaving Washington State.”
“Well, that’s not healthy.” She smiled and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “You should expand your horizons.”
“Why’s that? After listening to your advice this morning, it sounds like dating is a waste of time.” His brow arched.
“It can be fun.” She giggled, and Josh immediately knew she didn’t believe what she was saying.
“Really?” He grinned. “I didn’t quite catch that vibe from your blog.”
Her eyes widened. “You’ve read my blog?”
“Extensively.”
“Wow. You move to New York, and your vocabulary gets fancy.”
Josh laughed and shook his head. It felt like the missing eighteen years had suddenly been found, and he didn’t want to lose a second more with her, but he doubted she felt the same if her past actions hinted at anything.
“It happens with age.” He smiled and cocked his head. “You know, I’m almost forty.”
“Not even.” She rolled her eyes. “We have a few more years before we hit the big four-zero.”
“But time flies.” He watched her carefully, wishing he knew what was spinning through her head.
“Only when you’re having fun.”
“Well, I’m having plenty of fun,” he assured her. “And you?”
“Not recently. No.” Her brows pulled together. “But I think that’s starting to change.”
“I heard you bought Mama Cam and Papa Jack’s place back?” Josh asked, and he saw any trace of sadness immediately disappear from her gaze.
“I did.” She nodded and took a sip of water. “I think it’s going to be good. At least for a little while.”
The server came over to take their order, and Hailee stood up.
“I should probably get going.”
Josh’s gaze flew to her in surprise. “We haven’t even had lunch.”
“I know. I just remembered I needed to get something in to my boss.”
“Your boss?”
She nodded, and the server backed away.
“I thought you were self-employed.”
“I am, but I—” She stopped herself and took in a deep breath. “I just have this deadline.”
“About that...” Josh stood up and motioned for her to sit back down, which she reluctantly did.
“About what? My deadline?” She cocked her head slightly.
Josh hated that he’d ever started this game with Hailee. He’d missed her more than he ever wanted to believe. Having her sit in front of him made the anger and betrayal seem less, but that might only be since he felt he’d briefly held the upper hand.
“Hailee,” he started and then paused, willing himself to get it over with.
Just tell her, already.
“What’s up? Is everything okay with Dakota? She invited me to Fireweed, and I plan on going soon.”
“It’s not Dakota.” He adjusted his shirt collar. “I’m your boss.”
She crinkled her forehead and shook her head. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. My boss is an editor named Suzanne. She works for the publishing house that—” A look of horror spread across Hailee’s face, and she shook her head. “No. You wouldn’t have.”
Guilt flooded through Josh and he nodded. “I did. I read your first chapter. I had Suzanne send you those questions, and there’s no excuse. There’s a reason, but there’s no excuse.”
Anger flickered in Hailee’s eyes. “And the reason?”
“I wanted to know why. Why you left me without a word. Why you had to go so far as to change your name and never come home.” He scratched his jaw and let out a deep breath. “But what I realize now is that none of that matters.”
“It matters a lot, Josh. And trying to get that information out of me that way is a violation.”
Josh stood up and met her gaze. “It might be a violation, but I’ve been damaged, Hailee. I am damaged.”
“And you’re blaming me?” Her lips pressed together.
“I was. I did,” he agreed, which only made her more infuriated. “Right or wrong, I fell for you hard, and I believed you when you said we’d stay in Silver Ridge together forever.” He laughed. “God, that sounds foolish saying it aloud, but it’s true.”
He caught her lips trembling, but she didn’t give in to the tears welling in her gaze. The problem was that he didn’t know if they were tears of anger or betrayal—maybe both.
“I can’t believe you’d do this to me.”
“I’ll let you out of your contract if you want.” He noticed her hands shaking, and he wanted to jump over the table and bring her into him, but he knew better. He’d ruined any chance of getting to know the real Hailee ever again.
“Let me out of my contract?” She choked out a laugh. “Not on your best day, Turner. I plan on keeping every penny you gave me, and I’ll deliver a story, but it will be the story I want to tell.”
And without another glance in Josh’s direction, she marched out of the restaurant, and he knew he’d never see her again.