Ten in the morning is not the time for his phone to ring—especially on his day off. His schedule has virtually been cut in half for his last week; Jen is trying to make the transition easy and most of the college kids are on break. He’s still lazy and sleepy, then, when he pulls an arm out from under the sheets, sighing through his nose as he brings the phone to his face. Stephen?

“Hello?”

“Rowan.” It’s just one word—his name—but somehow, Rowan can immediately tell that something is wrong. He sits up quickly, worried.

“What is it? What happened—what’s wrong?”

“I—Melissa called. Jordi’s in the hospital—some kind of accident. I don’t know much but I know she’s okay. I’m driving to see her.”

“Oh—God, okay, well—I hope everything’s okay. If Melissa isn’t worried, maybe it isn’t that bad,” Rowan offers, heart aching. He hasn’t known him long, but it’s already obvious how much Stephen loves his daughter.

“I, um—I might be gone for the next two days. If—do you mind—”

“I’ll cover your shifts,” Rowan immediately says, rubbing at his eyes, “and if I’m working, I’ll see if I can get Jen or one of the kids to fill in. Don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll let her know. You just get there safe.”

“Thank you,” Stephen finally says after a long pause, relief and emotion heavy in his voice.

“Don’t worry about it. Just go see her. I’m sure she’s fine,” Rowan reassures him.

Stephen hangs up and Rowan sighs, sliding back down onto the sheets. There’s an uneasy miasma in his chest. He tries to brush it off as secondhand worry—after all, Jordi seems like a great kid and Stephen loves her to death—but he feels like it’s something that’s been festering for a while.

My time is almost up.

It’s bittersweet, thinking about leaving. He loves his friends and coworkers in the city and he likes his job. It’s just that he loves his home in Oriole, too, and he’s starting to feel like he might be falling in love with Stephen. It’s never happened before—this falling in love business—and he’s terrified. Do I pursue it? Risk losing him by going home?

“God, I can’t go back to sleep!” he yells at his ceiling, groaning. He slaps a hand over his face and stares at his phone. After a moment of consideration, he slides through his contacts and calls.

“You’re so lucky I’m awake,” Lina says, her familiar voice immediately soothing him. “I’m actually having breakfast with Leo and Austin. They say hi.”

“Hi,” Rowan replies, feeling a little miserable.

“O—kaaay. What happened with your baker boy?”

“First of all, he’s older than me by like, probably five years,” Rowan snorts, “and he’s visiting his daughter. I…I’m…”

Lina gasps on the other end of the line and Rowan pauses, confused. “Are you having your revelation with me?” she asks, real excitement and false drama coloring her tone. “I’m honored, really—you’re what? Go on!”

“I can always call someone else,” Rowan warns halfheartedly, a smile already making its way onto his mouth.

“You wouldn’t dare. Come on, Rowan. It’ll feel better if you say it.”

“I-I...I think I’m in love with Stephen,” Rowan mumbles, feeling his face heat. Lina squeals excitedly on the other end, a shuffling sound indicating that she’s probably waving her arms.

“Good golly, that was cute. I wish I could’ve seen your face. You’re probably frowning, aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Okay, so you called me to tell me you love him—which, why—so what’s next? Eloping to Italy?”

“France,” Rowan corrects, feeling relieved. She was right. It feels better to have said it. “No…I just…I’m conflicted. I-I do...I love him and I know his life is the bakery, and his daughter. I’d never try to pull him away from it. But…I have an apartment. A job. Friends—”

“Apartments don’t matter—besides, Leo’s sister needs a place and she’s been asking about subletting. And you have a job at home—you practically trained for it all your life.”

“And my friends?”

“We’re not going to disappear just because you don’t see us,” Lina says, her tone softening. “And we’ll always be there for you. Hell, we were all talking about crashing the bakery the other day.”

“Jen would love that,” Rowan laughs weakly. “But…I worked so hard to get where I am in animation. It’s…it pays well and I’m…”

“Are you happy doing it?”

“Of course—I don’t hate it,” Rowan snorts.

“I didn’t ask if you hated it. Do you love it?”

“I mean…I guess—”

“That’s not a yes. If you can’t immediately say, ‘I love being an animator,’ why does it matter? You love Stephen. You seem to love baking. If you’re happy and you feel like it’s right, why waste time? You get chances and sometimes, you just have to take them. Besides, Dean would take you back in a heartbeat if it doesn’t work out.”

“You’re probably right,” Rowan sighs. “I just…I can’t help but think that I’m being dramatic by acting like if I go back, Stephen and I could never work out. Maybe that’s the better plan.”

“Hold on,” Lina says, shuffling sounds echoing on the line. Rowan can hear the faint sound of conversation and then a low whoosh as the phone is brought up again.

“Um…hi. It’s Leo.”

“Oh. Uh…hi?”

“Lina didn’t say much but she mentioned you’re considering whether you should move back because you met this guy, right?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Rowan says, perplexed.

“Well—and I may not be the best role model—I’d say go for it. Acting like you’ll get another chance is fine, but sometimes you don’t and you’ll end up regretting it. It’s better to do something and learn from the consequences than not do something and never grow. Especially when it comes to relationships.”

“That…is actually probably true,” Rowan says, sighing. He appreciates getting the male perspective. “Thanks.”

“Yeah. No problem.”

Lina takes over the phone again and Rowan stares at his sheets, tracing the stripes with a finger.

“It’s up to you, now. Do what you think is right. It’s your life,” Lina says, “Make sure you’re actually living it.”

“Yes, oh wise one,” Rowan teases. He feels better, though.

He has a clear choice. Either he goes back to his waiting animation job and apartment, steady and sure, or he takes his chances and stays in Oriole, hopefully with Stephen. At the heart of it is one simple question—will I ever get another chance or love like this? Do I want to give it up? He feels like he already knows the answer—he’s known since the first time he felt a pull towards Stephen, prompting him to wait and stand by the man through all of his troubles. He’s invested so much in Stephen. Rowan is fully aware that he only has a handful of friends—people he genuinely cares about and would do anything for—and Stephen had somehow landed himself in that number faster than anyone else before. He carved out a space for himself in Rowan’s life and it could never really be filled by anything else.

I want to stay, Rowan thinks, already starting to plan what he’ll need to do. But does he want me to?

* * *

After lying in bed for a few hours on Sunday, he makes his way to the main house to talk to Jen. Stephen texts him before he gets there, his tirade spanning several novel-length messages. Rowan is still reading them when he walks up the stairs to his cousin’s room. Jen asks the predictable questions first.

“Is she okay? Is he—”

“Stephen’s fine, just worried. He told me Jordi’s fine—apparently, it was a drunk driver. He was royally pissed. Went on and on about never having stooped to driving while drunk, especially that early in the evening.”

Jen shakes her head, pushing curls away from her face. She’s already pulling her clipboard out, checking Stephen’s shifts for the next two days. Rowan wonders what she’s thinking.

“Well, it’s good that he called you. I’m surprised he had the wherewithal to think about work, even with that shock. Looks like you can take his shifts—none of them cross over with yours. Are you sure you don’t want me to ask some of the kids—?”

“No, it’s fine,” Rowan smiles. “And…I’m…can I ask something?” Smooth, Rowan.

“What’s up?”

“If…for some reason…I stayed, would—I mean, could I—”

“Ro, if you stayed, you would not be allowed to work anywhere but the bakery,” Jen smiles. Rowan feels a brief wave of relief, despite the fact that he already knew the answer. “Did something happen with your job?”

“No,” Rowan says quickly, “It’s still there, I just…um….” Do I tell her? He’s acutely aware that Jen is not oblivious to his relationship with Stephen, even if they’ve been discreet. She’s too smart and she knows him too well not to suspect anything. But he still hasn’t talked to Stephen yet and for all he knows, this thing that they have is temporary.

“Well, now you know,” Jen says finally, dropping the topic easily. I love her for that. She’s always been able to tell what he’s feeling and she’s usually accommodating. It helps. “Just keep me posted.”

Monday rolls around and Rowan goes to the shop, still half-asleep, glancing at the clock when Stephen doesn’t walk in. He catches his mistake, shaking his head, and notices Jen giving him a worried glance. He feels guilty—after all, it’s Stephen that’s suffering, not him. Rowan is just fine, waiting for Stephen to come back. Well, mostly fine. His stomach feels like a whirling ball of uncertainty.

He ends up burning his hand with coffee when he’s distracted, playing through possible confessions in his head. Later in the day, he almost orders Stephen’s usual when he goes into the deli for lunch. Most of his day is stilted, just a little off-kilter, a Stephen-shaped hole torn in his tiny universe. Rowan feels like a lost puppy. God, I’m a mess. How can you get so used to someone in such a short amount of time? Is it just because I want it to work so badly?

“Rowan, come here,” Jen says, pulling him away from the ovens at six in the evening when he almost drops a tray of cupcakes. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” he says quickly, shaking his head, “I’m just—I just got used to…”

“Having Stephen around? Yeah, I know.” She smiles. “Half the city is looking for him. They all seemed ready to send out search parties.”

“Prom king.” Rowan smiles, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. “What is it about absence and the heart?”

Jen looks at him with barely-disguised pity for a moment, leaning against the counters as she contemplates. She glances towards the front, biting her bottom lip for a second. Rowan wonders what it is she’s trying not to say.

“Ro…you were always pretty quiet. Kept to yourself. I was worried about you when you went to college, you know. I thought maybe you just wouldn’t make friends.”

“A ringing vote of confidence.” He knows she’s right though.

“I was worried,” Jen emphasizes, “but you did fine. After that first time I visited you on campus, I didn’t worry, after that. But I think…maybe you’re not as happy as you pretend to be. You’ve always been good at fooling yourself to fool everyone else, Ro. I know you felt like you had to, with all the shit you got for living with your aunt and uncle—but you don’t have to pretend anymore. It’s fine to be unhappy when you feel like it.”

Well, shit. He feels a lump in his throat start to invade his clear-headed patience. Jen smiles, pulling him into a brief hug, and he lets out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding in.

“I think I probably wasn’t happy before, either,” Rowan mutters, “and I think I figured out how to be happy, here.”

“Took long enough,” Jen jokes softly, brushing his hair back in a sisterly gesture. “Now get back to work and try not to cry on the donuts, okay?”

“Only if you try not to eat them all.”

He feels less lost after talking. He doesn’t have as many problems for the rest of the night, although he does spill some vanilla extract that he knows will never come out of his shirt. He smiles when they lock up for the night and head back home, passing the Italian restaurant on the way.

Maybe I’ll take him when he gets back. Could be a romantic confession, if I plan it out.