A Seaside Escape: A feel-good romance to warm your heart this winter by Lisa Hobman (13)

Over two hours later Mallory helped Greg upstairs into his bedroom. She figured that undressing him was probably inappropriate considering recent events and settled for pulling off his boots and pulling the duvet over him.

‘Mallory?’ Greg whispered as Mallory put his boots together under his bed.

Mallory sat beside him on the bed. ‘Yes?’

‘I’m not sorry,’ Greg mumbled.

‘Not sorry about what?’ He had a lot to be sorry for this evening, but clearly, he disagreed.

‘For kissing you.’

Mallory shook her head as she stood and walked towards the door. She switched off the light and, without speaking, left him to sleep off his alcohol-fuelled stupor.

*

She had set her alarm so that she could get up and go to Greg’s house early to check up on him. Once awake, she showered and pulled on her dark blue jeans and a lilac T-shirt, gave Ruby a cuddle and set off for Greg’s.

She opened Greg’s front door and called his name. He didn’t answer. Most of the rooms of his home were on the ground floor, but there was an en-suite bedroom upstairs where Greg slept and where she had deposited him the night before.

He had simple taste and most of his furniture appeared to have come from junk shops giving it a very eclectic feel. There was an old-fashioned jukebox in one corner of the lounge which he had repaired and converted to play CDs. He wasn’t one for modern technology, insisting that music was best listened to live but that vinyl or CD was close enough. He didn’t own an iPod or any other MP3 player and still believed in buying from record shops rather than online. He was such a traditionalist. The jukebox was full of his favourite bands and as she flicked through the discs, Mallory was quite amazed at the variety of music he owned. From Dougie MacLean to Tool, Queens of The Stoneage and A Perfect Circle and most of it pre-dated 2010.

She walked up the stairs to his room and pushed open the door. He was laid; spread-eagled, face down on the bed.

And he was butt. Naked.

He must have got up after she left and removed his clothes. His buttocks were shapely and muscular, and his back was defined, almost sculpted. She paused and closed her eyes briefly, mentally chastising herself for noticing. To save his dignity, she pulled the covers over his lower half and gently stroked his hair to try and wake him. He rolled to his side and opened his eyes slowly and when he realised it was Mallory he sat bolt upright exposing a little more of his nakedness. Mallory gasped and averted her gaze.

He grabbed the sheet and pulled it over his manhood.

‘Shit-fuck, Mallory!’ He was rather shocked, to say the least. Wincing and closing his eyes briefly, he held his hand up to rub his head.

Feeling uneasy about what had happened the night before yet simultaneously sorry for him, she asked, ‘Are you okay? I was so worried when you took off. You were in a state when I found you.’

‘I’m okay… I think… sorry to worry you. I don’t know what happened.’ He shook his head. ‘I remember bits of it… did I… did I… kiss you?’ He cringed.

‘You did,’ she said plainly, her nostrils flaring at the memory.

‘Oh God, Mallory, I’m so sorry.’

She pursed her lips and folded her arms. ‘That’s not what you said last night.’

He looked puzzled. ‘What do you mean?’

‘When I put you to bed, you told me you weren’t sorry for kissing me.’

He blushed, beetroot red. She couldn’t help the half-smile that played on her lips at his embarrassment.

‘Ah. Right.’ He looked down and then a look of horror crossed his face. He rubbed his eyes. ‘Did you…’ He gestured down at his naked body. ‘Did you… take my clothes—’

‘God no!’ she interrupted rather harshly. ‘I took your boots off and pulled the covers over you. You must have got up and done the rest.’

He cringed and shook his head. ‘Regardless of what I said last night, I am sorry. Please forgive me.’

‘Look, Greg, it’s difficult for me to sit here talking to you when you’re naked. I’ll go and put the kettle on, you get a quick shower and come down when you’re ready,’ she instructed.

*

Greg waited for her to leave the room until he punched his pillow several times, whispering expletives as he did so. Why was he such an arse where she was concerned? He slammed his body back into the mattress and wondered why he couldn’t be a better man around her. Huffing at himself, he unsteadily climbed out of bed and went to the shower.

*

Mallory found all the necessary items she needed to make fresh coffee, not instant. Although, she didn’t much care that he didn’t like her coffee this morning. He’d have to put up with it.

When he was freshened up, Greg sheepishly came downstairs in his jogging bottoms and nothing else. She turned her head towards him. His dark, shaggy hair was damp. He smiled but she turned away. Slowly, he walked over to her and, standing behind her, kissed the top of her head as she looked out of the kitchen window at his pretty, well-tended garden. Surprised at the gesture he made, she turned to face him. His torso was still glistening a little from his shower and she felt an unwelcome aching deep inside her. Confusion clouded her mind as she tilted her chin to look at him. He was too close for comfort.

‘I am sorry I kissed you,’ he whispered.

Butterflies set about dancing in her stomach which angered her. ‘Y-yes, so you said.’ She felt an almost overwhelming urge to lick the droplets on his chest and scrunched her eyes to try and liberate herself from her unwanted thoughts.

‘But… I’m only sorry because I know you don’t feel the way I do.’ He stroked her cheek. ‘If I thought for a second you felt the same…’ His expression was sad, pained almost.

Mallory stuttered, ‘I-I don’t understand.’ But really she did. How could she not? He was making things very clear.

He clenched his jaw. ‘Mallory, do I have to spell it out for you? I’ve wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you in the pub. I was angry with myself for wanting you. It was too soon. I was still grieving. I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I couldn’t help it.’

She could feel his breath on her face as he looked down at her. He smelled of cologne and mint.

She swallowed as her heart rate increased. ‘But… but you said you were happy to be friends. You were so sincere. I-I believed you.’ Her legs had turned to jelly and heat radiated from his body, making her cheeks flush with warmth.

‘I tolerate being only friends. If I’m completely honest, I want more. Much more. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. Can’t you find room for me in your heart?’ He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

She was so confused; both by how her body was reacting to him and by his words. She longed to touch his muscular arms, to feel them around her, to trace the tattoo on his chest and kiss it. It’s wrong to lust after another man so soon, half her subconscious screamed.

‘I can’t, Greg, it’s not right,’ she breathed.

But the other half of her subconscious was screaming, kiss me, just kiss me dammit! She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable. It didn’t happen.

*

Greg looked down at her standing there with her eyes closed. Her chest heaved as her breathing became irregular. She looked terrified. He hated that. It made him feel nauseated that she could be scared of him. But then he looked at how they were standing. Mallory was backed up against the work surface, unable to move, her hands clenched in front of her. He was about an inch away from her, looming down over her like some menace. He disgusted himself. She opened her eyes as he gazed down at her with an intense stare. His jaw still clenched. Tension wracked his body.

‘I know… You don’t have to worry, I won’t say anything again.’ He stepped away from her, shaking. ‘You’d maybe better go, I think I’ve said enough.’ His voice was low and filled with sadness. What had he expected to happen, really? Idiot.

‘Greg, please, I’m still grieving. It’s too soon. Please don’t be upset with me. I couldn’t bear to lose you.’ A sob broke free and she covered her mouth as if to stop it but was too late.

Looking at her from under his lowered eyes, he spoke as calmly as he could. ‘But I’m not yours to lose… and you’re not mine.’ The words were painful to utter but true. ‘Just go, eh?’ He tried to smile but couldn’t and knew at that moment that shutting her out was only self-preservation but she wouldn’t see it that way. She would see him rejecting her as a friend simply because he wanted more. Selfish bastard. With all his heart, he wanted to make her happy, ease her pain. He wanted those feelings to be mutual. But they weren’t.

*

Mallory rushed for the door; unsure as to what had just happened. A terrifying sense of loss once again washed over her. She was torn between running back into his arms and kissing him, or running away and getting on a plane to Canada or a train to Yorkshire.

She summoned up some strength from somewhere and turned to him once more. ‘Greg, you’re my closest friend here. If I don’t have you then I may as well go home, back to Yorkshire.’

He turned his lips up into a menacing grimace. ‘I don’t do ultimatums,’ he stated coldly.

‘Please don’t be like this,’ she pleaded. What else could she do?

He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again his gaze had softened. ‘Mallory. We’ve reached an impasse. I want what you can’t give. Enough said. It’s over. I can’t pretend to be just friends with you anymore,’ he choked on his words. ‘Now for fuck’s sake just go!’

She ran to her car and started the engine. She looked back at the house hoping for a glimpse of him coming out to chase after her. To apologise and take back what he had said. She waited. He never came.

*

‘You fucking IDIOT!’ Greg shouted as he slammed his fist into the wall. Tears sprang to his eyes caused by a combination of physical pain from the impact and emotional pain from the realisation of what he had just allowed to happen. He had just practically jettisoned the best friend he’d ever had. The only person he could actually call ‘friend.’ He stomped over to the window. Her car was still there. Why? What was she doing? Should he go out to her? God, he wanted to go out to her so much. His fists clenched.

He went to the door but stopped when he heard the engine of her silly little car start up. She was so going to need a bigger car come winter. That is if he hadn’t just scared her away; which he most probably had, after all she had said she might as well return to Yorkshire. And maybe when all’s said and done that would be the best thing for everyone. Well done Greg. You’ve really done it this time, you fucking arsehole, he mentally persecuted himself, knowing full well that if she did leave it would break his heart.

He understood it was still raw for her. But he knew that they could be great together. Why wouldn’t she just look at him through different eyes? Okay, so he was eight years older, but as he had always said, age is just a number.

She had been so wonderful about the memorial for Mairi last month. So, selfless in her own grief. All he had wanted to do was hold her, kiss her even. He knew she was hurting too, but she did all that for him.

God, the way she had looked that night at the beach. She was stunning in the way she just didn’t acknowledge her own beauty. He had said goodbye to Mairi, but only because she had given him the opportunity. He would never have done anything like that alone. And it had helped, in spite of his breakdown yesterday. Part of that was because he had realised his feelings for Mallory and everything felt so lost.

Mallory was such a special woman and he had just blown everything. How could he make it up to her now? He had fallen for her even though he didn’t want to. It had just happened. The timing was terrible. He knew that. Why didn’t she feel the same? Probably because at every given opportunity he did or said the totally wrong thing. He was so angry, but at himself; not at her. She won’t have seen that though. She clearly thought his anger was directed at her. And why wouldn’t she after how he’d behaved.

*

Mallory arrived home from Greg’s feeling heartbroken and shell-shocked. She collapsed onto the sofa sobbing into the cushion and Ruby jumped onto her lap to see what was wrong and offer what comfort she could.

She was angry with herself for feeling something for Greg. She couldn’t allow it to continue. But she did feel something. She hated herself for it. It was far too early after losing Sam, wasn’t it? Why then, when he got close to her, had she yearned for him to kiss her? And why did she feel so lost now he had rejected her hand of friendship? Was it just that she craved physical contact? Is that all it was? Lust? Sex? She had never been that ‘type’ before so why would she start now? Was it down to the fact that she missed being intimate with someone? Or was it simply that kindred connection due to their mutual grief? Maybe she was reading too much into it and her feelings were just platonic? Sadly, she knew that wasn’t the case which in turn made her feel terrible. My God Sam has only been gone a few months, what kind of person am I?

She washed her face and made coffee, simply needing something to take her mind off everything. After not spending much time out there, the garden was a little overgrown again, so she decided she’d make a start on tidying it up. If she decided to sell up, she would need it to be tidy. Maybe selling up was for the best? Maybe being here wasn’t healthy after all? Maybe she should just be in Yorkshire where she could work in the shop and forget ever moving here. It was a possibility.

She heard the letter box clatter but ignored it. She no longer made an excited dash for the post. It was usually stuff still addressed to Sam, even though she’d written what felt like a million letters telling people he was deceased. She would sit and drink her coffee at leisure and then she’d start on the garden.

Half an hour later she was ready to change into her scruffy gardening clothes, so she placed her empty mug in the sink and walked through the lounge towards the stairs. Sure enough, there was an envelope on the doormat which she picked up and, without even looking at it, put it on the mantle to deal with later.

She pulled on an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt and headed out for the garden. The weeds had taken over with a vengeance. She tugged and pulled and made a huge pile of discarded leaves and stalks, clipping things back but paying little regard to the fact that this time of year may not be the right time to do so. She didn’t care. She just wanted to chop things and dig. She needed to exert some energy and get Greg out of her head. Her attempts were futile, however; the analytical side of her brain wouldn’t back down.

Her feelings were vexing to say the least. But she finally had to admit she had felt something for a while. Looking back, there had been a stab of jealousy when she’d met that Trina woman. So once again, she questioned her state of mind.

The rain began to fall in earnest but she carried on working for a while. When it got heavier she decided to give up for the day. She had been at it for a few hours and the garden was looking much tidier. She had made good progress. It was only four o’clock but it was quite dark now and in the air was a strange thick feeling, like there could be a storm on its way.

She grabbed a towel from the downstairs bathroom and scrunched it around her ponytail to soak up as much rain as she could from her hair. Then she dabbed her face. She noticed the envelope sitting there on the mantle and realised it was handwritten but had no stamp on the front. It was addressed to her and curiosity got the better of her.

Inside the envelope was a CD and a note. The CD wasn’t a shop-bought pre-recorded one. It was blank apart from the words ‘For Mallory – I’m sorry – again.’ She opened the note that accompanied it.

He had underlined always twice. On the reverse of the note was a track list. Some songs she knew and others were new to her.

With her heart pounding, she placed the CD into the little-used stereo system and hesitantly hit play. The first track began with the haunting melody of violins and guitar. She didn’t recognise the voice of the singer but it had a distinct, ethereal quality. Glancing at the note, she read, Track one: ‘3 Libras’ – A Perfect Circle. A cold chill enveloped her. The vocalist sang about feeling invisible and unseen. The words jumped out of the track at her and she was overcome with sadness. The singer continued, conveying what she interpreted as Greg’s message. This must be how he feels. Tears escaped her eyes as she listened. Over and over again the words came.

Track two she knew and loved. It was one of her favourite Foo Fighters tracks ‘Walking After You’. She had never really listened to the words of the song; she had only ever swayed around to it, eyes closed, at gigs and clubs.

Dave Grohl’s usually growling voice was a soft, soothing whisper, floating out from the speakers. As she listened on, line after line jumped out at her. Greg’s sentiment pierced her heart and a shiver travelled down her spine as she stared into space, letting the things that he was communicating to her sink in. His determination and need to be with her, now audible in words he could and would never say directly to her himself. He knew that there was a chance she would run away, but he would follow. Perhaps he knew that she felt something too, but was denying it?

Track three came. There was a melancholy quality to the poetry. She wasn’t sure of the original intention of the lyricist when The Fray had been writing the song but Mallory read what she thought Greg had put between the lines of ‘How to Save a Life’. One particular phrase spoke of letting friends down and being unable to do the right thing. A sob escaped from deep within her; it He was sorry. So sorry, she could see that now.

Next, came a song that she loved by Nickelback. ‘Far Away’ had always been a song that brought tears to her eyes and here it was being used by a man who loved her desperately, to try and convey a message that he felt unable to express in his own words. He wouldn’t give up on her. It was as if the lyrics had been written by Greg himself. A smile curled at the corners of her mouth as she listened despite the tears that continued to fall.

She braced herself for the fifth and final track. It was a song she was not familiar with, but the words resonated through her in a way that sent shivers down her spine once again. It was, in her opinion, one of the most personal and heartfelt songs she had ever heard; ‘The Reason’ By Hoobastank. The words seeped into her soul and their honesty sent as a message from Greg, made her heart ache, ready to burst out of her chest. She wanted to open the front door and run back to him; slap his face, kiss him, hold him, this hurt and damaged man who was struggling to come to terms with his feelings, just as she was.

As the song played and Mallory sobbed there was a knock at the door. She didn’t bother turning off the stereo. She pulled the door open and there he stood, in the rain. Greg. His eyes were bloodshot and damp; his chest heaving as if he had run all the way. She stared unabashed as the tears fell.

He stepped over the threshold and scooped her into his arms. ‘I couldn’t wait any longer. It’s been hours. I was scared you’d packed up and gone.’ They clung to each other. He sobbed into her hair and ‘The Reason’ became the soundtrack to their embrace, just like a movie. He kissed her forehead. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please forgive me.’ His voice was filled with emotion. He hugged her to him and she grabbed at his back, pulling him nearer.

Gazing into his eyes, she pleaded, ‘Don’t hurt me like that again, Greg, please. I couldn’t bear the way you looked at me, like you hated me.’ She sobbed.

He grasped her face in his hands. ‘I could never hate you. It’s me that I hate. I’ll never, ever be so stupid again, I promise. I’m such an idiot. I care about you so much. I would never really want to hurt you, ever. I just don’t know what else to do, Mallory… I… I love you so much… I don’t care anymore if it’s wrong… All I care about is you. If friends are what we are then that’s what we are. I’ll get used to it, I promise I will.’ He hugged her again. ‘I can’t be without you in my life. Can you forgive me? The songs were meant to make you understand, not make you cry.’ His words came out in a rush. He took her face in both of his hands again and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. ‘I want to kiss you so badly right now…’ he said breathlessly. ‘Oh God, I just said that out loud didn’t I?’ He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw.

Without thinking of the consequences and without further analysing the way she felt, Mallory pulled him to her so that their foreheads were touching. She took a deep breath and said the words she knew she had wanted to say for a long time,

‘So do it.’

Greg inhaled sharply. ‘What?’ he gasped, his brow furrowed in confusion.

‘Kiss me, Greg,’ she breathed.

He let out a muffled sob as if she had just pulled him back from a ledge. He crashed his lips into hers and his hands found her damp hair as he devoured her mouth with all of his pent-up passion and longing. She kissed him back with the same ferocity. The kiss felt like it lasted forever. Mallory clung onto Greg as if her life depended on it. They broke apart, both gasping for air.

Holding his face between her hands and locking her gaze on his, she simply whispered, ‘Greg… I do see you.’

Hearing the words, he kissed her again just as deeply.

*

They sat together on the sofa in their damp clothes; just holding each other. Every so often she gazed up at him to see him smiling down at her. Each time, he just kissed her hair and squeezed her closer. He had made no sexual pass at her. It was as if what he felt went beyond such carnal desires at this moment; as if he just wanted to be with her; to feel her near him; to know that all was not lost and she wasn’t going to run away back to Yorkshire. And it was what she needed too. She felt safe in his arms. They would probably need to talk about what would happen next. But right now, it felt good to just silently be close to him.

Sometime later Mallory woke to a darkened room; Ruby was curled up in front of the unlit fire and the temperature had dropped. She looked up at Greg who was still staring down at her, smiling.

She stretched and yawned. ‘Sorry, I must have dozed off.’

‘You’ve been asleep for about an hour,’ Greg whispered. ‘You’re so beautiful when you’re asleep.’ He stroked her hair and she inhaled the scent of him.

‘So… what happens now?’ Mallory asked nervously.

‘Well, that’s up to you. We take things at your pace. If and when you feel you want to move forward, we do, until then it’s whatever you want it to be.’ He kissed the tip of her nose.

This had all been so sudden. Part of her wanted to drag him, cavewoman-like, upstairs to her bedroom and part of her knew that time was needed to get used to this new development.

She bit her lip. ‘I… I’m scared of making huge mistakes… I’m scared of being judged… I’m scared of judging myself and being disappointed that I didn’t give myself time.’

‘Then time is what you’ll have.’ He shifted so that they were facing one another. ‘Mallory, earlier today was… I felt so happy just being with you.’ He stroked her cheek. ‘Kissing you was… wow… not what I expected. I’m so terrified you’ll regret it and that’s why I didn’t try to…’

‘I know and I can’t tell you how much I appreciated that.’ Gosh, he is gorgeous. She sat upright as if just realising for the first time how attractive he was.

He looked worried at her change in body language. ‘What? What’s wrong?’

‘N-nothing… I was just thinking… never mind.’ she felt heat rising in her cheeks and so she looked at her hands knotted in her lap.

Greg tilted her chin up so that their eyes met. ‘If you need to say something, please just say it. Don’t leave me wondering, I’m terrified here.’

‘It’s silly really… I was just seeing you through fresh eyes, I guess.’ She bit her tongue almost not daring to continue. ‘You’re an incredibly good-looking man, you know?’ She smiled nervously.

Greg grinned and breathed a sigh of relief. He slumped back against the sofa. Mallory could have sworn she noticed a slight blush to his cheeks.

He glanced up at the ceiling for a moment and then turned to face her again. ‘I was scared to death of what you were going to say.’ He took her hands in his. ‘People around here won’t judge you… they won’t judge us. They absolutely adore you, Mallory, there’s no way they want you to be anything but happy.’ He stroked his thumbs over the backs of her hands. ‘I know that this is all a bit sudden. But it’s not as if it was premeditated or anything, eh? We didn’t ask for this to happen. But I’m happy to take things at your pace. We don’t do anything or tell anyone anything until you’re ready. It’s just us for now, okay?’

She liked that. Just us.

She removed her hands from his and slid closer to him, climbing into his lap and resting her forehead on his. She ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair and she kissed him lightly on the mouth. He kissed her back gently; once, twice, three times; the fourth time the kiss became more urgent and then it exploded between them with passion and urgency.

They slid their tongues together, tasting each other, possessing each other. She moved to wrap her legs around him. His hands were at her waist, then up her back to her shoulders. He pressed her to him tightly as heat washed over her and through her. She grasped at his shirt with desperate hands and his hands moved slowly down to her bottom, pulling her closer. She could feel the effect she was having on him but suddenly he pushed her away, letting go of her, breathing fast and deep.

A little confused and rejected, Mallory’s voice came out strangled, ‘What… what’s wrong, Greg?’

‘I… I have to stop now; before we go too far. You’re not ready… We need to be careful not to rush things. I don’t want to lose you… I can’t lose you too.’ He lifted her onto the sofa and stood. He walked over and placed both hands on the fireplace and dropped his head down. He took several deep breaths as if trying to regain his composure. She understood why he had pulled away though wished he hadn’t.

Mallory touched her lips which felt swollen from the intensity of their kisses. She wasn’t sure how to react now. She had been on the verge of giving herself to him. She craved the intimate contact, but he was right. If they moved forward at such a pace it could all be destroyed. Neither of them wanted that.

She stood, walked over to him and slid her arms around his waist. It felt good just to hold him.

He turned around and wrapped her in his arms and they gazed into each other’s eyes for a few moments.

‘Just promise me one thing,’ he whispered.

She kissed his chin. ‘Anything.’

He took a deep breath and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘If you have second thoughts about us, or if I’m taking things at the wrong speed, even if I’m going too slowly, please talk to me. Don’t shut me out. I couldn’t cope with that, Mallory. I’m afraid I’m in love with you… deeply in love with you. I’m not sure how you feel about me right now and I’m not asking you to tell me. I just hope that we have a chance at a future.’

Mallory looked up at this gorgeous, rugged man and her heart melted. But she felt a tinge of sadness. Could she say she was in love with him? Maybe not right now. She knew she cared deeply for him but she wasn’t prepared to say more just yet.

‘I… Can you give me some time? I have so many feelings whizzing around my head right now that I just can’t make sense of them. But please know that I do have feelings for you.’

‘That will tide me over.’ He smiled and bent to kiss her again.

They spent the rest of the evening cuddling, chatting, kissing and listening to music. Mallory joked that his ‘old-school’ music tastes needed bringing into the twenty-first century. She played him some Hozier and Ed Sheeran which he enjoyed. And he joked that she needed educating by the musical masters he loved, like Pearl Jam, Whitesnake and Tool. They agreed to give each other’s music a chance and enjoyed a fun, relaxed and sensual evening.

Greg glanced at the clock on the mantle and cringed. Mallory realised only then that it was almost midnight.

Greg put his empty wine glass on the floor. ‘I really should go,’ he exhaled.

She cupped his cheek in her palm. ‘You could stay.’

He smiled sheepishly. ‘Believe me, I’d love to, but we agreed to take things slow. And… well… I’m not sure I could keep my hands off you if I stayed.’

‘We could just hold each other,’ she suggested, desperate for him to stay.

He thought for a few moments and then sighed. ‘I’ll stay, but why don’t I sleep in the spare room?’ It was clear that he was determined to give her the time she needed even if she was pushing things right now.

Feeling a little desperate, she grasped his hands. ‘Look, I don’t want to be alone. Today… in fact this last month has been a whirlwind. I don’t want you to go. Why don’t we just sleep in the same bed and stay clothed?’ she insisted.

He eventually gave in.

Mallory took his hand as they went up the stairs to her room. She wanted to undress in front of him seductively and have him do the same. She wanted to kiss and explore his body. But she was still unsure as to the nature of her feelings and his honesty had meant she ran the risk of hurting him. So, instead, she retreated to the en-suite where she changed into a pair of white cotton pyjamas. She brushed her teeth and returned to the bedroom. Greg stood there, waiting, in just his jeans. His chest looked magnificent as she dragged her eyes over his body and her heart rate increased. She had the urge again to touch him there, right where the tattoo scarred him.

She pulled the duvet back, not taking her eyes from Greg, and he climbed in bedside her. He held out his arm so that she could snuggle into him and they rolled to face each other. He stroked her cheek with his free hand; his gaze so loving; so tender.

‘I love you,’ he whispered, closing his eyes.

Hearing those words fall so unabashedly from the lips of a man other than Sam seemed alien. But at the same time she welcomed the feeling of being loved again. She just needed to get her head around the fact that this was all happening so fast and so soon. She was quite dwarfed by his size in her bed. He was no taller than Sam, but he was wider and something about him made her feel tiny and vulnerable, but safe at the same time.

She traced the tattoo on his chest with her fingertips and then kissed it. She had been longing to do that ever since she had first seen it. Close up the smell of him was intoxicating to her. Desire rose in her again. But she fought it. She had to be certain that this wasn’t just lust. She found him incredibly attractive; he had an irresistible magnetism that exuded sex and resisting was hard.

These feelings had only just become clear to her. She hadn’t been allowing herself to access them until now. She needed to be sure for his sake and for her own that there was more to it. Once they made love she knew that, for him, there would be no turning back. She knew, therefore, that she must fight her urges to clamber on top of him and make him take her.

‘Can I kiss you one last time before you go to sleep?’ he asked her.

The question made her smile. She didn’t answer; she just pulled him towards her and took his mouth with her own. One thing was certain. She could kiss him forever.

There was something very contradictory in his kisses. He wanted to go slow for her sake yet his kisses were raw and sexual. She broke away when she felt herself getting carried away and her breathing was shallow. She nuzzled into him and after a while they fell asleep.

When Mallory awoke the next morning, she stretched out to find him, but Greg had gone. Feeling a little panicked at his absence, she tiptoed downstairs to find him seated at the kitchen table, clutching a coffee cup. He sat there in his T-shirt and jeans, his feet were bare, but she couldn’t help thinking he was ready to leave.

She tentatively took steps towards him as if approaching a horse about to bolt.

‘Hey you.’ She smiled as she entered the room.

He looked up at her with sad eyes. ‘Hey yourself, sleep well?’

She slid her arms around his neck. ‘Wonderfully well, you?’

He smiled. ‘I did too.’

Kissing his cheek, she asked, ‘Greg, what’s wrong? You seem down this morning.’

He huffed out all the air from his lungs and looked to the floor as he spoke, ‘I’ve been thinking… I… I’m not sure that this is a good idea… you and me.’

His words cut her to the quick. She dropped her arms from his body. She couldn’t help thinking he was trying to convince himself of his words.

She pulled out a chair and sat down suddenly feeling light-headed. ‘What? Why? What’s happened? Did I say something wrong?’

He looked up at her and smiled that smile filled with sadness again. ‘You were… you are perfect.’

‘Then what’s the problem? Is it… is it because I didn’t sleep with you?’ She regretted her words immediately.

Greg understandably took offence at the question and stood, knocking over his chair. ‘How could you even think that? Let alone say it out loud?’

‘Okay, okay, it was uncalled for, I’m sorry. You’ve been the perfect gentleman. I didn’t mean it. But please tell me what’s made you change your mind?’

‘There are things you don’t know about me; things about my past.’

Panic set in. ‘Greg, we have time to get to know about each other’s pasts.’

He shook his head.

‘Why now? Why go through all that shit yesterday and then do this now?’ she shouted at him, her voice breaking.

‘I had a call this morning. While you were sleeping.’

Dread washed over her, was it Mairi? Was she alive? Although she had been declared dead there had never been a body to prove this was the case. Perhaps she had been alive all this time? She didn’t dare ask.

‘And this call made you not want me anymore?’ She felt nauseated and stood ready to run if he confirmed her fear.

‘No, it’s not that at all, please don’t think that, Mallory.’ He shook his head. ‘My feelings for you haven’t changed. They will never change.’

She inhaled deeply and thought her words out carefully before she spoke. ‘You said to me yesterday that if I had second thoughts I was to tell you. Why does that not apply to you?’ She was shaking, how could it all be going so wrong after last night had been so perfect?

He sat. ‘Okay, okay, fair point. But I’m warning you. When I tell you it’ll be the end of any future we had. Are you ready to lose that before it even begins?’ His eyes were pained.

‘Well you’re ending this anyway so just TELL ME!’ she shouted.

He ran his hands through his hair and rubbed them over his face.

He gestured for Mallory to sit down again. ‘The call I received was from someone I would rather forget. But unfortunately, she won’t let me.’

Mallory opened her mouth, but had no idea what to say. She closed it again and pulled her face into a frown. She stared at him, willing him to explain.

‘I suppose I should start at the beginning… I met Alice at college when we were both students. We hung around together. She was pretty and popular but she made it clear she wanted me.’ He glanced at Mallory who was still staring at him as he spoke. ‘I was very jealous back then and she made it her job to fire me up at every given opportunity. She flirted with other men in front of me and I hated it. If I did the same though, she got physical with me. I had several black eyes through her temper. She was bad for me and I knew it, but for some reason I thought I loved her. My parents didn’t approve at all. They said she was too possessive of me. It caused no end of trouble with them.’

He inhaled deeply again, this was clearly not an easy subject for him. ‘We’d been together for two years and she told me she was pregnant and the baby was mine. I was shocked and terrified, but I wanted to do the right thing by her. So, we got married quickly. I was young. But I was determined that if there was to be a child I would make a go of it.

‘Anyway, it turns out she’d lied to me. There was never a pregnancy. I think they call it trapping. She well and truly trapped my arse. I was hurt and angry but she said she only did it because she loved me and wanted to be with me. After about six months of arguments and tears we decided to give things a proper go. No more lies.

‘By this point I actually did love her. Don’t ask me why… I just did. I was so desperate to make it work and so maybe I forced myself to love her, but I was sure the feelings were real. We rented a house over by Oban. We stayed there for two years and everything felt great. Then one day I came home from work and found her in bed with my best mate. I beat him up. And I told her I’d never forgive her. I walked out and never looked back.’

Mallory threw her hands up. ‘So, what’s the problem? You got divorced and met Mairi and the rest is history, right?’ Mallory desperately wanted to be right.

‘Mallory… I never got divorced.’

‘What?’ Mallory rose to her feet.

‘We just never got divorced. I didn’t want to speak to her let alone spend time discussing the finer points of our relationship in front of lawyers. I left her with the house and all our belongings. I thought that would be the last I would ever see of her. Until…’

‘Until she called you this morning?’ Mallory’s voice was shaky as she pieced the jigsaw together.

‘Yes.’ He looked up at her. His eyes filled with sorrow and regret. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Did Mairi know about Alice and your marriage?”

‘Aye… she did. She wasn’t bothered by it but she was such a free spirit… I know you’re not like that.’

What the hell did he mean by that? And why was it okay to tell Mairi and not her? ‘We were supposed to be friends and it never crossed your mind to tell me?’

‘I was scared you wouldn’t be with me if I told you.’

‘Well, you’re right. I won’t have an affair with a married man, Greg. I think you had better go now.’ Mallory’s fists clenched as she spoke.

Greg slipped his boots on. He didn’t fight. He didn’t protest. He just looked longingly at her. ‘See, I told you I wasn’t good enough for you.’ His eyes glazed over. ‘I never told you because I don’t think of her as my wife.’

‘No, but she is your wife, regardless. It’s a pretty huge thing to keep from someone you’re supposedly in love with, don’t you think? What else haven’t you told me? How many more lies will I uncover? I nearly slept with you! How can I trust you now?’

His lip trembled. ‘I don’t love her, Mallory, I love you. I don’t feel anything for her. Not even hate anymore. I’m apathetic when it comes to Alice. If I could go back in time and tell you everything, I would. She’s no doubt wanting to cause trouble and I don’t want any of it.’ A sob broke free from his throat, obviously, his heart was breaking too. ‘The sad thing is that yesterday I had a glimpse of you and me together; the whole nine yards; a proper future. And I loved it.’ His expression was pained as he sighed. ‘I hope that maybe someday you’ll forgive me for keeping the truth from you. Please don’t move away. Not because of me.’ And with that, he left.