Chapter Twenty-six

 

Sarden

When I woke, Zoe was gone from the bed. But I could hear her in the fresher, humming softly to herself. I was halfway to going back to sleep when I heard the mister kick on and then a muffled curse followed by a burst of irritation. She was aggravated that the mister wasn’t strong enough to wash her hair because she still feared going into the Cleansing Pool by herself.

I frowned, feeling more awake. How had I known that? How could I tell not only that she was irritated, but also know the source of her irritation?

Without thinking about it, I reached out and concentrated on her…and soon I felt something else. She was trying to nerve herself up to go into the pool. She was telling herself that she could just jump in and out quickly—that it wouldn’t take long and she could her get hair and body clean at the same time. She could hold her breath and it didn’t matter if she couldn’t swim, she would get right back out again and she shouldn’t be a coward…

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I got out of bed and went to her.

“Zoe…” I put out a hand to her.

“What? Where did you come from?” She was standing naked and shivering with her arms wrapped around herself as she hesitated in front of the door of the pool. I could feel how the tall tank full of purple liquid gave her a distressed, uneasy feeling that wouldn’t go away, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it.

“I just woke up,” I said, but didn’t add that it was her thoughts that had woken me. Actually, though, it wasn’t really her thoughts I was getting—more just a sense of them and the emotions that accompanied them. But how was that possible?

“Okay, well…” She shrugged, her arms crossed modestly over her bare breasts.

I wished she wouldn’t hide herself from me—why was she still shy, after all we had shared the night before?

“Because I’m not used to walking around in my birthday suit, all right?” she said, raising an eyebrow at me. “Wait…” She frowned. “Why did I say that? I felt like I was answering a question you asked but you…didn’t say anything.”

I felt a thought stirring in me—a spark of hope I’d never dared to entertain before. But I pushed it ruthlessly down—surely it couldn’t be. Still…

“Were you just thinking that you were going to duck into the Cleansing Pool for a minute and it didn’t matter that you couldn’t swim because you just need to be…”

“Brave and try it anyway,” Zoe finished for me. A look of awe spread over her face. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. But…how did you know?”

“I don’t know exactly,” I said, hedging a little because I wasn’t sure how she’d feel if what I thought had happened had actually happened.

“Yes, you do—I can see it on your face. And I can feel it. God, this is so weird! Why can I feel your emotions?” she demanded.

I knew then there was no sense trying to hide it.

“I’m not sure,” I said. “But I think we might be well…bonded.”

“Bonded?” She frowned. “Sellah was talking about that last night. But she said that males without all one kind of DNA can’t, uh, bond.”

“Hybrids, you mean,” I said. “Half-breeds. And she’s right—we’re not supposed to be able to.” I spread my hands. “But here we are. Maybe it’s because your own DNA is so pure, you’re able to bond with an impure male, like me.”

“So…what does this mean?” she asked tentatively. “I know we were being all, uh, possessive of each other last night. Among other things…” She blushed, her creamy skin going becomingly pink. Gods, she was gorgeous. “But what does it actually mean if we are bonded? Practically speaking, I mean?”

“Well…” I sighed and decided I might as well tell her everything. “We can’t be parted for one thing—or at least, we’re not going to want to be apart.”

“That’s true.” She bit her lip. “I…I already don’t want to be apart from you and you’re only three feet away.”

I crossed the distance between us with a single stride and put my arms around her. “Better?” I asked, pulling her soft body close to mine.

“So much better.” She breathed deeply and nuzzled her cheek against my chest. “I feel like I was thirsty and you gave me a big cold glass of water to drink. Or I was starving and you gave me something to eat. But all you did was hug me.” She looked up at me. “Why is it like this?”

“We formed a chemical bond last night,” I told her. “When we made love. Some like to think of it as a mystical spiritual connection but the root of it is biological—it happens with all the Twelve Peoples. Our bodies react to each other now—we’re connected. Intimately connected.”

“So…if it’s chemical…is it like an addiction?” she asked. “Like, if I go too far from you, will I start having, uh withdrawal?”

“You mean if you go back to Earth?” I asked quietly.

Zoe bit her lip and looked away. She didn’t answer but she didn’t have to—I knew well enough she missed her home planet and her friends.

I didn’t want to ask her to give her whole life up for me, but for me to go live with her would be extremely difficult. I looked different from the average Earthling, for one thing—so much different that Zoe had mistaken me for a mythological religious figure the first time she’d seen me. And the humans lived in ignorance—they didn’t know there was other life in the galaxy besides themselves. Of course, I could wear a smart-fabric mask and take saphor liquid with me, drinking it constantly everywhere I went, but that would be a very difficult way to live.

“What are we going to do?” Zoe asked at last, looking up at me.

“In the long run? I don’t know,” I admitted. “But for now, let’s get you clean.”

Before she could protest, I lifted her and walked to the personal cleansing pool. Whatever was going on with our new bond, we would have to talk about it later. For now, I just wanted to enjoy being close to her as long as I could before she decided what she wanted to do…if she wanted to leave me and go back to Earth, despite our bond.

No, growled the possessive part of me, she can’t leave—she’s mine! But I knew I couldn’t keep her against her will. I had admitted as much when I took the inhibitor bracelet off her and gave Zoe her freedom.

But when it came down to it, would she choose me…or her home planet and the life she’d always known?

Despite the bond between us, I didn’t know. I only knew the thought of losing her again was like a knife in my heart. But I tried not to show it, tried to mask my emotions as I ducked into the purple cleansing liquid, taking her with me, holding her close because I never wanted to let her go.

 

Zoe

 

“The first thing to do is find out how Hurxx is still ruling Eloim at all since he had Sellah kidnapped,” Grav growled. He looked at her. “And you’re sure he had a hand in it?”

We were sitting around the food prep area of The Celesta, eating interesting tasting first meal food sticks from Eloim (which looked and tasted a little like chocolate lollypops) that Al had whipped up for us, and having a council of war.

Sarden and I were sitting opposite each other but not touching. By mutual consent, we weren’t talking about the bond between us right now. There would be time enough to figure things out after we restored Sellah to the throne—I hoped anyway.

“We are positive Hurxx had a hand in it—more than a hand. He planned it from start to finish,” Uncle Tellum, the older, portly Eloim answered for Sellah. “I heard him talking about it to one of his advisors—it was what convinced me to go looking for our beloved Ria in the first place.” He made a little bow to Sellah, who blushed and nodded back. “After I heard him speak, I knew he hadn’t sent out a task force to find her, as he initially claimed.”

“Also, Tazaxx told us that Hurxx had warned him Sarden would come after Sellah unless he thought she was dead,” I added. “So that’s two sources confirming he was behind it.”

“What I don’t understand is how he’s still wearing the Star of Wisdom,” Sarden growled. “And why it didn’t fly from his head the moment the leader of the Council of the People put it on his head. I’d bet my ship he was already planning to have Sellah snatched and sold even before their coronation.”

“I have wondered the same thing,” Tellum said gravely. “I mistrusted Hurxx from the moment the Council voted to crown him Rae to Lady Sellah’s Ria. But she had no mate and he was the closest blood relative she had. Well, other than you, Lord Sarden. No offense.”

“None taken. Does anyone else feel mistrustful of that bastard, Hurxx?” Sarden asked. “Anyone who would back you if you took the matter to the Council?”

Tellum nodded. “Several of the Councilors had grave misgivings. In fact, Hurxx only won by one or two votes, and only then because we had the surety that the Star of Wisdom would reject him if we had chosen wrongly.”

“But why didn’t it then?” Sellah asked. “I know I felt the Star of Compassion hesitate when it settled on my brow during the coronation. It asked me if I came to the throne with pure motives and if I would do my best to rule Eloim with a fair and just hand.”

“Really? It talked to you?” I asked, fascinated. The crown she had to wear sounded kind of like a scifi Sorting Hat.

She nodded. “Yes. And I told it I would do my very best—only then did I feel it really settle on my head. I can only imagine that the Star of Wisdom asked the same questions of Hurxx, since the Stars are two halves of the same being. It would have known if he was answering untruthfully.”

“What happened to the Ria’s crown, anyway?” Sarden asked. “Having the Star of Compassion on your head would go a long way towards swaying the Council in your favor.”

“The pirates took it when they captured me.” Sellah made a helpless gesture with one hand. “It could be halfway across the galaxy by now.”

“All right.” He sighed. “We’ll have to do without it, then.”

“What do you want to do?” I asked. “Maybe call the members of the Council who didn’t like Hurxx in the first place and ask them to quietly get together and talk about it?”

“No.” Tellum frowned. “There can be nothing quiet about this. It would be too easy for Hurxx and his personal guard to hush up any rebellion fomented in silence.”

“Tellum’s right.” Sarden nodded. “We need to make as much of a scene as possible—need to publicly accuse him in front of as many people as we can.” He looked at the older Eloim. “When is the next Grievance Day?”

“Grievance Day?” Grav and I said at the same time.

“A time when the common people are admitted into the Throne Room of the palace to beg justice of the Rae and Ria,” Sellah answered. She made a face. “It’s such a crowd though—so many people all packed into one place. I always hated Grievance Day, even though I only had to rule in two of them before I was taken.”

I shot her a compassionate look. Poor thing, she really did hate everything to do with ruling and yet she was prepared to do it again if she had to, for the good of her world. I wondered if I could ever be so selfless—if I could give up the life I knew for something completely different for the good of others.

I bet you could if it meant you got to stay with Sarden the rest of your life, whispered a little voice in my head, but I shushed it. I still wasn’t sure what was going on between us, though even now, sitting across from him without being able to touch him, felt like torture.

If what we had formed between us really was a chemical bond, then what I was feeling was most likely a form of withdrawal from an addiction. I needed to be strong, I told myself. I couldn’t let my emotions and cravings rule me.

At least I wasn’t getting blasts of Sarden’s emotions anymore. When he had first walked into the bathroom that morning, the blasts of possessiveness and concern he’d been feeling for me were nearly deafening. But putting a little distance between us seemed to have dampened our new abilities to feel each other’s emotions and catch each other’s thoughts. Or maybe it wasn’t the distance—maybe it was just the fact that we were making a concerted effort not to hear each other. I thought it was probably the latter.

On one hand, this was good—it proved that we could control a potentially embarrassing aspect of the new bond we shared. I mean, who wants to know exactly what their lover is thinking or feeling all the damn time? Mental eavesdropping is no way to form a stable relationship—right?

On the other hand, I was already missing feeling Sarden’s emotions in my head. I had liked the feeling of possessiveness I got from him. It made me feel wanted…loved.

But that was the thing—we had both talked about belonging to each other but neither one had actually come out and said the “L” word, which is a big step in any relationship, I’m sure you’ll agree. Without that one little word, I felt lost…completely adrift and uncertain of what was really going on between the big alien and myself.

Messed up and insecure much? Who, me?

Unfortunately, yes.

“…is today,” Tellum said, dragging me out of my worried thoughts and making me realize I had missed something. “With our hyper-drives working on overload, we should be able to make the last part of it.”

“I’ll have Al synthesize Sellah some clothing fit for Eloim royalty,” Sarden said. “She needs to look regal and completely legitimate.”

“Make clothing for all of you,” Tellum advised. “It won’t do for any of her retinue to appear anything less than noble.”

“I’ll get him to work on it right away,” Sarden promised. “Right now, in fact.”

He got up and stalked out of the food prep area. Grav and Tellum started to talk about something else but Sellah hopped off her stool and took me by the hand.

“Come on—let’s go to your room and talk…sister,” she murmured in my ear.

“What? Why did you call me that?” I demanded as we made our way back to my room.

“Because, it’s true—isn’t it?” She settled cross-legged on my hoverbed and grinned, looking much more like a naughty schoolgirl than a deposed queen. “I can tell by the way you’re glowing—you bonded with Sarden didn’t you?”

“As a matter of fact, we did,” I said, frowning. “Even though you told me it was impossible.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “You’re a Pure One and a La-ti-zal. Who knows what is and isn’t possible for you?”

“Well apparently it is possible because now Sarden and I are addicted to each other and I don’t know what to do about it,” I said, beginning to pace.

“What do you mean, you don’t know what to do?” She opened her golden eyes wide. “You have a Ceremony of Commitment, of course and join your lives into one. Then I guess the two of you can travel the galaxy having adventures.” She looked at me enviously. “Although I hope you’ll hang around Eloim at least for a little while. If I get the throne back, I mean.”

“You’ll get it back,” I said. “If this Hurxx is half as skeevy as he sounds, the people of your planet won’t be able to wait to get you back. But just because Sarden and I are bonded doesn’t mean he wants me to settle down with him and have his babies.”

Which was another thing to consider. Since we were bonded, I assumed it meant we were compatible enough to have kids—but what would they look like? Would they have horns? I knew I would love any child I had without reservations—that wasn’t a problem. What I was wondering was, when exactly did the horns grow in? Would the kid have them while he was in the womb—specifically in my womb? And would he poke me with them? And what about the actually delivery—that was bound to hurt.

“Of course it means he wants you to settle down and bear his children,” Sellah said impatiently, breaking my train of thought. “Hasn’t he said as much?”

“No, actually,” I admitted. “Mostly he just talked about feeling possessive of me and wanting me to be his.”

“That’s the Vorn side of him,” she said. “Eloim males are much more circumspect about such things.” She sighed. “Too circumspect, I think. I wish I could find a male who would want to claim me as his own as Sarden claimed you.”

“Well claiming’s all well and good,” I pointed out. “But he still hasn’t actually said that he loves me. He just said we’re chemically bonded. Apparently it’s like some kind of addiction.” I sighed. Even now I could feel a craving for him—I had a strong urge to find him and sink into his arms and never leave. Only my pride and the uncertainty I felt held me back.

“Oh yes—it is like an addiction.” Sellah nodded. “Especially when you’re newly bonded. I’ve heard that the craving for your beloved gets easier to bear after a few cycles but it’s very strong and urgent at first.”

“Yeah, well…” I sighed and crossed my arms, fighting the urge to go to the big alien with all my might. I needed to figure this out before I went rushing into anything else. “Maybe I don’t want to be addicted. Maybe…maybe I want to go home.”

“You can visit your home planet, I’m certain,” Sellah said. “Sarden’s not a tyrant—he wouldn’t refuse to take you.”

“Visiting once in a while isn’t the same as living there,” I said. “I have friends there and a life. Not a very exciting life but still… It’s a hard choice to make. Especially since I’m not sure what he wants.”

“Well, ask him.” Sellah sounded exasperated. “Tell him you love him.”

“Uh-uh.” I shook my head firmly. “Look, I’ve been in relationships before where I said the L word first—it was a complete disaster. You can’t do that—the girl can’t I mean. I’m a feminist but also a realist—and the reality is, the guy wants to be the one to say it first. If the girl says it first…” I shook my head. “I just don’t want him to feel like I’m pressuring him into anything.”

“I don’t think he would feel pressured,” Sellah said quietly. “And I don’t think he’d be upset if you told him—out loud—how you really feel. You don’t give my brother enough credit—I’m certain he’s wished for years that he could find a female he was able to bond with.”

“No offense to your brother,” I said carefully. “But I’m not going to assume he’s dying to jump into a life-long commitment unless he says so.”

“But you’re already in a life-long commitment,” she pointed out. “Your bond—”

“Is it completely unbreakable?” I interrupted. “I mean, not that I want to break it because, well, I don’t.” I shrugged uncomfortably. “But what if Sarden wants to? What then?”

Sellah shook her head. “What strange customs you must have on your planet. Among the Twelve Peoples that grew from the seeds planted by the Ancient Ones, it’s known that a bond between a male and a female is inviolable. It might fade in time, if you were determined to live apart, but part of you will always be bonded to part of Sarden, no matter what.”

“Wow,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Who knew that unprotected sex could have such long-reaching consequences?”

“It’s not just physical intimacy that forms the bond—although that is what seals it,” Sellah lectured. “It’s the fact that you couldn’t bond with one who was wrong for you. The biological reaction simply wouldn’t happen with an incompatible male, no matter how many times you, uh, made love with them.”

She blushed as she spoke and I realized something about her.

“Oh my God, you’re a virgin, aren’t you?”

Still blushing, she nodded. “And I’ll have to remain one my entire life. The Ria of Eloim is not allowed to be bonded to any male but the Rea. But if the Rea is her blood relative rather than her mate, she must remain celibate throughout her reign.”

“Wow—that’s tough,” I said sympathetically. “No wonder you don’t want to rule.”

“It’s not just that.” She sighed. “Although, I have to be honest that’s a big part of it. I wish I could find a male who would care for me the way my brother cares for you—but I never will. It is forbidden.”

She looked so sad that I put an arm around her shoulders and gave her an impulsive hug. After a moment, Sellah hugged me back and sighed again.

“Well, it doesn’t matter what I want. I have to try and take the throne back for the good of Eloim. Even before he had me snatched away, Hurxx was already implementing some policies that favored the rich over the poor and were designed to line his pockets and the pockets of his advisors. The Goddess of Mercy alone knows what he’s gotten up to since he got me out of the way.”

“You’ll fix it,” I said. “As soon as you kick him out.”

She shook her head. “It might not be that easy. The Council of the People is going to be very reluctant to de-throne a sitting Rae, especially one wearing the Star of Wisdom. In fact, as long as he has the Star on, he’s legally the ruler of Eloim and no one can say otherwise.”

“And you can’t take it off him?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I could try, I suppose, though traditionally only the Rae himself is supposed to remove it. But if the Star truly believes he is worthy to rule, it will refuse to be removed.”

“You have to try, though,” I said. “It sounds like the only way to prove what a fake he is.”

She gave a short, unhappy laugh. “I doubt he’ll give me a chance. He has a personal guard around him at all times—no one gets within ten feet of him.”

“Well…maybe it will be enough just to accuse him publicly and tell everyone what he did,” I said lamely.

“Maybe.” Sellah shrugged. “All I can do is try.” Reaching for my hand, she squeezed it and smiled gratefully. “I’m just glad you and my brother will be there for me when I do it.”

“We wouldn’t miss it,” I promised, squeezing back.

But inside I wondered how in the world we were going to manage this. How could we put Sellah back on the throne if we couldn’t prove that Hurxx was unfit to rule in the first place?

I had no idea, but as Sellah said, all we could do was try. And as for my bond with Sarden, well, I would worry about it later, when all this was taken care of.