What the hell am I doing?

That was the question I’d asked myself at least a hundred times since I left the restaurant to meet with Maddie. I shouldn’t be this nervous. Hell, she was a woman just like any other.

But as I stood outside the back entrance of her shop, carrying flowers and wine like a kid picking up his first date, my palms were sweaty, and the only thing I could hear was the whomp whomp of blood rushing through my veins.

There was no guarantee wine and flowers would do anything to soften Maddie towards me, but it was worth a shot. I hoped. With that hope planted firmly in my gut, I knocked. And waited with acid churning in my gut.

A moment later the back door opened to reveal Maddie looking as pretty as she had earlier, in a sunny yellow spaghetti strap number that showed off curvy legs I remembered well.

“Hey, come on in.”

Her voice came out cool and plain, and painfully formal. Like we were strangers. “Hey Maddie.” She took a step back in a clear sign she’d only let me come to get me to stop bothering her. I wasn’t deterred. Not yet. “I’m sorry Maddie. I realized that I fucked up in a pretty big way, and I do want to explain, but it’s been brought to my attention that it might just sound like an excuse to you.”

“I accept your apology, Zeke.” Her words were tired, exhausted even, like it was such an ordeal just to fucking do that much. “But it really isn’t necessary. You never promised me anything, Zeke. We had a good time, but I knew who you were when I got involved with you.” That sounded like a backhanded compliment if I’d ever heard one.

“And just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?” Arms crossed, I took a step forward, but this time, she didn’t budge. She might be little as hell, and soft and sweet. But she was also tough.

She snorted out a laugh that was equal parts humor and disgust. “Oh, come on, Zeke. You haven’t had a girlfriend since you came to Belle Musique years ago. At least not so that anyone around here knows. You don’t commit, and that’s fine, it’s your prerogative. I wasn’t expecting a commitment, just common decency.” I watched as she systematically shut down before my eyes.

“You’re right, I should have done better, but it really wasn’t what it looked like.”

She tossed her head back and let out a bitter unamused laugh. “It wasn’t one of your women kissing you in the middle of the bar and you kissing her back? Funny because that’s exactly what it looked like to me.”

“I know, and I was a dumbass, but I wasn’t kissing her back Maddie, I swear. I just… shit, I didn’t want to embarrass her by pulling away.” Yep, it sounded as dumb out loud as Nash said it would.

“That makes it better, then. Good to know.” She shook her head, a tumble of waves fell around her shoulders, but she was as angry as she was beautiful in that moment. “Look Zeke, apology accepted. Really. But it’s time for you to leave, so we can both move on with our lives.”

I stared at her in disbelief. Who was this hard, cold woman standing before me? She looked like Maddie, and wore the same clothes, but this wasn’t the woman who looked at me with a sparkle in her eyes. Gone was that smile that never seemed to waver in my presence, and in its place was a thin white line of emotional nothingness. Everything about her posture screamed ‘stay the hell away’ but those big caramel eyes didn’t lie. She was hurt, sure. Angry too. But she also still wanted me.

“Anything else?”

“Other than you leaving? No. Nothing.” Her chin was tilted high in defiance, daring me to push her and prove every negative thought about me right.

“Dammit, Maddie.”

“Don’t you ‘Dammit Maddie’ me Zeke, you’re the one who screwed, not me! I asked you for nothing and that’s exactly what you gave me. Now please, get o-,”

I couldn’t take it anymore, not one more fucking second of listening to Maddie tell me how little she expected of me, and just how spectacularly I’d come through on that. Instead of leaving through the open door, I kicked it closed and pushed up against her until her back was pressed against the wall and those big brown eyes stared up at me filled with doubt. And heat.

My lips crashed down on hers, hard and fast. But I needed more of her, I grabbed her thigh and ass lifted her in the air, back pressed against the wall with me between her legs. I kissed Maddie until I was so hard I ached to be buried deep inside her again and again. Devoured her mouth until she moaned into mine, digging her heels into my back, physically begging me for more.

When her hands tightened in my hair, my dick pressed against her and I was lost. I wanted nothing more than to strip her down and fuck her right there. But now wasn’t the time. Dammit it really wasn’t the right time, no matter how much I wanted it to be. I kept on kissing her though, because I couldn’t stop, because her taste was as addictive as any narcotic, at least that’s how it felt to me.

Maddie moaned again, louder this time and then she froze. She froze and pulled back. The spell was broken. “Zeke,” she said and let out a frustrated groan, probably at hearing the huskiness still in her voice. No matter what she said next, I knew she was into that kiss. I felt it. Maddie slid down my body which only stoked the fire that hadn’t even begun to die inside of me.

“Maddie.” My forehead pressed against hers, silently pleading with her not to say the words she was gathering steam to say.

“That was a mistake. It was nice, so fucking nice, but still a mistake.”

“It didn’t feel like a mistake, dammit Maddie. It felt right.” Too right.

“It felt right before too, Zeke. Then you went and put some woman you used to fuck, before me. I’ll see you around, Zeke.” She pulled the door open again, this time with a white knuckle grip on the doorknob and she waited, staring at the ground to avoid my gaze.

“This isn’t over Maddie.”

“Of course it is, Zeke. You’re just not used to the woman ending things.”

She was right about that, but that was all she was right about. “You’re wrong Maddie and I look forward to proving it to you.” A shocked breath hissed out of her and those gorgeous brown eyes searched my own, for what, I couldn’t say.

“Goodbye, Zeke,” was all she said before I stepped out and walked away.

Now wasn’t the time to convince her. She needed to sit on what had just happened between us, and to come to terms with the fact that this wasn’t over.

Not by a long shot.