Code red.
That was what I texted my best friend twenty minutes ago as I sat on the lid of my toilet and stared at the unopened box of tampons. They should have been opened and used by now but weren’t. After Damien left for work, I followed my normal morning routine. I took care of Barbara, then got showered and changed into work clothes before I spent a few hours in my studio. When I took a break for lunch, I went into the toilet, and the second my eyes landed on my unopened box of tampons, my heart stopped.
I checked my personal calendar and determined my period was due exactly fourteen days ago, which was more than I originally thought. Normally, I wouldn’t panic, but there were at least five of my birth control pills left in the package from last month, which told me I didn’t take them on at least five days. Damien didn’t use condoms when he had sex because I was on birth control. Birth control I wasn’t taking correctly.
“Fuck,” I whispered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
The front door to my apartment opened and closed.
“I’m ‘ere!”
“Bathroom,” I called out.
Bronagh barrelled into the room with a small pharmacy bag in her hand.
“I never thought you would text me code red.” She panted. “You think you’re pregnant?”
I nodded. “I’m two weeks late.”
“Lana.” She blinked. “Holy shite.”
She quickly removed the contents of the bag, opened the pregnancy test box, and even though she had taken the tests before, she read the leaflet from top to bottom. She told me what to do and handed me a test. I wasn’t shy as I lifted the lid of the toilet, pulled down my leggings and underwear, and peed on the stick. When I was finished, I capped the test, flushed the toilet, and washed my hands as I put it on the counter.
“You’re shakin’,” Bronagh commented.
I was. My entire body was.
“I’m scared.”
“Don’t be,” Bronagh replied. “Ye’ want this and so does Damien.”
“But what if it ruins everythin’?” I asked, my heart pounding. “What if it’s too much for Damien after everythin’ we’ve gone through to become a couple? We’re together five minutes, Bronagh.”
She smiled warmly.
“Ye’ both want this.”
I inhaled and exhaled.
“I do … We do. Jesus, I’m still terrified.”
My friend laughed. “That never goes away, trust me.”
I bobbed my knee up and down.
“How long do we have to wait?”
“A few more minutes.”
I put my head in my hands. “Where’s Georgie?”
“With Dominic,” she answered. “He saw your text first, and he knows what code red means … He said I told ‘im ages ago.”
I jerked my head up. “Bronagh.”
“Relax,” she said. “He isn’t gonna phone Damien. He just said to phone ‘im after Alannah talks to Damien so he knows if you’re pregnant or not.”
I nodded and put my head back in my hands.
“Ye’ can check it now.” Bronagh cleared her throat.
I couldn’t move.
“Do it for me. Please.”
I looked down as Bronagh lifted the test from the counter and peered down at it.
“What does it say, Bee?”
When she didn’t respond, I looked up and found her smiling at me.
“Your eggo is preggo, mama.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “You’re jokin’!”
Bronagh moved to my side and showed me the digital test.
Pregnant
2-3 weeks
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, then looked at Bronagh. “Bronagh, I’m gonna have a baby!”
She hugged me and promptly burst into tears. I didn’t cry. I only hugged her and stared at myself through the mirror over her shoulder. I looked at the test again, just to make sure it wasn’t faulty, then with Bronagh’s encouragement, I took the other test that came in the box. It wasn’t a digital test like the first one, but the two pink lines it revealed meant I was definitely pregnant.
“Fuck a duck,” I said in amazement. “I think I’m in shock.”
“You’re in shock?” Bronagh repeated on a laugh. “Damien will die!”
My hands were shaking. “He wants this so bad.”
“Then let’s not make him wait,” Bronagh squealed. “I’ll have Dominic get ‘im over to our house by the time we get there.”
I nodded. “Do it.”
When Bronagh and I entered her house, I could hear Nico and Damien laughing while Georgie squealed over something. I froze by the sitting room and couldn’t make my feet move forward. Bronagh paused and looked at me.
“Tell ‘im I want ‘im,” I said to my friend. “I have to tell ‘im when it’s just us.”
Bronagh nodded and went into the kitchen while I entered the sitting room and stood there, looking down at my stomach.
“Alannah?”
I turned to face Damien and swallowed.
“What’s wrong?”
My eyes welled up with tears.
Damien’s eyes widened in alarm. “Is it your mom?”
I shook my head.
“Then what is it?”
I didn’t answer.
“Alannah. Tell me.”
I exhaled a breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Damien stared down at me and said, “Shut up.”
My heart stopped. “W-what?”
“You’re lying,” he said, his face the picture of disbelief. “You have to be.”
“I’m not.” I sniffled. “I took two tests. I have it here with me.”
I rooted the tests out of my bag and handed them to him. He took them from me, brought them close to his face, and squinted his eyes before he rubbed them and stared at the tests once more.
“Alannah.”
I know.
“You’re having my baby?”
I couldn’t speak, only nod.
He looked up at the ceiling and said, “Thank you, God.”
When he looked back down at me, he kissed me without warning, then broke apart and pressed his forehead against mine.
“I can’t believe this.”
“Me either,” I said. “I think I’m still in shock.”
Damien placed his hands on either side of my face. “Are you happy?”
“Yes,” I answered. “So happy … just utterly terrified. Damien, we’re havin’ a baby.”
“A baby,” he repeated, and his lower lip wobbled. “We’re having a baby, freckles.”
Tears spilled over the brims of my eyes, and I laughed when he shouted, “I’m gonna be a daddy!”
I heard Nico and Bronagh cheer from the kitchen, and it only made us smile wider. Damien brought his hand to my stomach and flattened his palm over it, staring down at me with pure love and admiration.
“How far along do you think you are?”
“I’ve no idea,” I answered. “Maybe four or five weeks, maybe less. The test says two to three weeks, but the package says that means four to five weeks pregnant. I missed me pill a few times, but I didn’t even notice. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Damien repeated. “Baby, I’m on cloud nine right now.”
“I know. I just don’t want ye’ to think I missed takin’ the pills on purpose.”
“I’m glad you didn’t take them. You wouldn’t be pregnant right now otherwise.”
I smiled, then my jaw dropped just as Damien lowered to one knee.
“I’m glad you said no the first three times I asked you to marry me because I wasn’t prepared if you had said yes,” he said. “I wanted this time to be better, so that’s why I’ve held off on asking you again. I wanted there to be candles, and a dinner I cooked for you, and romantic music, but I can’t wait to ask you this when I know no other time would be sweeter than right now.”
My heart skipped a beat.
“Damien.”
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small black box. He opened the lid, and I sucked in a sharp breath when a small but beautiful diamond ring was revealed.
“I bought this the day after Enzo was born,” he said, gazing up at me. “I’ve been working my ass off, taking all the hours and overtime I could get to buy this for you.”
He took my left hand.
“The night your mom got the all clear in the hospital, I went to their house and asked them both for their permission to marry you. They gave me that permission and told me they loved me, Alannah. They called me son and accepted me into your family. Do you know how much that means to me? That they trust me with their only daughter?”
Tears spilled over the brims of my eyes.
“I know you’re scared for the future, scared that I won’t be in it, but you need to know that you aren’t an option for me, Alannah. You’re my priority. You and that baby you’re carrying. I’m so in love with you, freckles. I’ve only ever wanted you, and if you let me, I want to scream to the world that I have you.”
I felt like my heart was about to explode.
“Alannah Ryan.” Damien licked his lips. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes,” I breathed. “Yes, yes, yes!”
He removed the ring from the box and slid it onto my finger. It fit perfectly, and Damien sighed with relief before a huge smile overtook his face. He got to his feet and kissed me until I felt dizzy.
“I got all of that on video,” Bronagh, who was in tears, announced from the doorway. “Good man yourself, Damien. I was about to accept your proposal if Alannah didn’t.”
Both Damien and I laughed as we hugged, kissed, and looked brightly to the future.