I sketched his face, his arms, and his shoulders in broad, light strokes in my journal, being extra careful to make sure he never caught me staring and memorizing his shape.

My brother, Hugo, and his best friend, Wesley, sat on the living room couch playing video games just a few feet away while I was in my usual spot, the big comfy chair with the ottoman.

Hugo and Wesley had been inseparable since the fifth grade when they’d ended up in the same class. And I had crushed on Wes for that long too.

Just for the record, it was Wes I was secretly sketching. It was hard to get his dimpled chin and smile just right, but I tried to do it justice.

I filled in his shoulders, making sure I showed just how strong they were in real life. Then I did his tousled chocolate brown hair before going back to his thick brows and full lips.

Perfectly kissable lips.

My mouth turned up into a smile just thinking about what it would be like to get kissed by those lips.

I shut my journal and exhaled, pushing those thoughts away.

As much as I’d tried to over the years, I’d never been able to give up my crush on Wes.

He was my brother’s best friend, and if something ever came between them and messed up their friendship—like me—I’d never be able to forgive myself for causing that.

Besides, to Wes, I was just his best friend’s weird little sister. He’d never behaved otherwise, hardly saying more than hi to me before running up to my brother’s room or asking if he was home.

So I knew it would never happen.

The boys whooped over some kind of explosion on the TV, putting their video game controls down on the coffee table. My eyes lingered on Wes again, and I wondered what it would be like to have a boyfriend like him.

Or any boyfriend, really.

That was foreign territory to me. I’d ever even had my first real kiss, so I was eons behind the rest of my friends. All of them had a boyfriend at the moment, except me.

All I had were my journals, full of my every thought and notion. But sometimes I wished I had more. Someone special like Ella had with Jesse or Tori had with Noah. Even crazy and wild Lena had found someone. And Harper and Emerson were just about the most adorable couple I had ever seen.

I was crazy happy for them, but I couldn’t help longing for hand-holding, stolen kisses, and sappy texts. Someone to watch Harry Potter re-runs with, not that Wes was into Harry Potter.

Yeah, that was a deal breaker for me, unfortunately. I was the only Potterhead in the #BFFs. I needed someone else in my life who was as crazy about Harry Potter as I was, preferably a Ravenclaw or maybe a Hufflepuff.

It was a known fact that Hufflepuffs were underrated, although at this point, I’d seriously consider a Grryfindor or a Slytherin.

Now I was in the mood to watch the movies.

Instead, I settled for opening up my journal to a new page.

What I loved about the blank page was the possibilities. A blank page could turn into anything. A sketch, a poem, a diary entry, a bunch of doodles. Anything I wanted.

With Christmas just around the corner, that had me thinking of the song, “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” So of course I couldn’t get it out of my head.

I took my pencil and slowly drew the letters in a flowy romantic script, diagonally across the page. Quietly humming the song to myself, I grabbed my colored pencils and found the perfect shade of red.

In no time, I was lost in the creation of something new—inspired by my forbidden crush.

All I wanted for Christmas was Wesley. I knew it’d never happen, but it was fun daydreaming about it anyway.