The omega wolf smiled at River, and the smile was very open and friendly. The difference between this smile and the predatory way that Ralph had looked at him was jarring and also very welcome.

“My name’s Ash,” the omega said. He held out one hand. The fingers were long and fine and delicate.

There was no way in hell River could have resisted the temptation to touch Ash. Feeling almost as if he was underwater, he reached out and gripped Ash’s hand. His blood was already tingling from the alcohol, but at the contact, it felt as if his temperature jumped upwards about 10 degrees. He was very abruptly aware of the sound of his own pulse, loud in his ears.

It was much too early to tell, but he was beginning to think the freedom he’d been looking for was right here. All this time he’d been so worried that he would come in here and be of no interest to anyone, but now here was someone who looked to be about his own age, and who was also his own kind. His luck was changing, the tide finally coming in and carrying with it all sorts of unknown treasures.

That name, though.

“I knew an Ash once,” River said. He picked up his drink and sipped at it, but by now it was mostly melting ice water and it didn’t satisfy the thirst he was trying to quench.

Ash. Ashton. From so long ago. His first, and only, real love, before he had been old enough to know that’s what it was. Having spent his entire marriage without it, he figured himself to be much wiser about such things now.

The omega named Ash raised one hand and gestured Travis the bartender over. “Get him another of whatever he’s having. I’ll have an Osprey.”

Travis said something in response. It sounded like an affirmative, but River wasn’t really listening to anything. For a moment, he ceased to exist, lost in the past.

Ash turned back to him. “I like coming here. I think the avian theme is very freeing.”

Though River had thought only a few minutes ago that the naming scheme was rather obvious—and therefore meaningless—he found himself nodding anyway. Anything to get on this guy’s good side. “Sure, I agree. You like…birds?”

“As much as any other city-goer who gets mobbed by pigeons on the daily,” Ash laughed. “So, do I get to know your name?”

“His name’s River,” Travis said, abruptly butting in on the conversation as he pushed their drinks towards them. “But I don’t think you should get your hopes up. River here isn’t all that much of a conversationalist.”

The look that came over Ash’s face was one that River recognized, because it mirrored exactly what he had been feeling ever since the omega sat down. His features slackened with intense concentration, his mouth settling into a flat, pursed line. With excruciating deliberateness, Ash grabbed his drink and took a long swig from it.

He came up, coughing slightly, a rough edge deep in the back of his throat. “River Robinson?”

River nodded just once, because that was all he could manage to do. How did this wolf know his last name? Did they know each other somehow?

Ash sighed and then leaned forward slightly, looking up into River’s eyes. “River, do you remember me? Ashton Smith? We used to be…neighbors.”

The full name was the puzzle piece that finished the picture, bringing everything into focus. All the memories that River had attempted to hide away throughout the years came bubbling up to the surface. His neighbor. His first love. The secret regret that he harbored for so long, that had soured his marriage from the very beginning.

“Ashton?” River whispered.

Ash gripped his drink glass for all he was worth but his voice was steady when he replied. “Yes. It’s me. I can’t believe…” He stopped. It was almost as if he hadn’t meant to stop, but the weight of his words was so heavy he literally couldn’t bear to speak them. If anything, his burden seemed greater than River’s. “I mean, after all this time. And you’re just right here. I’ve been coming here for two years now.”

“Well, this is my first time. I mean…” He didn’t know what he meant. All of this was just much too confusing, and he had no idea what to do about it. There was excitement mingled with the confusion, and he didn’t know what to do about that, either. He took a long drink from his own cocktail, letting it burn all the way down his throat and into his stomach. “God. Ash. How the hell have you been?”

Ash tilted his head, considering that question. He’d had a habit of doing that even back when they were neighbors, especially when he was puzzling over an incredibly difficult problem.

Even knowing that this was the man he’d once loved, the boy who taught him what love was, River still had a hard time forming a connection between then and now. Ash used to be so quiet and serious, so tidy and meticulous. This man was the exact opposite of all those things. Had time changed them both so much?

“It’s been a hell of a trip,” Ash finally said. “I think we should head over to a booth so we can talk better. If you’ve got the time. Have you been in here long?”

“I’ve got all the time in the world for you,” River replied. He snagged his drink, stood up, and used his foot to push the stool under the bar counter so no one would trip over it.

Ash stood, then turned back and looked at the bartender. “Keep a tab for us, Travis.”

“Please,” River added, while pushing in Ash’s stool.

Ash gave him a smile, but it didn’t quite touch his eyes. His deep, soulful eyes, which River now knew were a pale shade of olive green, because eye color was the one thing about a person that never changed.

They went back through the bar, past the thick support column, until they reached a booth surrounded by other empty booths. Ash sat, and River took a seat opposite him.

A brief silence fell between them, heavier than all the words in the world. River inspected the ice melting in his drink, imagining that he could see it happening right before his very eyes as if it was some sort of time-lapse video.

Eventually, Ash said, “So, what brought you around to my neck of the woods? If this really is your first time being in here, that is. You might’ve just been avoiding me.” He sounded teasing, but there was an edge of seriousness underneath the joke, as if he was afraid it might be true.

River was bursting to ask all the questions inside him, to reconnect with the person he’d loved so much, but he couldn’t get into a rush. First things first, he had to reassure Ash. “I would never avoid you.”

In fact, if I had known you were here, I might have broken at least one of my vows to Jeanine.

“But that doesn’t really answer the question.”

Which meant he was going to have to go even further and admit his failings. “This is my first time. I never really had the guts to actually come inside before.”

“Never had the balls is more like it.” Ash smiled, but the crude joke didn’t seem to have been meant in a cruel way. “It’s so bizarre for me to think that maybe if I’d just looked at all the cars, I would have seen you looking back at me.”

“Yeah.” River didn’t know what else he could do except to echo the sentiment. This was the boy he had loved, the man who was now enchanting in his own right, but he had no idea if his feelings were the same. He’d certainly told a client or two to take off their nostalgia goggles, to see the world for what it was. Maybe he should do the same, realize that the secret love he’d been harboring was probably nothing like it had once been.

That was going to be harder than he thought, because Ash licked his lips and River couldn’t take his eyes away.

“So, don’t keep me in suspense.” Ash wrapped his hands around his drink and leaned forward slightly. River averted his eyes so that those lips wouldn’t tempt him into doing anything, now that they had already drawn him in. “What’ve you been up to? Start at the start. I want to know everything.”

“The start?” That was where everything had gone wrong. He didn’t want to start there.

“You know. When you moved away.”

River regarded his own drink, feeling that desperate thirst in the back of his throat that seemed to be telling him that if only he could satisfy it, all the bad feelings would go away. He was suddenly unsure of his own ability to do so, as if the mechanisms behind drinking and swallowing were beyond his current skill level. If he tried, he might start choking and wouldn’t that be a fine way to end the night before it even really started.

The thing was, he had lied to Ash all that time ago because it was easier than the truth. It had been easier to let their future be torn apart in such a way as to ease the sounds, instead of facing the reality of it all.

But, he was a free man tonight. The future was finally his.

“River, are you okay? You look kind of like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“No.” His voice was hoarse. “Just dealing with the realization that I’ve been the ghost all along.”

“I don’t understand.”

It didn’t matter if Ash understood. River did. He knew exactly what he was talking about. His entire life had become an endless looping routine, always performing the same actions, thinking the same way at the same times. He was only a ghost of a man, not at all alive.

He cleared his throat, managed to find his voice. “Ash, I have something to tell you. I should have told you from the very start. I didn’t move away because my grandmother needed someone to help her get around. I didn’t move away to go live with her. She wasn’t even fucking alive at the time, and that’s why you never heard of her and why I never talked of her. She died of lung cancer before I was even born. Heavy smoker.”

The words emerged from him in a rush, and the way Ash was looking at him made him wonder if he’d been understandable. His heart pounded in his chest and stage fright or not, he took a drink to try and calm his nerves. It didn’t really help all that much and he was beginning to think he needed something stronger. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but a sophisticated man nevertheless harbored a knowledge of all things that might be useful, and booze was one of them. At the very least he wanted something less diluted, so the alcohol might make more of a difference.

Ash finally said, “Oh.” There was a great pause which lasted probably a minute or more. Then, “I see. Mind telling me the real reason, then?”

“Do you remember my parents?”

Stupid question.

Ash didn’t act as if this was dumb. He nodded, eager for information. “Yes, of course.”

“They arranged something for me, without my knowledge.” God, this was hard. “I couldn’t even argue with them because by the time I found out, it was way too damn late. And they were my parents. You know how things are in packs.”

The pack River was part of was nowhere near as tight-knit and close as many other packs around the country. They were a group of wolves living more or less in the same area, united under one alpha who acted as their leader and adviser. They might all come together in a time of need or celebration, and they might call on others for favors or to pass along some important bit of news, but they just weren’t all that close. The arrangement was more one of convenience than necessity.

But one thing that never changed between wolves was that parents had influence. The family bond was the strongest bond of all. Until a wolf was out on their own, living their own life, they were basically indebted to the ones who raised them.

Most of the time, this wasn’t an issue.

“What did they arrange?”

“I…you see…I was married. Within a week of leaving you. I have six kids now.”

Ash’s expression soured, as if he’d taken a bite of a lemon. Everything about him seemed to scrunch in on itself, as if he was subconsciously trying to hide from the truth. “I see. So, who’s the lucky guy? And why aren’t you here with him tonight?”

“It was a woman. I just got divorced. Today.”

“A woman. And here I thought all this time that you liked men.” The hurt was bright in Ash’s eyes, as fresh as the day they’d said goodbye.

I am making a terrible mess of this.

River tried to breathe, tried to focus on forming a rhythm. He needed to do this right. He wanted no shred of suspicion or doubt to remain by the end of their time together here. Nothing could be done about the wounds of the past or the scars that had formed from them, but he wanted to prevent new ones. Ash deserved that. They both did.

“I do like men. I have always liked men. I don’t think there’s a single damn woman I’ve ever been attracted to, including my own wife.” Despite the tension, it felt so good to admit it aloud. In fact, the admission did a lot in and of itself to help him relax. His shoulders eased, and the beginning throb of a headache he hadn’t even known about started to abate. Freedom.

“Yet you managed to have a ton of kids with her.”

“Friction is friction,” River said. “I never enjoyed it. I never wanted to see her like that. I never wanted to get myself anywhere near her. But it was what she wanted. It was part of the deal.” Ash said nothing this time. There was probably going to be a better time for River to explain that he had always closed his eyes and thought of other men during those sessions with Jeanine, so he kept barreling onward. He might just be able to recover from this. “My parents wanted to make sure that I got into a college, did something with my life. I thought graduating with the second-highest honors in my class would do it, but they didn’t think that way. They wanted to make sure that I did more with my life than they had.”

All of that was their problem, not his, but it hadn’t stopped them from trying to make him into something they had never been. They were fairly well-off, a middle class family with two incomes and a pretty decent son who never went wild at parties or dabbled into drugs. But they wanted more for River, more than he had wanted. But they had given 18 years of their life to him, and he felt indebted to his own parents.

“There was a woman. An omega woman who hadn’t ever married. Said she didn’t have time for the whole dating scene because she was too busy giving to her community.”

Said community turned out to be the school at which Jeanine worked. Around the time their third kid was born, she swapped from teaching at that public school to working at a pricey, private establishment with very deep roots in Catholicism. River always theorized that her sudden interest in religion was her way of coping with the fact that things between them were very, very wrong. Did she suspect he was gay, and did she pray for him? He knew for a fact that she did, because he’d overheard her on more than one occasion.

He didn’t like that about some people, those who made certain their faith was heard by others instead of practicing strictly for their own benefit.

“My parents approached her. I didn’t know anything until it was too late. They offered me to her. I could give her the husband and kids she always wanted but never had time to find, and in return her home, her money, would keep me from falling into debt like so many other college students.”

“You could have said no,” Ash said. It was the first time he’d spoken in awhile and the words came slowly, as if he had to remember how to put them together. His proud eyebrows knitted together, forming a worried frown. “Right? You were 18. You had every right to say no.”

“I was afraid,” River admitted. His cheeks burned with shame and he again turned to his drink, trying to chase away the embarrassment. He loved his parents, but they had been adamant about this. He hadn’t ever voiced aloud any protests about the whole situation. They had made sure of that, flinging all sorts of threats at him. They didn’t come right out and say that they would disown him, but that was clearly what they meant when they posited all sorts of scenarios where he ended up uneducated and homeless, freezing to death in the winter.

For a long time, he blamed them.

He no longer did. They had only been trying to do what they thought was right. It just hadn’t been right for him.

“I met Jeanine, and I guess she was nice enough. I wasn’t attracted to her, but I thought if I tried hard enough, I could give her the life she wanted. And get the life I thought I wanted.” The life his parents had wanted for him. “I gave her babies as fast as she wanted, until she said we had enough. I went to college and worked my ass off, got my Masters. I was only fourth that year. They don’t have a name for that one. But when you consider how many people there were in the program, I think I did pretty damn good.”

Ash smiled bitterly. “You spent so much time and effort on your work so you wouldn’t have to waste it on that family you didn’t want.”

River looked away. He really didn’t think that was fair. He loved his kids. However, he thought Ash had a right to be bitter, so he didn’t say anything.

“I majored in accounting, minored in business. I’d already been taking an internship at a bank, and they offered me a full-time job. I accepted. Regular hours. When I got home, Jeanine would be waist-deep in grading papers and making lesson plans. She’d have dinner waiting. We’d eat. Do our separate things. Take care of the kids. Go to bed.” And have sex at scheduled weekly intervals because it was only proper, though that turned into once every two weeks and slowly never at all.

“I rose up through the ranks pretty quickly. They made allowances for me, let me cut corners so they could get me into a position where I needed to be. Eventually I was junior manager, only one step below the co-managers. My job became less about the physical tasks of taking and giving money, and more about planning. And then the advisor at our branch quit. I took his place. Liked it a whole hell of a lot.”

“You still at that bank?”

“I’m affiliated with several chains,” River replied, “but I’ve got my own office building, my own small team. I do my own business, but when someone else needs me, they can have me.” For a price.

Ash shook his head. “That’s all pretty far-fetched, you know. I don’t want to believe it, but I guess I do. You’re doing pretty well for yourself, then. Exactly like your parents wanted.”

When River had enough money, he started investing and wound up with quite a fortune to his name. He still had that fortune. The divorce couldn’t touch that. But even before that, he’d been doing so well that they were able to move into a bigger, better house. More room for the kids to do their kid things, to grow and explore.

More room for him and Jeanine to get away from each other.

“You got a divorce? Who won?”

“Most people would say she did.” River shrugged. “But that’s just because she’s getting to keep the house. Otherwise, we divided up all our assets, what belonged to whom. It’s a clean cut. I don’t owe her anything and she doesn’t owe me anything. Hell, she only gets the house because I didn’t want it.”

“You must’ve had a good lawyer.”

The best that money could buy. And before that, River spent a lot of time at meetings with his pack leader, with and without Jeanine. His leader, Ryan, was a divorce lawyer and had first coached them towards the decision to divorce and then explained to them what their best options would be. He hadn’t handled their case himself since he said it would be a conflict of interest, but he had been a driving force behind it all.

“I guess so.” River sighed. He hadn’t had anyone to tell that story to before, hadn’t even told Ryan. Saying it all now had left him feeling drained, as if he couldn’t take another step without collapsing, and incredibly relieved. “I’m just glad it’s over. I can finally be me. Better late than never, right?”

No answer.

“Anyway. That’s why I’m here tonight. What about you, Ash? What have you been doing ever since we…parted?”

Ash tossed back the rest of his drink, seeming to mull over the question. “Sure as hell haven’t done as much as you. I think I should go.”

It was as if someone had stabbed River in the heart. “Oh.”

Ash reached out, probably to touch his hand, and then seemed to think better of it. He drew back again, tried to make it seem as if he had been going for something else, but the ruse fell apart when there was nothing nearby to grab. His cheeks were flushed with color, either from embarrassment or the warmth of the alcohol in his system. He gave up and placed his hand over River’s. “Nothing personal, so don’t give me that look.”

River turned his hand over, holding onto those graceful fingers that felt exactly the same as they had the last time they held hands. “What look?”

“That look you used to give me. That wounded puppy look. It hurts my heart. And you’re doing it right now.”

An important part of River’s training as a professional who dealt with money, was to always have control of his emotions. He was by no means a master at it, but it was a fact that feelings sometimes got in the way of other, more important things when it came to making decisions. It didn’t matter what plight a client came to him with. He couldn’t react to it, couldn’t show anything except vague sympathy and understanding, or else they might sense a weakness in him that they could exploit. They might not even realize they were doing it as they did. Likewise, he couldn’t really show when he thought someone was completely out of their mind. It wasn’t any business of his to pass judgment on anything but the matter of the money involved.

The fact that his control over his emotions was failing him now seemed more than a little concerning. He had never been able to hide anything from Ash though, and that seemed like just another thing that hadn’t changed.

“I want to sit in this bar with you all night and talk about how things have gone,” Ash said. “I want to hear every detail. But we’re both grown men. I think we know that isn’t the smartest thing for us to do.”

“You have no idea how badly I want to know what you’ve done since the last time we saw each other.” River spoke to the table. He didn’t want to look up, just in case his emotions were betraying him again. He didn’t think he could handle that, having someone look into his soul, and especially not someone who he really no longer knew. “What do you suggest?”

“I need to think. I need to think a lot. And I think I need a clear head to be able to do it. Getting drunk together won’t solve anything. So, let’s both go home. To our separate homes. I’ll give you my number, and you give me yours. We can get in touch again when we’ve had enough time to think. Okay?”

The thought of returning home, where Jeanine would undoubtedly be waiting, made him feel sick. She wouldn’t be obviously waiting for him because she never was, busying herself with some stack of papers, but he had caught her in the act often enough to know that it was all a ruse. She was waiting for him, to confront him, to practice arguments in her head so that she could try them out when he arrived. These days, those arguments had tapered away but she would still be waiting because she was the kind of woman who just couldn’t let anything go.

Looking at Ash, River thought he might finally understand that. He hadn’t been able to let go, and now he wanted this more than anything.

Ash must have seen and misunderstood the look on his face. “Unless you’re dead-set on bringing some guy home. In which case, I should let you get to it. Ralph is pretty easy, if you want a recommendation.”

“No, no,” River replied hastily. “I wanted to, but now that I know you’re here, I…I don’t think I could do that.”

Because he had made a different sort of vow to Ash. One which Ash probably thought had been broken, one which River knew hadn’t been.

“Then, get out your phone and let’s exchange numbers.”

They did just that and then read them back to each other to make sure they had them right. Once that was done, neither of them seemed to know where to go from there. There was a silence exactly like when they were boys just beginning their romance, excited and afraid and filled with trepidation.

“I guess this is it.”

“Yeah.”

And then there was silence again. Though they sat next to each other, they might as well have been an eternity apart. The enormity of their thoughts kept them separate, though they were surely wondering the same things. They were like magnets in that way, pushed away from each other by the force of their similarities.

Eventually, River could take the silence no longer. He stood up, spoke to the wall. “I think I’ll just go up and pay what I owe. You coming too, or should we leave separately?”

“I think I want to finish my drink first, and then I’ll go. See you around sometime, River.”

“Sure.”

There were a million more things which needed to be said, and not enough time to say them. River patted the tabletop, as if this was meaningful in any way at all, and went up to the bar and paid for his drinks. Travis handed over a copy of the receipt for him to sign, then rummaged around for a pen.

“Here you go,” he said.

“Thanks.” River tested the pen in the very upper corner of the receipt. A professional never had ink or anything else staining their hands, face, or any other visible patch of skin. Upon finding that the ink flowed nicely, he scrawled his signature on the line and pushed both pen and receipt back to the other man. “You take suggestions?”

“I’d prefer the different sort of tip, but sure.” Travis leaned his elbows on the counter and flashed a mischievous grin, making it difficult to know whether he was referring to money or dicks. “What’ve you got for me?”

“I liked that Peregrine thing but more bitters would be nice. No ice though. Just chill the glass or if the other ingredients are already cold, don’t bother. I think that would help.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.” When most people said such things, they sounded as if they had no real intentions of doing any such thing. That was how Travis sounded right now. Maybe he’d heard the same thing several times already, maybe not. Either way, it was clear that he didn’t care. He couldn’t be blamed for that. River imagined very few people actually wanted to make a living as bartenders, since it definitely wasn’t an honorable occupation. No child would ever go to Career Day at school and declare that he wanted to serve alcohol for a living. That just wasn’t a thing that happened. And if it did, it sure as hell seemed like a cause for concern.

All the same, the disinterested tone irked River. Whether or not someone intended to make a career out of the job they had, whether it was accounting or flipping burgers, he was of the opinion that the utmost amount of effort should go into each task, every single day. Money was a thing to be earned. If you were going to handle finances, you checked, double-checked, and quadruple-checked everything before you did anything. If you were going to clean a countertop, you did it well. If you were going to serve alcohol, you should mix the drinks to the best of your ability. Simple.

River turned to leave as Travis took back his pen and the receipt, but he was stopped by the other man calling to him. “Wait.”

God, I just want to go home.

But River dutifully plastered what he hoped was a friendly expression onto his face and turned back. “Yes?”

But Travis didn’t want to just say what he had to say so that both of them could be on their way. That would have been too simple. Instead, he lifted his hand and crooked one finger in a classic come-hither gesture.

Restraining a groan, River took a few steps closer to him so that the bar was once more the only thing separating them. “Yes?” he repeated, a little less friendly than before.

“I’ve got a tip for you. And I’m not being a smartass, so don’t give me that look.”

What was it with people telling him to watch his looks tonight? Was he really losing his touch so much that strangers were seeing right through him?

Travis continued, lowering his voice so that he could hardly be heard over the background murmur of music, something with a bittersweet edge to it. Saxophone, probably. It wasn’t reedy enough for bassoon, too mellow for a trumpet. “I think you’re a nice guy. I overheard some of the conversation between you and Ash. Can’t help that when I’ve got customers sitting only a few feet away at all times. You two’ve got a past. You’d look good together.”

“I don’t think that’s really anything for you to concern yourself with, is it?” River enunciated each word carefully so that he wouldn’t stammer, feeling color rise to his cheeks.

“Maybe, maybe not. But let me tell you, that guy’s in here a lot. He isn’t easily impressed. But I like a good romance, and I’m on your side here. You should pay for his drink. It’s a nice gesture.”

River frowned. “What you’re talking about is almost like incentive. Giving him an obligation to me. I’m not sure I like that.” All the same, he was already bringing out his wallet, already fishing out his credit card again. He passed it over to Travis, and they went through the same process again.

This time when he went to walk away, no one called him back.

Except for the bouncer, that was. “Leaving so soon?”

River no longer had the patience to be drawn into any further conversations. He wanted to be gone from here, wanted to be back in his bedroom hiding from everything until tomorrow came and he could actually get something accomplished. This whole venture had been too much, a huge mistake. He’d tried to take on too much of a change in one go and it backfired on him, leaving him with less of a desire for freedom than before.

Misery was, well, miserable, but at least it was a familiar burden.

As he slid behind the steering wheel of his Genesis, River jammed the keys into the ignition. He backed up with care, knowing that while he wasn’t drunk, he was still inebriated and needed to pay more attention to the ordinary tasks he could accomplish without thought on any other occasion.

The city of Portsmouth was rather dark and quiet as he drove back home from the bar, leaving behind the business district. The moon was nothing but a pale shadow above, its brilliance blotted out by all the light shining from beneath. Having lived in the same city for his entire life, sometimes River forgot that stars existed and that they might be beautiful. He scanned the sky now as he drove, as if those hidden astral bodies could give him some sort of answer to the situation he’d found himself in. There were none to be found though, not up there, and not anywhere inside himself.

Reaching the neighborhood where he lived, River eased off the gas and began to favor the brake. Home might be where the heart was, but in this case, that heart was broken and soured by conflict. It was a weary heart, bruised and blackened and lacking in all sorts of essential things. He didn’t want to go there, didn’t want to return home so soon. Jeanine would undoubtedly have some comment about it.

But he didn’t know anywhere else to go. Pack leader Ryan might not mind so much if he dropped by and requested a room for the night, since the man had plenty of extra space, but River would certainly mind. Ryan was mated to his best friend. They had two kids, with another potentially on the way if the rumors were true. Going to see them would be an inconvenience, and River felt as if he’d inconvenienced him more than enough in the past. Besides, that was a long drive in the complete opposite direction, and he was feeling weary and didn’t really trust himself to make it all the way there without incident.

Parking in the driveway of the house that had once been his pride and joy, River turned off the engine. He just looked at it with the keys to his Genesis in hand, taking in the fanciful arches and the enormous windows for what would probably be the last time.

A feminine silhouette stood in one of those windows, blocking out the light. She didn’t move, didn’t wave.

Ignoring her, River stepped out of the car and locked it. The brief flare of light illuminated Jeanine from the front, showing the deep, furrowed wrinkles on her face, the gnarled hooks of her fingers. She looked much older than a woman in her mid-50s should, but stress had a way of prematurely aging a person. River had the same sort of evidence marring his own appearance, no matter how hard he tried to fight against it.

The front door was unlocked and he went inside, then turned to push it closed behind him. He removed his shoes and set them neatly on the rack, which held around twenty pairs of women’s shoes and only five of his.

Shoes were Jeanine’s passion. At last count, she owned more than 500 pairs. One of their spare bedrooms had been converted into a display room for all of them, and she spent much of her time in there shining them, adjusting them, committing their details to memory.

Most men would have been exasperated at this. Shoes were very expensive, especially the ones that were worth collecting. However, River wasn’t an entirely heartless man, no matter how much his had been abused throughout the years. The shoes gave his wife—his former wife—something to do. She was proud of them, and he didn’t begrudge her for that. In a way, it was admirable.

And he wasn’t so naïve as to think that she was the only one. River might not collect anything, but he knew he kept too-rigorous tabs on every other part of his life. That was his way of coping, his thing to do.

Soft footsteps came down the hallway towards the foyer. Jeanine entered, arms folded tightly across her chest. She adopted that position often in the past couple years, as if she was trying to hide herself from him. That was a useless endeavor, since he’d already seen what she was hiding on more than one occasion, and they did absolutely nothing for him. They might as well have been an elbow or a knee for all the sexual thrill those parts of her gave him.

“River,” Jeanine said. “I think there’s something I need to tell you. Before we’re really apart.”

River focused on loosening his tie, studying the pattern on the carpet at the same time. “We are already apart, Jeanine. The divorce was finalized. You were there.”

“I meant before you leave.”

The thought of leaving gave him a perverse sense of joy, though he didn’t really have any idea what tomorrow would bring. He’d start moving all his things to storage, get to looking for a place of his own, but it was difficult to say how long that process would actually take since he wanted a house, not an apartment.

He couldn’t really refuse to hear her out. Holding his tie in one hand, River turned to look at his ex-wife. Then, he took a closer look. Tears glistened in her eyes. A sympathetic lump formed in his own throat, because if there was one thing he had never figured out how to handle it was someone else crying.

“What’s wrong? Here.” He brought out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her.

“You’re so old-fashioned,” she sniffed, and dabbed at her eyes.

Old-fashioned, smold-fashioned. The perfectly-angled corner of a folded handkerchief in the breast pocket of his vest was necessary to the outfit. He didn’t say that out loud however, or she would just call him anal.

After Jeanine managed to pull herself together, she said, “I tried to cheat on you.”

“Oh.” He clearly should have felt something about that but really, who was he to reprimand her on that front? He had been cheating on her their entire marriage and with nothing more than a memory at that.

And besides, he had already known.

“Well, that’s okay. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“But I need to tell you!” Jeanine pressed. “I feel so terrible, so guilty! I just couldn’t handle it anymore! I needed a real man!”

The low throb of a headache made itself known behind his eyes. “Okay. Well, now you can go out and get one without feeling guilty.” And so can I. “So, there’s no need to worry.”

“But, don’t you want to know who it was?”

River brought up one hand and pressed his fingers against his eyes, trying to hold back the headache threatening to overtake him. “Fine, Jeanine. Who was it? If you want to tell me so badly.”

“It was Ryan,” she whispered.

The thing was, Ryan had told River about that little attempt at an impromptu romp because he felt it was important to be open and honest when such things happened. He said it would have been terrible of him, as a pack leader and as a man, not to tell him. River accepted those explanations but other than a moment of anger, he hadn’t felt anything at all.

“But it didn’t happen because he shot you down, right? So, there’s still no reason to worry.”

River pushed past his ex and went down the hallway where she’d come from, seeking his office. She trailed along behind him, her voice rising into a thin wail.

“You don’t even care? You’ve always been so heartless, River!”

Damn right, he thought. My heart belongs to someone else.

He shut the office door in her face and locked it, even though she made no move to force an entry. That last little secret was out in the air now. They really, truly, fully had no more business with each other.

He listened to her footsteps move off, away from the door, tracking her all the way to the entrance of her display room. Jeanine gave one more sad little sigh, and then he heard nothing else as she shut the door behind her.

Some part of him felt guilty that he hadn’t made more of an effort to comfort her, to listen to her woes, but he had been doing nothing but that for decades. He was tired of it. Surely she had to be tired, too? This separation was supposed to be for the best, allowing them freedom from one another.

River went over to the armchair in the corner of his office and sank down into it, ignoring everything else in the room. This seat had been his bed on countless nights, and so it would be until tomorrow.

Tomorrow would be better.

Tomorrow, he would call Ash. He didn’t need to think about anything. He needed to see Ash again, needed to get to know him once more if for nothing else than to figure out what they had been missing out on all these years.

But that was in the morning, practically an eternity away. Leaning back, River closed his eyes and searched for sleep. He hoped it would be dreamless, but a man made do with what fate decided to hand him.