I had to remind myself where I’d be going in a few short days because my life had become so normal again. I wasn’t allowed back on the True North compound until my time had been served at the Sisters of Mercy Psychiatric Hospital, where I’d be sharing a room with the reprehensible Mallory Fiennes. But we had to learn to work together—and our incarceration was supposed to somehow ensure that.

I’d signed up for a self-paced online GED prep class and had two weeks to prepare before my registered test date. I didn’t want to know what would happen to me if I failed, so had to pass on my first try. I’d never studied so much in my life. Luckily, since Mallory had seen to me being fired from Hot Coffee, I had extra time on my hands—extra time I still hadn’t told Mom about.

When the morning of the test arrived, I stopped into the coffee shop for a quick white mocha fix, then waited for Matthew to pick me up and drive me to the community college where the test would be held. And—to continue our shared fates—Mallory was registered for the same test, in the same classroom. Since there wasn’t assigned seating, we chose to sit as far apart as possible. It probably wasn’t what we were supposed to be practicing, but at least we agreed it wasn’t part of our final exam, and it wasn’t as if Matthew or Aaron were following us into the testing room.

I’d had plenty of time to reminisce on the first kiss Matthew and I had shared in the Nevada compound, as well as several since. Many study sessions were interrupted by infiltrating memories of the taste of his lips, the exquisite feel of his hands on me, and how his entire essence fully consumed me. It saddened me I’d had a boyfriend for over a year and not once had I ever felt like that. Seeing Matthew again brought back those wonderful feelings, making the start of the exam a challenge.

Focus, Fiona!

Mallory and I had been signed up to take all four subjects on the same day, so it turned out to be a long, grueling day to not only test our comprehension but also our endurance. We were going to need it with what we’d be forced to endure in the Sisters of Mercy. The only thing that kept me from completely freaking out about it, was the fact it would be a controlled environment. There’d be some semblance of restraint, or so I was promised.

Within a few days, I received an email to announce my scores had been posted. As I logged onto the website, I didn’t know if I was more afraid of failing or passing. I didn’t know what failing meant but understood all too well that passing was my golden ticket into the asylum. So, when I realized I’d passed all four subjects and was being awarded my GED, I broke out in goosebumps all over. This was really happening; I was going to Sisters of Mercy…

“Congratulations,” Matthew said over the phone.

I lay on my bed, my eyes following the blades of my ceiling fan as they circled above me. “So, I guess this is it,” I said.

“Most people are happy when they pass a big exam.”

“This was an entrance exam to be admitted to a vampire-run asylum,” I said. “I’m not exactly thrilled about it.”

“I’m not thrilled about you going in there either—I fought vehemently against it—but you’ll be okay. I promise.” Matthew sounded sincere, but I sensed the hint of doubt in his voice. “The faster you make nice with Mallory, the faster I can get you out of there.”

“Speaking of things I’m not looking forward to…” I said, sardonically. Matthew interrupted.

“I know you both currently don’t get along but keep an open mind. Be the bigger person. Extend the olive branch.”

“Wow; I’ve got a vampire telling me to turn the other cheek,” I scoffed. “Are you going to take me to church and AA meetings too? But then again, you probably already know we hug and make up or something.”

“I know you’ll get through this,” he said, his voice still calm—seemingly unfazed by my combative sarcasm. “I just want you to get through it quickly.”

“That makes two of us,” I said. “Maybe I’ll get lucky and she failed.”

“Nope. You both passed.”

It seemed everything was set. I had one more day of freedom and didn’t even know what to do with myself. Should I still go to school? Should I get the girls to ditch with me? Should I go out and treat myself to some expensive food? Get wasted? Get a tattoo? Wait, I supposedly already had one of those coming.

What does someone do with their last day of freedom—especially when no one else knows?

In the end, I went about my normal routine but did my best to appreciate every bit of it. I got up early—mainly because I couldn’t sleep—and made breakfast for Mom and me, then gave her an extra long hug before leaving for school. I enjoyed the morning walk, confident I’d never be repeating it. I went about my school day with a little extra enthusiasm.

The day passed so smoothly, I began to wonder why I’d never acted like this before. I still let Alexis drive me to Hot Coffee after school, since Candace and she were on shift and I didn’t want to go home.

During a lull, Candace brought Alexis and me our usual drinks—my three-pump, extra hot, extra-whipped white mocha, and Alexis’s sweetened, black, iced tea. Even though I no longer worked here, Eli didn’t mind that the girls continued not to charge me for my mochas. As long as the store manager, Michael wasn’t there—which he usually wasn’t so late in the afternoon—then we could all pretend I was still a barista.

“Any new job prospects?” Alexis asked, munching on a jalapeno cheese bagel. “Or are you just going to hang around here until they come to their senses?”

“It’s too much work to find something new right now,” I said. “I might as well wait until after graduation.”

“It’ll be too late by then; all the summer jobs will be filled.”

“Then I’ll get the summer off too. I’m not going to stress about it.”

“That would be nice. I wish my parents would let me do that.”

“Hey. Where’s your new friend? Haven’t seen him around lately,” Candace said, coming to stand by us after finishing with the few waiting customers. “I miss his dreamy eyes.”

“Shut up,” I admonished. “I don’t know. It’s not like we talk all the time.”

“Well, you should,” she said with a sly smile. Candace inched up onto the countertop just as Eli came out of the office.

“Seriously, Candace?” Eli sighed.

“Why are you even surprised anymore?” she asked, hopping down and rolling her eyes.

“Why do I even put up with you?” Eli countered.

“Because you love me. And I don’t tell or complain about all the extra breaks you take.”

“Oh. We’ve stooped to blackmail now?”

“Umm, no… because we have an understanding.” Candace smiled sweetly.

“Right,” Eli said and continued into the storage room.

“I’m so gonna miss this,” I said and took another glorious sip of my white mocha.

“I already miss the three of us working together. It’s just not the same anymore,” Alexis said, finished off her bagel, then slurped the rest of her iced tea.

“You sound like you’re dying,” Candace said. “You’re still here like every afternoon.”

“But when she gets a new job, then she won’t be coming with me anymore,” Alexis whined. “And it’s not like you close with me. It’s gonna be so lonely.”

“You’ve got Eli,” I said.

“I might as well be closing alone.”

“I wish I could say I’d stay and help, but…” Candace shrugged. “I’ve got homework to do.”

“Don’t we all,” Alexis argued.

“Yeah,” I said, halfheartedly, knowing my high school homework was done. High school itself was done. And I couldn’t bring myself to speak a word of it to them.

Alexis clocked in a few minutes later, and I hung out with them for a while, talked with some of the regulars that came in, had dinner with Candace, and finished off the evening with another white mocha—full strength—since I didn’t anticipate being able to sleep tonight anyway.

I finally left after Candace’s shift ended and she was picked up by her older sister, Bethany. I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’d never see my friends or this place again. Matthew had assured me I’d be back to my new, semi-normal life in no time, but my doubts were kicking in hard now.

“Have a good night,” I said to Alexis and Eli, hopping down from the bar stool.

“Turning in?” Eli asked.

“Unless you’re gonna start paying me again,” I said with a laugh. If he’d said yes, I probably would have stayed.

“I wish I could.”

“See you tomorrow at school,” Alexis said, waving from the espresso bar.

“Yup,” I said, my voice hitching, which I hoped no one noticed.

“Fee, are you crying?” Alexis was now walking over to see me off.

“No,” I said, quickly rubbing my left eye. “Just some makeup in my eye.”

She gave me an empathetic smile. I rushed into the bathroom before I really started balling. After wetting a paper towel, I used it to dab my eyes as I leaned against the sink and sobbed in relative privacy. Once my eyes were clear enough to pull off that I hadn’t been crying, I snuck out of the bathroom and headed for the door, glancing back at Alexis in the middle of making drinks. I didn’t call to her as I left Hot Coffee and began my trek home under a darkening sky.

Seeing the kitchen light on, I was relieved knowing Mom was home. She’d said this morning that she wasn’t working tonight, but a lot could change in the span of a day.

“Hey, kid. You’re home early,” she said as I closed the front door.

“It was a slow night and they needed to cut hours,” I said. “I pulled the short straw.”

“Most girls your age wouldn’t call that the short straw.”

I shrugged. “I like getting to hang out with my friends.”

I dropped my backpack on a dining room chair and plopped down on the opposite side of the couch from her. She set down her tablet and removed her reading glasses.

“You got homework?” she asked, a hopefulness in her voice.

“All done,” I said.

“Then are you up for a show?” A smile was now spreading across her face.

“I can’t think of anything better,” I said and reached for the remote.

Mom made a bag of popcorn while I decided on what to watch. Then the two of us huddled under a blanket as we munched away from a shared bowl of popcorn, my head comfortably on her shoulder.

I was so afraid of what I was doing to her. She’d already lost Becca; I knew how much it would hurt her to lose me too. If only there was a way I could tell her, but it was impossible to deliver the news so she’d understand.

When it was time for bed, I found the tears creeping back and didn’t want to try and explain my unexpected breakdown again. As expected, she picked up on it. I blamed my sudden sniffling on allergies, and Mom didn’t press.

I waited for the sounds of Mom getting ready for bed to cease before doing anything. First, I wrote a letter I’d planned to leave on my desk, telling her how I’d discovered a lead to find my father; even though I felt guilty as hell and was so sorry, I had to try and find him. I had to give her something, unable to allow her to think I’d simply disappeared—kidnapped or worse.

Packing a suitcase was just as hard as writing those lines. I’d thought I was getting the harder item out of the way first, but I was wrong. Packing was equally hard to get through. It didn’t matter it was all just for show since I wasn’t allowed to bring anything with me to Sisters of Mercy.

“Where are you going, Fee?” Becca’s sweet voice asked.

I could feel her playful, childish presence and wished I could see her one more time. The pictures and old videos didn’t do her justice. It was hard to accept I’d continued to grow up without her—that once we were the same age—now forever frozen at six years old.

“I have to go away for a while,” I said, knowing she wouldn’t fully understand the truth, even though she was the only one I could tell it to.

“With that new group you’re in?”

“Yeah; but I’m telling Mom I’m going looking for Dad.”

“But you found Dad?”

“I know that, and you know that, but Mom doesn’t.”

“Then why don’t you just tell her?”

“It’s not that simple, Becks,” I said, forcing the suitcase closed with a knee to zip it up. “You’re not going to tell her, right?”

“No,” she said, sadly.

“I know she’ll be upset and probably ask if you know anything.”

“I won’t tell.”

“Thanks, Becks. I promise I won’t be gone long. Then I’ll explain everything to Mom,” I said, figuring I could worry about that part later.

Once I was packed, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, collecting more supplies I knew I wouldn’t be needing. On the way back to my room with my toiletries, I grabbed the bag of Oreos from the pantry. Then there was nothing left to do but wait. I wanted the option to split an Oreo, but my stomach was so finicky I was afraid to even attempt one.

At five minutes before midnight, Matthew texted that he was waiting outside. This was it. I took a deep breath, adjusted the positioning of the letter on my desk, gathered my packed belongings, and left to face my fate.