Chapter 14
A YEAR AGO TOM had wondered if he would ever have a full life. He had four great kids and was certainly blessed with work. While a lot of people couldn’t find a job it seemed like he had jobs coming out of his ears. He had even accepted that he had a very unusual relationship with his wife. His ex-wife. They lived apart and he raised the children, but she was a regular presence for a few days at a time. Kind of like being married to an airline pilot.
And then he had to face the hard truth—Becky was not just a divorcée who had occasional boyfriends. She was a prostitute. She called herself an escort, but the bottom line was always the same—she padded her pocketbook by sleeping with men. He conceded she was a pretty upscale hooker who made excellent money. He was even grateful she didn’t seem to fit the profile he’d seen on most cop shows—she hadn’t been driven into prostitution by a pimp or dependence on drugs. No, nothing as horrifying as that. She was just a beautiful woman who had found a way to supplement her income with sex. Which she enjoyed.
“Not with strangers,” she’d argued. “They were all gentlemen I was seeing, men I knew. If I hadn’t taken money, I’d be just an average woman—dating, having sex sometimes as adults do.”
“I’m not buying it,” Tom had said. “And the house rules change, right now. The kids aren’t going to your place anymore and you’re not spending the night here.”
“You can’t do that,” she said. “They’re my kids, too.”
“We do this my way or I’ll tell them.”
“No, don’t! They’re too young to understand!”
“Becky, I’m too young to understand!” he shot back.
“Fine. I’ve stopped that job anyway.”
“I don’t believe it,” he said. “You’ve been lying to me for years, why would I believe you now? So here’s the deal—you can visit the kids here, with my supervision, as long as you make plans ahead of time. No overnights.”
“What am I supposed to tell them?” she asked.
“Tell them you’re very busy with your second job. And if you run into trouble with that second job again, don’t call me. Call your lawyer.”
He knew that was the right thing to do but that action took some getting used to. Up to that moment, he’d had someone in his life, at least now and then. First he had to deal with the shock and hurt it caused him. Then there was the loneliness. Then the dread of telling his kids—they’d be devastated, he was sure. He knew he’d have to tell them someday.
But they barely noticed their mom was hardly around anymore. They were busy kids; they were a busy family! Every hour was accounted for. They had a lot of responsibility with school and their extracurricular activities.
He’d dealt with the disappointment. He’d always had a passion for Becky, but knowing the wide range her affections had traveled, his urges where she was concerned were gone. He’d finally adjusted to the shock. He could thank Cal for some of that. Cal, who had represented Becky in court, had a unique perspective: “Given my line of work, I’ve been professionally acquainted with a number of working women, you should pardon the expression. I’ve always thought the laws unbalanced in the emphasis, discriminating against women. They should be going after the pimps, traffickers and johns before the working girls. I don’t care who an adult has sex with but I do care about human trafficking, kidnapping, child abuse, extortion, human bondage, slavery, et cetera. A good old-fashioned hooker, exercising some discrimination, her own boundaries, minding health and safety...” He had shrugged.
“You’d care if you were her husband,” Tom had said.
Cal had clamped a hand on his shoulder and said, for at least the tenth time “Good thing you haven’t been married to her for about eight years, then.”
So then Tom had to face the embarrassing truth—that he’d been willing to forgive and forget anything because he wanted his wife home, his wife who had not been his wife in years.
But now there was Lola. He’d known her almost his whole life. She was a couple of years older than Tom, had been ahead of him in school. Tom had grown up on a local ranch; his dad kept cows and grew alfalfa. Her dad worked in the hardware and farm equipment store. They’d both married too young, had nothing much in common as couples, divorced and became single parents, too busy for much socializing.
Now he was looking at Lola in a whole new way. The reason being, he was a one-woman man, period. When he thought of Becky as his wife, even his part-time wife, his eyes just wouldn’t stray. Once he let go of that notion he realized how much he liked Lola. Rather, he realized all the things he liked about her. Her curly dark hair, her rosy cheeks, her pleasantly round figure, her large dark eyes. She had red lips and a ready laugh. She was funny. He’d always known all these things about Lola but he hadn’t appreciated them before. People loved her. She’d been a fixture in the diner and Home Depot for so many years, everyone knew her and everyone liked talking to her when they stopped at the diner for coffee or an ice cream sundae, or maybe Home Depot for paint or home repair supplies.
As far as Tom knew, there hadn’t been a man in her life in years. He started off with a potted plant, then a second, then a phone call. He’d had to think for hours and hours what pretense he would use for calling her. “There’s a home show in Colorado Springs and I was thinking of going. Always good to keep up on that stuff, what’s new, what’s still popular, what’s innovative. You have any interest in that?”
Now there’d been four plants, many phone calls, he’d taken her out to see Cal’s house in progress, he’d shown her his house and they had a new hobby—looking at model homes and open houses. They could spend hours talking about construction, remodeling, new decorator items, paint. They invested almost an hour of porch time talking about sinks! That’s when he held her hand. For the first time. And he laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Lola asked him.
“I got butterflies,” he admitted, adding a slight flush to the statement. “You know the last time I felt that? I was about fourteen.”
“I think we should talk,” Lola said.
“We’ve been talking nonstop,” he said. “Almost every day.”
“I think we should talk about this—you’re courting me. I thought we were single parents who liked being independent?”
“Am I making you feel less independent by holding your hand?” he asked, giving her hand a squeeze.
“Just where do you think this is going?” she wanted to know.
“I have no idea, but I’m enjoying it right now. How about you?”
“I’m surprised, that’s all. We’ve known each other for years and now, suddenly, we’re kind of dating. Even if our dates seem to be on the phone or looking at new hardware. I grew up around hardware.”
“That’s what’s so funny,” he said. “I’ve known you for so long, I know your dad works in hardware and you work at Home Depot and yet I never considered we’d have this shared interest. That’s very cool. What are you worried about?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Getting too involved, I guess.”
“Well, take it easy. We’ll only get as involved as you want.”
“Right,” she said. “This is new territory for me.”
“Me, too,” he said, giving a nod. “I’ve hardly ever dated in my whole life.”
“There was your wife, who is incredibly beautiful. I think she might be the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Tom laughed. “You mean my ex-wife? Yes, Becky is very pretty. We’ve been divorced for eight years now.”
“But you remained very...close.”
“I’d say we get along pretty well, under the circumstances. But it’s time for me to get on with my life. Becky has definitely gotten on with hers. Listen, if I’m making you feel uncomfortable or pressured or—”
“I’m not the kind of woman men pay attention to, that’s all.”
“I resemble that remark,” he said, laughing. “I’m not exactly being chased down by women, but that’s been okay by me. Four kids, a bunch of jobs... Until a couple of years ago when Jackson graduated from high school and Nikki started driving, I don’t know when I would’ve found the time. Things are getting a little less complicated. Finally.”
“Tom, you’re a very handsome man...”
“Thank you, Lola. And you’re a very beautiful woman.”
She laughed at him. “Me? Please!”
He frowned. “I never suspected you for a lack of confidence. You always seem so sure of yourself.”
“I am. But not in the looks department.”
“Why the hell not?” he asked. “You’re gorgeous!”
“Stop it!”
“I shouldn’t be surprised,” he said somewhat sadly. “Becky never thought she was pretty enough and there’s no question about it, she’s—Well, this isn’t about her. Here’s what makes you beautiful,” he said. “Your hair is so silky...thick and curly and it kind of makes a guy want to dig his hands in it. Your lips, they’re kind of heart shaped and I don’t think you ever wear makeup—you don’t need to. You have that beautiful, smooth skin, kind of like the sateen paint I like. Velvet skin, red lips, big, dark eyes, and you always smell a little bit like Ivory soap. I’ve always liked that smell so much, it’s so clean smelling. And you’re soft. I hope this isn’t offensive—you’re sexy and buxom in the most subtle, alluring way. I can’t help but imagine what you’d feel like in my arms. That wasn’t a pass, I just mean I can imagine you’d fill my arms and I bet that’s the most amazing, beautiful feeling.
“And then if it’s not enough that you look beautiful, you act beautiful. All the time. You’re sweet and funny and so supportive—I bet it’s just the way you are because it never seems phony or like you have to try. You’re kind. You treat people with such consideration. But you’re strong—there’s something about strength in a woman that’s enviable. Admirable. And you know what else I love—you seem fearless. I guess when a woman’s been on her own with kids, she’d better be fearless or the earth would just swallow her up! Yes, Lola, you’re sexy and beautiful and I love looking at you. Holding you is probably even better.”
Her eyes welled up and tears spilled over. With a cry, she fled the porch. She ran into the house, leaving him alone.
He sat for a minute. “I guess I better practice my delivery a little,” he said to no one.
* * *
Sierra was not entirely surprised when Maggie called her, but she was a little surprised by the request. “Can you come over? I have a couple of things to show you.”
She went as soon as she could. She found Cal in the kitchen chopping veggies, marinating salmon filets. “Maggie’s in the bedroom. Go ahead.”
She gave a couple of taps before pushing the door open. She was immediately pulled into Maggie’s arms for a loving hug.
“I guess Cal told you,” Sierra said.
“Yep. I have some things for you to try on. I’m taller than you are but they might not be too big.” There were clothes spread on the bed. She held up a black sleeveless dress and matching jacket. “We can have this shortened and taken in and you can keep it. I’m due a new one and I have no idea what size I’ll be after the baby comes. Jaycee said to count on an extra size. Every woman needs a suit. I used to call this my funeral suit but it worked very well in court.”
“Court?”
“Oh, I’m sure you heard. I was the defendant in a wrongful death suit. It was a nightmare, really. I was terrified I might lose in spite of the fact I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t make any mistakes.”
“I think I know the feeling,” Sierra said.
“Well, you’re not going to court, don’t worry about that. Then there are these,” she said, holding up a pair of cream-colored dress slacks with a silky blouse and a matching vest. Next there was a pencil skirt and a sweater set.
“What’s this about?” Sierra asked.
“Unless you’re hiding something, your wardrobe is made up of jeans, shorts, sweats, T-shirts and so forth. You should go to the police department looking classy. Smart. Your lawyer will be wearing a suit. He’s delicious in a suit—I live for those days he puts on a suit. You can’t go to the police department to be questioned about a felony looking like a homeless teenager. Cal will take you by a store for the right shoes. My feet are more like paddles than feet or I’d loan you shoes.”
Tears gathered in Sierra’s eyes. One of these days, she thought, I am going to actually break down and cry.
“I want to come with you, but I can’t,” Maggie said. “But I bet I can help—I’ve been through about a million depositions as the alleged guilty party. It can be brutal.”
“Oh, Maggie...”
“You’re going to be all right,” she said. “Cal is brilliant. He was one of the most sought after criminal defense attorneys in Michigan. Before Lynne died. He knows the ropes.”
“I know,” she said with a sniff.
“Well, come on, let’s try it on,” she said. She sat down on the bed, rubbing her belly. “I know someone who can make alterations for us in a hurry but we have a few days. I think he’s got plane tickets for the weekend...”
“Sunday,” Sierra said. “I took a week off at the diner—I said it was a legal matter, that I had an accident over a year ago and there’s a deposition for a lawsuit, but that I wasn’t in trouble. I hope that’s true. A week. Those high school waitresses are getting all the time they need.” She pulled her shirt off over her head.
“If they fire you, we’ll find something else. Maybe something better,” Maggie said. “Don’t worry about stuff like that. This is survival. We’re all going to back you up.”
Off came the shorts. She slipped the little black dress over her head and turned around for Maggie to zip up the back.
“Wow,” Maggie said. “That’s close. I think we need to take it in a little bit, right up the side seams and raise the hem a couple of inches. It has to fit right and be the exact right length—you can’t wear it too short or too long. Cal says when you’re perceived as guilty, you don’t go to court with tight, revealing clothes but it’s even worse if you try to look Amish. Style and taste, that’s the prescription. Whether people realize it or not, their first impressions are hard to erase.”
Sierra put on the jacket which seemed to fit in the shoulders.
“A little hem in the sleeves—they’re a little too long,” Maggie said. “We might be okay on the length. What do you think?”
Sierra turned in front of the mirror. “It’s beautiful, Maggie. Thank you. I never would have thought of this. What I’d wear was the furthest thing from my mind.”
“I bet you’re terrified,” Maggie said. “I certainly was for my lawsuits. And I’m pretty brave.”
“There are so many parts of this adventure that scare me, I can’t even describe,” Sierra said. “It feels like a problem with a lot of moving parts.”
“Sierra, have you had counseling?”
Sierra nodded. “It came up in rehab. I cheated—I didn’t tell the whole story. Well, I wasn’t sure of the whole story. I suspected we hit something and he acted like we hit a person but I thought... I hoped he was just trying to terrify me. Sexual assault came up a lot in rehab.” She shook her head sadly. “I never would have imagined how hard it is, how much shame is involved in rape.”
“I haven’t experienced it, thank God, but I’ve learned a lot about it. Sierra, I’m just so damn sorry.”
“Thanks. But now it’s time to be accountable. I’d rather not be, but I’m afraid there aren’t any options.”
“He needs to be accountable,” Maggie said. “He’s a criminal.”
“Yeah.”
She tried on the pants and blouse; only a hem was needed.
“Is Sully taking care of Molly? I would be glad to but I’ll be in Denver for a couple of days...”
“I haven’t talked to Sully yet but I’m sure he’d be happy to. He loves her. She’s kind of a handful, though.”
“What about Connie?” Maggie asked, her voice soft.
Sierra shrugged. “He knows about a lot of my checkered past, but I didn’t have the nerve to tell him this one.”
“Why?” Maggie asked.
Sierra lifted her chin. “I get that it’s not my fault but it’s very hard not to feel dirty. It’s like he stained me and I can’t get the stain off.”
“Oh baby,” Maggie said. “You have to live it off. One day at a time, just like everything else. But there’s one thing I think you should consider. While you’re going through this, while you’re in Michigan, let’s get you set up with some counseling. Cal knows who to ask, how to find the best person.”
“That’s worth considering, but I’m hoping not to be with the police too long,” Sierra said. “Hopefully I’ll spend a couple of hours answering questions and tell them where I can be reached, then come home.” She smiled. “Home. I like thinking of this as home and I’ve only been here since March.”
“Can I ask a personal question?” Maggie said.
“You think I have anything personal left?” Sierra asked.
“Did you have a full medical workup after...after the assault?”
“The very next morning I went to a women’s clinic. They did a rape kit even though I had showered. Since I wouldn’t go to the police, I have no idea what’s become of it, but I was tested for STDs. If I’d gone to the police, the kit would have been preserved in evidence, but that didn’t happen. I had a follow-up exam a few months later and was treated for an STD. Then there was a checkup to make sure that was taken care of. All clear.”
“How about depression?” Maggie asked.
“I ran the gamut. Depression, anxiety, insomnia, you name it. It’s the rare person who doesn’t flirt with all the disorders. It’s also the rare person who doesn’t bring a lot of crap in addition to addiction to the program. I have a feeling that now I’m going to get to do all of that again. For a while anyway.”
“I’ll talk to Cal about lining up some counseling, just in case. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Sierra folded up the clothes she’d be taking to the dry cleaner in Leadville who did alterations; Maggie had given her the name. She stayed for dinner with Cal and Maggie and learned that Cal had already put in a call to an old colleague of his, a woman who had an extremely good reputation in criminal law. “I’m going with you to the police, but I wanted to give her a heads-up. We won’t call her unless we have legal issues. Normally I would advise any client of mine not to talk to the police, at least not without a lawyer, but under the circumstances I think the best course is cooperation. I’ll be there to be sure the questions you answer are directed at solving the felony hit-and-run, not at turning you into the suspect. We’ll cooperate because you’re the victim.”
“Could they charge me with obstruction?”
“They could, but they’d have to prove you knew you were hiding something. You can’t really obstruct if you don’t know the facts yourself. You were very specific—you were fleeing the rapist, not the law. You can’t tell them what you can’t remember, what you didn’t see.”
“I’m so afraid I’m going to screw this up somehow,” she said.
“I’ll be right there,” Cal said. “Just remember the four magic words. I want my lawyer. Don’t take any questions, no matter how casual, without me present. If you run into a police officer in the ladies’ room and she asks you a question, use the four magic words. No matter what.”
“You’ve done this a lot, I guess,” she said.
“It’s been a while,” he said. “But it’s like riding a bike.”
Sierra called Connie and she was invited over without hesitation. Molly started to wag and whine the second Connie’s house came into view. As usual, he didn’t even wait for her to knock. He opened the door, slid an arm around her and simultaneously gave Molly a pat. “I have ice cream,” he said.
“Maybe we can have some,” she said. “Something has come up. I’m going to have to be out of town for a few days.”
“Oh?” he said, pulling her into the house.
“Get out the ice cream. I’ll tell you about it.”
“Bowls?” he asked, heading for the kitchen.
“You only use bowls with your parents and grandparents and with your warm cookies,” she said. “With your girl, two spoons and a carton.”
“In bed?” he asked hopefully.
“How about the couch,” she suggested.
They settled in, her legs draped over his, the ice cream carton on a dish towel.
“So, I was involved in a car accident back in Michigan. Someone was hurt—a guy on a bicycle. He’s fine now, I’m told. I wasn’t driving but I guess the driver is still being sought by the police. I barely knew him and don’t have much information but I’m one of the only people who did. I need to go back, answer questions.”
“So was there a crime?” he asked.
Of course—he was a paramedic. He probably knew a lot about accidents. “I guess it remains unresolved and the driver is long gone. So, I have to go back, tell them anything I can, which is hardly anything. Cal is going with me to make sure I don’t somehow get myself in trouble. I’ll be gone just a few days. It shouldn’t be too complicated.”
“Do you have to pay a fine or anything?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t think so,” she said. “Look, I told them at the diner it was a legal matter and I had to take a week off. I didn’t want to mention the police. If you could manage not to mention this...”
He put a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. “I don’t talk about you. What aren’t you telling me?” he asked.
“Can we wait on all the grim details?” she said. “There was a thing with the guy, the driver, that I still can’t talk about, that I have trouble even thinking about. For right now all I have to do is tell the police what I remember of the incident. It shouldn’t take long.”
“And your brother is going to make sure you’re protected?”
“Well, he’s a lawyer. He’s much smarter about things like accidents and laws than I am.”
“Sierra,” he said, filling her mouth with ice cream again, “are you coming back?”
She couldn’t answer right away, her mouth full of ice cream. “Of course.”
“Are you taking Molly?”
“I can’t take her. We’re flying. We’re leaving Sunday and coming back on Thursday. I think Sully will be happy to watch her and Maggie will be around the Crossing some of that time but she has to go to Denver.”
“I’ll check in on them,” he said. “Make sure they’re doing okay with Molly. But, Sierra, listen, don’t be afraid to tell me things. It’s okay to trust me.”
“I know.”
“Let Molly stay with me,” he said. “I’ll take her to Sully when I have to work.”
“She might get into mischief. She might chase the elk, if they show up.”
“I’m going to have separation anxiety if both of you go.”
“Well, Connie, it’s not as if we’re always going to be together 24/7, you know. I’m sure there will be times in the future when I’ll want to go somewhere and can’t take you.”
“I know that,” he said. “But this is different.”
“Why is it different?”
“Because, for some reason you don’t want to talk about, you’re afraid.”
Sierra stayed the night with Conrad, of course. He told her that just because he wanted to make love to her all the time, that wasn’t all he cared about. “I care about you in a way so solid and sure, I don’t doubt you at all. Not a shred of doubt. So you take all the time you need to get sure of me. I’ll be right here when you are.”
As she lay in his arms she decided. She loved him. She had since almost the beginning. She would go back to Michigan to see if she could clean up her mess, and then she would come back to him and tell him everything. It was only fair. He deserved a chance to decide if his feelings could hold up after everything was said.