CHAPTER 11

I stayed in front of that TV the entire night, tired but not sleepy. Aiden passed out in the recliner beside the couch around three in the morning. I doubted that he was cool with leaving my side for long stretches of time. I didn’t know if he was worried that I’d turn into Evil Alex again, or if he just needed to be near me. Either way, I was comforted by his soft snores. I think he was waiting for me to give up on my morbid fascination with the news, but I didn’t.

Every newscaster had something different to add. More pictures streamed in from all around the globe. Mortals poured into the L.A. streets, rioting and looting, but in the Middle East, they dropped to their knees in the streets and prayed.

Clutching the remote until my knuckles ached, I tried—really tried—to imagine what it must be like to be these mortals. To be caught in something so much bigger than them while having no idea that, at any given second, everything could be ripped away from them.

I had more in common with them than I realized.

It really did seem like the end of the world. No mortal could explain the series of catastrophic events that, in their limited knowledge, couldn’t be related to each other.

What was happening out there was beyond horrifying, and the destruction was because of Seth and me. Maybe it wouldn’t have come to this if Seth hadn’t attacked the Council. Maybe the gods would’ve left us alone to live our lives.

Maybe they would’ve found a way to kill us anyway.

I didn’t know and it really didn’t matter. This was where we were now, and things were screwed up. While all the knowledge of the Apollyons was floating around in my head, none of it was useful when it came to fixing this.

Laadan appeared in the doorway, dressed in slacks and a white sweater today. Her hair was perfectly coifed, in spite of the fact the world had donned its crazy pants. The woman was awe-inspiring.

She glanced at Aiden and smiled. “Care to join me for some coffee?”

How could I ever turn down caffeine? Nodding, I started out of the room, but backtracked to where Aiden rested and fixed the quilt I’d draped over him a few hours ago. The man must have been exhausted, because he didn’t wake up, which was rare.

I followed Laadan into the kitchen and watched her make quick work of the coffee. With our steaming cups in hand, we went into the sunroom for the privacy it offered. We sat on the window seat, our legs tucked toward each other. Finally, we were going to talk about my father, and I had no idea what was going to come out of her mouth.

I was even a little scared, stupid and weak as that was, and my stomach was flipping all over the place. I knew nothing of my father, only discovering that he was a half-blood and alive a few months ago.

Laadan took a sip of her coffee and blinked several times. “First, I want to apologize for what happened to you at the Council. I—”

“You don’t have to apologize. That wasn’t your fault.” And it wasn’t. Laadan had been compelled to give me the Brew—like a suped-up roofie of the gods—by one of Telly’s Guards, probably the one I’d killed…

“What they tried to do to you was horrid.” Tears filled her eyes, shining like crystals. “I wish—I wish I had known. I am so sorry—”

“Laadan, seriously, you don’t have to apologize. I know you would never willingly do something like that. And I know you don’t remember who did it. It’s okay.” And gods, I did not want to talk about that night. Beside the fact that it made me think about the Guard I’d killed, if I hadn’t ended up puking my guts out, Seth and I… we would’ve done it, and after everything now, I don’t think I’d ever get over that.

I sat my coffee on the small wicker table as my stomach roiled. “I want to know about my dad.”

A remarkable change occurred in Laadan. A different kind of sheen misted in her eyes. She took another drink, her pointer finger tapping off the glass. The anticipation was killing me.

“Your father is a… an incredible man, Alex. You should know that above all else.”

My breath fell short. “I know.” I did know, because he had to be to break the rules and love my mother. “The Elixir didn’t work on my father, did it?”

Laadan smiled wistfully. “Your father—Alexander—well, he always had a strong will, much like you. The Elixir has taken its toll on him, but he never completely fell to the compulsion. I do not know how, but he resisted it from the beginning.”

I clasped my hands together. “I think I saw him on the stairs once, and then toward the end, during the attack. He was fighting…”

“You did see him.” Her gaze moved to the window behind us. Early-morning sunlight sliced over the frost-covered glass. “He was in the library the night we spoke of your mother and him.”

I could only stare. I knew someone had been in there. “The books that fell over—that was him?”

She nodded.

How many times had I been close to the man—to my father—without knowing? A hurricane of disappointment swelled inside me. “And… and he knows I’m his daughter?”

“Yes, he knows.” She reached out with her free hand, gently touching the skin of my face, near a bruise that was already starting to heal. “He would recognize you anywhere. You look so much like your mother.”

That bite of sadness strengthened and I pulled back. “Then why didn’t he talk to me?”

Laadan looked away, her chin lowering.

“I tried talking to him, Laadan. In the stairwell, but he just… stared at me. And why didn’t he come up to me in the library? I know he couldn’t just announce who he was, but why…” My throat tightened. “Why didn’t he want to talk to me, at least?”

Her head snapped toward me. “Oh, honey, he wanted to talk to you more than anything, but it’s not that simple.”

“Seems simple to me. You open your mouth and talk.” I struggled to sit still. Had he heard of my escapades? Gods know rumors of my problems with authority had traveled far and wide. Had he been embarrassed as a trained Sentinel? Worse yet, as a father? “I just don’t understand.”

She took a breath. “He was close to you a lot when you were there and you didn’t know, but it was also very dangerous for him to be seen around you. The truth of what he is, what your mother was, and what you are, was too much of a risk. You already had too many eyes on you.”

The conversation Seth and I had overheard came back to me. We already have one here. Anger sparked and was quick to ignite a fire inside me. Marcus… Marcus had known, and now that it was all out in the open, we were so going to talk about that.

“What I told you in the library that night? That he would be proud of you because of who you have become and not what you will become?” She clasped my fisted hand in her gentle grip. “That is the truth. From the moment you arrived back at the Covenant last summer, I did my best to keep him up-to-date on how you were. Your mother… she didn’t know what had happened to him and Alexander wanted it that way. In a way, death was easier than the truth.”

I blinked away sudden tears and wanted to pull my hand free, but like always, Laadan’s calming nature was disarming.

“Things are more complicated than you realize, Alex. He couldn’t talk to you.”

Shaking my head, I tried and failed to understand that. I’d think that a father would’ve done anything to speak to his daughter just once.

Laadan squeezed my hands and let go. “The Masters always suspected that your father was different, and that perhaps he was influencing other servants. They treated him quite cruelly. He cannot talk to you, Alex. They removed half his tongue.”

I balked at what she said. I’d heard her wrong. There were no other options. “No. I saw him talking with another servant in the dining hall.”

She shook her head sadly. “If anything, you saw a servant talking to him.”

Forcing myself to remember the morning after I’d been slipped the Brew more clearly, I tried to see my father and the younger servant. Things had looked tense and his back had been to me most of the time. I’d assumed that he’d been talking by the reaction of the other servant.

I hadn’t seen him talk.

Shooting to my feet, I heard Laadan’s little gasp of surprise. Even I was a little shocked by how fast I moved. The marks of the Apollyon appeared on my skin and tingled as they glided in various directions. She couldn’t see them, but some innate sense coaxed her to scoot back.

“They cut out his tongue?” Power surged over my skin.

“Yes.”

That was it. I was going to take out the Council and every freaking Master on this planet. Bad, dangerous thoughts, but gods, how could they do something like that?

“How can I be so surprised?” I said out loud, and then laughed madly. “How am I surprised by this, Laadan?”

There was no answer.

Turning away, I struggled to control my fury. Already I could hear the branches slapping along the side of the cabin. Knowing my luck, I’d probably cause an earthquake. Controlling the elements was easy, but I’d learned through the Awakening that my emotions affected them, made them violent and unpredictable.

As did the amount of aether, the essence of the gods, that coursed through my veins.

Our society had always been cruel to the half-bloods. Pures had always taken a role of dominance, and the things that I knew went on behind the closed doors of some of the pures—things no one talked about, things I wanted to rage about—happened every day. And like every other half, I’d been in a subservient role my entire life. I’d grown up being taught to accept these things, because there was no other choice for me, or for any other half. Even after living in the mortal world, I’d come back into the fold, barely missing a step when I’d seen the servants.

And only once had I intervened. I’d received a punch in a jaw for it, but stopping a Master from striking a female servant was nothing compared to what those halfs went through.

In reality, it was more than accepting the Breed Order. I’d grown cold to it, because it hadn’t affected me.

And that was inexcusable.

Stepping away, I ran my hands down my outer thighs. The breath I inhaled was harsh. This was bigger than me and my own problems with becoming a Sentinel and continuing on while others of my kind were enslaved. This was more than my father. It was the Breed Order.

“This has to change,” I said.

“I agree, but…”

But now, right this instant, there was nothing I could do. Believe it or not, we had bigger problems. The Breed Order and how halfs were treated wouldn’t matter if we were all dead.

Facing Laadan, I realized something huge—huge to me, at least. Old Alex would’ve probably stormed off somewhere and kicked a Master in the junk. A huge part of me wanted to do that, but the new Alex—this girl/woman/whatever who came out of nowhere knew that some battles had tobe planned.

That new Alex waited.

I sort of struck myself speechless.

Laadan, more observant than I realized, smiled and patted the spot beside her. “You’re growing up.”

“I am?” Seemed late in the game for that sort of nonsense. I sat, and when she nodded, I sighed and sounded ten years older. “Growing up sucks, then.”

“There is a naiveté to young selfishness.”

My brows rose. I was itchy, like I had slipped on more responsible and mature skin and a part of me didn’t like that. Shaking it off, I went back to my dad. “You talk to him a lot?”

“As much as I can. Communication is one-sided at times, but he can write, obviously. I know he got your letter, but unfortunately with everything happening, I do not know his response or if he had the chance.”

I nodded in a jerking motion. “Do you know where he is right now?”

She fingered the lace on the edge of her sweater. “Alexander is at the New York Covenant.”

“He’s still there?” When she nodded, I wanted to get up and figure out how to get to New York, but logic seeped in. It would be near impossible to get to him. And with Seth out there, looking for us? It would just be plain stupid to go running off.

“When the Elixir stopped working, there was a lot of confusion among the servants. There are very few like him who resisted the compulsions. Those who are going through their own awakening of sorts need a leader, and that is your father. There is a lot of turmoil there, with the recent attack and with what the First is doing.”

But I wanted to scream that I needed him here with me. Wasn’t I more important? His long-lost daughter? I frowned. Well, good to see some of my naïve selfishness was still present.

“Does he still love my mother?” I asked, peeking at her.

Her expression was guarded. “I think a part of him will always love her.”

“Do you love him?” I blurted out.

Laadan swallowed and a long pause followed. In the gap, I heard someone moving around in the kitchen.

I started to grin. “You like him.”

Looking away, her lips pursed.

I nudged her with my elbow. “You like him a lot.”

She drew herself up. “Your father—”

“Is the love of your life?”

“Alexandria,” she snapped, but there was no real heat to her tone.

I laughed as I leaned back against the cool windowpane. I knew that my parents had this wondrous, forbidden love affair that started long before Stepfather Douchey had come into the picture. And if it hadn’t been for the Breed… the godsdamn Breed Order, they’d still be together. Gods, so many things would be different. Namely my mother… she’d still be alive, because I bet my dad was like Aiden. He would’ve never allowed anything to happen to my mom.

Laadan’s lips curved up at the corners. “You are so much like your father. Your stubbornness and tenacity.” Her gaze went to the closed door. The smell of fresh coffee grew. “And just like your father, you dared to love a pure-blood.”

My mouth opened. Touché. “Well, I kind of walked into that one.”

I thought she snickered, but I had to be wrong, because that would be so unladylike of her.

For some odd reason, some of the weight lifted from my shoulders and I went from vengeful, albeit more mature Alex, to girlie-girl in less than two seconds flat. “I do love him. I really do. More than… more than I probably should.”

She patted my hand. “You can never love someone more than you probably should.”

I wasn’t sure about that.

“He loves you just as strongly. It was obvious to me from the beginning.”

“It was?”

“The Aiden I knew, the one before he went to Atlanta to find you, had always respected and viewed halfs equally, but he never would’ve taken time away from his Sentinel duties to help any half.”

Knowing what had been done to his parents in front of him while he was a small boy, I could see where she would think that. Becoming a Sentinel and avenging his parents had become everything to him.

“And then I saw the way he was around you in New York.” Her smiled turned wistful again. “It’s all in the way he looked at you—the way he constantly looked at you. You were his world, probably before either of you realized that.”

“You could tell all that by the way he looked at me?” I may’ve sounded skeptical, but oh, wow, that girlie-girl was jumping and shrieking inside me.

Laadan laughed then, the sound like wind chimes. “He watched you like a man starved for the only thing that could fulfill his hunger.”

My eyes popped out and my body flushed about a thousand shades of red. “Oh, wow…”

That was TMI. How come more people hadn’t noticed that? And then it hit me. Laadan would know, because it was how she looked at my father… and probably had witnessed my father looking at my mother in the same manner.

I was suddenly very sad for her.

Scooting closer to her, I wrapped my arms around her slender shoulders. It was awkward at first, because I seriously gave the worst hugs. “Thank you.”

Tears filled her eyes again. “Talking to you about your father is the least I could do. If you like, there are many stories I can tell you. It will be a… joy to speak openly about them.”

“I’d like that,” I whispered.

Laadan rested her cheek atop my head, and in that moment, she reminded me so much of my mom that it was almost too much to keep the tears at bay, but I couldn’t stop the question that formed on the tip of my tongue.

“Do you think I’ll ever get to meet him?”

Her embrace tightened. “You will. Both of you are determined enough to make it happen. I have no doubt.”

Closing my eyes, I latched onto her words. I wanted to believe them—I needed to—but doubt swelled like bitter wisps of acrid smoke. A lot stood between me and my father—years of rules and secrets existed, an army of half-man/half-bulls, and most importantly, Seth.