Chapter Eighteen
Taz barely slept that night, but a cheerful good-morning text from Will helped ease some of the panic he’d carried since the night before, ever since Will had asked him to go to the morgue to identify a dead body in front of Detective Morrell. Taz wasn’t proud of his reaction, and he hated himself for turning Will down, when he knew how hard this was going to be for him.
But Taz was scared. Scared that if Morrell saw Will and Taz together, he’d say something to Will about Peter’s previous arrest. Taz hadn’t managed to bring that up, because he knew how sensitive Will was to drugs and drug dealers. And Morrell hadn’t contacted Taz again, so probably whatever he’d been digging around for was long finished.
He simply didn’t want to risk it. Why bother, when things between him and Will had been so great?
Except they weren’t all that great right now. Were they?
He logged on for his day’s work, stopping for lunch as usual. And as per their new normal, Will showed up promptly at four thirty, armed with stuff to make dinner. He was cheerful and talkative, giving no indication that the dead body conversation had ever happened, so Taz went with it. Ignoring it was easier.
They ate, talked, laughed, made out, watched TV, and when Will led him into the bedroom later, Taz submitted to whatever Will wanted. Will turned him onto his hands and knees and fucked him hard from behind—the first time they’d had sex without looking at each other. It didn’t feel right to Taz, but Will wanted it that way, and Taz had been the one to hurt him.
On Friday, Will got caught up with the Stanley Center and begged off coming over, and Taz was okay with that. Will didn’t mention having gone to identify Christopher Mayes yet, so Taz assumed he was putting it off as long as possible. And he kind of hated himself for being too cowardly to even ask.
Brendan’s birthday party was Saturday night, but not until late. They’d already planned to spend part of the day on the River Taxi, going up and down the Christina River. Neither of them had ever done it, and Taz liked boats. Will showed up promptly at ten o’clock with a huge smile and a kiss for him. The day passed as if the morgue conversation had never happened, and Taz let it go. He embraced the joy—and his boyfriend, as often as possible—as they spent the day on the river, and then later walking up and down its footpaths.
Taz had picked a tapas restaurant for dinner, and Will seemed enamored by the food choices. He ordered all kinds of small plates, and they had a great time tasting things. Creating new combinations. Figuring out what flavors worked best with each other. Rather, Will did most of that. Taz ended up being his guinea pig and eating whatever Will held up to his lips.
After one quick stop, the date ended with them holding hands in the back of the taxi driving them over to Brendan and Romy’s place. They lived in one half of a duplex in a neighborhood that had seen better days, but the cars all had tires on them, and Taz didn’t see any hookers on the corners, so it wasn’t all bad.
Romy had said they didn’t need to bring anything, but Taz didn’t want to show up empty-handed, so he’d gotten Romy’s number from Will and texted about ideas. Romy shot back a microbrew beer that Brendan really liked, so their taxi had swung by a liquor store that was on the way.
Beer in his left hand and Will’s hand in his right, Taz led them up the cracked walkway to the small porch. It was clean, free of cobwebs or dirt, and two plastic lawn chairs were set up around a small matching table. Taz could totally see him and Will having something like this one day—a place to sit back at night, drink a beer and tell each other about their day.
The front door opened before he had a chance to knock. Romy grinned at them from the other side. “You came!” he said. “And you’re totally the first ones here.”
“We’re a bit early,” Taz said. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine. It’s actually not a bad thing. You can both get used to the strange environment before strange people start filling it up.”
“Which he totally thought of beforehand,” Brendan said as he entered the foyer from the living room. “That’s why he told everyone else to be here at seven thirty.”
“Really?” Will looked between the pair with wide eyes. “You did that for us?”
Romy winked. “Told you. Excellent therapist. And I don’t know you guys well yet, or your stories, but I know what it’s like to battle anxiety. So come in. Please.”
He ushered them into a cozy living room mostly overtaken by a large leather sofa and two blue upholstered chairs. Vivid artwork hung on the walls and the coffee table looked like stacked pallets. Through another archway was an odd kind of dining room. It had a long table in the middle and what looked like a commercial refrigerator in one corner. Past that was the kitchen.
“You’re probably wondering what’s up with the giant table for two people,” Romy said with a soft laugh. “I’ll let Brendan tell you all about that one.”
Brendan grunted. “It’s our food prep space for Street Feed.”
“What’s Street Feed?” Taz asked.
“Somethin’ me and Eddie—er, you’ll meet him as Donner. We’ve been doin’ it for about eleven years now, minus two we didn’t. We collect food from trash cans behind grocery stores that’s perfectly edible still, but they tossed anyway because of dates, and we make meals to feed the homeless. Set up every Friday night, rain or snow.”
“Dude, that’s amazing,” Will said.
Brendan shrugged, obviously not the guy who did it for accolades. “Sometimes we have a third guy who helps us. Depends on his day job. Anyway, we store the food here and then do all the prep and cooking.”
“It gives us a very nontraditional dining room,” Romy said. “But the size of it is why we picked this place when we decided to relocate.”
“How long have you guys lived here?” Taz asked.
“A little over a year. It has three bedrooms, which we really didn’t need, but one’s ours and one is for Brendan’s exercise equipment. The other one is empty, since we don’t need a guest room. All of our friends live in the city, and so does Brendan’s family, so there’s no one to visit.”
Taz didn’t miss that Romy made no mention of his own family, but he wasn’t about to pry. He’d left them out for a reason. “Oh, and um, happy birthday.” He held the beer out to Brendan.
“Thanks, man, I love this one,” Brendan said. “You want?”
“No, thank you.”
“Anyone else?”
“How about I put them in the fridge until later?” Romy said. “I need to go put chips in bowls and take lids off jars of dip. We’re a simple bunch.”
“Do you want help?” Will asked.
“Sure, why not? We can quietly gossip about our guys and make them wonder what we’re saying about them.”
Will laughed as he followed Romy through the dining room to the kitchen beyond.
“Want somethin’ else to drink?” Brendan asked.
“I’m good for now, thanks,” Taz replied. He wasn’t sure where to sit, so he inched closer to one of the blue chairs. When Brendan finally took one end of the couch, Taz sat, too. He tried to remember how to chat with guys his age, but that was all back when everyone assumed he was straight.
Brendan didn’t seem like the chatty type, either, so they sat in semi-awkward silence while their other halves were occasionally heard laughing in the kitchen. A while later, the doorbell rang, and Taz nearly jumped a mile. His heart raced, and his palms got clammy. He stood at the same time as Brendan but stayed put while Brendan answered the door.
Two new faces entered, each exchanging greetings with Brendan. The first was tallish, and lanky, with floppy brown hair and glasses that made him look like an awkward college student. With him was a shorter Latino guy with slicked-back hair and a broad, cocky smile. They both grinned at Taz, neither giving the left side of his face a second glance.
“Guys, this is Thomas Zachary, but he goes by Taz,” Brendan said. “Alessandro Silva and Jaime Winters.”
Handshakes went all around. Romy and Will returned from the kitchen with various bowls of chips and dips, which they put on the coffee table, before Will was introduced to everyone. Jaime was the future college professor Romy had mentioned, and Alessandro the co-owner of Half-Dozen.
“Brendan hates being the center of attention,” Alessandro said, “and he never wants presents, but I got you one anyway.” He tucked what looked like a gift card of some kind into Brendan’s back pocket. “Spoil your guy, dude. That’s an order.”
Romy immediately snatched the card out and then blushed bright red. He put the card back. Brendan must have decided that being in the dark was better than being in the know, because he didn’t look.
They all chitchatted a bit about nothing in particular. Romy must have briefed his friends on him and Will, because no one asked the typical “how’d you all meet?” questions. Jaime and Alessandro seemed to accept their presence as a simple fact. Everyone stood around the coffee table, snacking on potato chips, tortilla chips and cheese curls.
It was the most normal thing Taz had done since college, and part of him was waiting for the other shoe to drop. The infamous Ezra hadn’t shown up yet, and Taz was still prepared to dislike the guy. Out-and-proud small-business owners who were loyal to their close friends could still be assholes in nice guy clothing.
At 7:35—Taz checked the clock on the far wall—the doorbell rang again. Romy sprang to answer it with a wide grin.
“Hey, sugar!”
“Hey, Ez, Donner. Oh, God, what the hell is that?”
Brendan flinched.
A tall, slender man with white-blond hair and a silver stud in his eyebrow sauntered into the room. He was carrying an object wrapped in green striped paper, and it was very definitely penis shaped. And the size of a small cat. Romy followed with a second guy, this one average height, stocky in build, with brown hair and serious eyes.
Introductions occurred again. The blond was inevitably Ezra Kelley, and he was gorgeous. High cheekbones, pale skin and an infectious smile that helped put Taz at ease. His partner was Donner Davis—Eddie to Brendan only, apparently—a bartender at a local favorite gay bar Taz had never heard of, much less visited. He hadn’t been to a bar in ages.
“Any friend of Romy’s is a friend of mine,” Ezra said after hands had been shaken. “Welcome.”
Taz looked at the gift in Ezra’s hands, which Romy was eyeballing like he expected it to explode. Given the stripper story Romy had told, surely Ezra hadn’t done something as tacky as buy Brendan a giant dildo? Especially when near strangers were going to be at the party.
“So do you want your present now or later?” Ezra asked.
Brendan’s face scrunched up, but Taz didn’t know him well enough to guess if he was nervous or aggravated. “Might as well do it now,” he replied. “Cut the tension.”
“Tension?” Alessandro echoed. “It’s pretty obvious what the big dork bought you.”
“Are you so sure about that?” Ezra shot back. He handed the package over to Brendan.
Brendan glanced down at Romy, who’d retaken his spot on Brendan’s right. He seemed more terrified of whatever was in that wrapping paper than Brendan. Ezra, for his part, looked like he wanted to bust out into dance moves.
Taz glanced at Will, who seemed as mystified as him.
These people are weird.
Brendan began unwrapping the package. Extra paper had been stuffed inside to create a phallic shape, because what Brendan unwrapped was the top half of a wooden baseball bat—the supposed shaft of the not-a-dildo—and a small black box surrounded by more wadded paper that had been the fake balls. Romy stared at the two items with a baffled look on his face. Brendan, on the other hand, smiled indulgently at his partner.
“Is that...it isn’t,” Romy said. “Not the same bat.”
“Yup.” Brendan put the half bat on the coffee table. It had some kind of base attached to keep it upright. A date was inked on it in black calligraphy—May 29, 2013. “This is the bat I had the day we first met.”
That sounded like a story worth hearing, but Taz kept quiet. Will grabbed his hand and held tight.
“Ezra was in on this, and somehow he kept it all a secret,” Brendan said.
“Apparently he did a great job,” Donner added. “You little sneak.”
Ezra preened.
Brendan palmed the box, and Romy’s black eyes went wide. “I think I started loving you a little bit the day we met,” Brendan said. “And I’ve loved you more with each passing day. I know I don’t say it enough with words, but I love you, Romy Myers. For three years, you’ve been my partner in every way, and I want to be with you always.” He sank down to one knee and opened the box.
Romy gasped, one hand flying up to cover his mouth.
“Will you marry me?” Brendan asked.
“Do you really have to ask?” Romy replied, his eyes filling with tears. “Yes, I’ll marry you, you big dork. Yes.”
A lump seized control of Taz’s throat when Brendan leaped up and hauled Romy into a tight embrace. Lifted him right off his feet. All around, their friends whooped and cheered. Taz held Will’s hand tighter, overwhelmed at the beautiful display of devotion playing out in front of him. And they’d been invited to witness it.
“I got the rings made special for us,” Brendan said once he’d put Romy back down. He slid the smaller of the pair onto Romy’s finger, and Romy held his hand up.
In between two thin bands of silver was an even slimmer band of brown.
Wood.
“Oh my God.” Romy choked, tears streaming down his cheeks. “You didn’t.”
“I did.” He handed the other ring over so Romy could slide it onto Brendan’s finger. Then they were hugging and kissing, and it was almost too much.
Taz had no idea what Brendan had or hadn’t done, or what the ring symbolized, until Ezra leaned in and faux whispered, “Brendan had them incorporate wood from the bat’s handle into their engagement rings.”
“Whoa,” Will said.
“Did they meet at a ball game or something?” Taz asked softly.
Ezra’s eyes darkened briefly. “No. And that’s really Romy’s story to tell.”
“Understood.” He didn’t want to violate Romy’s privacy. Especially when it didn’t seem like it was a happy story.
The conversation stopped anyway, because Romy threw himself at Ezra, who gathered him up in a hug. “You are the best friend ever.”
“Hush, sugar,” Ezra replied in a choked tone. “You deserve all the happiness there is. I’m so happy for you both.”
“Never thought I’d be engaged before you guys.” Romy’s comment seemed to include not only Ezra and Donner, but also Jaime and Alessandro, which made Taz wonder which pair had met in what order.
“We’ve talked about marriage,” Jaime said. “But we want to wait until I’m finished school and have a steady job teaching somewhere.”
“And we are perfectly content as is,” Donner said, smiling indulgently at Ezra, who was still clinging to Romy.
Jealousy burned in Taz’s chest. Jealousy over the obvious bond the six friends had and the deep devotion to each other they were showing tonight. Years of history and shared love filled the room—things he desperately wanted for himself and for Will.
Romy peeked around Ezra’s shoulder to grin at him and Will. “I totally had no idea you guys would be witnessing a proposal when I invited you over.”
“I hope you don’t mind we’re here,” Taz said.
“No, no, I don’t mind at all.” He disentangled himself from Ezra. “I hope you’re okay with it. I mean, we’re all over here getting sappy and emotional, and you barely know us.”
“It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Will said, his own voice raw. Taz glanced down to see a single tear track down Will’s cheek. “I’m kind of honored we were here. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Romy walked over to Brendan. “I can’t believe you proposed on your birthday.”
“I can,” Donner said. Then he poked Ezra in the ribs. “But I can’t decide if I’m mad at you or not for keeping me in the dark about the surprise.”
Ezra draped one arm around Donner and leaned in. “I promise to make it up to you when we get home.”
“Good answer.”
Will made a soft noise as he pulled away from Taz’s side. “I’m sorry to ask, but where’s your bathroom?”
“Back out in the foyer, under the stairs,” Romy said.
He fled in that direction. Taz watched him go, concerned by the abrupt exit. But he didn’t follow him. If Will needed a moment to process all of the love flying around the room, Taz would give it to him.
* * *
Will made it to the cramped half bath under the stairs in time to shut the door, sit on the toilet lid and let the panic overtake him. He wasn’t even sure where this attack had come from. Only that his limbs were shaking, his palms were sweaty and he couldn’t get a good breath.
I see the moon and the moon sees me. I see Taz and Taz sees me. We see the somebodies we want to be.
He chanted his new rhymes over and over as adrenaline surged and waned, leaving him exhausted and feeling foolish for having the attack in the first place. In a perfectly safe home, surrounded by incredibly nice, loving people.
What the hell is wrong with me?
He was deliriously happy to have witnessed such a touching proposal, and while he didn’t know the significance of the wooden bat to Romy and Brendan’s relationship, it obviously carried great meaning. He’d enjoyed watching the friends interact, and selfishly hoped that one day he and Taz would have friends that close—these friends, or others. He thought back over the conversations, and then he realized what had set him off.
Ezra’s flirty comment about making it up to Donner later.
Sex.
His stupid brain had jumped back to Thursday night. He’d barely slept at all that night after leaving Taz’s place, overcome with guilt about how he’d treated Taz in bed. He hadn’t hurt Taz, not physically. But fucking him like that had been wrong and unkind, and he’d done it because, in spite of Will’s cheerful exterior all evening, inside he’d still been angry at Taz for refusing to go to the morgue with him. Angry and disappointed.
And even though they’d both gotten off, Will shouldn’t have done that. He should have talked to Taz again. He should talk to him now.
Instead, he hid in the bathroom and hated himself for being such a terrible boyfriend.
Someone texted him. He almost didn’t look, but curiosity won out. Taz.
You okay?
He could lie and say he had to pinch a loaf, but he didn’t want to lie. He also didn’t want to ruin the good mood of the party, so he texted back: Just needed a minute alone.
It’s been ten.
Oh. Oops.
He peed quickly, then washed his hands, which had finally stopped trembling. The mood in the living room was bright and spirited, with everyone laughing and snacking on the chips. Even Taz seemed relaxed. He perked up when he spotted Will.
“You light a match?” Ezra said.
The cheeky grin made Will smile back. “You want to go find out?”
Everyone laughed, and that settled some of Will’s nerves. Romy was perched on Brendan’s lap in one of the blue chairs, and the other four friends had smashed themselves onto the sofa. Taz started to stand, probably to offer Will his chair, but Will plopped right onto his lap and kissed his left cheek. “Sorry I was gone for so long,” he whispered.
Taz nuzzled his ear. “Glad you’re back.”
“Did I miss anything?”
“Not really. A lot of goo-goo eyes dancing around.”
“So, with this crew, another day ending in Y,” Jaime said. He was sitting closest to their chair.
Will laughed without feeling it. He kind of wanted to take Taz and leave so they could talk the way they needed to talk. But he also wanted to keep basking in the love permeating the small house, because he’d never experienced anything like it in his life. It was beautiful, but so fucking fragile because it could only exist in safe, protected spaces like this, with four walls keeping the angry outside world at bay.
So he stayed put. He chatted and laughed and snacked, and for another two hours, pretended he was all right.