James had no qualms about slamming the door to the apartment as he entered, and then striding right over to the couch to flop onto it with a groan.

“I see we’re living up to the cliché of the dramatic actor today,” Sophie noted, continuing to read her book on the other end of the couch. Despite her casual, teasing tone, she still reached over and ran a hand through his hair soothingly. “What’s wrong?”

“I just did the table read-through.”

“And?” Sophie set her book down. “How’d it go?”

“It was fine. I acted as the narrator. Jack seemed really excited for my part, said he thought I could bring a good presence to Jerry and help show the audience what he was thinking and feeling despite the mask.” James had to admit, at least to himself, that the way Jack talked about the role made it seem like a real challenge, something to enjoy almost as much as the role of Tyler. Not that he was no longer disappointed or anything, but it was good to know that Jack was so passionate about the other characters, and that James wouldn’t be forgotten on the sidelines.

“I’m sensing a ‘but’ in here,” Sophie noted.

James huffed. “There was this guy. He was in the audition, too, with Jack and the casting director. I wasn’t sure who he was at first, but apparently he’s Jack’s assistant or something.”

“Why does that make you upset? Was he rude to you or something?” Sophie’s fingers flexed, as if around a knife handle. “You know that my aunt taught me how to throw knives, right? I can take care of this guy for you.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just…” James cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the embarrassment he felt climbing up it like a spider. “He’s attractive.”

“Oh?” Sophie’s voice took on a teasing tone.

“No,” James warned her. “None of that. He’s dating someone else, that’s the problem.”

Sophie continued running her hand through his hair. “Tell me.”

James described entering the room, and how he had heard Ned protesting that he had an awful voice and nobody ever complimented him on it. “It was the perfect opportunity, so I repeated his words back at him.”

He explained how he had been trying to flirt, but then Jack and Ned had made it clear that they were in a relationship. “They couldn’t have been a more disgustingly cute couple if they’d tried.”

Sophie’s hand abruptly left his hair. “That can’t be right,” she said. “If Jack Wallace was gay, I’m sure I would have heard about it from someone I knew.”

“Maybe they’re trying to hide it? Not everyone wants their personal life to be fodder for the rumor mill.”

Sophie still seemed doubtful. "Gossip spreads pretty quickly," she pointed out. "If they were trying to hide it, then they wouldn't have been all couple-y around you. What exactly were they like?"

James told her what Jack and Ned had said, and how they'd interacted. He felt a little embarrassed that he could remember the exchange in such detail, but luckily Sophie didn't say anything.

"C'mon, that's definitely couple banter," James finished.

"I don't know." Sophie's brow was crinkled, the way it got whenever she was simultaneously thinking and worried. "Did they touch each other much?"

"Not that I saw." That, however, was probably because they were in a work environment. Ned struck James as the kind of guy who would insist on a separation between work and personal life, which would naturally exclude the kind of casual, intimate touches that couples tended to use with one another.

"I don't want to give you false hope," Sophie said at last, "no matter what Brandon says."

James snorted. Sophie tended to be more optimistic about things, while Brandon was...not pessimistic, exactly. Skeptical would probably be a better word. Brandon just tended to be more cautious when it came to people's motives, and he always looked a gift horse in the mouth. It sometimes led to tension with Sophie on one side of an argument and Brandon on the other, but James appreciated it. Between the two of them, he got a balanced view of a situation.

"However," Sophie went on, "I don't think you have enough evidence to claim that they're definitely dating. I can ask around, but what you're describing to me could just as easily be a close friendship as it is a romantic relationship."

James shook his head. "You didn't hear how fond they sounded when they talked to each other. They looked so...so comfortable."

He kicked at one of the pillows in petulant frustration. "Why can't I get something like that?" he asked.

"You will, in time," Sophie promised him. "You're a good person, James. And talented and gorgeous, which doesn't hurt."

"It doesn't seem to be helping, either," James muttered.

Sophie yanked a little on his hair, making him yelp. "None of that," she ordered.

"Yes, Mom."

Sophie went back to gently combing her fingers through his hair. "This is bigger than just finding out a cute guy might already have a boyfriend, isn't it?"

James swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. "I want to fall in love," he admitted. "Properly. Not that unrequited bullshit. That's just pining. And it fucking sucks."

"That it does," Sophie agreed.

Sophie had been in love with one of her coworkers, a guy named Michael, for as long as James could remember. Michael had a beautiful fiancée named Jessica, and that was all Sophie would say on the matter. James also knew that when Sophie had crossed the border into the States, she'd done so with her boyfriend at the time, named Gerson. They'd become separated in the desert. Sophie didn't know what had happened to him. James was waiting for the day when a good man finally came along and gave Sophie the sunshine, love, and support that she deserved, but until then, at least James wasn't alone in his heartache.

"Can't I just marry you?" he asked. "I think it'd work out well."

"Unless you stop liking dick and start liking breasts, I don't think so," Sophie replied, laughing.

"I do so like breasts. Yours make great pillows."

Sophie laughed harder. "You're an ass," she said.

"Thanks, I try." James smiled up at her, then sobered up. "Which is worse?" He asked. "Unrequited love or having requited love and then losing it?"

Sophie honestly considered it, which James appreciated. Brandon would have made an insightful but cutting remark right off the cuff, and James wasn't looking for sarcasm right now.

"I think having it and losing it," Sophie said. "Because unrequited love, you never get to see all of the person. You're only loving what you can get glimpses of. And when you have something and it's taken away..." Sophie shook her head, as if to cast something dark and scary out of her mind. Her voice, when she spoke again, was a little hoarse. "I'd rather have it and lose it than never have it at all, but it doesn't change the fact that it's a worse feeling."

"And you still think it's worth it?" James almost couldn't believe it—almost. The thought of getting to hold someone's hand, of getting someone warm to hold onto at night, of having someone to share himself with...that thought, and the look he saw on the faces of the truly happy couples he knew, made him believe her.

God, how he wanted that. It was probably stupid, he knew, for him to be so determined to find someone to be with. Romanticism was equal to desperation, or so it seemed these days. Everywhere he turned it felt like people were shaking their heads at him. Was it so bad for him to want a life partner? He couldn’t help but think of Mom, and how Dad skipped out on her, and the girlfriend that his older brother Matt had left behind. He wanted something better than that—not that it had exactly been Matt’s fault, what had happened. He saw people hooking up in bars and clubs and it just felt so empty compared to the epic romances he saw on the screen, the ones he’d loved and rooted for since he was a kid. He wanted something like that—something people could write a movie about if they felt so inclined.

He said none of this out loud, of course, because he’d just be telling Sophie what she already knew. He thought it anyway. He wanted someone to reach for in the middle of the night, someone who was permanent. Something like in the movies.

"You'll get that," Sophie promised him, as if she could read his mind (and maybe she could, he wouldn’t put it past her). "We both will, soon enough."

"You can't predict that," James replied, already starting to feel sleepy. It had been a long day, and the comfy couch plus Sophie's fingers stroking his hair were starting to lull him into remembering how tired he was.

"Yes I can, my grandma always said I had a nose for these things," Sophie said, both cheerful and certain.

James tried to muster up something to say to that, some quip or something, but his mouth and tongue felt too heavy, he was drifting into sleep, and it didn't matter anymore.