~Ava~
I didn’t know what had come over me. I let him win and could never forgive myself for that. Even though I had walked away, my heart was pounding in my chest, and I felt my stomach clench from the embarrassment of knowing he had figured me out. Even before I had figured myself out. After seeing him in the bathroom pressed up against another woman, I could no longer deny the ugly green giant that reared itself into my mind. But I didn’t understand it. I was supposed to hate the man with all my guts, not lust after him. What the hell is wrong with me?
At least I could justify that I still hated him. The way he stood there grinning like a Cheshire cat after suggesting that the only reason I was so hung up on him was because I needed to get laid. What asshole says something like that aloud? Thor, that’s who!
“The nerve of the bastard!” I mumbled to myself.
Apparently my voice was not low enough because I suddenly saw the entire room turn to look at me. If I hadn’t been embarrassed enough at the party the weekend before, all my colleagues were now staring me down as if I had grown an extra head. And my boss stopped his presentation to do the same.
“Is there something you’d like to say, Ava?” There was a hint of warning in Dmitri Durand’s voice as he stared me down. Of course, he didn’t really mean the question. The man was known to be a complete enigma, never showing any emotions beyond anger, disgust, and disinterest. Okay, maybe I was over-exaggerating just a bit. But whatever the case, he was not my biggest fan, and I was only giving him more ammo to dislike me.
“No, my apologies, Mr. Durand. Please, continue,” I barely managed to stutter out.
Did this man just roll his eyes at me? No, I must be seeing things. But it made no difference. I was now on my boss’s hit list as it were. And it was well known within the company that no one survived that. There go my chances of being part of the NEW Launch Program. I balled my hands into fists and tried to keep my face from showing the growing anger boiling within. This is all Thor’s fault. And, I was going to give him a piece of my mind.
As soon as Dmitri dismissed us, his gaze landed on me and he motioned for me to stay in the room. My former anger was replaced with jittery nerves. Is this it? Is all my hard work at the company going to be dismissed because of one rather vocal disruption in a meeting?
I stayed in my seat and tried to remain calm as Dmitri walked over. He was a very handsome man, with his dark Russian features. Women in the office were notorious for trying to gain his attentions, stubbornly ignoring the wedding band on his left hand and the fact that his wife visited him for lunch nearly every day. I could tell the white women were more than a little upset about his black wife. To be honest, I have no idea how she has learned to deal with this man. But I’m all for it, if it makes the Devil Wears Prada wannabes realize they’re not as irresistible as they imagine themselves to be.
Instead of sitting, he stood beside the large Harkness table and stared me down, “Can you tell me what’s going on?” I was taken aback by the softness in his question.
“Sir?”
He shook his head and sighed, “Ava, you are one of the most talented employees I have, and I can see you working your way up this firm very easily. However, if you cannot get your attitude under control, you are going to isolate yourself from your allies. I’ve noticed you’ve been very short with people. In case you didn’t notice in our last meeting, I mentioned how important it is to be team player if you want to succeed here.” At my look of denial, he raised his hand for me to listen. “I was there once, myself. And I’m telling you this because had I not resolved my personal problems, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Where I hope you can be one day.”
I was speechless for more than one reason. For one, I had never had any sort of heart-to-heart with Dmitri. In fact, I don’t think anyone ever has. His wife, you say? I’ll believe that when I see it. But it wasn’t just that. In his own indirect way, he had just told me that he believes I have a bright future at the company. And here I was thinking they were biting at the bit to fire me.
“Um,” it was not my most intelligent response, but I eventually found my words. Sort of. “I don’t know what to say, Mr. Durand.”
“Tell me that you’ll work on whatever it is that is making you lose focus. That’s all I want to hear right now.”
“Yes, of course, sir! I’ll work on it and be better than ever.”
I nearly had a heart attack when I saw him smile at my response. Damn, it’s a good thing no one sees that often. It could rival Thor’s cocky-ass smile!
And as mysteriously as our conversation began, it ended and he left. Thank goodness, because I still needed time to recover.
During lunch, I sat with Evie and told her everything that happened during the meeting. I wasn’t the only one completely freaked out by our boss’ change in behavior.
“Holy cow! I knew he had a soft side,” she exclaimed, taking a sip of her sweet iced tea.
“What do you mean you knew? Hindsight bias, much?”
She shook her head and leaned forward. “No, I mean, I’ve actually seen it before.”
“What? Are you stalking our boss?”
She rolled her eyes “Would you shut up and listen! I work near his office, stupid!” I said nothing, used to our name-calling. “You know how his wife comes for lunch every day? It’s like a ritual for them. But I heard from his office assistant, who can be a little loose with his tongue, that his wife completely transformed him into a different person. Sure, he’s still cold to most people, but he even stopped yelling at his assistant. And that guy fucks up all the time!”
I scoffed, “I highly doubt that.”
Evie looked at me skeptically, “Do you really think a man like him would drop everything with one of our most important clients just because his wife was nervous about going into labor? ‘Cuz that’s what Jeremy told me.”
“Fine, whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway. Whatever his love life is, I have to get my personal life back on board, because apparently my attitude sucks.”
Evie nearly choked on her drink as she started to laugh. “What attitude? That’s just you. You’ve always been like that.”
“Like what?” I asked slightly offended by what she was suggesting.
She gave me a glance that clearly said, “Girl, please.” But her actual words were, “Ava, you’ve always gone around with a massive chip on your shoulder. But, it’s never really bothered me because I understand where it comes from. You’ve had a…” she paused, obviously searching for the right words. “Less than stellar track record when it comes to the men you date.”
What? Are you surprised she didn’t talk about some personal family trauma? Well, sorry to disappoint but I came from a nice, middle-class background. First world problems only. My biggest drama was getting yelled at by my mother for coming back after curfew.
“Maybe it should bother you if it bothers everyone else. Maybe you’re holding me back by not calling me out on my bullshit.” It was the most honest words I’d ever spoken.
“Ava…” she gave me a pitiful glance. “I love you just the way you are. Sure, there are some things you can work on, but that’s true for all of us.” She reached out and grabbed ahold of my hands. “Hey, let’s focus on what we can control. One thing you should do is be more spontaneous. I think you come off as prickly because you have control issues. Carefree black girls are the next best thing!”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, what did you do when you went with me to that party?”
I shrugged my shoulders, knowing what she was getting at. But she didn’t need me to provide her with the answer. She already had it.
“You stood in the corner and didn’t even bother introducing yourself to anyone. It’s not very approachable, which limits you in an already socially uncomfortable situation. But you have to be willing to put yourself out there more! Meet people, give them a chance. Like you did with me.
“Remember, we bonded over the silliest things, right? That can happen with other people too. But you have to leave yourself open to it. Let’s not worry about your love life right now. Let’s focus on just you- like making your personal life a bit more socially dynamic. Let’s have fun!”
I wasn’t sure if I was completely onboard with the dispositional makeover she had in mind, but I relented. “Sure, what do you have in mind?”
~~~
It turned out that what she had in mind was an outdoor music festival, something I had never had any inclination of attending before. While I do like all types of music, I tended to stay clear of music festivals known for their mosh pits, drinking, and naked white people. But Evie seemed to have the intention of placing me as far out of my comfort zone as possible. So, here I was.
The venue took place at the Harvard Athletic Complex along the Charles River. With a Ferris wheel and multiple stage venues, the outdoor concert was teeming with young energy and excitement as crowds moved from one attraction to the next. Before entering the writhing mob of music lovers along the main stage area, Evie and I had visited some of the food trucks. Mm, food! I had to practically beg her for sustenance before dragging me across the football field to the actual concert. But, despite my stalling, we eventually made it.
“Okay, take off your shirt,” she demanded. We stood on the outskirts of the large mass of people.
I looked at her as if she was crazy. “What?”
“C’mon, Ava! Why do you think I told you to put on a bathing suit top under your shirt? I’m not asking you to get naked, geez. Just give them some air.” She reached out and grabbed a hold of both of my breasts. As if they were talking to her, she leaned in and pressed her ear into their softness. “I can hear them screaming for some bright sun and clean air. Let them free, girl!”
Releasing me, she threw her shirt off, exposing her bright pink bikini top and screamed. Given the number of other people also screaming their heads off, she garnered little to no attention.
That comforted me a bit. Maybe no one will notice. Slowly, I reached under my shirt to pull it over my head. As soon as a breeze brushed up against the soft skin of my belly, I felt myself growing anxious. I have never had the bikini body lauded by the media and fashion. Thus, while I loved my body, I wasn’t that eager to show hundreds of strangers what I was working with. Even the most confident people, have their insecurities, you know.
But eventually the shirt did come off, and I was standing in a sea of people with nothing but a bikini top and a short skirt. I followed closely behind Evie who was making her way through the crowd, sporadically dancing with other people to the loud beat of the music. I pretended to do the same but my stiffness could not be hidden. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be on my couch reading my Kindle right now.
Evie didn’t allow me to wallow, however. When a new song started by the band onstage, she took my hand in hers and we shimmied our hips to the beat. With her by my side, I found myself getting more into the moment. We coordinated our moves together, ignoring those just jumping around us. That wasn’t dancing. But we showed them what real movement was with our mixture of hip hop dance moves and merengue. We stood out in the sea of people, but in our own little bubble, we didn’t give two shits.
As I wound my hips to the powerful drums on stage, I heard her screaming my name in encouragement.
“Yes, get it Ava!” She followed me.
I found myself laughing for the first time in what felt like a blue moon. This was actually way more fun than I had originally anticipated. But that all seemed to stop when the music changed, and a new band came running onto the platform. Suddenly, a crowd of people rushed toward the stage, separating the two of us as some raced from behind us. I was pushed forward, feeling my body touching the skin of sweaty strangers. I yelled for them to get away from me, but no one seemed to hear or care about my cries. Because of my short stature, I could feel myself beginning to struggle for air in the mosh pit. They surrounded me, blocking any potential exit. I knew more than anything else that I had to stay on my feet, but that all went out the window when they began to shove at each other.
The rough dancing was soon accompanied by crowd surfing. Thankfully, I was able to dodge the flailing limbs of those being held up above the heads of those around us. But this didn’t halt the violent gyrations and shoving that was still taking place, and I was an easy target. The breath left my lungs when someone shoved me from behind, and I went flying forward. Bumping into someone else, my feet went from under me, and I reached out, trying to grasp anything to save myself. There is no way in hell, I’m going out like this.
Thankfully, someone grabbed my floundering arms and held me up. Then, a thick arm wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly to a bare chest. With me safely tucked against him, he shoved his way through the pandemonium of drunken ravers. When I could finally gasp for air again, I could feel the sunlight settling onto my back as I bent over. My gasps turned into sobs as realization came. I could have been trampled!
“Hey, hey,” a deep voice soothed me.
I looked up and was shocked by the familiar emerald gaze that stared down at me. “Thor?” We stood staring at each other, no words spoken for a moment. I thought it had been a security guard that saved me.
“Ava! Ava!” I heard Evie’s panicked voice and looked over to see her rushing towards me with Axel by her side. When she spotted me, she didn’t even bother stopping. Running up and throw her arms around my neck, she embraced me in a tight hold. “Oh, god! I thought we weren’t going to find you.”
“It’s okay,” I was able to find my voice finally. “I’m okay...Thor found me.” But even as I said his name, a part of me still couldn’t believe who it really was who had come to my rescue.
“Oh, thank goodness! Axel and Thor came up just as you had disappeared in the crowd. I was too busy saying hi to them to recognize what was happening. I’m sorry. I should’ve warned you.”
“Yeah,” Axel jumped in. “The Ivies are a pretty popular underground band. Anytime they come on stage, people go wild. But it’s good you’re okay. Thor was able to spot you in the crowd.”
“Yeah…” I shyly looked Thor’s way. His emerald gaze was intense as he looked me over as well. To my continued horror, he seemed to be just as concerned about my well-being. “But what are you guys doing here?” Even though my question was aimed at Axel, my eyes didn’t disconnect from Thor, trying to match the guy that just saved me with the asshole that ruined my shoes and kicked me out of his tattoo shop.
He smiled at me slightly and responded instead. “Promoting the shop. A lot of people get inspired here and then want to set up a time to design their next body art.”
It was then that I noticed again that Thor was shirtless, and for the first time, I got a good look at the intricate tattoos spanning his shoulders and biceps. I know what people are inspired by, and it’s not just the tattoos. This man is absolutely gorgeous. There was one beautiful piece that spanned his entire right arm before venturing out to encircle his right pectoral. It was a mixture of several images that all combined to create one beautiful masterpiece. From afar, it may have looked like simple geometric designs that crawled from his arms to his chest, but there was layers of intricacy that made it beautiful. I caught wind of at least one Viking helmet, interlocking triangles, and horns that all had some unknown meaning. But even more impressive than his tattoos was how toned and muscled he was. Damn, and I was pressed up against that?
“Oh,” I said, obviously distracted by what I was seeing.
Evie, seeing my reaction grinned and said, “Well, we’re happy we ran into you guys. Ava and I came to just get out of our comfort zones a bit.”
“Oh really?” Axel looked down at her with a mixture of humor and curiosity. As if Thor and I didn’t exist, I noticed how his gaze rarely strayed from her. His intense eyes did very little to hide his sincere interest in her. But unlike most lustful gazes, embedded within his was a certain level of sensuality. It affirmed for me what I was beginning to see develop between the two of them: permanence.
Evie nodded enthusiastically, her hair bobbing to and fro. “Yup, Ava made a promise that she would be willing to try some new things. Live more on the wild side.”
A chuckle from Thor turned my attention away from the couple. He held a hand to his mouth to try to hide his outburst, but we all had already heard it. I raised a brow and crossed my arms against my chest, silently demanding he come out with it.
“Sorry,” he cleared his throat. “But is this really what you call living your life on the wild side? What are you, a soccer mom?”
Okay, you know what? Forget everything I was beginning to feel for this guy. I don’t care if he just saved my life. He’s an utter and complete-
“I mean, if you want, I can show you what it really means to live life on the edge. How about it, soccer mom?” He winked at me and bit his bottom lip suggestively.
Wait…was he flirting with me? Where the hell was this coming from?
“Ooh, this sounds exciting. What did you have in mind?” As if I couldn’t speak for myself, Evie spoke for me instead. And I stood there amongst the three of them still tongue-tied and confused.
Thor looked over at her in surprise, almost as if he had forgotten she was there. “Well for starters…bungee jumping.” Well, that’s a lot more innocent suggestion than was implied by the look he gave me. Ugh, what was I even thinking? I hate this guy, why would I want him to be interested in me? “Or, if you’re not ready for that just yet, we could go cliff diving. I know the perfect place in Becket. Both will really get your adrenaline rushing, much more than a mosh pit at Boston Calling.”
Evie looked from me to Thor and then finally to Axel. “Am I the only one excited about this? Cliff diving sounds perfect! Just the type of thing to get you to loosen up more. Let’s do it!”
“Umm, excuse me, but that sounds like some crazy, white people shit, and I’m not about it.” I finally found my voice. I know I let Evie have control over my carefree black girl adventures, but anything involving Thor was completely off limits.
Axel laughed at my outburst, and Thor smirked slightly. In contrast, I could tell Evie was thoroughly humiliated once again. Damn, I embarrassed her in front of her boy toy a second time. Fuck, now I have to go to make it up to her…
“Ava…”she began with a slight warning in her voice, as if she was chastising a child.
I rolled my eyes and sighed, not wanting to face her guilt-shaming. “Fine, whatever. But if we die in some freak accident, it’s on you.”
“Great. We could all go next weekend. How does that sound?” There was a clear tremor of excitement as she looked at Axel in anticipation of his response.
“That sounds like a great plan,” he supported.
Thor and I fell silent as the two looked upon one another, seemingly unable to keep their eyes off each other. I glanced at him secretly, appreciating again his muscled physique. As if he could feel my eyes on him, he glanced my way with a slight smirk. Quickly, I averted my gaze and cleared my throat.
But what I dreaded most, soon came to fruition.
Still not really glancing our way, Evie announced, “Axel and I are going to go get some water and maybe some food. How about we meet up with you two later?”
No, absolutely not! She can’t leave me here with him. Before I could even respond, she grabbed her boy toy and left. The bitch literally left me. What the hell?
I stood there frozen, watching as my crazy best friend just changed the course of my life within the blink of an eye. I was going to die cliff diving next weekend, but before that, I had to suffer through the company of a man who was too sexy for his own good and seemed intent on making my life a living hell.
“You feeling okay?” Thor asked me in the awkward silence that had fallen between us.
No! “Um, yeah. I am. Much better, thanks,” I mumbled. But he seemed to take my unresponsiveness the wrong way. I saw a flash of irritation come into his eyes and scrambled to salvage the situation, “No, I’m serious. Thank you so much for saving me out there. Who knows what would’ve happened.” Why do I even care what he thinks of me? Oh, that’s right. Because Evie just forced us to spend next Saturday with him and his buddy. I guess we could at least try to be civil to one another.
Sensing my sincerity, he nodded. “You’re welcome. You should be careful, shorty.” A flash of white teeth greeted me at the nickname.
I rolled my eyes. “Well, I can’t very well have a bodyguard, now can I?”
“Of course, you can. Let’s go. I love this song.” Thor grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the action. I immediately knew what he meant when he began dancing beside me while enjoying the music. We were nowhere near the mosh pit that had developed so I felt comfortable again to start moving as well.
While getting back into the swing of things, because of the number of people, it was hard not to continually brush up against him. While I felt my skin crawl at feeling other people’s sweaty bodies, I didn’t have the same reaction to him. Like, at all. And I’m pretty squeamish about such things. In fact, I moved closer to him to avoid the others. And it seemed that Thor didn’t mind. He probably thought I was just nervous, but it was more than that. I needed any excuse to touch him again.
At some point, we began dancing together instead of next to each other. He was soon behind me, our movement causing me to grind back into him. In an effort to pull me closer, his hands surrounded my hips; the strength and determination in his grip brought me directly against his warmth and hardness. My eyes widened but then relaxed at how pleasurable it felt to have his hands on me. Though everyone around us was jumping and bobbing to the beat of the hard rock music, we found ourselves swaying to our own.
Thor bent down until his face became smothered in my neck, breathing me in deeply. I don’t know what came over me but it felt so right. And he smelled so good. I reached back to tangle my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and gasped at the feel of his lips trailing my sensitive skin. He would place light pecks along the length of my neck and then caress it gently by just swiping his lips slowly along the same path. My nipples hardened instantly at his touch.
Our hips moved in sync. Through the thin material of my shorts, I could feel him pressed against me. Whoa! Someone is blessed! I felt my inner muscles clench at the image of seeing him exposed to me completely. With his broad chest and generally beautiful physique, my mouth watered in excitement. And so are other parts of me.
“Admit it,” he whispered in my ear, tearing me away from my fantasy. “I was right.”
I knew what he was referring to and it was as if ice-cold water had been splashed all over me. The moment was officially over, and I felt used. All of that was just so he could make the point that I was into him! Humiliation and self-disgust overwhelmed me as I came to that realization.
“Screw you, Thor,” I said simply, shoving myself away. He reached out to grab my arm and pull me back, but I ignored his efforts. He had been treating me as if I was some sort of game to him. I was not going to give him the satisfaction.
As I left him behind, I denied to myself that he was indeed right, fruitlessly. In just a split second, I had been all over him, and now he could walk away with his signature cocky grin. Well, fuck him.