“When dealing with rabid, aggressive animals, standard protocol is to never be left alone.” The professor’s monotone voice drags as time passes by so slowly. “The signs of aggression are what, Vanessa?”
I can’t believe I just told Gavin that I’m pregnant. I mean, I knew that I had to, but I didn’t think I would actually go through with it. Maybe it was too soon. And, I mean, I don’t know much about babies. I do know from vet school that the risk of losing a baby is pretty high in the beginning. What if something goes wrong? Then again, I should probably be more worried about what will happen when my father finds out over anything else --
“Vanessa?”
My mind goes back to the classroom as I pick my head off of hands. Dimly, I apologize, “I’m sorry Professor. Can you please repeat the question?”
She looks at me exasperated. Her eyes peer at me through beady slits. It’s the same look she gave me and Ray when we snuck in twenty minutes late for this Health and Safety course. With gritted teeth she asks again, “What are the signs of aggression in dogs?”
Everything’s a blank. I should know this. I studied it just last night. But nothing is coming to me when she puts me on the spot. “Uh… Raised haunches… um … showing teeth… lunging….”
“And?”
“Bark?” I know it isn’t right, but I can’t stand this any longer. All the eyes in the classroom are on me as I fail at answering Dog 101 questions. I want to kick myself. This is so unlike me. I was always the straight A student, and now I am barely staying afloat on some of the easiest classes I’ve ever taken.
“Low growl, Miss Barber. I expect you remember that for the quiz at the end of the class.” She scans the rest of the classroom with a knowing look as she adds, “Failure to pass the basic test will mean you will need to repeat the seminar next semester. For those planning on graduating and getting your license, it could mean coming back to see me without your diploma.”
I open the red notebook in front of me and begins jotting down every word the professor is saying. I am not going to mess this up, especially with a baby on the way. If my parents wouldn’t help me out, which I know they wouldn’t, I was going to have to become independent and self-sufficient. And that meant graduating on time, getting a great job as a vet, and making my own home.
A few hours later, and I’ve managed to pass the seminar class regardless of my professor’s warning. I hate to admit it, but I’m practically giddy as I head out of the classroom, the certificate in my hand. The first person to see me is Brock, but even his big lug of a body and face don’t diminish my shine. I skate on by him as I call out to my classmates, “I passed! I passed! Graduation, here I come!”
“Vanessa, your dad wants to see you at home.” Brock’s pained expression gives him away. His face is so focused on being unemotional that it says more than he’d like.
“Why? I still have lab in an hour? Can it wait?”
“No, Vanessa. He needs to see you now. I have orders to bring you back no matter what.” He looks as if he’s ready to carry me out kicking or screaming. Even his hands raise as if he is ready to catch me mid-run. But I don’t say a word back. I swallow the huge lump in my throat and walk beside him past my classmates still celebrating their test results and out towards the parking lot where Brock’s truck is still waiting for us.
When we make it back home, Brock doesn’t even bother walking me in. Instead, he puts the car in park and looks out towards the house. Through the front window, I can see the frail body of my mom hunched over the dining room table as my father paces. Whatever is about to go down, I can tell Brock wants nothing to do with it.
My voice shakes slightly as I try to talk to him, “Please, Brock. Do you know what’s going on?”
He leans back in the driver’s seat and bangs his head on the beat up leather. “It’s not my place, Vanessa. Go talk to your daddy, and I’ll hopefully see you soon.”
“Soon?” My heart drops. “I have class tomorrow though. You’re not going to be there to take me?”
“I -- I don’t know about that. We’ll have to wait and see what your daddy says.”
Brock reaches across my chest and opens the passenger door for me. I unbuckle myself slowly and then head out of the driveway to the front entrance of the house. Before I open the door, I place a hand on my belly. My mind tries to reach the little soul inside of me to say, It’s going to be alright. I’m going to protect you no matter what. We’re going to get through this together.
The house is silent. So silent that I can hear my father breath his large huffs and puffs like a bull ready for the rodeo. As soon as I walk in the door and drop my bag at the entryway, I hear the slide of the chair on the hardwood. My mother, dressed in a pink button down top and a pair of jeans, greets me. Her face is as white as a ghost. She grabs my hands and opens her mouth. Her eyes drift down to my stomach, and I know what’s about to happen.
“Vanessa Barber!” My father’s voice beats my mother before she can even say a word. “Get your ass in here.”
My mother leads the way, standing in front of me as protecting as she can be. Still, he looks past her and pulls me by my arm so roughly that I have to use my hand to catch myself from falling on one of the antique wooden table chairs.
“Sit!” He barks, and I follow as obedient as I can be. He marches behind me, his feet treading on the floors with squeaks and scratches. Finally, out the corner of my eye, I see him throw an object down onto the table. The plastic piece bounces a few times before landing just a few feet from me. My eyes grow wide in horror as I spot one of the used pregnancy tests.
“What the fuck is that?” He yells directly into my ear, so loudly that the hair moves with the wind of his breath.
I sit up a bit taller, my hands wrapping around the arms of the chair as I steady myself. “It’s a pregnancy test,” I say matter-of-factly.
My mom takes a few steps towards me, placing a hand on the table leaf nearest to me. She bends down slightly to catch my eyes as she asks, “Whose pregnancy test, Vanessa?”
I stare at her, unblinking. A small smile creases on my face as I can't conceal it any longer. My mom’s tired, worn face transforms. She looks about twenty years younger, the beautiful girl my father ran off with, as she processes the information.
My dad, however, reacts exactly as I thought he would, “You little slut!” He shouts. “How dare you disobey me and bring shame on this family!” I look up and over at him, prepared for his rage. Still, when I feel his hand slap across the fleshy part of my cheek and the pain flash white and red marks across my eye, I can’t help but feel a little bit of a shock. This was my father. When did it come to this?
“Jonah!” my mom screeches over the table, her hands pounding on the top in balled up fists. “Don’t you dare hit that girl, do you hear me? She is carrying your grandchild!” It’s the first defying words I’ve ever heard her say against my father.
“Like hell she is! That is not my fucking grandchild. Don’t you get it, you dumb cunt? This is that bastard’s plan to take over my goddamn club! He knew what he was doing -- and who he was doing.” I cringe; that was obviously directed at me. It’s hard to believe that this monster is my father sometimes. But that’s not the worst of it. “He saw how stupid this goddamn whore was was, and he manipulated her to get into her fucking pants. First chance he got, he put his cock in her, and she was just fucking stupid enough to go along with it. Don’t you fucking get it, Olivia? This is what he fucking wants!” He wraps his arm around my arm and drags me to stand. “I knew this would happen when you told me that the baby was going to be a girl. I knew we would end up with a pregnant bitch on our hands one day. We should have aborted the goddamn whore when your dad told us to!”
“It’s not part of a ‘plan!’” My voice comes back to me as I defend Gavin, “He doesn’t want anything to do with the club or you. We fell in love. Don’t you get that?”
He laughs directly in my face, spitting with each chuckle. “Love? Jesus fucking Christ. Do you hear that bullshit that’s coming out of your mouth? Maybe this is my fault for not letting you in on club business, but no Bloody Pagan falls in love. He fucks a girl and then moves on. And I’m not about to let you become one of those club hags begging for a handout!”
“Jonah…” My mom’s voice lowers as she tugs on my free arm, pulling me away from him. “Not this. Not this.”
“You have two choices, Vanessa. You get this fixed tomorrow or I do it for you. I swear to God if you don’t take care of it, I will beat you so bad you’ll wish you were never born.”
Just as his hand raises, I hear the door open and close. My brother calls out, “What the hell is going on? Dad? Mom?”
There’s a yank as my dad grabs me by the hair and drags me down to the front entrance. Martin looks at me in complete disgust as my dad throws me at his feet. To the side of me, my mother lets out a sickening, helpless cry. “Your whore of a sister managed to get herself knocked up by that Wren bastard’s baby!”
“WHAT?” I look up to see Martin staring at me with cold, glossy eyes. He swaggers a bit, just as my father does. And it dawns on me -- they’re high.
“You dumb bitch!” Martin yells as he lifts his knee and strikes my face. My nose practically collapses in on itself from the force. His jeans stain with my bright red blood. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Do you know what this means?”
“Martin! Stop!” My mom reaches out and over towards me, placing herself in between my brother and I. Her arms reach out around me. A pool of blood forms under my face on the glossy hardwood. “I won’t have this! I won’t! You two go sober up and then we’ll talk about this later.”
Martin tosses my father his leather jacket that’s hanging just above my head. As they swing the cloak over their arms, my father looks down at me and replies, “Oh, we’ll certainly talk about this later. But there won’t be much talking, Olivia… for either of you. You’re lucky we’ve got business elsewhere.”
He steps over me still struggling to hold myself off of the ground as if I’m just a misplaced piece of furniture standing in his way. My mother falls to her knees as they close the door behind them, their voices shouting loudly as they walk out towards their bikes. Neither of us dares to move in fear that they’ll come back. Instead, I lay flat next to the ring of blood, my knees at my chest guarding the life inside of me. My mom withers away towards the wall as she watches me.
After we hear their engines roar away down the neighborhood street, she looks at me with wide, bespeckled eyes as she says softly, “A baby, Vanessa. A baby.” Even in this moment, this terrible, terrible moment full of uncertainty and danger, she has managed to find some happiness in it.
I can’t placate her though. My mind is focused on the threat of my father. Take care of it or I will… Get it fixed or I do it for you… Neither option is what I want. What I want is Gavin, the baby, and me. I want my happy ending no matter the cost or the risk. With a plan on my mind, I manage to sit myself back up and stand, every bone aching in my body and my stomach turning over on itself.
“Mom,” I say softly, “I need you to get me a phone.”