Chapter 9
Time whirred. The week tumbled together, like paints mixing. Every day, Whitney consolidated her friendships a little further. She helped Faith with her photography. Natalie, despite her bitchy attitude, offered slivers of advice on the things she did best, albeit not as graciously as it could have been. She still also adopted the snide mannerisms Whitney had grown so used to. Gracie and Tia treated her a little bit kinder, as did Sandra. They knew from the times before what sort of troubles they gave. Sandra did get herself moderately drunk one evening, but both Whitney and Natalie helped haul the blonde back into her cabin to sober up. Mostly, people were too exhausted from the horse riding and strenuous activities to really cause trouble.
People, of course, didn’t suddenly change their tunes. Even with their confessions, they still played within their characters. Gracie struggled with failure. Tia’s frustrations with her friends built up like a thundercloud over her head. Alex’s bluntness still came off as cruel, though at least this time she didn’t stir the cauldron so hard it over-boiled. If anything, the floor manager had mellowed since their last few holiday debacles.
Faith could speak more and more like a normal human being, though she still often struggled to talk in the presence of others, and suffered from fast embarrassment.
But it was something. Whitney liked them all more. Her mother actually took the initiative to call Whitney the following two days after the Confession game, though Whitney sensed Aniyah starting to retract into her old patterns.
Miles and Anja persisted in their cultural warfare with one another, almost jostling for Whitney and Faith’s affections. Whether Miles was actively pursuing a bit of Alex on the side, Whitney didn’t dare ask.
And, between the horse riding, trail hikes, lassoing, grooming, archery, and stable mucking – Jack and Whitney constantly found time and excuses to be with each other. Every night and morning, they slept, bodies wrapped together, memories of passion trapped in their skin. Intimate stolen moments between activities kept them longing for more. Whitney knew, without a shadow of doubt in her mind, that she was falling hard and fast for Jack. She couldn’t get enough of him. He couldn’t get enough of her.
It was why, on their last day together, she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, stomach swirling in a peculiar melancholy. Jack slumbered beside her. The clock on his mantelpiece displayed the time: 5.37. A.M.
She wanted, more than anything else, for this holiday to last forever. She didn’t desire returning home to the crummy apartment, the long working hours that ground down her bones, without the prospect of someone by her side to love. Because yes, she could see herself spending more time with this man. She could see a future, unfolding before her like a flower blooming its petals.
A dream she had once forgotten existed.
She also knew that her feelings were likely heightened by the whole experience. She knew that something like this just was too good to be true. It wouldn’t last, no matter how badly she wished for it.
Duty called. Her mother needed her. Her family waited for her. She had a stable job, the ability to pay rent, and a funky, if dysfunctional family. Jack, truly a blessing on her life – would lose the feeling. This was a fling. Flings were exciting, and passionate, and they could forget everything about their lives and just exist in the moment together – but they couldn’t stay away from their lives forever.
Reality always hit in the end.
Her heart squeezed painfully as she examined Jack. How handsome he is. I wish… I wish this could be real. So damn badly.
As if sensing her thoughts, his eyes flickered open, instantly latching onto hers. Then he yawned. “Good morning, beautiful.”
“Hey.”
He scooted closer and gave her a soft, dry kiss on the cheek. “You don’t look so sleepy. Mmm. What’s up?”
“Don’t worry ‘bout it. Let’s just cuddle.”
“Mmm…” He closed his eyes, cradling Whitney. She watched him, suppressing the sadness as best as possible. Presently, Jack cracked his eyelids open again.
“You’re sad, aren’t you? Because you’re going today.”
Whitney shivered, before bobbing her head in confirmation. “Yes.”
“Don’t be sad.” He stroked her hair, nuzzling into her neck. “I mean, I’m sad too. But I rather I wore the upside down smile than you.”
“Didn’t read all the books you lent me. Didn’t have enough time here.” She scratched his chin, watching him tilt it up like a contented kitten. “Whole experience has been like a dream come true. Don’t want to go back home. Back to the smog and the gloomy office.”
“Then don’t.” Jack sat upright, eyes focused. “Why don’t you stay here?”
“What?” The despair inside Whitney halted, voices falling silent.
“Well, why not?” A sliver of desperation shone in Jack’s eyes. “Like, sure. Okay, this is moving fast. Yeah, people would see it as a fling or whatever they want to see it as. But it feels right, Whitney. I feel… like I’ve stumbled onto something special. I don’t know what drew me to you at first, but there’s something you have that is…” he hesitated. “There’s something wonderful there. And it shouldn’t be choked out of you. I think you’re just realizing yourself… what you mean to others. I can see it poking out. Sort of like a tortoise out of its shell. And I don’t want you to go.”
“Don’t want to go either,” Whitney murmured, heart throbbing painfully. “But I have to. This has been amazing. Absolutely amazing. Loved every moment I’ve had with you. Loved learning new things, seeing new things, speaking to the loons you got running your camp. Love that scary horse of yours. But I gotta look after my family, yunno? I can’t do it here. Nor can I just… what? Throw away my career? I built myself up in that job, Jack. I made something of myself. Gotta do right by my family.”
“Well. This is a big ranch. It’s not a city office career, but if you wanted, you could work here. We don’t have a whole lot of staff here, there’s positions available, though they’re not glamorous ones. You could move into one of the guest cabins for the staff. Hell, you could move your whole family here. They could do whatever – cooking, grooming… and they get to benefit from a change of scenery. That grandma of yours – the fresh air will do her good.”
“You… you would seriously consider all that?” Tears thumped against Whitney’s eyes. “Oh…”
“Ssh. It’s okay.” Jack embraced her in the bed, and she let a few tears fall, overwhelmed by the intensity of the feeling.
“This kindness, this ain’t something I deserve,” Whitney whispered, wiping at her eyes. “Stupidly happy you said all that…”
Jack kissed her several times on the forehead, arresting her light brown eyes with ocean blue ones. “Of course you deserve it. I mean it, Whitney. I’ve been thinking – crazy thoughts, maybe, but I’ve been having it bounce around my skull what to do with you. What to offer you – because I don’t want you to go. You’ve just come into my life – don’t leave it so soon.” The pleading note in his voice matched the tune in her heart. “Graham Cracker would be so sad to see you go! I can’t imagine him letting anyone else on his back.”
“Jack. I can’t leave everything behind. I can’t ask my family to leave everything behind for a man I’ve known a week. Can you imagine the reaction when I tell Ma? ‘Hey, by the way, I fell in love, and I’m gonna move to North Dakota to the middle of nowhere and you can come too.’ She won’t give up her job. Da has a lot of friends in the area. The kids are going to school, they got their friends. Imagine it a good two-three hours to a nearby school here for them if they come. Honestly, if it were just me, then yes. But I can’t leave them behind. As much… as much as I want this.”
A glint of pain showed in Jack’s eyes. The hope that had been in there slowly dissolved. Watching that hope die made Whitney struggle to breathe. She knew she was doing the right thing. This was, after all, what her whole life revolved around. It was her purpose for living.
So why did it hurt so damn much?
“I hate this,” Whitney said. Another tear spilled out. “Couldn’t even believe this happiness existed.”
“I hate it too,” Jack said.
They clung to each other, and said nothing else. There was no need. Every second that passed was one less second they could have.
So they drank in the presence of each other for as long as possible.
*****
Returning home, Whitney collapsed into bed. The journey back had been subdued, anticlimactic. Arrangements had been to leave at six in the evening, after a four-thirty dinner, and a little over fourteen hours later, Whitney made it back to her yellow-sheeted bed.
She felt like complete shit, when she should have been happy to return – though she chalked it over to the fact the journey had exhausted her. Five hours of sleep later, she woke up, still feeling like dirt. Memories plagued her. Miles and Anja, arguing with each other. The main chef, Horace, grinning knowingly as she seized a peanut butter sandwich. Alex’s imperious stare as she surveyed her environment. Graham Cracker, towering above the other horses, snapping at Natalie. That stupid Outback Bandits logo on the company car Natalie drove. The Australian hat that never made it past their car trip stint.
Faith, holding up her camera and obtaining a myriad of pictures. Sandra, relaxing in the spa, Gracie and Tia trying to hit the bulls-eye on the target. The dining hall, the cabin, the books by the side, and the vast, open expanse of Brook Valley ranch and the lands around it.
And of course, the last and most poignant memory, Jack Brook. Thinking about him hurt the most. The way he felt against her, their casual, easy conversations, the way they had just clicked and dove into each other’s lives without so much as a stutter. Their sorrow at how soon they parted ways. The hope dying in his eyes. Those memories writhed through her mind, vibrant and colorful, contrasting with the moan of traffic outside, the cracks on the walls and the crammed in, claustrophobic feeling of the apartment.
Consumed then by a sudden urge to not forget anything that had happened, Whitney searched for pen and paper, committing her experiences to paper.
She was still scribbling when her mother returned from work, spotting Whitney’s jacket and boots in the hallway. Aniyah knocked on the door. “Whitney?”
“Come in.”
Aniyah stepped in, deep-lined face exploding into a smile as she saw her daughter. “Ah, lookit you! You're like a drowned rat, yet still gorgeous!” They exchanged hugs, with Aniyah giving sloppy, matronly kisses on Whitney’s head.
“Where’s Da and grandma?”
“Your da’s with a friend. The friend might be able to get him a job, so they looking into that. Grandma’s at some old lady meeting with three friends of hers. Think they're staying in a hotel.”
“You didn’t mention that in the call, Ma – that’s real good. She needs to get out more so her bones don’t turn to soup. And Da, well… we been egging on him to be more active.”
“Yeah, well, he ain’t gonna sit in my apartment not earning his keep. Also worried like a mother hen ‘bout grandma, one good sneeze gonna knock that woman down. Insists she’s tougher than she looks, of course. Brats as well will be picked up in a couple hours. I asked to start work early to manage it. Been up since five.”
Whitney, battling her weariness, yawned and got up. “Sounds like you need something to drink and eat. I’ll make you something, you sit down, Ma.”
“Uh, honey, I ain’t the one who been traveling all night. You look like a zombie. You been crying as well?” Aniyah dabbed at Whitney’s eyelids, making her daughter flinch back and swat her off. “You're cheeks are even more puffy than normal.”
“Ma!”
“You're manager didn’t give you too much stick? That blonde hellion didn’t drink down the whole house?”
“Ma! Not now.”
“Aight. Let’s get us some food. Come on. Up you go.”
They ended up making bacon and eggs on toast together, and Whitney tried giving her mother a more detailed account of what had happened during the week, instead of their rushed conversations by phone. She provided information on virtually everything, except for how hot and heavy it had gotten between her and Jack.
Aniyah, of course, sensed Whitney skirting the topic, and her daughter’s body language, curling up protectively as if shying away from pain.
“Daughter-mine, sounds like you had a hell of a week with the company. But look at you. You act like that time those kids at Roswall school were bullying you, shrinking up every time you talk about that ranch owner. What's up?”
Whitney debated with how much to tell. Hiding things from her mother wasn’t always the wisest option. However, the horrible, uneasy sensation that Whitney had made a terrible, terrible mistake lingered within. She didn’t think her mother would understand, or care, if she did tell the truth. But Aniyah also deserved to know. “You know I said Jack Brook, he's a good man, took personal interest in the activities and helping us, right? That he didn’t seem like much of a rich person – just someone who loved their job.”
“Yeah. He mean to you? He didn’t hurt you did he?” Aniyah’s face blazed in indignation at whatever perceived offense she imagined.
“No. No! Far from it. I wasn’t all honest with you, Ma. ‘Bout him. Jack and me, well, we got pretty friendly with each other. Like, under the sheets friendly.”
Aniyah’s jaw dropped – but not in the way Whitney anticipated. “Whitney! You didn’t let him seduce you into his bed, did you? Oh, that vile man! People like him have no right to flaunt their status like that!”
Whitney held up an imploring palm. “Ma! It was very, very mutual. Don’t worry. No abusing of power or anything. We had… it was amazing. Really.”
She could almost witness the cogs in her mother’s head churning, with the additional information to process. “So… you went… with a rich man, willingly? Did he pay you?”
“Seriously? What the hell, Ma?” Whitney’s voice rose an octave. “What is it with you? Flaunting status? Paying me? Is it so hard to believe that we were together in that week ‘cause we actually liked each other?”
“Of – of course, I wasn’t saying that…” Aniyah’s voice trailed off. She made an effort to gather herself up. “So. You had a… fling?”
Whitney sighed. “Guess so. It was… pretty amazing, Ma. We really connected. We couldn’t get enough of each other.”
“Oh.” Aniyah raised one eyebrow, her finger tapping the table. “He was attracted to you?”
“Obviously…” Whitney inhaled sharply, feeling a sudden, furious urge to slap her mother. Aniyah wasn’t listening, as predicted. Whitney knew on one hand that this was exactly the sort of reaction to expect. Of course, it might be hard to believe your precious daughter managed to find herself having an affair with a billionaire. But explaining to her mother that status, wealth – had absolutely nothing to do with it – would be impossible. She would only see that. Maybe Whitney should have lied, said Jack was a ranch hand or something.
But then, explaining to her mother that a ranch hand wanted her to stay would sound ridiculous.
“Ma. He actually wanted me to stay with him. To… come live on the ranch. That was how much we… connected.”
“Oh.” Aniyah repeated the word. Her body had frozen up, as if stunned.
“And he said… if I wanted… maybe if my family was interested, they could come as well. But I said that we had a life here, that moving to the middle of nowhere wouldn’t cop it. And yunno, I’m in pretty good with my work, even if it can be demanding.”
Aniyah swallowed visibly. Her dark eyes looked unsure, as if staring down a minefield. “I see. Well, you did the right thing. I mean it can be quite exciting to have an affair, but they don’t last. You certainly couldn’t give up your job – we barely make it each year as it is. Unless of course he pays you lots. But North Dakota is quite far, isn’t it?”
“It’s not about the payment, Ma… it’s about the fact that there is a man in the world who seriously wants me to stay with him. Like, it ain’t bullshit, Ma. It’s ‘bout… love.” The word sounded so absurd, slipping out her mouth. Love. Four simple little letters. “I’m considering it. Like I never even thought about doing anything different from what I have before. But this week… it changed some things. And I think I love him.”
Aniyah blinked rapidly. Then she let out a hysterical, disbelieving chortle. “One week, Whitney. You know how that sounds? That ain’t love. It just something new and shiny and different. You come back to me using that word, you sound insane, you know that? Oh, that came out rude. I don’t mean to be rude…”
Yes you do, Ma. Whitney, attempting to take a bite of her toast, felt the taste turn to ash on her tongue. She spat it out. The whole topic, the moment Whitney had chosen to mention Jack, had turned the atmosphere between them into a blizzard. Of course Whitney held her doubts. She had her job, people she didn’t completely hate working there, a stable income and a home, that she was considering giving up for a man she had known a week.
The trouble was, distinguishing which choice truly was the crazy one.
“…I’m just worried for you. I mean, listen to what you saying. You're a sensible girl. You got everything you want here. You wouldn’t throw that away for an affair like some love struck fool.”
“Just because you don’t know what instant love feels like if it punches you in the face doesn’t mean it ain’t real,” Whitney hissed venomously. Instantly regretting the outburst, observing her mother’s stricken, angry face, Whitney balled up her hands. “Okay, yeah, I know it sounds insane. I think it’s insane. Everything logical is telling me it ain’t gonna happen. But Ma. It really hurts here. Nothing to do with logic. It just… hurts. I wanna beat it off, but it don’t wanna budge.”
Aniyah’s nostrils flared. Her breathing quickened. “I think we should stop talking. ‘Fore both of us say something we gonna regret. But, will say this. Listen to your brain. Your heart will make you do things like jump in front of a train. It won’t make you survive. Maybe you did feel attracted to him. But it ain’t gonna last. You know that. It’s just like being drunk. It wears off.”
“So,” Whitney said between clenched teeth, “You think I should continue with my lifestyle as it is?”
“Hell girl. You the one who said it yourself. You got it good. Much better than others.”
“I hate this.” Whitney shook vehemently. “I hate being like this. Being… dependable. Always thinking ‘bout how you gonna cope. I…” She stopped. Emotions swirled in her like a storm. Anger at her mother, anger because part of her actually agreed with the things Aniyah said. Jack Brook. Feeling happy. Complete. And coming back to the stress of her overworked mother, unmotivated father and ancient grandmother, along with two growing kids.
She saw it, in one clear vision. Going to work. People smiling at the office. People working, her settling down to her work. Sorting documents. Natalie’s false, magazine smile. Faith going back to her shy corner. The guys getting paid slightly more than the women who worked the same hours. Coming back home, hearing the kids scream, her father sitting on the couch reading another newspaper and pretending everything around him wasn’t happening. Her mother, babbling about work cuts and constantly worrying about the rent, rushing around at a hundred miles an hour.
That was her life now, for the next week, for the next few years. She could almost feel her hair graying in stress at the image.
Then there was Jack Brook.
“Ma. I’m going back.” Taking a deep breath, Whitney rose out the chair. “Screw it.”
“Whitney!” Aniyah stood up, gobsmacked. “You should go calm down. You ain’t thinking clearly.”
“Ma, I’m thinking clearer than I ever had.” It was a lie, but she didn’t care. Whitney went to move to her bedroom, to grab items she needed for her journey, but Aniyah seemed to watch her do this too eagerly. Whitney understood in that moment her mother intended to lock her in the room, like she had done since Whitney was a child, with a stupidly designed door that had a lock on the damn outside.
“Just go and cool down, Whitney. You give yourself rest.”
Whitney strode into the hallways, scooping up her bag and placing on her boots.
Aniyah stalked into the hallway, arms folded across her chest. “Whitney! What do you think you're doing?”
Not bothering to answer, Whitney thrust her arms through the jacket sleeves, took out her keychain and unlocked the door. “For a walk.”
“Whitney… just stay in, sleep it off.”
“Changed my mind. Driving. To North Dakota.” Whitney strode down the block’s hallway, running down the stairs, ignoring the protesting shrieks of her mother behind her. Whitney’s heart beat rapidly, her brain was screaming at her to not be an idiot, that Aniyah was right, this was too emotional and irrational…
But she left the apartment block, and jumped into her car in the resident parking lot. Her mother had just emerged outside as well when Whitney drove past her. Looking into the side mirror, her mother’s face formed a knot of fear and worry, that made Whitney’s guts twist up further. Fear, excitement and disbelief churned her blood.
What was she doing?
How could she do this?
Everyone was expecting her at work tomorrow. She had yet to see the company photos taken during the trip, or how Outback Bandits felt with their promotions at the ranch.
Stifling the roaring doubts, she pressed her foot harder on the pedal.