Chapter Six
Sawyer
Sawyer hopped down from the paper covered hospital bed. Roscoe finished wiping his stomach clean and then fixed his shirt so that it covered his skin. While Sawyer appreciated his mate's concern for his propriety as well as cleanliness, Sawyer was still too lost in his own thoughts. He was pregnant. He had just witnessed the infant in his stomach on the ultrasound screen. He'd heard the heartbeat. And yet, he couldn't get over the concept. There was a child inside of him. Growing. The phrase, 'that's for girls,' definitely crossed his mind a few times. Except, when he looked at Roscoe's face, at the pride he saw there, he thought, maybe this process shouldn't be confined to a single gender.
They'd traveled south to what Roscoe said was a well-known shifter friendly hospital with the most knowledgeable shifter doctor in the state. He was a friendly looking man with deep brown eyes and a mess of brown curls that Sawyer could see quickly growing out of control. "As you likely know," the doctor said as he waited for the computer to print out a copy of his ultrasound, "Gestation lasts around four months, and you are already a month in so I'm happy to say you won't have long to wait."
Did that make Sawyer happy? Kind of. Maybe. He waited for Roscoe's response before deciding how he felt.
"Thank you, Dr. Feller. I'm afraid our supplies are limited at camp, and I have never tried to prepare for a pregnancy before. What do you recommend?"
"I've got these supplements. A uniquely blended variety of herbal supplements and vitamins that I have created during my research in male pregnancy, specifically shifter to human pregnancy. Though these supplements worked on my own mate, Sorell, and he is a shifter."
The pleasant doctor handed Roscoe a white paper bag that rattled. Sawyer hated taking pills, and he eyed the bag warily.
"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" Dr. Feller asked.
Sawyer waited for Roscoe to respond and when he didn't, Sawyer blinked, turning his attention back to the other two men in the room. Both stared at him with expressions of concern, though, the type of concern was clearly different. "Me?"
The doctor moved a little closer, his eyes roaming Sawyer's skin. He saw the doctor's gaze pause over the bruise on his lower neck, though he couldn't be able to see much more than the upper edge, his shirt covered the rest. "Are you feeling okay, Sawyer? I could go get you a glass of water."
Meanwhile, Roscoe tensed but oddly, remained out of arm's reach. He was always so close. The phrase, able to throw a stone and hit you, was always true when it came to his mate. Except now.
When Sawyer thought he realized what was happening his mouth parted with an, "Oh!" He rushed to Roscoe's side and threaded his arm under Roscoe's. "I'm fine. We are fine. This is all just, very new. I'm still adjusting."
Most of the worry cleared from his doctor's face. "That is perfectly normal. In fact, I've also been working on some pamphlets that I hoped would help take you through the stages of accepting what you are about to experience. It can be terrifying. Don't worry. We aren't like ancient shifters, delivering our babies with our teeth."
Sawyer blanched as it felt like the blood was rushing out of his face. The mental image of that alone was enough to make him sick. Garth's taunts played through his mind, something Sawyer had remembered more often these days, "Would probably split you open before it came to term."
"I'm sorry, that was not a well-timed joke. My brothers are always telling me I have horrible timing."
Sawyer managed a weak smile. "They aren't wrong." He leaned into Roscoe's warmth.
"I'm afraid that is all I have. I understand it is quite a journey for you guys to make it here. Unless you have a concern, I shouldn't need to see you again until labor. Though, it may be smart to come down a week or so before your due date, in case things get exciting." Dr. Feller was near out the door when he snapped his fingers and turned back around. "I'll need to ask my pack members to be sure, but I believe Riverside may be closer to Noel than our town. Brady doesn't have near the equipment we have here, and he is a veterinarian, but if there is an emergency, he is up there with his mates much of the time. Something to consider."
"Thank you, doctor."
"Of course. If you do decide you want to know the sex of your baby, I'll write it down here." He ripped a section of printer paper and scribbled something before folding the paper in half.
The moment Sawyer touched it, he felt a thrill go through him. This was happening. This was real.
Fifteen minutes later he was in the car with Roscoe as they drove back north to camp. Originally, Sawyer had been excited about the idea of visiting a bustling city, even if he wasn't sure yet how he felt about the reason for their visit. The last time he'd been there, he hadn't stayed long before getting spooked north. What he remembered of it--other than the man in the yellow sports car--had been pleasant. So, he'd been shocked by how deafening and bright it all was. If Roscoe wanted to drive a little faster back home, Sawyer wouldn't be upset.
"Do you regret me?" Roscoe asked out of nowhere. They'd been holding hands, and then, his grip had tightened a moment before he delivered the bombshell question.
"What do you mean?"
"That doctor, for a moment there I could see it in his eyes. He thought that you weren't where you wanted to be. I think he thought I was forcing you. I wanted to assume it was simply because of our age difference but I saw it too. You aren't excited about this pregnancy, are you?"
Sawyer took a deep breath, words that would placate and ease his mate's worries were poised at the edge of his tongue. He swallowed them at the last second. He would never lie to Roscoe, even if the truth was harder to admit. "I don't know. It doesn't feel real, ya know?" He flinched and then waited for Roscoe to blow up with anger. After a while, he peeked up from under his eyelashes and spotted Roscoe waiting patiently for him to continue.
When would Sawyer stop comparing Roscoe to the other men he'd known in his life? With new guilt, he continued. "You've always known that males could have children. Not just father them, but grow them. I guess. That sounds stupid. But, I found out maybe two weeks before I wound up pregnant and I don't regret anything. I still feel complete when I am around you. But so far, this pregnancy is this intangible thing. I'm not much bigger, and I don't feel different on the inside. I still just fill good when I am with you and sad when I am not."
Roscoe lifted their joined hands to his lips and kissed Sawyer's knuckles. "That makes sense. You'll have to forgive my doubt. You already said you didn't grow up in this life, so you weren't aware of the possibilities. I did though. And I have seen it happen. I simply never thought it would work out for me. You're a dream come true that I never dared to dream. I love you, Sawyer. Never stop telling me the truth, even if you think I don't want to hear it."
Suddenly, the scrap of paper in his pocket felt so much more significant. He reached down and pulled it out, clutching it between two fingers. "Should we see?"
Roscoe's eyes lit up like fireworks. "If you want to."
He took his hand out of their grasp and opened it up, staring at the word.
"What is it?" Roscoe asked, excitement in his voice.
Sawyer wanted to respond, but for some reason, that small word written in nearly illegible doctor handwriting was affecting him far greater than he could have imagined. His heart pounded as tears sprung to his eyes. He smiled as they began rolling down his cheeks. He didn't even take a moment to think about how he never cried and how ridiculous he was acting right now. He didn't care. "It's a boy," he said, and he could have sworn that at that moment, he felt a flutter from inside.
***
"It's too hard," Sawyer replied to Roscoe's question of whether the rocking chair needed a cushion.
Roscoe went to this linen closet and returned with a thick pillow, setting it down where Sawyer had been sitting.
"This one is too soft," Sawyer replied after giving the pillow a few rocks.
When Roscoe returned with another cushion and tied it into place, he watched Sawyer sit down with a smirk. "Don't you say it mate—"
"Just right," Sawyer proclaimed.
"Come here, Goldilocks." Roscoe gathered Sawyer up and held him against his broad chest.
Sawyer couldn't believe he was still able to. He remembered when there had been a time that he had complained about not growing any bigger. Poor, naive Sawyer. It had not taken long after that for Sawyer to blow up and then some. He waddled now. That wasn't great. And he groaned whenever he got up or sat down or moved. Not that he often had to get up unassisted. Or often walk on his own. Roscoe was there to lift him up or carry him, and Sawyer hated how much he loved it. He'd been walking for so long on his own though, it felt more than nice to share the load.
Roscoe carried him out of the nursery to their bedroom.
"You finished the crib!" Sawyer exclaimed when he spotted the beautifully carved oak dresser in the corner of the room. "But, why is it in here?" He wiggled to be set down, and Roscoe obeyed, letting him find his footing before releasing his hold. Sawyer grazed his hand over the softwood. They were still waiting for Roscoe's brothers to return with supplies to continue construction, and Sawyer wasn't even sure there would be enough extra supplies to justify making non-essential furniture.
"Of course, I did. I am the pack master. What I say goes."
Sawyer spun around, his eyebrows so high they were likely in his hairline. "No one better be going without. I know that Marcy really wanted a pantry for her kitchen. And Greg mentioned needing a workbench. Those are all really important things."
Roscoe grabbed both of Sawyer's hands and held them against his chest. "So sweet and considerate. I agree those are important things. That's why I installed Marcy's shelves in her pantry while you were taking your nap and spoke with Greg about what he needs. My brothers will be back soon, and then we can keep going as planned. However, a crib is an essential item. Where else will our baby sleep?"
Sawyer looked at Roscoe's arms and then his own pointedly.
Roscoe giggled, the sound so pure, strange and silly coming from a man his size, Sawyer had to join him. Roscoe was just so excited about their baby that it had rubbed off on everyone else in the pack. The baby's nursery already had a line of toys made from Roscoe's den brothers and sisters. Sawyer turned back to admire the crib. He felt Roscoe come up behind him and he sighed into his embrace.
"It's going to be perfect, isn't it?" Sawyer said as he stared at the crib.
"Of course."
"But, will he change us?" Sawyer faced Roscoe, he was less able to fold his body into Roscoe's embrace with his big belly, but he managed.
"Change us how?"
"Will you still want me? I only had heats for a while, but then when I was pregnant, they stopped. What else will eventually stop?"
"Mate, are you truly suggesting that there will come a time when I do not want to be buried inside of your sweet body?"
Sawyer's gut clenched with desire. Roscoe had a habit of saying dirty words in the sweetest way. "I believe you will always love me. But what happens when you are busy with building this community, and I am busy with our son? And when we finally get home and get a moment, we are both too tired to even lift a finger?"
"Then I will use my feet to lift you onto my cock," Roscoe murmured, his lips brushing against the back of Sawyer's neck.
"That should not sound so hot," Sawyer whined. He was aware of Roscoe moving them toward the bed. He pushed his ass back as they walked, gasping at the feeling of Roscoe's dick jutting between Sawyer's cheeks over his clothing. Something that size would always be shocking.
"And if my sweet mate is too tired to hold his head up, I will simply fuck his face, until he wakes up."
"Barbarian," Sawyer grunted, and then, "you better not be lying."
Roscoe chuckled. He set Sawyer on his side and then, with one fluid motion, tore Sawyer's pants from his body. Sawyer looked back as Roscoe rubbed the head of his dick, gathering that magical precum on his finger he pressed the finger against Sawyer's hole, probing and rubbing the fluid around.
"What if you are too tired?" Sawyer gasped.
"Not possible. I'm a shifter. I'm an alpha. I'll never be too tired to make love to you."
"What about to fuck?"
Roscoe fingered his hole. "Dear Sawyer, with me, they mean the same thing. I was only trying to be polite."
"Sure, sure. You don't have to worry about that. I like the idea of fucking you as much as I like making love to you."
"That's good to hear," Roscoe quipped as he pressed the head of his dick in. Sawyer's body was as prepared as it could be for such an invasion. He grabbed the pillow in front of him and bit down on the corner as Roscoe worked himself in. Sawyer's moans joined Roscoe's low growling. "I need to ask you something," Roscoe said as he pushed in so deeply, Sawyer felt his balls press against his backside.
Sawyer could barely speak. "Now?"
"Yes, now. I apologize for not asking until now." Roscoe pumped as he spoke, slow, steady thrusts that were meant to maintain rather than incite. That still didn't stop Sawyer's body from feeling like it was quickly approaching an orgasm.
"What?" he asked exasperatedly.
"Bear shifters have a ceremony, similar to human marriage called a bonding ceremony. I'm asking you to be bonded with me. We can do it with only a few people around or make it big enough to include the pack. But I want to make us official. I need to."
Sawyer thought something like that was a moot point by now. He was Roscoe's forever. But, he sounded so earnest, and his dick felt so amazing in Sawyer's ass. "Yes, of course, I will. Let's include the whole pack." He couldn't believe he had the breath and energy to say not one, but two complete sentences. That quickly went away as Roscoe growled loudly and began thrusting into Sawyer with new fervor. He'd been holding back while he asked his question and now that he'd gotten his answer, there was built up energy and also, judging from the noises he was making, joy, at Sawyer's answer.
Sawyer came quickly, and Roscoe was not long behind him. He didn't lock inside of him. He had explained to Sawyer that it would happen again once Sawyer was ready to conceive again, but he did lock his teeth against the soft spot at Sawyer's shoulder. That was one mark that would never go away, and Sawyer was glad for it. When he missed Roscoe, he just had to look at it and be comforted. Roscoe kept his mouth in place through his climax. Towards the end, he released Sawyer and licked the spot as if cleaning it. Sawyer sighed, feeling as content as a cat on a windowsill. He was already bonded.
***
"I was wondering when he would ask you," Gaia was saying as she worked the ball of dough under her palms. "You're about to burst as it is. If he took much longer, I was going to insist on it."
"I didn't know," Sawyer replied. He'd offered to help Gaia make the bread for the party after the ceremony, but she had refused saying he would just get his baby germs all over everything. Roscoe wouldn't allow it was more like it. But really, was he missing out on not kneading a wad of dough? It looked like hard work. "He said it is like a marriage?"
"Yeah, it is sort of the same. The concept is almost exact. When a bear loves his human boy very much, he bonds with him and then puts a baby in him. Roscoe sort of did it the other way around. Especially since your due date is two weeks away."
"It was all pretty crazy back then."
Gaia smiled. "So forgiving. But, I'm glad it is happening. Bonding came about after it became clear that shifter men are pigs." Gaia allowed herself an indulgent smile before continuing. "Pack masters especially had a habit of sowing their seeds all around town if they never met their true mates. Which made caring for the pack master's children a chore. Not only is a bonding ceremony a nice way of linking yourself to your mate, but it is powerful in the eyes of the pack. For example, if something were to happen to Roscoe then you, as a bonded mate, would have the full support of the pack and your children would have a valid claim on leadership."
"It sounds medieval," Sawyer said with a frown. He didn't enjoy the part about something happening to Roscoe. A cold breeze blew by him from behind as the door opened.
"It sort of is. But, when you have a group of beasts such as us, full of not only human emotions and drives, but the demands of our inner animals as well, things can get hairy, real fast."
"Did you mean that pun?"
"Ha. No. It is a good thing though, Sawyer. Beyond what it will do for you, a bonding ceremony is a message to yourselves and those around you."
"It's true then?" an angry voice asked. Sawyer turned toward the speaker, and his hair stood on end when he spotted Garth, standing closer to Sawyer than he was to Gaia. These past couple months had been peaceful when it came to Garth, but only because Sawyer hadn't seen him around in all that time. He looked just as angry as the last time before Roscoe had almost torn his mouth in two. Sawyer reached for his stomach as if attempting to shield his baby.
Garth noticed the movement and gave him a horribly slow smile.
"What do you want, Garth?" Gaia asked harshly.
"I'm hungry," he grunted, walking by Sawyer.
Sawyer didn't exhale until Garth was past him. Garth wasn't making his hatred of Sawyer a secret, and there was a glint in his eye that reminded Sawyer of his father's face right before he kicked his son down the stairs.
"How come you aren't finished with the bread?" Garth asked with a whine.
"This isn't for you anyway. It is for the ceremony."
"Fucking, of course. Now he doesn't just hoard the raw materials, but he hoards the food as well." He turned to Sawyer and sneered. "Would you like all of our resources? You could use our water to fill a private pool."
"What are you talking about?"
"He isn't talking about anything, just being a spoiled brat," Gaia replied.
Garth hissed and turned on her. "I understand now why you weren't pissed to lose your engagement. You hid that well, even your own brother didn't know you were more into the caverns than the trees. But, must you kiss your pack master's ass so hard?"
"Get out, Garth. And if you deny your pack master again, I won't feel bad about letting him do whatever is necessary." Gaia moved as she spoke, assuming a protective stance in front of Sawyer.
With a snarl, Garth stormed out, leaving the door open as he ran from the building and to the right, into the forest. Roscoe happened to be walking toward them through camp with Greg and could see straight through the doorway. He spotted the two of them, quickly observing the way Gaia stood and the likely unsteady expression on Sawyer's face. He was in the room in a moment, grabbing Sawyer and holding him tightly.
"What happened?" he demanded.
"Just Garth, being Garth," Gaia said tiredly, going back to her dough ball.
"I can't let that go on, Gaia. If my brothers were here, they would have demanded I dealt with him long ago."
"No offense, but your brothers are, for the most part, crazy. And I agree. I can't protect him if he insists on acting like a child. Let's not let it ruin our celebration though." Sawyer watched her turn her attention back to her work, but there was a sadness about her movements now. The position she was in, lodged between a pack master and a brother who refused to forget, couldn't be easy.
"Would it be okay if we invited Maggie and Heath to the bonding ceremony?" Sawyer asked.
Gaia's face lit up before she shuttered her expression and waited for Roscoe's response.
"The shifter cat is out of the bag with those two already anyway. They will have to be blindfolded on the way here. Maggie knows the general area, but no sense in broadcasting it. Especially to that brother of hers. Which reminds me, I have a few questions for the man who insisted on guiding my mate into danger."
"The only danger I was in that night was from you," Sawyer reminded him.
Roscoe only grunted in reply.
The next morning Sawyer rose early with Gaia to go to town and retrieve Maggie and Heath. They would need to invite them first, and Sawyer was positive Maggie would need to do some preparation to be gone for the evening. He only hoped they would be able to come. Roscoe crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway, a scowl on his face that had been there since Sawyer woke up.
"You said there is a lot to do today," Sawyer said before Roscoe could begin his argument again.
He wanted to take Sawyer into town which was sweet, but Sawyer's reasons for wanting to go with Gaia were two-fold. One, she would have more time with Maggie if she were the one to retrieve her and two Sawyer had thought about the old human marriage tradition of not seeing the bride before the ceremony. While Sawyer was certainly no bride, he quite liked the idea of blending traditions.
"You could blindfold me," Roscoe said as if reading Sawyer's mind. He deposited a couple of pills into Sawyer's hand and then gave him a glass of water.
Sawyer swallowed down his supplements before answering. "That is not the same, and you know it. Besides, I am worried about Gaia. None of this can be easy for her and Maggie makes her happy. I want everyone happy on my bonding day."
Roscoe beamed. "You are perfection."
"And you are trying to distract me."
"To what end?"
"I don't know. Stop speaking logic at me."
Gaia knocked on the open door. "That isn't usually one of his problems." She looked Sawyer up and down. "Are you wearing that? You'll be much too cold."
Now it was Gaia's turn to receive a winning smile from Roscoe. He was surely glad that she took such concern for his safety and comfort. "Okay. You two go. But hurry. Safely. Safely hurry. And when you get to the forest line, just yell like Maggie did. I'll hear it and come by with blindfolds, so you don't have to help both of them walk blind through the woods. I don't want anyone tripping on my mate. I'll stay here and finish the covered area for our party after the ceremony. It will use the last of the wood we have prepared, but we can use it for so much more after the bonding ceremony." As he spoke he rubbed Sawyer's belly. Roscoe got down on his knees before Sawyer and cupped his hands over his tummy. "Keep your father safe, my son," he whispered.
Sawyer had to make a joke before he started crying ugly tears. "Unrealistic expectations on a child. Are you going to be one of those parents who expects him to be able to play piano by the time he is three?"
"Of course not. But he will be able to fish."
Sawyer rolled his eyes as he kissed Roscoe goodbye.
"Come back soon," Roscoe murmured in his ear. "So I can spank you for rolling your eyes at me before the ceremony instead of after."
Sawyer followed Gaia with wobbly legs that weren't because of his pregnant state. "That man says the worst things in the sexiest ways."
Gaia gave him a look of disbelief as she helped him over a log. "I'll have to take your word for it."
They continued through the forest in companionable silence. Sawyer waited for Gaia to get upset with him for being so slow and prone to tripping. She was patient though and was always there when he needed an extra hand. "You would have made a great pack master's mate," he blurted out the moment he thought it.
"I never needed it. Or wanted it. I love my pack, I love my den brothers and sisters. I was okay with the position, but it never controlled my actions."
"That's why you'd make a great leader. Because you don't want the power."
"I don't know what Roscoe told you about our old pack, but it had been sick for a long time. I don't think any of us were malicious, except for our old pack master, but we had grown apathetic. We didn't care how our den brothers and sisters were because it didn't affect us personally. I was included in that group of uncaring people. Some families had fallen on hard times, families with major sicknesses that they were struggling to treat and then there was the chosen few who partied and enjoyed the fruits of everyone else's labor. Roscoe and his brothers saved us from that life. He pressed pause and then rewrote our future. I'll always love him for that, but will always love you for being his mate and making him so happy."
"I don't know what to say, Gaia." Sawyer blinked past his tears.
"Try, goodbye Gaia," a hard voice said, and Sawyer spotted Gaia falling to the forest floor a moment before his world went dark.