Eli Hardy
LILA TEXTED ME two hours later to tell me she was free tonight. I told her I’d pick her up at six and feed her, and then we’d go dancing. The front part of Live Bay was an actual restaurant with good food.
When I knocked on Bliss’s door, it was the first time I didn’t have a knot of regret or sorrow in my stomach. I’d never been honest with her about my feelings, but now it was too late. She was happy and in love. She’d never looked at me the way she did Nate.
Bliss opened the door and gave me her usual bright smile. “I was just about to call you. Come in. I need to talk to you about something.”
She wasn’t aware I was here to pick up Lila apparently. It was normal for me to stop by. Although not this frequently. “Okay,” I said walking inside the door and scanning for any sign of Lila.
“I’ve been battling something,” she laughed then. “Nate said I can do what I want. It’s our wedding, and we don’t believe in rules. I like that idea. No rules. Do it our way. You know?”
Bliss wanted to talk about her wedding? Seriously? I just nodded.
“Do you want a drink? I’ve got bottled water in the fridge,” she said sounding nervous.
“No. I’m good. Thanks,” I replied studying her. She was fidgeting. Like she was worried about what she had to tell me.
“Okay, well, you want to sit? We don’t have to stand here. I was just so anxious to talk to you after making my decision. Then you showed up, and I knew it was right.”
She had no idea I was here to pick up Lila. I glanced around again to see if Lila had heard us, but she was nowhere in sight.
“We can stand. I’m not here to stay awhile,” I told her.
She nodded. “Okay. Right. Okay,” she was babbling now like she only did when she was nervous. What the hell was wrong with her? How could anything having to do with her wedding affect me?
“I want you to be my best man,” she blurted.
“What?” came out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
“My best man. I don’t need a maid of honor. Who would that be anyway? You’re my best friend. So I should have a best man beside me. Not a maid of honor. You can’t very well wear a dress,” she laughed and then continued. “And you can’t stand on Nate’s side. You’re my friend. His dad is going to be his best man. I just . . . I want you to be a part of my big day. You’ve been a part of all my big events in life. This should be no different. I won’t have bridesmaids. We just decided on both having a best man. Then Jilly will be the flower girl of course. It sounds crazy, but it really isn’t. It makes sense. You know?”
As much as I understood what she was saying I didn’t think I could answer her. How was I supposed to stand up there and watch the girl I’d imagined I’d marry all my life marry someone else? When she had been sick, and I wasn’t sure if she’d survive, I’d feared we’d never get a chance to live a life together. Getting married. Having kids. But she had beat cancer. And she was going to get married. Just not to me. But she wanted me to watch it up close and personal.
Motherfucker.
“Please, think about it. This will make my day complete. Having you up there just sounds right.”
I had arrived without the knot in my stomach, but it was back now. Stronger than ever. “Yeah, okay, sure. I can do that.”
I don’t know how I managed to get the words out.
Bliss broke into a huge grin. “Thank you! This means the world to me.”
It meant a form of hell for me. But I didn’t say that. “Thanks for asking me.”
“I need to tell Nate.” She reached to pull her phone out, then her head snapped back up to look at me. “Wait, you came to see me. I took over the conversation. Were you just here to visit or did you need something?”
“Lila. I’m here to get Lila,” I replied still reeling from what I’d been asked.
That brought back her smile. “So you’re her plans for tonight. That’s wonderful.” And she meant it. Bliss wanted me to date someone. Find someone like she had. “Well, I’ll just go on up to my room and read until Nate gets home. Y’all have fun,” she said then gave me a quick hug. “Thanks again.”
I didn’t turn to watch her leave. I just stood there staring straight ahead. Letting this all sink in. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t hear the footsteps until Lila had walked right past me and toward the liquor cabinet. I watched as she opened it, then glanced back at me over her shoulder. “Vodka or tequila?”
“Vodka,” I replied.
“Good,” she said as she grabbed the bottle of Grey Goose and turned back to me. “Come on.” It sounded a lot like a command. I wasn’t sure what she was doing, but I followed her out the door and down to the beach. She kept walking once we hit the sand. My longer strides caught up to her.
“What are we doing?” I finally asked.
“Walking until we’re out of the view of the house,” was her response. The vodka bottle still in her hand.
“Okay,” that wasn’t exactly an explanation, but I kept walking with her. Another quarter of a mile and we reached a large log that had long since washed up. It was sitting up high and away from the water.
She went to sit down, and I took the spot beside her. She opened the vodka and then took a long swig before handing it to me. “Here you need it more than I do,” she said.
I took it and drank because she was right. I did. But she didn’t know why.
“How long you been in love with her? Your whole life? Since you were kids or once you got older?”
Damn. “Is it that obvious?”
She shrugged. “No and yes. You look at her the way a man in love looks at a woman. But you don’t do it all the time. You’re careful. I just paid attention.”
I handed the bottle back to her. She took it and sighed. “That’s why I left,” she said as took another drink. I was impressed. I didn’t imagine Lila could drink straight vodka from the bottle. That didn’t fit her at all. But she wasn’t even wincing. I wondered if she would have been able to do the same with tequila. I realized what she said then. “You left because someone asked you to be in their wedding or because you love someone that doesn’t feel the same?”
“I grew up with him. Been thrown together since we were kids. I always thought he was exciting and fun. He always made me laugh. And then one day he kissed me. I knew I was in love with him. But he didn’t feel the same way.”
Shit. “Nate?” I asked thinking I might just hate him after all.
She jerked her head to look at me, and then let out a loud laugh. “God no! That’d be like incest. I mean we aren’t actually related, but it feels like it. Always has. Our dads were step brothers when they were younger. Their parents didn’t work out because Nate’s grandmother is a psycho. Anyway, they remained best friends even after their parents divorced.”
She handed the vodka back to me. “I get the unrequited love thing. I’m not in love with him anymore, though. What fragile feelings I had left after years of hardly speaking to him, he decided to stomp on by saying hurtful things when he was drunk. They were true though. At least some of them were.”
I couldn’t imagine anything that could be said about her that would be negative. “He’s a dick,” I replied without even hearing what he’d said about her. Then I took a drink.
“Yes, he is.”
We sat there a few minutes passing the vodka back and forth in silence. Thinking. Finally, I answered her question. “I think I realized I loved her when we were six. She had made a crown out of daisy’s and put it on her head then danced around the yard. I watched her a long time wondering if anyone was as pretty as her. She finally saw me, stopped twirling, gave me a big smile and then held out her hand to me. She said she was the queen of the fairies and I could be her king. It’s a silly memory, but it stuck with me.”
I took a drink then. “Thanks for the vodka. It’s helping.” I passed it back to her.
“Yeah. We may not be able to walk back to the house, but you won’t be hurting, and I won’t be terrified of my adventure.”
“Terrified? I thought you wanted this adventure.”
She shrugged. “I wanted to be someone else. Do something completely unlike me. To get away. The reality of it scares me though.”
“Then don’t go.”
A sad smile touched her face. “I have to. I need to.”
“Because of him?” I asked.
“No,” she shook her head. “Because of Lila. I need to do this for Lila. And I’ve had too much to drink on an empty stomach. I’m talking about myself in third person.”
I laughed, and she joined me. It felt right sitting out here laughing being completely honest with each other.