Chapter Fifteen

Well, the good part about being heartbroken as hell was that he didn’t have to bother with sleep anymore. And as a result, he was almost three quarters of the way toward having a fully operational horse ranch.

It had been a month since he’d left Lexi in L.A. A month since they’d spoken, and in a way, it soothed him that it was August 1st. This was always going to be the date that he lost her. He was going to end up being heartbroken on August 1st no matter how he’d played it. The inevitability of it was almost a balm. There was nothing he could do. Nothing he could have ever done. No other cards he could have pulled. She was just as gone as she always was.

The woman that had captivated him from the beginning. Tough and nervous. Sweet and prickly. Childlike and world worn. Gone as she always was. Even when he had her.

Eric took a big swig of beer, even though it was just pushing 11 am, and looked out over his land. He had two horses in the paddock. One of them sniffed at the hay and the other was appreciating the shade inside his barn.

He tore his eyes from the new structure. He didn’t like to remember the sound of a mallet hitting the wall. The sound of Lexi smashing her way through whatever she had to in order to let herself touch him that night.

“Eric.”

Eric started at the sound of Jake’s voice. He hadn’t heard a car pull up.

Jake bounded up the porch steps. “Drinking kind of early don’t you think?”

“I didn’t hear you drive up.”

“You were lost in thought, looked like.”

“Everything alright at the store?” It embarrassed Eric to know it, but he’d completely disconnected from his grandparents’ store. Pretty much the minute he’d come back, Jake and Dylan had taken over for him. It had just sucked too much to go back there. He’d needed the distraction of his ranch.

“Sure, sure. Your grandparents will be back in a week it sounds like. To be honest, I’ll kind of miss it. Sarah Burn sure loves to frequent that shop.”

“She have another lamp that needs fixing?” Eric asked, a ghost of a smile on his face.

“Among other things.” Jake waggled his eyebrows and made Eric outright laugh for the first time in a month. Jake snagged the beer out of Eric’s hands and took a long, healthy swig. “So you did it, man. You got your ranch.”

Eric looked out over everything. There was still a lot to do. A lot of things that he supposed were only mostly finished. But yeah. Where it counted, he’d done it. “Suppose you’re right.”

“So when you headed back to L.A., then?” Jake asked.

Eric started and turned to stare at his friend. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you wanted to start a ranch. You did it. Now you have another dream to pursue.”

Eric shook his head. “I wanted to run a ranch, Jake. Not just start one. I can’t run it if I’m in L.A.”

“Ah. Well, you got friends, don’t you?”

“Friends that would run the whole damn operation while I’m off living a separate life? I don’t think so, Jake. The hardware store is one thing. But this? This is something else.”

“Well,” Jake started, using the same ornery tone as before. “What good is being a billionaire if you aren’t going to spend any of that dough? Can’t you hire somebody to run this thing for you?”

Eric bit back his irritation. “The whole point was that I run it myself. I’m sick of making my money work for me. I want to do the work.” He patted his own chest to make the point.

Jake grabbed onto the rail of the porch and leaned his weight backwards. “Well, you did the damn work, didn’t you? You built yourself a goddamn horse ranch in less than three months, didn’t you? Did most of the work in the last thirty days. Using nothing but blood, sweat, and what I assume are the many, many tears of a heartbroken man.”

Eric sighed but said nothing.

Jake continued on. “If you’re going to be suffering this much, you better ask yourself what you’re trying to prove and who the hell you’re trying to prove it to.”

“You don’t think I’ve been asking myself that shit since the day she left?”

“Well what’s the answer then?” Jake threw his hands up in exasperation.

“I have to prove it to myself, Jake. In L.A., everybody weighs me by my bank account. But money has no value to your heart. To your spirit. After Brianne and I fell apart, I woke up and I just didn’t know how to measure myself anymore. My own worth. All I knew was that I needed a simpler life. Filled with hard work and small, reliable rewards. I was going to lose myself otherwise.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jake dropped his head in his hands. “I love you, Eric. But these are rich kid problems.” He raised his hands in self defense. “Problems nonetheless. Of course. We can’t compare pain, yadda yadda yadda. But from where I’m standing, here you are, holding a big rubber stamp in one hand. You know what that stamp says? It says ‘success’ on it. And all you have to do is this.” Jake took Eric’s hand and pressed it to Eric’s forehead. “Quit torturing yourself and give yourself the label already. You done did it. Success.” He released Eric’s hand.

“That easy, huh?”

“Hell no. That shit is hard as hell. Trust me. But you know what oughtta be easier than living without her?”

“What’s that?”

“Getting out of your own way so you can figure out how to live with her.”

* * *

Lexi bounded down the steps of the community college where she was taking a few general education courses to ease herself back into school mode. Thankfully, she was doing better than keeping up, she was acing everything so far. In addition, even though she was only making minimum wage working at a coffee shop around the corner from her house, she’d applied for and received a scholarship. As such, she was not only paying all her bills, she was even saving up for a car.

Finally, she was meeting with a writer’s group twice a week. It had only been a month and she was already halfway through her second manuscript. It was even better than the first, and she already had ideas for more scripts.

Yes, indeed, she’d made the right decision coming to L.A. It was the best thing she could have done for herself.

And the fact she had to keep telling herself this every few hours didn’t mean a thing.

Twenty minutes later, she was unlocking her front door, calling out a hello to Aubrey, who was doing dishes in their kitchen, and then locking herself in her room.

She took a deep breath and lowered herself to her bed just as her face crumpled.

This happened everyday like clockwork.

While she was busy, out in the world, moving and shaking, she was fine. Good even. Juiced by the simple fact that she was making her dreams come true.

But the second she was alone, the very second, she crumbled in on herself. So homesick for Eric she could barely breathe.

She was homesick for Montana and the friends she’d made there, as well.

The pain should have been easing by now, but it wasn’t. If anything, it was worsening. She missed Eric more than she thought possible. Down to the bone. Even her stupid teeth missed Eric.

When she’d given herself a solid twenty minutes of wallowing, Lexi sat up, brushed her hand over her face and reached for her phone. She always felt better after talking to Marina.

She’d just started to dial when someone knocked on her door.

“Lexi?” Aubrey called. “There’s an extremely handsome man here for you.”

Lexi was off the bed like a shot. Eric. It had to be. A visit? Could she handle it? Could she handle turning him away? Hell no. She already knew she was going to take what she could get. After a month of wallowing, she was ready to torture herself with however much of him he was willing to give.

But when she flung open the door of her bedroom and bounded into the living room, it wasn’t Eric waiting for her.

“Papa!” she yelped, and was in his arms before she could think twice.

“Hey there, baby girl.” His grin was bigger than a full moon.

Twenty minutes later they were walking through Chinatown together.

“You’ve got more gray in your hair, Papa,” she teased him. Her eyes dropped down to the leg he was favoring. “And a little hitch in your giddy up.”

“Yep. Doctor says I need a new hip.”

Lexi stopped walking, earning a dirty look from the business woman rushing along behind her. “You have a fall?”

“Nah. Just your normal wear and tear. Rodeo’s a hard life. You know that, baby girl.”

“Sure.” She was already recalculating her wages, trying to find a way to cover the cost of a surgery like that. Nothing doing. Her car was going to have to wait. She might need to move to a cheaper place. Well, those were the breaks.

“Now, quit that,” her father reprimanded. “You look just like your mother when you’re doing money math in your head. Break’s my heart a little.”

Lexi laughed in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“She was always so concerned about money. She’d have rolled over in her grave to know I got us wrapped up in rodeo after she passed. Money pit is what it was.”

“I never had any complaints about it,” Lexi shrugged. “Makes for good party conversation these days,” she teased him. “These L.A. rich kids can’t get enough stories about horse country.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Is that right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, it wasn’t no game to us, now was it?”

“No, sir. That was real life.”

“Realer than real,” he agreed. Then took a deep breath. “Which is why it was so hard to leave it behind.”

“What? Papa? You retired? Is that how you got the time to come visit me?”

“Nah. I made the time to visit you because you’re my baby girl living her best life out in Los Angeles. And I’m proud. That’s why I come to visit.” He scraped a hand over his stubble and looked at her out of the side of his eye. “I ain’t got the savings to retire. But I got another job.”

“Really? What is it?” Lexi traded cash for two snow cones and handed one to her dad. He chuckled at the electric blue color but took a big bite.

He didn’t answer her question about the job, just gave her a long, clear look. “You know you were my biggest dream, right, baby girl?”

“What do you mean, Papa?”

He scrubbed a hand over his stubble. “I mean that you always had it in your head that I woulda been George Clooney if you hadn’t come along.”

“You’re handsome enough.”

“Well.” He blushed. “Alright. I’m just saying that I think you always got your dreams confused with mine. You thought I put my hopes on hold to be your daddy. To rodeo. But you got it backwards. The life I lived? That was my best life. What I always wanted. And sure, I was curious about Hollywood. Probably wouldn’t have minded starring in a movie or two. But did I want the rest? The pace? The parties? The time away from you? Hell nah.”

Lexi tossed her cone in the trash. She’d never heard him speak like this before. She could barely believe her ears.

“Mostly I just told you them stories to keep you entertained. Lord knows I plugged you into movies often enough in the back of that trailer. I think I really just wanted a way to stay involved with you even when I had to be away from you, out working. So I wanted you to picture your daddy in them movies. Dancing and singing and what not. And then after a while, it became your dream. To make movies like that. And I was proud. You was always so creative and smart and such a dreamer. And I’m proud to see you out here in Hollywood, making it happen for yourself.”

Lexi felt tears rising and she wasn’t altogether sure why.

“But I guess I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t getting your dreams mixed up with mine. You know? If this is what you want, then have at it, girl. If this is some sort of vindication for my lost dreams? Well, you can give that up, child. Because I done got my dream. Healthy kid. Good relationship with her. And now I got a good job to settle down with. Stay in one place for a while. I got what I need. What I want.”

Lexi was speechless. She wasn’t sure if what he’d said was true. If that’s the way that she had felt. Whether part of the reason she was out here was because she’d somehow felt like she’d gotten in the way of her father’s dreams. But she did know their conversation had made her feel lighter. Like he’d given her permission to let go of a helium balloon she’d been carrying around her whole life. Not exactly a heavy burden, but a burden nonetheless.

“Well, Papa. I guess I just don’t know.” She wiped a tear from her eye.

“You’ve got time to figure it out, I suppose,” he said, handing her his half finished snow cone. “Here, you done threw yours in the trash when you got upset.”

She laughed because he knew her so well. Laughed because she felt light. Laughed because she was happy to be in the same city as her dad.

“Tell me about this new job.”

They were halfway back to her house by now, and her father looked at her with a little trepidation in his eye.

“Well, I haven’t taken it yet. I wanted to run it by you first.”

“Alright,” she said, figuring it was some sort of off the books gig he’d want her blessing for.

“It’s a ranching gig.” His eyes slid sideways to watch her carefully. “Horse ranch. Up in Montana.”

Lexi’s heart froze but she did her best not to show it. “Is that right?”

“Yup. I’d be working for a young man who knew you by name in fact. An Eric Davenport.”

Lexi swallowed hard.

“Boy called me up out of the blue one day ‘bout a week ago. Said he had a job offer if I wanted it. Needed someone who knew about horses and who knew about hard work. Figured I knew about both.”

“He was right,” Lexi choked out. Her mind was spinning. What the hell did any of this mean?

“Yep. Well, seems he needs a foreman.”

Her face snapped around to his. “I thought he was going to be the foreman.”

“Well, seems that’s up for debate, depending on the way a few different things shake out. But seems like he’s hoping he can be on the ranch a few months a year. And elsewhere a few months a year.”

“Elsewhere,” she repeated numbly, her heart beating a mile a minute. She missed the little smile from her father.

“So I figured I’d ask you ‘fore I took the job.”

She cleared her throat. “And why’s that?”

“Well, I didn’t want to go muckin’ up your personal matters between you and this boy you’re over the moon for.”

“Papa, I’m not—” She broke off since at this point she didn’t see the damn point in lying. “He’s really great, Papa. The second best man I know.” She nudged his wiry old ribs and he smiled.

“Well, seems he’s caught a few feelings for you, baby girl.”

“He told you that?”

He shrugged. “Didn’t have to. Man doesn’t rearrange his life for a woman he’s on the fence for.”

That balloon that Lexi had just let go of? Well, it was currently setting up shop in her belly, expanding to the size of a football field. She felt like she might just lift right off the earth.

She turned to her father. She didn’t know in that moment, with blue snow cone on her lips, and her hair back in a ponytail, that she looked more like both a woman and a child than her old dad’s heart could bear.

“Papa. Take the job.”