“You’re finally here,” Todd said, walking up to me on his front porch. I’d been standing there for a few minutes, waiting for any signs of Elliott. Todd gave me his smug smirk and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “How about I give you a good reason to stay a bit longer?”

“What happened to your nose?” I asked, stunned by his bloody face.

“Don’t worry about it. How about we go inside and get situated?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m actually waiting for a friend,” I replied, sliding his hand off me.

“Boney Bones?” he asked.

“Elliott,” I corrected. “What happened to your face?” I asked again.

He ignored my question. “You’re joking, right? About Bones?” Todd laughed, tossing his hands up in confusion. He narrowed his eyes and said, “That dude’s a fucking joke, so you must be kidding.”

My eyes moved over to his group of friends coming out of the stable, and I stood up a bit taller. “Elliott’s my friend.”

“Then you’re stupid. I’ll be your friend,” he said suggestively, wrapping his arms around me. I took a breath, feeling the unease caused by Todd’s touch on my body, feeling uncomfortable due to his proximity, feeling a little dash of fear.

“Don’t,” I whispered, pushing him away.

“Stop acting like you don’t want it. I know girls like you.”

“Girls like me?” I huffed, still trying to claw his hands off my skin. The moment I could rip myself away, I hurried down the steps as his followers laughed.

“Yeah, girls like you—easy whores,” Todd hollered, making my skin crawl. “Remember last week when your lips were wrapped around my cock?” he asked. “Easy.”

I’m not a whore, I’m not a whore…

My mind was fogged, and one of Todd’s followers looked my way. “Everyone knows you love screwing around with guys, Hollywood.”

“Leave me alone.” I started walking away, unsure where I was heading, unsure what had happened to Elliott.

“You just committed social suicide,” Todd barked. “You might as well go hang out with that fucking loser in the stable.”

I paused. “What did you do to him?”

The guys started laughing, and Todd raced his blood-tinted hands through his hair. “Let’s just say he got himself into a shitty situation.”

My hands balled into fists, and I started back in Todd’s direction. “If you hurt him—”

“He hurt himself by being a little bitch. Come on, guys. Let’s go find some chicks without herpes.”

Assholes.

I darted toward the stable, unsure what I would find when I entered. As I opened the door, my stomach formed knots and I hurried inside, checking each area in search of Elliott. The smell of horse poop was strong, and I covered my nose with my T-shirt, trying not to gag.

“Eli?” I whispered, my voice low as I saw him balled up in the corner. He hadn’t looked up once and was rocking back and forth with his head tucked between his knees. I hurried over to the gate and unlocked it. “Oh my God…” I started in his direction, and he stood quickly, completely thrown off. As he turned around, he flinched, as if he was terrified it was someone else coming into the space. His eyes were wide, and I noted his earbuds were in.

When he realized I wasn’t one of the jerks, his shoulders sagged. Then, the embarrassment set in.

“It’s okay,” I told him, taking a step in his direction.

“No!” he ordered, holding both hands up. “Don’t.”

I stood still and watched him gag, spitting up. When he was done, he blinked hard and walked past me, hurrying outside. I followed after him.

“Elliott!” I called.

He paced back and forth. “I sh-sh-shouldn’t have come! I shouldn’t h-have come!” he stuttered over and over, his hands shaking.

“We just need to get you cleaned up,” I said calmly, my hands up in an attempt to comfort him. “It’s okay…”

“There’s shit in my mouth!” he shouted, his anger strong. Then, he took a breath and turned my way. His eyes were filled with sadness and apologies. “I’m s-sorry I c-cussed at you.”

Oh, Elliott.

It was my fault. I should’ve never forced him to come to the party. I should’ve never pushed him into a situation like this, but I hadn’t had a clue anything like this would happen. I mostly figured he’d have a chance to stand up to the bullies and I’d be there to back him up, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t there for him when he needed me the most. He had trusted me, and I’d let him down.

“I c-can’t go home, not like this. I can’t go home. I can’t. My sister, my mom…I told them it was better. I told them the bullying stopped. I-I-I told…” His voice shook and shook as my gut twisted in knots.

“Come to my place,” I told him.

He paused his pacing. “What?”

“You can come to my place and shower. I can give you some of my mom’s boyfriend’s clothes. Your family won’t even know what happened, I promise.”

“But your family will.”

I shook my head. “No. Ray took my mom to a concert and then to network afterward. They’ll be out all night. No one’s home.”

He grimaced. “You’ll have to smell me the whole way there.”

I gave him a tiny smile. “I’d rather walk next to a poop-smelling Elliott than ever look at a poop-looking Todd again.”

He gave me a small grin back. I walked over to him, took the sleeve of my shirt to wipe his face clean.

“Now you’re covered in it, too,” he told me.

“All for one and one for all, right?” I joked, shrugging.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “All for one, and one for all,” he agreed.

We started walking beside each other, and for a few blocks, we stayed quiet. I was surprised once we hit the bus stop that the bus driver even let us get on, but in a city like New Orleans, I was almost certain he’d seen and smelled stranger things.

“By the way, what happened to Todd’s nose?”

“I broke it,” Elliott said matter-of-factly.

“What? How? Why?”

He shrugged before turning to look out the window. “He called you a bad name.”

“What was it?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Eli,” I started.

He turned my way and locked his hazel eyes with my browns. “Jazz…” He shook his head. “It wasn’t true.”

I swallowed hard, a big part of me certain Todd’s words held some form of truth.

Elliott saw it in me—my fear. He kept shaking his head and whispered, “I don’t feel sorry for you. Sometimes you look at me like you think I feel sorry for you, and I want you to know I don’t. I think you’re perfect the way you are.”

I quietly laughed at him repeating the words I’d told him earlier. A few tears rolled down my cheeks. “I’m a little messed up.”

“I know.” He nodded. “That’s why I like you.”

He went back to staring out the window, and I kept staring at him.

And there it was.

So small, so tiny, so real.

Love.

It wasn’t love, but it was the beginning of it.

I knew I was young, and I knew it was stupid, but in that moment, I began to fall in love with the quiet boy who quietly cared for me. The boy who was scared and still strong. The boy who stood up for me when he was surrounded by reasons not to do such a thing. I hadn’t known much about love. I hadn’t known how it looked, felt, or tasted. I hadn’t known how it moved, how it flowed, but I knew my heart was tight and currently skipping a few beats. I understood the goose bumps covering my arms. I knew this stuttering boy who was sometimes so scared was someone worth loving. He was worth being the first one I gave my heart to.

I knew Elliott Adams was love.

And I was falling into him so fast.

I hadn’t felt safe in a very long time, and Elliott gave me that comfort.

I lay my head on his poop-covered shoulder, and a tear rolled down my cheek. “No one’s ever stood up for me like that,” I told him.

“I’ll always stand up for you like that,” he replied, making my heart twist and butterflies form. “Because you aren’t the things people say you are, Jasmine.”

I sniffled and snuggled in closer to him. “And neither are you.”

“Hey, question.”

“Answer.”

“What’s your favorite song?”

My lips turned up. “‘Make You Feel My Love’, by Adele. Why?”

“Oh.” He shrugged. “No reason.”

We walked into my apartment building, leaving a trail of horse poop in our wake, but I didn’t care. My only concern was getting Elliott cleaned up. Once I unlocked the door, he stood in the foyer of the apartment, not moving an inch. I went to my mom’s room and grabbed some clothes I was certain would be five times too big for him, but it was better than nothing.

“Come on,” I told him, walking back into the living room area. He was still in the same spot.

“No. I don’t want to track this all over your place. It’s bad enough that it smells so bad.”

“Elliott, don’t worry. We’ll clean it up. Trust me. Come on.”

I walked him to the bathroom, but he stood outside the door. “You can shower first,” he said. “I can wait.”

I smiled. Besides Ray, I had thought the idea of a gentleman was an urban legend. “It’s okay, I’ll use my mom’s shower in her bedroom.”

“Oh, okay.”

He walked in and closed the door behind him. I went into my room, grabbed a pair of pajamas, and then headed to the other shower. As the water hit my body, I couldn’t let go of the feeling Elliott left me with. He was exactly what I needed when I hadn’t even known I needed it, the light that lit the darkness I’d been walking in for so long.

Traveling so much meant I never had time to know what it felt like to belong. Elliott gave me that feeling, and I’d never be able to thank him enough for it.

After getting dressed, I walked into the living room to see Elliott in his oversized clothes, scrubbing the floor. “You don’t have to do that,” I told him.

He looked at me and rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure I do.”

I got down on my knees and started cleaning up the mess with him. “I’m really sorry about tonight. It was perfect, until it wasn’t.”

“Yeah. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” I stated sternly. “It’s not okay what they did to you.”

He shrugged. “I’m used to it.”

“Just because you’re used to it, that doesn’t mean it’s okay.”

“In life, you have the nobodies and the somebodies,” he explained. “It just so happens I’m a nobody and Todd is a somebody, and somebodies are able to get away with treating the nobodies any way they want. It just is what it is.”

“You’re not a nobody,” I told him.

He smirked. “Says the somebody.”

If only he knew how many times I’d been told differently.

When we finished cleaning, we tossed the dirty clothes in the washer and sat on the sofa together. I grabbed two glasses of water, and we talked—about nothing and about everything, about each other, and about everyone else.

Talking was great when both people listened. I listened closely to each and every word Elliott said, and he did the same with me.

“Why jazz music?” I asked as we both lay facing opposite directions on the sofa, our heads beside one another and our legs hanging off each end.

“Because it tells stories in such a unique way, and there are no mistakes in jazz, not really, only chances to make a misstep shine.”

“I like that.”

He nodded. “Chet Atkins once said, ‘Do it again on the next verse, and people will think you meant it.’ And Miles Davis said, ‘When you hit a wrong note, it’s the next note that makes it good or bad.’ That’s my favorite thing. You get the chance to make bad moments seem perfect. I like that about it.”

“I’ve never listened to jazz,” I confessed. “I mean, not really.”

He lifted his head a bit. “You mean you’re a normal teenager who doesn’t listen to old-school jazz? Shocking,” he joked.

I laughed. “Can you play something?”

“Sure.” He pulled out his iPod and handed me an earbud. “Don’t worry, I cleaned them.”

I placed it in my ear and closed my eyes.

As the music started, chills raced down my spine. The trumpets, the saxophones, the pain, the joy…it lit me up inside, but what warmed me the most was turning my head to face Elliott. His eyes were shut, and his lips were turned up into the happiest of grins. This was his happy place. His safe haven was in jazz. It was as if the awful moments of the night faded away as he took in the sounds.

I loved how music saved him.

“Listen to her voice,” he told me, his eyes still shut. “Listen to how she cries as she sings. It’s painful, right?”

“Yes.” It hurt to listen to the woman’s voice. It hurt to hear her suffering behind the bars she sang, but still…it was beautiful. Tears fell down my cheeks, my emotions falling out of me. “But it’s so beautiful.”

He opened his eyes and turned his head to face mine. Our eyes locked. “Exactly.”

“Who knew things could be painfully beautiful?”

“Yeah.” He wiped away my tears and shrugged. “Who knew?”

We grew closer, my heart racing, my chest tight, my butterflies still strong. We were so close, and his lips were hovering near mine. He’s going to kiss me, I thought to myself. The moment was there, and I knew he was going to seize it.

“Eli,” I whispered, my lips hovering near his.

“Jazz,” he whispered back.

But I couldn’t continue speaking. My eyes closed, and I waited. I was going to have my first real kiss with the first boy I’d ever really cared for, and right before it happened, Elliott spoke. “Why did you hook up with those boys?”

My eyes sprang open, and I saw the sincerest gaze staring back at me. “What?”

“Was it because of me?” he asked nervously. “Did they say they’d stop bullying me if you hooked up with them?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters a lot.”

My lips parted, and my voice cracked. “It’s just sex, Elliott.”

He sat up on his elbows, confusion in his stare. “What?”

“I said it’s just sex.”

He stood up from the sofa and kept shaking his head back and forth. “Who told you that?”

I chuckled lightly, confused by his sudden change of mood. “The first guy I ever slept with told me that. I told him I loved him, and he told me it was just sex, nothing else. Which is fine. It’s not a big deal.”

“No,” Elliott argued, still shaking his head. “No,” he said once more, sternly.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“That’s not true. It is a big deal.” He paused his movements, and his hazel eyes locked with mine. His tone was so adamant, so sure his words hit me hard in my chest. “It’s not just sex.”

Before I could reply, I heard keys jingling outside the door.

“Oh crap!” I hissed, falling off the sofa and hurrying to my feet. Elliott froze, and as the door opened, I felt a stabbing in my gut when I saw Ray and Mama standing there.

Mama’s face went white when her eyes landed on Elliott, and then her gaze turned livid. “What the hell is going on?” she barked.

“Jesus,” Ray murmured, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Wh-what are you doing home?” I asked, my mind scrambling, trying to catch my breath. Elliott hadn’t moved an inch, and all the color had drained from his skin.

“Is that really the question you want to ask me, Jasmine?” Mama said, her voice solid and stern. “Tell your friend he has five seconds to get out of my house.”

“We weren’t—” I started.

“FIVE!” Mama shouted.

Elliott scattered. I’d never seen a person move as quickly as he did as he left. The moment the door slammed shut, I felt a knot in my stomach as both Mama’s and Ray’s eyes peered into me.

“Snow White, what were you thinking? Bringing a boy here alone?” Ray asked calmly, because Ray never raised his voice at me. “Do you know how dangerous that could’ve been?”

“We weren’t doing anything,” I told him, my voice shaky. Mama’s stare was terrifying me. “He’s just a friend.”

“You said you were sick,” Mama scolded. She tossed her purse onto the sofa and placed her hands on her hips. “The only reason I went out with Ray tonight was because you told me you were sick and couldn’t make it to dance class or the studio to work.”

“I know, but—”

“And instead, here you are, messing around with a boy like a little hussy,” she remarked, making my skin crawl.

“Come on, now, that’s harsh,” Ray scolded her as I lowered my head.

“Stay out of this, Ray,” Mama snapped. He parted his lips to stand up to her for me, but I shook my head slightly. He shouldn’t have to fight with her over me. “You are so childish and you’re missing out on all of your opportunities because you’re running around with some boy. This wouldn’t have been an issue if you were homeschooled. So, from here on out, I forbid you to see him, or any other boy for that matter.”

“But, Mama!” I cried. “He’s just a friend.”

“No, Jasmine, he’s a distraction, and tonight you proved that you are not capable of dealing with distractions and your career. You know the rules: three strikes and you’re out of public school. This is strike two. Now go to bed.”

I started to argue, but she wasn’t having any of it. As I lay down in my bed, I listened to Ray fight with Mama as he tried to stand up for me.

“She’s a teenage kid, Heather, and you’re treating her like a grown adult.”

“She needs to focus. The last thing she needs is some boy knocking her off her path to success. While she was running around with that boy, she was missing meetings, opportunities, her life.”

“Her life can’t be spent in music studios, dance studios, acting studios. You’re suffocating her.”

“I’m saving her life! I’m giving her more than I ever had, and if you have a problem with that, you can leave at any time,” Mama said, her voice so cold.

No…

Don’t go, Ray.

The argument ended with a slamming door and Mama remaining in the apartment. I reached for my iPod and put my earbuds into my ears to listen to music. It was the only thing left in the apartment that understood me.

Through the music, I could hear Mama’s footsteps coming toward my room, and as she entered, I pretended to be sleeping.

“I know you’re awake,” she told me. “Tomorrow you owe me four hours of vocals and three hours in the gym. You’re going to make up for every single second of time wasted this evening, and if you ever pull something like that again, you will bear the consequences. Do you understand me?”

I remained quiet as a tear rolled down my face.

She walked over to my bed and sat down, nudging me in the arm. “I said, do you understand me?”

“Yes, Mama,” I said with a slight tremble in my voice as I nodded slowly.

“Good. Maybe now you’ll think about your future instead of being a little whore for a boy who can’t provide you anything in life.”

She stood up and walked away, closing my bedroom door behind her.

As she left, I turned my music up high and silently repeated four words to myself.

I’m not a whore, I’m not a whore, I’m not a whore…