Chapter Fifteen
Amy hadn’t been horseback riding since before the divorce, but her body remembered how and she closed her eyes, tipping her face toward the sun. Leather reins were soft against her palms and the gentle sway of the gelding under her was hypnotic. She breathed in the scent of summer grass and soil, smiling while hooves clomped the earth.
She should be worried about the giddy sensation in her belly, but whatever. Nakos had given her an orgasm last night. If she never had another, she’d carry the memory of that one for two lifetimes. Even better was the pleasure she’d given him. She wasn’t sure if it was because she’d been with Nakos or that she’d been coming down off a high, but nothing in her experiences had been so right. No nerves or doubt. They’d been in sync.
Watching his reaction had cemented something in her mind, what he’d been trying to tell her for a couple weeks. He wanted her. Not because Olivia was taken or out of some errant surge of restlessness, but because he genuinely wanted her. Having not been around much encouragement and unused to praise, it was no wonder she had been fighting so hard. It was difficult to trust someone desiring her when all of the attention she’d received had been out of a fleeting sense of lust. Most guys hadn’t seen her, but a release.
And she’d been searching, one conquest and mistake at a time, for what Nakos provided. He didn’t lie or mislead. That just wasn’t his nature. When he looked at her, and how he’d come undone in her arms last night, proved his words. A person couldn’t fake that kind of interest. She’d been with enough partners to know. He’d enjoyed, actually enjoyed, the way she’d touched him. She’d…satisfied him.
One of the horses whinnied and the murmur of voices had her eyes opening. Aunt Mae had packed a lunch, and Nakos had asked Olivia and Nate to join them on a ride to Devil’s Cross. They came up to the bluff and dismounted. While Olivia tied the reins to a cottonwood, Amy glanced around.
The area was on the far east end of the ranch, pocketed between the northern edge of rocky terrain and halfway to the southern grazing pasture. From this vantage point, she could make out most of the property. The Laramie Mountains were off in the distance and next to their position was a steep incline that dropped to a narrow creek. A set of stone steps led down to the water, roughly twenty feet below.
Nakos and Olivia headed down, but Nate took a seat in the shade of the intermittent tree cover to watch their descent, his jean-clad legs dangling off the side of the ledge. Amy sat next to him, not in the mood for swimming.
Once at the bottom, Olivia skated the pebbled shoreline and kicked a spray of water at Nakos. He shook his head in warning, which amped Olivia’s smile. They’d shed their clothes, now littering the stairs, and the sight of Olivia in a black bikini reminded Amy of her inadequacies. Her friend had a slender frame and fair skin, dusted with freckles, and auburn hair that shone like fire in the sun. Amy was all rounded curves with average brown strands that could be found anywhere.
In contrast, Nakos wore red board shorts and was a head taller than Olivia. His natural olive tone bronzed gold in the light, and his coiled muscles shifted in fluid motion when he moved. Lean waist, hard pecs, ripples of abs, and defined biceps. He’d set aside his cowboy hat and had his raven locks in a low ponytail at his nape. His teeth flashed white as he offered a rare grin and stalked closer to Olivia. She squealed, but he caught her around the waist and tipped them sideways into the waist-deep water.
“This reminds me of when we were kids.” Amy smiled. They used to come up here a lot to cool the summer humidity clinging to their skin. It had been awhile since she’d seen Nakos drop his guard, let his playful side out. Even as a boy, he’d only done it in their presence. Otherwise, he was all stoicism and quiet observation. “You don’t want to join them?”
Nate grunted. “I’m good right here. I could watch her all day.” He rubbed a hand over his bald head as if embarrassed by the admission. His tat sleeves were seemingly living extensions of him. “She looks happy, doesn’t she?”
“You make her very happy.”
He flicked a glance at Amy and back to their friends, shaking his head in disbelief. “That stunning woman is my wife. Still hard to wrap my mind around that. I don’t think I ever will.”
Surprised by his candor, she leaned back on her hands. “Why’s that? You’re not exactly an ogre, Nate, and one only has to look at you to know you love her more than anything.”
A slow nod. “Yes, I do.” His smile softened the longer he gazed at the antics below. “More than air or sustenance or my own life. But you understand, better than most, what it’s like to doubt.” He shifted his gaze to her, a flicker of speculation in his dark depths. “You and I are a different breed of people.”
“How so?” She hadn’t had much one-on-one time with Nate but, from the first moment she’d laid eyes on him, she’d felt a kindred connection. Nothing romantic and not at all like the bone-deep tether she had with Nakos. No, it was more elemental with Nate. Guilt recognizing guilt or pain identifying another’s pain.
He refocused on Nakos and Olivia, her now on his back trying to submerge him. “I grew up in foster care, never knowing what it was like to matter. You were raised in a house with both parents, yet you weren’t taught that basic skill, either.”
She leaned forward, wondering how he’d come to that conclusion when this was the first real conversation they’d had. Perhaps Nakos or Olivia or Aunt Mae had said something? But they didn’t know the half of it, and why would they bother to mention such a thing to Nate?
“I’m ex-military. I can read situations and people better than the average person.” He offered her a half-smile. “No judgment here. I’m simply pointing out our similarities. People like us were never shown love, ergo we don’t trust it when it comes along. Now those two?” His chin bumped toward their friends. “They don’t know anything else. Their folks showered them with affection and built their self-esteem. They never had to question the basics, unlike us.”
“Yeah,” she said through a sigh, realizing he was right. “I wonder what that feels like. It must be nice.”
“No clue, but it’s good to see the flip side to darkness. A relief to know it’s there.”
She nodded, unsure of what to say. In a few short sentences, he’d pegged her to a T, and all because they were the same, her and Nate. “Is there a reason you brought this up or are you just pulling a Humphrey Bogart beautiful friendship moment out of your ass?”
He tipped his head back and laughed. “The girl’s seen Casablanca,” he muttered. “I knew I liked you for more than your one-liners.” He smiled, sobering. “My point is, just because we weren’t shown any, doesn’t mean we can’t love. Or that we don’t deserve it. Took Olivia breaching my walls before I realized that. I still wake up every morning needing to remind myself, but the proof is in what she does to me with one smile.” He leveled her with a direct glare that brooked no argument. “I love her more than air or sustenance or my own life,” he repeated his sentiment from earlier. “And in turn, I’m capable of making her happy.”
Dang, he was something. “The bigger they are, the harder they fall. No wonder she’s gobsmacked.”
Another rough laugh, and he sighed. “So. You and Nakos.”
“Ah ha. I see the light.” She studied the man in question with Olivia in the creek, having quit their roughhousing and were now talking instead. “Offering advice, Nate, or gathering intel?”
“Both.”
Hmm. “Our situation’s different.” Nate was worthy of Olivia. If there was any doubt, his recent declaration shot it out of the water. Amy didn’t deserve Nakos. “This isn’t love. We just started…dating.”
“I’ll bet my right arm and my left nut that you’re wrong. You loved each other before you ever acted on it.”
“As friends. That’s not the same.”
Contemplative, he stared at the horizon. “I understand where the lines might be blurred, but you didn’t see his expression when you walked down the aisle at my wedding. What was the word you used? Gobsmacked? Yeah, that fits.”
Really? That was long before he’d kissed her.
“I tried the love thing once before.” She shook her head. “I still have the scars.”
“You want to talk scars?” His brows rose in challenge. “Besides, you weren’t married to that douchebag. You were married to a concept.”
“You think so, huh? Pray tell, oh wise one.”
His grin was fleeting and, after a beat, he rubbed the stubble on his jaw. “Let’s put it this way. Love has many forms, or so Olivia tells me. Multiple meanings. So do several words in the English language. Take ‘in’ for instance. It’s not the most important one-syllable, two-letters, right?” He looked her dead in the eye. “Unless it’s thrown in front of the word ‘love.’ One tiny word changes the whole infrastructure of the other. You may have, in some way, loved Chris, at least the idea of what he could give you anyway. But you weren’t in love with him. Just like Nakos wasn’t really in love with Olivia.”
That was the third time from as many people she’d heard that accusation, and she still wasn’t sure she believed it. “I think you’re wrong.”
He shrugged. “Agree to disagree. I like Nakos a hell of a lot, but do you think for one second I’d let him touch her if he had any romantic notions?” He pointed below.
Olivia had Nakos pinned beneath her, dunking his head. He surged out of the water, her on his shoulders, and tossed her upstream.
“Dude’s got his hands all over her. My eye’s not even twitching.” Nate grunted. “Know why? Because every few seconds, he glances up here to check on you. Wait for it. Three, two, one…”
Sure enough, Nakos looked up, shielding the glare from his eyes with his hand. Rivulets of water trailed over his sun-kissed skin like some naughty version of a Coppertone ad. A beat later, he nodded and turned to Olivia.
“He smiles when you walk into view. Every time. And I don’t need to be a mind-reader to pick the thoughts from his head. He’s got some dirty fantasies going on in there. It’s a guy thing.”
She huffed a laugh, but her heart pounded and her skin heated. The longer Nate’s words hovered between them, the deeper they sank. Her belly clenched at the possibilities. Perhaps because Nate had no vested interest made it easier to believe him. Or maybe since he had started as an outside party to their unit gave his opinion more merit. Credence.
Whatever the reason, happy was shoving doubt aside. The biggest issue lingered in the fringes of her mind, though. Of all the crap she’d been through, all the horrible things said and done, Nakos leaving her would be her breaking point. No matter how life had tried to decimate her, she’d always gotten back up. A big F-you to the universe. But an end to her relationship with Nakos was the one and only thing that could shatter her for good. Whether as her friend or lover, if they were done, she wouldn’t survive.
Olivia and Nakos made their way back up.
He dropped his clothes beside Amy and towel dried before bending over and tipping her head back. He kissed her briefly upside down and smiled at her. “What were you two talking about for so long?”
She glanced at Nate, who had Olivia in his lap wrapped in a towel. “The meaning of life.” He winked at Amy.
Olivia snorted. “That’s easy. It’s chocolate.” She dragged the picnic basket closer. “Eh, grapes will have to do.” She popped one in her mouth and fed another to Nate.
Nakos sat beside Amy, wrapped an arm around her waist, and plopped her between his stretched legs with her back to his chest. “And what’s the meaning of life per Amy? I shudder to ask.”
“That’s on a need-to-know basis.” She reached forward and took a few grapes from Olivia. “Here’s a hint. It’s not chocolate.” She held a piece of fruit over her shoulder, and Nakos took it from her with his mouth.
“Liar. Chocolate is everything.” Olivia sighed dreamily, shaking her head at Amy, her gaze glazed over like the sap she’d always been. “Look at you two. Adorable. If I weren’t seeing it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it.”
“Well, start believing,” Nakos said around his food. “We’re together.”
With an I-told-you-so lift of his brows, Nate stared at Amy. Hard. “I think Nakos can be in-the-know.”
Yeah, yeah. “I’ll consider it.”
“Yes, please.” Her back pulsated when Nakos spoke. Because he’d put his arms around her. All possessive-like. And it absolutely didn’t make her feel girly and gushy. It didn’t. “I’m more concerned you and Ames are conspiring.” His tone was light, but he was tense against her, making her wonder if he hated the fact she had been alone with Nate. “You’re not plotting world destruction or anything, are you? Between your military connections and her evil mind, I’d better start preparing. Right, little red?”
“Amen.” Olivia nodded.
“Aw.” Amy patted her chest. “You think I’m evil? That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
He kissed her neck, shaking his head. “Whatever you say, anim.”
Olivia’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that word mean? It’s a new one.”
Amy shoved a grape in Nakos’s mouth before he could answer. “It means master overlord.”
His mouth pressed against her ear, his voice a rasp low enough for only her to hear. “That is quite fitting, actually, since you are master of my heart, my mind, and my body. Shall I start calling you that instead of angel?”
She trembled at the savageness of his words. A beta admission spoken with an alpha growl. Raw sex and promise. No hint of his usual gentleness.
Yet the rest of the week played out like Nakos had something to prove. As if bolstering himself to show the chivalry card, despite the need radiating from him.
On Monday, while Amy was chopping carrots for Aunt Mae’s bison stew, Olivia came in the main house’s kitchen and said Nakos was looking for her. After drying her hands, Amy made her way to the barn, breathing in early morning dew. She leaned against the doorway and waited quietly for him to dole out ranch assignments to the men.
“One last thing. There’s a new development all of you should know about.” Nakos turned suddenly and pulled her snug to his chest, stealing her breath. Right in front of all the guys, he bent her over his arm and kissed the daylights right out of her. While she reeled, he glanced at the stunned faces. “Any questions?”
“Holy crap.” Kyle shook his head, looking as dazed as her. “You just kissed my sister and you’re still standing.”
Tuesday morning, Amy woke up to find her bed covered in Hershey Kisses. What had to be at least three bags of the candy were loosely spread around her. On the nightstand was a note from Nakos.
These are a poor substitute. Come downstairs to get real kisses.
On Wednesday, the day they typically left the main house before dinnertime due to light loads, she went outside to take pictures of an impending thunderstorm once they’d returned to Nakos’s cabin. Upon entering the kitchen an hour later, he had supper ready. That he’d cooked himself. With two formal place settings on the table. By candlelight.
Thursday night, he disappeared upstairs as she tidied the kitchen. He hadn’t come back by the time she finished. Wondering what he was up to, she made her way to the second floor and stopped short. Two post-it notes were stuck to the floor, one with an arrow pointing forward, and the other a few steps ahead with an arrow aimed at the bathroom.
Hesitant, she walked in the small room to find the lights out, two votive candles glowing on the vanity, and the bathtub full of hot water. Flower petals floated on the steamy surface and a glass of wine sat on the tub ledge. Another post-it was on the tile.
For you. Relax.
By the time Friday rolled around, she was on edge and curious what tactics he had in store next. She didn’t know what to make of his gestures, nor had a clue to his end game. He kissed her good morning every day and goodnight before heading to bed, but there had been no more attempts at seduction. No couch romps or orgasms. She swore, his little bombs were like a twisted form of foreplay, except by way of romance instead of the typical methods.
Such as using his hands or mouth or yummy body.
Inside the cabin after the workday, he closed the front door as she glanced around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Regardless, she went into the kitchen, strolled around the living room, and then went upstairs. Nada. Everything normal.
She stood in the middle of her bedroom, hands on her hips, and frowned. She half expected a chubby man wearing a diaper holding a bow and arrow to jump out of the closet and strike her with pointy hearts.
Nakos leaned against the jamb, arms crossed and a smile tugging his lips. “You look confused, anim.”
“What did you do today?” She knelt and checked under the bed. No orchestra playing sonnets hiding out. “What surprise is lurking for me?”
He chuckled, darn him. “So paranoid.”
“Is there a kitten in your bed? What?”
“Kitten? Why on earth would I—”
“Because I always wanted one and you’d find a way to figure that out. My folks wouldn’t let me get one and Chris hated cats. That’s not the point. Where is the surprise? Just tell me.”
“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” Amusement infused the humor already in his eyes. “Did you not like my little presents?”
She sat on her haunches and blew hair out of her face. “Yes, I liked them.” Loved them, was closer to accurate. They made her all discombobulated and gooey. She just didn’t know what to do with…nice. He never took their kisses to the hot and heavy point or acted like he expected something out of the kindness. It was weird. Aside from gifts on her birthday from Kyle, Olivia, or Nakos, she rarely got this sort of attention. Okay, not at all. “What game are you playing?”
His expression flatlined. In a move so slow it should’ve included subtitles, he straightened from the frame and strode over to her. Never taking his gaze from hers, he bent, slid his arms under hers, and lifted her to her feet.
Gaze sweeping her face, he cupped her neck, his thumb idly stroking her pulse. “This isn’t a game to me.” He stepped flush against her and dipped his head, his lips caressing hers as he spoke. “You’re not a toy or a plaything. What you are is someone of importance to me who I care about a great deal.” He wrapped and arm around her back, hauling her halfway up his body. “I want you. Badly. But sex isn’t the only reason I’m with you. I felt it was necessary you know that before we got any more physical than we already have. Understand?”
Her lungs collapsed and, hand to God, she would’ve thought she was dying if not for her thundering heart. She nodded, unsure if she could speak around the big ball of emotion in her throat.
“Excellent. Now that we’re on the same page, I’ll include you in my plans for tonight.” He eased back a fraction, determination and heat in his black eyes. “I’m going to make you come like I did a week ago. I can’t wait to watch you lose it and I’ll love every moment. I’ve thought about it each waking second since you were last under me. However, this time, instead of my hand, I’ll use my mouth.”