CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Friday, July 14
Hank walked up to his front door and heard the faint sound of music. Looking around, he couldn’t determine where it was coming from. Shrugging, he pressed his hand to the panel next to the door and noticed that someone had entered over two hours ago.
Which was fucking impossible.
Sliding the gun out of his arm holster, he slowly pushed the door open and was assaulted with the fragrance of garlic, lemon, and cheese. He let a breath out and then placed the gun back into its holster. Taking his time, he slowly walked down the hall and prayed that what he thought was happening, actually was. When he rounded the corner and stepped into his kitchen, he felt his heart drop through his chest.
Stazi was standing at the island, cooking.
He cleared his throat and then rubbed his hand across his eyes to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. When he saw her look up and give him a smile, he almost fell on his ass. “Hi, honey,” he said.
Pointing a knife in his direction, she gave him a warm smile. “Dinner won’t be ready for at least thirty minutes. So, if you want to take a shower, you have plenty of time.”
“I’ll wait till later to grab one because I’d rather spend time with you.”
“Lucky told me you were not bathing regularly and, if that’s the case, then I’d rather you got cleaned up before we sat down.”
“That was just the first week. I’m back to acting like a grown-up, so you don’t have to worry.”
“Excellent. There is a bottle of wine in the fridge. Would you mind opening it up while I get the artichokes ready for the oven?”
“Sure, no problem.” As he walked over to the fridge, he kept an eye on Stazi so he could confirm that she wasn’t a mirage. As far as he was concerned, this could still be a dream, and he didn’t want to miss a second in case it was. As he passed her, he smelled her lemony scent and knew she was no mirage.
His fingers itched as he opened the fridge and pulled out the bottle of wine and he prayed he wouldn’t make a fool of himself by grabbing her and hugging the shit out her. Because that’s exactly what he wanted to do. “How was your day, honey?”
“It was good. We are starting on the next series of tests for ‘Madam Pompadour’ and hope to have everything completed by the end of November.”
“The old girl give you any surprises yet?” He made quick work of opening the bottle of wine and quickly poured her a glass. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.” She slid the pan of artichokes into the oven and then picked up her glass of wine and leaned against the counter. “No, she’s exactly what we expected. There weren’t any drawings beneath the surface of the painting and the analysis from the computer scan should be back by next week.”
“Good news, right?”
“Absolutely.” She took a sip of wine and gave him a smile.
Whatever was happening was so surreal that he didn’t know what his next move should be. Pretend they never had a fight, ask her what the hell was going on…what should he do? “I’m going to grab a beer and then you can tell me what you want me to help with.”
“Nothing right now.”
He watched her take a seat at the island and cross her legs. “So…”
“I bet you would like to know why I broke into your condo and took over your kitchen.”
“It’s not breaking in—if you have the code for the front door.”
“True.”
He took a beer out of the fridge and then grabbed a seat next to her. After twisting off the cap, he held the bottle up. “Here’s to wonderful surprises.”
Stazi clinked her glass and then took a sip of her wine. “I came by to see—”
“Stazi, before you say anything, I want you to know that I was a complete ass that night, and the whole fight was my fault, and if you want to go on dates and make sure you’re interested in seeing me, then I’m totally fine with it. I’d rather have a little of you than none at all.”
He watched her stand and step between his legs. Please God, let her say yes. “I mean it. You want to see me once a week, then that’s totally okay. I know you’ve got a lot going on at work, and you probably have friends you’d like to get together with, not to mention a yoga or spin class, and then there’s laundry and stuff and well…” Her fingers covered his mouth and he decided to shut up.
“Hank, I love you.”
“You what?” he mumbled against her fingers.
“I love you with my whole heart and I want to see if we can come up with a relationship that makes us both happy.”
“You love me?”
“Yes, I do.”
He stood abruptly, lifted her up, and swung her around in a circle as he shouted, “Hallelujah!”
“I guess it makes you happy.”
He wrapped her legs around his waist and held her firmly against his chest. “I love you, Staz, and you have just made me the happiest man in the world. I thought that I’d lost you by being an overbearing asshole.”
“To be honest, the overbearing part of your personality is not my favorite and I’d like to see a little less of it in the future.”
Walking out of the kitchen, he headed over to the couch and sat down. Arranging her body as close to his as possible, he buried his face in her neck and drank in her scent. “I love you, Staz, so very much.”
“I love you too.”
He lifted his face and took in her beauty. “I’m sorry I lost my temper and gave you an ultimatum. I was so overwhelmed with all that had gone on that I wasn’t thinking straight and I made a mess of things.”
“I feel the exact same way, Hank.” She slipped her hand under his T-shirt and pressed her fingers against his heart. “I just wanted to have a bath and relax and I didn’t feel like I could say that because you’d just saved my life. I didn’t want to be selfish.”
“You wanted a bath and an hour of quiet time?”
Leaning her head against his chest, she mumbled her reply. “Yes.”
“Holy shit, that’s not what I got out of the conversation at all.”
She lifted her head and let out a laugh. “Because I didn’t say that. I told you something completely different and it pushed a button in you.”
“Yeah, I definitely thought you wanted to stop seeing me, and the whole dating thing you brought up was just a way to let me down easy.”
“That’s not even close to what I was thinking.”
“I got butt-hurt and took it out on you.”
“I did the same thing.”
The timer on the oven rang and she started to crawl out of his lap. “The first course is served.”
Before he let her go, he pulled her back into his lap and held her face. “Since we love each other, we should kiss.”
“Just one, though…”
Holding her, he brought their lips together and then sealed his mouth against hers. The moment they were fused together, fireworks went off in his head. It was by far the singularly best moment of his life. The woman who was his other half loved him and he couldn’t ask for more. The anger, anxiety, and fear that had been his constant companion for the last seventeen days completely disappeared.
The timer rang again and Stazi lifted her mouth away from his. “As much as I like kissing you, I don’t want our appetizers to burn.”
“Okay, honey.” He stood with her in his arms and walked back to the kitchen.
“You can let me down, Hank.”
“I don’t really want to, but I suppose I have to.”
“If you want to enjoy the delicious Roman dinner that I’ve got planned, then yes, you have to let me down.”
“I’d rather eat something else, but I guess I can wait.” He set her down and then kissed her head. “I’m a patient man.”
The snort Stazi made wasn’t that encouraging, so he decided to ignore it. “I’m going to learn to become patient. Is that better?”
“Yes.” She gave him a wink and then bent over to take the pan out of the oven.
Groaning, he lifted his beer and drank half of it down. “Is tonight a date where you go home after dinner or is this a sleepover date?”
She slid the pan onto the counter and gave him a smile. “Guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
“If there is anything I can do to sway you, please let me know.”
She placed the two roasted artichokes on a plate and fussed with the arrangement. He continued, “Really, Staz…anything at all.”
“Hank, I’m trying to be mature and not use sex to fix things between us. When you say things like that, it makes it extremely hard.”
“I’ve got something extremely hard,” he said quietly. “Maybe we can wait on the maturity until tomorrow and start by showing our love for one another with our bodies.”
He watched her fight a smile and prayed his argument was working. “We can be mature first thing in the morning.”
“Fine.”
Moving in her direction, he was stopped by a spatula. “What?”
“After dinner.”
He took a step back and held up his hands. “Got it. Eat first and then we make love.”
“Go sit down and behave.”
“Okay, honey.” He walked around to the other side of the island and folded his hands. If she wanted him to act like a gentleman, then he would. Whatever it took to make her happy was what he was going to do from here on out.
Stazi Ivanov loved him and she was going to take him on, so as far as he was concerned, he didn’t need another thing in his life. Except….no, he wasn’t going to think it. It would just get him in trouble and he’d already had plenty of that.
***
Stazi looked at Hank across the couch and enjoyed the foot massage he was giving her. “How are things at SAI?”
“Busy. We have a new guy joining us next week, his name is Ed Stillman and he just left DELTA.”
“That’s a spec ops job, right?”
“Yes, it’s the elite special mission unit of the Army. They’re under the command of JSOC and are used for hostage rescue and counter-terrorism as well as direct action and reconnaissance against high-value targets. They’re the counterpart to the Navy’s DEVGRU SEAL Team 6.”
“I guess you’re glad to have him join the company, then.”
“Absolutely. He’s a great guy and we’re lucky to get him.”
“When I was over at my parents’ house the other day, I was talking to my dad and he told me a little bit about his time in Afghanistan. He’d never really shared any stories before and I found it fascinating.”
Watching his eyes lift, she knew he was worried about something. “What?”
“I guess they told you that I spent a couple of days with them?”
“Yes, they mentioned it.”
A loud crack of laughter filled the room. “That’s a very polite response. I was falling apart and desperate for some intel on how I could fix things between us, so I went over there and ended up staying for three days.”
“Did you like sleeping in my twin bed with the orange comforter?”
Sitting up, he pulled her into his lap. “I hate to admit just how much I liked it.”
“Did you snoop in my drawers and look at my diary?”
Leaning back, he gave her a frown. “Jeezus, Staz—no way.”
Patting his chest, she smiled. “That’s good because I have no desire to reveal the angst-ridden teen that I was until you are in so deep with me that there’s no escaping.”
“Honey, I’m already there.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’m in so deep that I became incapacitated for the first time in my life when you told me to leave.” He ran his hand over his face and looked at the ceiling. “The last seventeen days have been an education in humility and tested everything that I thought I knew about myself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you remember the day I came over to your place and told you about the threat that Dmitry posed against you?”
“Absolutely. It’s burned in my brain.”
“Being the arrogant son of a bitch that I am, I was sure that I was going to be the one ensuring our success in relationship boot camp.”
“I had no idea we were in a boot camp.”
“That’s what I called it in my mind. I knew the forced proximity that we were about to undertake was going to either make us or break us. Kind of like BUD/S.”
“That’s SEAL school, right?”
“Exactly. I had all kinds of notions about how I was going to be the one carrying your ass over the finish line and ensuring our success.”
“And…”
“It’s you who is going to make us succeed. It’s you who has the strength to make sure we never ring the bell.”
“There’s a bell?”
“If a squid decides he doesn’t want to continue BUD/S all he had to do is ring the bell in the grinder three times and take off his helmet. I never for a second thought of that as a possibility when I was there.”
“So, does that mean you were thinking of quitting me after I told you to leave?”
“No. I just didn’t know how to move forward and that freaked me out so badly that I didn’t do anything. I was a fucking lieutenant commander in the Navy and I never stopped, never quit, never considered failure as an option.”
“But with me, you did?”
“No!”
Moving off his lap, she took his hand. “Explain it to me so that I can understand.”
“The not knowing was paralyzing to me and I didn’t understand how to deal with it. If I’m put in a gunfight with twenty Tangos, I absolutely know what to do and will be successful.” Shrugging, he ran his finger over her skin. “You are my kryptonite and I’m powerless. I had no idea what to do and it was challenging for me to deal with that reality.”
Stazi looked down at their joined hands and thought about what her mama and papa had said to her. She understood what Hank was trying to tell her. The person you loved could make you feel powerless, and if that wasn’t something you were used to, it could throw you off course. While the idea that she would throw Hank anywhere was inconceivable, she knew it was possible because he absolutely had the power to do it to her. “So, now what do we do?”
“Whatever you want, Staz.”
“That’s not an ingredient for a successful relationship. You told me in Italy that you wanted to create a mosaic that holds our old selves as well as the hybrid of who we’ve become. Let’s do that and not become some weird version of us trying to be perfect for one another.”
“I’ll try, but I have to tell you that I’m not interested in you ever telling me to leave again, so I’m going to err on the side of doing what you want.”
“That’s not going to work because then you’ll just become resentful. I fell in love with you and your bossy ways, so don’t give me some fake version of that.”
“You say that, but I’m not sure if I believe you.”
“Try me and find out.”
“Maybe I should show you since I’m a man of action.”
“I guess that would be a good idea.” Without a second passing, Hank stood with her in his arms and headed for the stairs. “I missed you, Hank.”
“I couldn’t breathe without you, so get ready for some serious makeup sex.”
Throwing her head back, she let out a dramatic sigh. “Dreams do come true.”
“You have no idea, Staz.”