Chapter 7

Hazel

Sunlight trickled between the curtains in my bedroom and slanted across the beige carpet, worn from years of foot traffic. I sat on the edge of my bed and held the stick between my fingers, trembling ever so slightly.

I’d been up since five, first because of nausea, then because of stress, then because I had to run to the convenience store down the street – braving my fear of walking alone in New York for the umpteenth time – and now, because of this.

The two pink lines had etched themselves into my soul.

“Impossible,” I whispered.

It’d been three months since the nightmare of the wedding. The first month, I’d dismissed my missed period as stress. No, actually, I hadn’t even noticed it. The second month, I’d thought, okay, definitely stress.

I’d been attending a photography course for the last year and things had gotten complicated the past while, particularly with the wealth of assignments we had to turn in.

But I couldn’t ignore it anymore and here was my god damn answer.

“Pregnant,” I whispered. “How?”

I hadn’t forgotten to take any of my contraceptive pills. And the only person I’d had sex with was him. Jacob’s brother.

The sex between me and Jacob had petered off a month before he’d ended it with me. He’d always had some excuse not to come around, and it’d hurt like a son of a bitch, particularly because he’d been my first time ever.

And now, the second guy I’d slept with had gotten me pregnant. And, oh, by the by, he happened to be my ex’s billionaire brother.

Resort owner extraordinaire. Definitely not a stripper.

Shame washed over me, a stroke of heat, and I flopped back on my pillows. Maybe, the heat was from the hormones. I pressed my free hand – the one not clutching the pee stick – to my breast and winced at the pain.

I have no one. I have no one to help me with this.

I had a distant aunt who lived somewhere in Wyoming, but she hadn’t seen me since before my mom had left. After that, it’d been foster homes and the system, and yeah, nothing else. I had nothing but these four walls, and the night time job at the diner and my photography classes.

None of my friends would so much as text me, let alone talk me down off the cliff that was my current anxiety attack.

No one.

I struggled upright and balled up my fists.

“Fine,” I said. “No one. I have no one now, and I had no one before and that’s fine. If I have to do this on my own, I will.” The words were empty, but they injected me with a little strength.

I’d have to take double shifts at the diner to earn the money to put away. I might even have to quit my photography classes and sell the camera. All fine. None of that mattered. What mattered was I’d finally have someone of my own to love and hold. And I wouldn’t ever give up this baby.

Not ever. It wouldn’t go through what I did as a kid.

“You’re mine,” I whispered and pressed my palm to my stomach. Something fluttered deep within my womb, and tears welled in the corners of my eyes.

You’re mine. That was what he said, wasn’t it?

Oh, god, I didn’t even want to think of telling Bain Mitchell.

He’d lied to me, and I’d lied to myself about what’d happened between us.

At the time, I’d figured it was just a one-night stand, a fling with someone I’d never see again, but the truth was something between us had clicked. We’d had a connection, and it hurt thinking about it and him, and how things had ended between us.

The lock on my front door scraped and I sat upright, pulse pattering in my throat. Only one person had the key to that lock, and they hadn’t used it in forever.

“Hello?” I called out.

Silence, followed by a slam, and then muffled footsteps. My doorknob turned.

“Who is that?” I asked and slid open the drawer of my distressed bedside table. I grabbed hold of my can of mace.

The door swung inward and Carly entered, her hair tied up in a messy bun, dark circles under her eyes, and wearing her old faded Metallica t-shirt. She halted just inside the room and stuck her hands in the pockets of her cut-off shorts. “Hey,” she said.

I released the can of mace, finger by finger. “Hi,” I replied and tucked the pregnancy test behind my back.

“Hi,” she said, again.

“You said that already.” I chewed my bottom lip. “What’s up? No offense, but I didn’t expect to see you around here again.” I’d already struggled to replace her as a roommate, and she hadn’t returned to remove any of her stuff.

“I got an annulment.”

“What?!” I jolted, then shook my head. “Carly, what happened? I mean, if you want to tell me. I know it’s not my business.” God, what if her wedding had gone tits up because of me?

No, she’d have come back earlier than this, then.

“It didn’t work out,” she said. “I couldn’t force myself to love him. I wanted to make it work, but I couldn’t. The whole thing was a huge mistake, and over the last three months, all I’ve thought about is how I messed up everything. I hurt your feelings and I – I hope you can forgive me, Hazel.”

I worked my mouth, tried for the words to forgive her when I couldn’t really. What was there to forgive? It’d been her weekend, and she’d chosen her best friend over her roommate. I couldn’t fault her for it.

“Hazey, I was so wrong to take it out on you. It’s just, I was feeling all these crazy emotions at the time, and I needed to express them, and then you were there with that super sexy guy and I couldn’t deal with it.” She shuffled her feet.

“I wasn’t there with him. It just happened.”

“Jacob made me choose between the two of you, and he apologized for that,” Carly said, and swallowed. “Which brings me to my next point.”

“What point?” I massaged my stomach but it did nothing to quell the nausea brewing there. This was surreal. I hadn’t expected an apology or even contact from Carly and I had way more important stuff to deal with today than this.

“I – are you okay?”

“Fine,” I said. “Just a little sick.”

She dismissed that with a wave. “Right, so there’s something you need to know. Jacob’s sorry, too. He’s really sorry. And so am I. I’m so sorry, and I’m sorry for the next part, too, because you have to know that Jacob and I are an item and we have been for a really long time, for months before you two broke up and oh, god, I think I’m going to pass out. I’m so so so sorry.” She swayed and stumbled.

The shock hadn’t even had a chance to settle in. I scooched off the edge of the bed and rushed to her side, then guided her to the sofa beside my desk, right under the shelf groaning with a collection of all my favorite fantasy novels.

I’d have to replace them with copies of What to Expect When You’re Expecting or How to Know Whether You’re Crazy or It’s the Hormones.

“Breathe,” I said and patted her on the back. “You’re fine.”

“Are you kidding?” she asked, between gasps. “I betrayed you. I slept with your boyfriend before you broke up with him.”

Carly, beautiful blonde, busty Carly, had taken Jacob from me. Had she really?

I’d always been more into the relationship with him than he’d been with me. And it certainly hadn’t helped that I’d been super insecure about myself the entire time.

The fact that he’d moved on with her, and that I had something so much bigger than a relationship to deal with helped. The anxiety slid from my shoulders, at least, when it came to this.

What did it matter in the grand scheme of things?

Carly grasped my hand, still suctioning in breaths like a vacuum cleaner low on juice. “I love him. That’s why I broke up with Pete. I love Jacob. I was so confused about everything before the wedding. I was doing it because my parents expected me to marry Pete, and I love Jacob. I really do. I would never have done this to you if I didn’t. I swear. I’m sorry. I’m –”

“Stop,” I said. “Carly, stop. It’s okay.” She could have Jacob. I prayed that he wouldn’t cheat on her as he’d done to me. “I forgive you, not that there’s anything to forgive.”

Her brow wrinkled, and she licked her lips, swallowed once – an audible gulp. “Okay, how are you so calm about this, right now? You’re like, super relaxed. I thought you’d be angry at me.”

“I’ve got bigger issues to deal with, right now,” I said, with a small, tight smile.

“What?”

I laughed. “I’m pregnant.”

Carly flumped back on the sofa and wailed, “Oh god, you’re pregnant with his child. I knew something like this would happen. Jacob’s going to freak.”

“What? No,” I snapped – please, god, let me never have been this pathetic. “Jacob’s not the father.”

“What? Then who is?” Carly’s frown smoothed out as if an invisible iron had been run over her skin. “Oh. My. God.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Fuck me, right?”