Chapter 13
The next morning, Jenny woke in bed. Fully dressed and beneath the covers, her hands instantly lifted to cover her face as humiliation swamped her.
He saw!
She’d assumed he’d stay as far away from her as possible. Hell, she’d even locked the bedroom door to ensure privacy. Whipping her head to the side, she studied the door and noted that it sat awkwardly up against the wall.
Oh, God! She re-buried her face in her hands as mortification crept up her neck and landed in her cheeks. Her nightly ritual wasn’t intended for anyone else to ever witness. A throwback to her days in captivity, she found she still couldn’t get comfortable without being stripped and surrounded tightly on all sides by bars of some sort. Back home, she’d purchased herself a large dog kennel, and it’s where she spent her nights. It was her secret, it was personal, and for Bishop to know made her feel…more unworthy than she’d ever thought imaginable.
It took her an entire hour of self pep-talk and rationalizing before she finally felt brave enough to make her way downstairs.
With as casual an air as she could muster, she made her way quietly down the stairs. She found Bishop pacing the kitchen. Not prepping, not cleaning, not doing anything, just pacing.
The room was cast in golden hues from the rising sun, which had finally made an appearance through the swollen rain clouds.
Quietly, Jenny studied Bishop. He was clearly agitated; still, she hoped he didn’t want to discuss what he’d witnessed last night.
Bishop stopped and turned to her. “We need to talk about last night.”
Fuck! She was already shaking her head. “No. We don’t.” Crossing to the front door, she opened it only a fraction before a large hand overhead shoved it back closed. Bishop pressed into her back, and she didn’t dare turn around. Just the feel of his big body up against her own had her breath hitching and her heart rate hiking.
“Jenny,” he growled softly at her ear sending an eruption of goose bumps along her flesh.
A finger brushed hair back from her neck, and she shivered, biting her lip hard enough to taste iron.
“What happened to you? Who hurt you?”
She didn’t want to have this conversation now, she didn’t want to have it ever, but he was her mate, whether he claimed her or not. Besides, plenty of people knew what she’d been through. Monroe, King, Stoney. She’d told a few people, so it wasn’t like she’d never discussed it before.
Without turning, she answered. “Megalya.”
When Bishop didn’t step back from her or respond, she continued. “They captured us when I was young. They murdered my parents in front of me and kept me for experiments. I was rescued,” she shrugged negligently. “Adoptive parents raised me. It was a long time ago.”
Bishop’s head pressed softly into the back of hers and looking down, she saw him circling his hand around her waist like he was going to hug her, but he stopped just short. Jerking back away from her, he cleared his throat and asked quietly, “You ready to hit the road?”
Nervously, Jenny smoothed her palms on her jeans, biting back the disappointment at what felt like a dismissal. “Yeah. You?”
He didn’t respond, and when she turned to look at him, he refused to meet her gaze. Reaching around her, he pulled the door open. She could scent his trepidation now, barely registering above his anger. The look on his face told her that he expected her to shift and flee the second she stepped out of the cabin. So, she made a show of walking determinedly to the Humvee parked out front and climbing into the passenger seat. Sure, she could try to run, but why? There was no point now. Bishop knew what she’d done, and now it was time for her to face the music.
In the Humvee, she stared straight ahead and waited. When the driver’s door opened, she exhaled a breath and fisted and un-fisted her hands to relieve some of the tension that was plaguing her. Everything was happening so damn fast now. For years, she’d envisioned how she was going to explain her captivity to her mate. None of her plans were even close to the way it’d just happened.
Bishop started the vehicle even as the cab filled with the scent of his agitation. She imagined she smelled nervous, a little deflated, and horny, and wasn’t it just a bitch to be mated to a Walker who could scent her every emotion too.
When Bishop pulled onto the dirt road that led down the mountain, Jenny cleared her throat. “Look, I want to apologize for what I did.”
“I’m the one who needs to apologize. What happened in the infirmary…” His words died off as he shook his head, eyes rapt on the road. “I’m not like that. I don’t even feel like it was me doing that to you. I just…”
“Bishop, I don’t want to talk about the infirmary right now or listen to you apologize for what happened.”
“And I don’t want to hear any more of your apologies either.”
They both fell silent until Bishop chuffed a humorless laugh. “With me not talking about what I did to you and you not apologizing, it promises to be a boring ass drive.”
“Well ask me something,” she prodded. “Anything.” She hid a wince when she realized she’d just invited him to ask her about her captivity again. She hoped he understood it wasn’t what she’d meant.
Silence hung between them a moment until his hands tightened visibly on the steering wheel. “Tell me about this need.”
Thank God, she sighed inwardly.
Bishop licked his lips and glanced at her. “I need so damn bad I can barely see straight. When does it end? Does it ever go away? I thought it’d subside after…well, you know, but it’s only gotten worse.”
She knew exactly what need he spoke of. “We’re mates, Bishop. From what I’ve seen with other mated Walkers, RedKnife and Cindy, and King and Lilly, this feeling doesn’t go away.”
His head jerked around until his startled gaze landed on her.
“It lessens,” she quickly offered at his look of incredulity. “It won’t always be so fierce, but it’ll always be there.”
“With your research, you haven’t been able to fix it? Get rid of it?”
His question stung, and she hid how much it hurt. She had no right to the slap of rejection she felt at the query. After all, he was only asking her about severing something between them that she’d already been working to remedy. Right now, she imagined she knew how wounded he’d felt by her actions.
“No,” she answered. “I haven’t. The best I could do was stall it out. The natural instincts are too strong and could only be delayed, never denied.”
“Why?” he asked. “Why meddle with it in the first place?” The more he spoke, the angrier his words grew. “I mean who the hell do you think you are to keep Walkers from their mates? You’re not God!”
“No,” she shook her head and looked down at her fingers as they twisted together. “I’m not, nor do I want to be. I just wanted to give everyone a choice.”
“By taking it away?”
“I wasn’t taking it away,” she argued. “Without intervention, the affliction is instantaneous.” She snapped her fingers. “That fast. No getting to know each other, no formal introduction, just boom, here’s your mate. Would you want that? Wouldn’t you have liked to get to know me first?”
“Don’t know,” he gritted out. “I wasn’t afforded the opportunity.”
“Bishop!” Jenny tossed her head back against the headrest. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you. You have to know this wasn’t personal.”
“Sure felt like it to me.”
“I only tried this with us because I was a factor. I was willing to sacrifice myself for the betterment of Walker kind.”
“And what about me? I had no say. You willing to sacrifice for me too? Or just sacrifice me too?”
“No. I didn’t want you hurt. I figured if you didn’t know and I could keep you going on nutrient supplements and sedated at nights, you’d be fine.”
“I wasn’t fine, Jen.”
“I know that now, and if it makes you feel any better, I wasn’t either. I’m still not. It feels like my skin is crawling.” Heaving a deep sigh, she let her head fall forward as she lifted her arms and hugged herself. “My insides are so damn raw from my animals shredding me. They knew you were ours and they knew how to find you. Every single day I had to fight to keep from seeking you out.”
“But you did it.”
Turning her head, she looked at him.
“You brushed me aside like an afterthought. You went on each day knowing what we were while I suffered without knowing why.” He gave her a hard look. “And I did suffer.”
“I was monitoring you,” she interjected quickly. “Your vitals, your nutrient intake, your sleep. All of it.”
“No,” he shook his head sadly. “You didn’t monitor me. Your nurse did. All that time I thought I was sick. I thought I was dying, Jen, and I didn’t even warrant a visit from StoneCrow’s Chief of Surgery. You made me feel inconsequential, and when Stoney kept assuring me that nothing was wrong when I knew something was, I thought I was losing my damn mind.”
“Bishop, I…”
“Yeah,” he cut her off. “I know.” Hands tightening on the steering wheel, his brows speared down as he locked his eyes on the road. “You’re sorry.”