CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Evan was quiet when they got into the car. Miles couldn’t help but wonder if he’d pushed him too far, or if he was tired after such a long day. Maybe he should have given him what they both wanted, when they’d first gotten to Napa. He’d undoubtedly been eager then, and even though there’d been flashes of it through the day—some white hot in their intensity—Miles sensed now that he was deep in thought.

And not about Miles naked.

“You okay?” he asked.

Evan glanced up, his toffee eyes unexpectedly bright in the dim car. They slid down Miles’ body, and Miles thought maybe he’d been overthinking earlier. Maybe nothing had changed.

“Xander really cares about Kian,” was all Evan said, which really surprised Miles.

Evan wanted to talk about Xander?

Miles figured they’d been lucky to get out of the house without Evan punching Xander in the face. Why he wanted to discuss him now, Miles had no clue.

“Despite his best efforts tonight, he’s not a jerk. I mean, he is, but not deep down. He’s just . . . disgruntled. And yes, he cares about Kian. We all do. He’s like our little brother.”

Evan made a humming noise, clearly considering what Miles had said. They passed by a streetlight, illuminating Evan’s flawless profile—elegant cheekbones, delicate nose, rosebud lips, proud chin—and Miles realized with a jolt that he had removed his bow tie sometime after they’d gotten into the car for the trip to the hotel.

“Eyes forward,” Evan said, and he was clearly trying to pretend disinterest at the sudden, ravenous heat in Miles’ face, but even he couldn’t quite pull it off.

“No fair,” Miles whined. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Evan flick open one button of his shirt, and then another. And then another. Miles was pathetic and that was all it took to make him hard anymore—the chance to see Evan’s bare skin.

“You made me wait all day,” Evan said. “It’s plenty fair.”

“Cruel,” Miles breathed out. Except that they both knew he liked it. Evan probably thought he’d get to control what happened when they got to the hotel, like he had the other two times they’d had sex, but Miles, while typically fairly laid-back and open in bed, was more than ready to assert himself.

And then Evan opened his mouth again. “I think Xander is in love with you.”

Miles almost swerved off the road. “No. No way. That’s just . . . that’s not possible.”

He took a quick, necessary peek to check the expression on Evan’s face. He seemed concerned but not perturbed.

“Would it make a difference if he was?” Evan asked, and there was a raw honesty in his voice that Miles had never heard before. Sometimes it was tough for Miles to even figure out how much Evan contained and held back behind the wall he’d erected between himself and the world, but hearing him now, Miles realized just how much Evan cared about him.

How much he didn’t want Miles to love Xander.

“No. Not a bit.”

He chanced another glance over at Evan. He was smiling now, just a little one, around the corners of his mouth, but it was enough. “You really mean that.”

“I mean, have you met Xander?” Miles asked.

“He’s disgruntled and bitter and a little grumpy, but he’s good-looking. And passionate. Those are two things I think you’d enjoy.”

“You’re what I enjoy,” Miles vowed.

“I certainly hope so.” The smug self-satisfaction in his voice was all Miles needed to hear to know Evan was okay.

“I can show you. Soon,” Miles said, and saw Evan flick another button open. “Soon,” he repeated, the word practically a vow.

Miles had never imagined that he would be making vows of any kind. He’d never imagined he was the sort of man who craved permanence that way, but Evan had changed everything.

“You’d better.” Evan sounded just as impatient as Miles felt.

“Another mile,” Miles said, pushing down harder on the gas. His driver’s ed teacher would have been appalled at his driving. Probably also at his life choices, but Miles didn’t really give a fuck anymore.

He whipped into the hotel parking lot. “I’ll be back with the key,” Miles said, reaching over, and leaving a brief but scorching kiss on Evan’s mouth that promised everything he meant to do to him tonight.

Even though the desk clerk seemed to be efficient, he wasn’t nearly fast enough for Miles. He pushed over his credit card across the counter and barely managed to refrain from tapping his foot on the marble floor.

Finally, he was given the room key, and he skidded out of the foyer to where he’d parked. Evan was already out of the car, leaning against the passenger side, impatient expression on his face.

And then, suddenly and unexpectedly, Evan let the ever-present wall fall and it was just the real Evan and him.

Usually he had to coax Evan out of his shell, and it felt so good to just press him against the car and not feel him hesitate before he kissed Miles back.

Instead Evan threw himself into it, and for Miles, it almost felt like the first kiss. Their first real kiss. The first time Evan kissed him and didn’t think he was making a mistake, didn’t wonder halfway through if it was the wrong thing to do.

He believed it was right and Miles was right, and Miles found that he had never believed more in the idea of the two of them against the world.

“Evan,” Miles said, lips still hovering above Evan’s. They were damp and shiny under the streetlamp and Miles almost gave in to the need coursing through him and said screw the words.

But Miles couldn’t imagine that Evan had often gotten actions or words, so the words were important.

“Why are you stopping?” Evan said. Even with the emotional wall down, Evan was still completely himself. And Miles found himself enjoying the directness.

“Because we’re still, unfortunately, outside. And I want to make love to you. Not against my car in a parking lot.”

Evan’s gaze was steady and warm. He didn’t flinch, didn’t cower, and didn’t try to stop Miles. Didn’t try to take control and make sure that Miles was too lost in pleasure to notice that Evan was still holding him at arm’s length.

“Okay.”

It was so hard to resist the urge to push, to rush, to devour Evan, but Miles held back by the skin of his teeth as they walked to the room. He’d even reached out and grasped Evan’s hand, and Evan had let him.

Finally, they were in the room, the door was closing behind them, and Miles was free to do what he’d been longing to do all damn day.

He led Evan to the bed and kissed him, slow, but definitely not gentle. Miles poured every ounce of desire and love into the kiss, hands grasping Evan tightly around the waist, and then tugging out the shirt he’d tucked into his jeans.

“No khakis today, huh?” Miles murmured as his lips coasted down Evan’s neck, pausing to nibble on his earlobe. “Taking a break in driving me insane?”

There was a definite catch in Evan’s throat as Miles plucked open more buttons, his lips moving downwards across his exposed collarbones. They were so delicate, a delicious incongruity with his strength. Miles would be lying if he said that didn’t really turn him on.

“I wasn’t sure you could handle the khakis,” Evan said.

“You’re not wrong,” Miles admitted ruefully.

“I almost wished I’d worn them,” Evan admitted as Miles finished unbuttoning his shirt, and pushed it off his shoulders. Miles’ mouth covered a firm pec muscle, then nibbled not very gently on his nipple. Evan gasped.

“Because I deserved it?”

“No,” Evan said on another gasp as Miles’ mouth moved to the other nipple. “Because I was jealous.”

The idea was ludicrous but Miles didn’t laugh because one, he had his tongue on Evan’s glorious bare skin, pale and smooth and taut with the perfect amount of muscle, and two, this was Xander they were talking about. He couldn’t even conceive of ditching Evan for Xander.

Miles’ hands unbuckled Evan’s belt. His cock was hard and there was an unmistakable wet patch on his boxer briefs. Just as Miles hoped, Evan gasped even louder, and suddenly he hoped, despite what he’d experienced so far, that Evan was loud and expressive in bed.

It was hard to imagine any interaction between them being devoid of a power struggle, but unlike the frustration that had dogged them before, Miles was definitely turned on by it.

“Maybe,” he gasped himself, undone by Evan bucking firmly into his palm, “we just should have been fucking from the beginning.”

Evan’s look as Miles pushed him back onto the bed, and rid him of the rest of his clothes, was hot. Intimate. Everything Miles had really wanted, even back then, and had never expected to get.

“Maybe we should just fuck now,” Evan said, purring as he flipped over and pushed himself up, sending a spike of unrestrained lust through Miles.

Miles was still fully clothed and despite Evan’s wandering hands, hadn’t really been touched since they’d left the house. He was still suddenly in very grave danger of coming in his pants.

“I . . . I . . .” Miles stammered, undone by the sight in front of him. Evan was glorious naked, the most beautiful man Miles had ever seen. He couldn’t have even fantasized about how good he would look like this. “I was going to take it slow.”

Evan’s glance over his shoulder was scorching. “Not after this whole day, you’re not.”

Some things, Miles realized, were inevitable and not worth fighting.

He grabbed the lube and a condom from his bag and shed his clothes so quickly, he was almost afraid he lost a few buttons.

But instead of immediately prepping Evan to take him, Miles leaned onto the bed and covered Evan’s body with his own, skin to skin. Letting him feel how hard he was, how wet at the tip, just from touching Evan and seeing him naked.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he whispered into Evan’s ear as he kissed his neck. “So fucking glorious.”

“I know,” Evan said, so smug that Miles couldn’t help but love him even more. “Now stop fucking around and fuck me.”

Miles would have been very stupid to argue at that point.

His hands smoothed over the curve of the ass he’d been watching and worshipping for so many weeks. Evan made a low groan as Miles carefully circled his hole with a wet finger.

“Stop teasing,” Evan groaned as his body clutched around the digit Miles slid into him. “Goddamn it, Miles.”

“If you’re still talking,” Miles said with a grin, “I’m not doing it right.”

“Exactly,” Evan wrenched out, as Miles pulled his finger out, only to slide two back in.

Evan felt so incredible, tight and hot, around his fingers, his body greedily clutching to them as Miles finger fucked him. He had a sudden, horrifying thought that he wouldn’t be able to make it good. Make it last.

“Slow down a little,” Miles panted, which was embarrassing because he wasn’t even the one being fucked.

Evan pushed his body right back on Miles’ fingers at that particular demand. “No.”

Taking a deep breath, Miles knew they’d waited long enough. He knew he could please his man. Felt it in his bones. It was time to show him just how much he cared about him.

He made short work of the condom, and slid his fingers around Evan’s cock, circling it firmly as he began to push his dick into Evan. Pleasure short-circuited his brain, fierce and electric. He could only swear as he bottomed out, gripping Evan’s hip and his cock.

“Move,” Evan hissed and so Miles pushed back his own pleasure and focused on the man in front of him. The man he loved.

Maybe Evan couldn’t accept the words yet, but he could accept this.

Miles set as powerful of a rhythm as he dared, his gasps echoing Evan’s as he thrust. It was almost too much as Evan started to push back, to demand more, greedy and perfect, his cock thrusting into Evan’s curled hand, his ass taking everything Miles was giving and demanding more.

Evan let out a long, drawn-out moan, louder than Miles had even dreamt, and came into his hand. Miles barely had a moment to enjoy the clench of his body before he fell off the cliff too, fingers digging into Evan’s skin as he orgasmed.

For a half moment, Miles didn’t move. It was impossible, but he still wanted to stay like this forever. He’d never felt closer to Evan.

“Here,” Evan said in a small, hesitant voice, reaching over and handing his underwear to Miles, so he could clean up.

The very last thing Miles wanted was for Evan to decide this had also been a mistake. So he carefully pulled out, and smoothed a reassuring hand down Evan’s back.

“I’ll be right back,” he promised.

Evan was sitting on the edge of the bed when he returned, and he wordlessly took the warm, damp cloth Miles handed him.

“Thank you,” he said. “But I think I might just take a shower. Is that okay?”

Miles wasn’t going to stop him. He might have wanted to join him, but he also wasn’t sure he could keep standing another moment. The bed was calling to him. “Sure, of course. I’m just going to lie down.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long day,” Evan echoed.

The shower went on and on, and Miles lay in bed, wondering if everything really was okay. Was Evan going to come back to bed emotionally restrained again? Was he going to say, with his actions and not his words, that they’d made another mistake?

Miles squeezed his eyes shut and prayed that wouldn’t happen. He’d never really been in love before, but he was pretty sure being in love alone sucked. He didn’t want to know what that felt like.

Finally the shower shut off, and Miles watched as Evan came out of the bathroom, towel around his waist.

“This is a nice place,” he said as he rummaged in his bag. “The water pressure is excellent.”

Was this what they’d been reduced to? Talking about water pressure? Miles dreaded what subject Evan would bring up next; whatever it was probably making very clear to Miles that he needed space.

But instead, Evan climbed in bed after pulling on a pair of clean briefs, and to Miles’ shock, laid his head on his bare chest.

They were quiet for a while, Miles trying to absorb what was happening, Evan probably trying not to freak out.

Finally Evan spoke, in a quiet voice, just as hesitant as he’d been after sex. “Is this okay?”

“More than okay. I love it,” Miles said. I love you.

Evan took a deep, unsteady breath, and said, “I’m not good at this.”

“It’s okay. I’m not sure I am either,” Miles confessed.

“You’re better than you think,” Evan said wryly.

“It matters to me that you know I care about you,” Miles said carefully.

A sigh. “I know,” Evan said.

“This is probably the wrong time,” he continued. “But I should tell you, so I’m going to.” He took another deep breath. “My parents died when I was two. I don’t really remember them. I lived in ten foster homes. The last one, I was there for three years. I moved out when I turned eighteen. I didn’t look back.”

Miles’ fingers gripped Evan’s damp skin. “I’m glad you told me.”

“I’m not good at letting other people control me,” Evan said, and the unspoken end of that sentence was, because too many people controlled me before.

“I’m not going to control you,” Miles promised. “And if I ever do, feel free to slap me.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Evan said, his voice was growing drowsy. Miles realized that this was all part of letting down his emotional guard, and that staying the night was part of it. That trusting Miles enough to touch him like this was another. They had come so far from those first distrustful days, and Miles could only hope that when they returned to LA, he could convince Reed of that.