The probability of her, a random variable, relocating and taking this job, the measurable subset of the negative effect due to insufficient constrained—

“Stop,” I scold myself. “Fucking stop.” I walk through the hallway of Rumson Middle School after meeting with an old friend who teaches there and is currently holding summer classes for the music program.

Even with Dr. Winter’s session today, the stress is building. Eric’s on my ass. He wants me in the office. The warehouse project is in full effect, and he wants reassurance the numbers are where they need to be. Highest return. I’ve never been wrong. I’ve also never been one to blow him off. I know that eats at him. Smug bastard thinks everyone should bow to him. He may have helped save me, but he isn’t my boss. I don’t answer to him, or anyone.

Invertibility of the equation admits, at most, a countable number of roots—

“Dammit, stop!” I slam my hands to my temples and start to count down from ten, trying to reroute my thoughts. The last few days have been amazing. Ever since Lucy, things have been…different. The counting has all but stopped. I’ve found sleep. I’ve laughed. I’ve fucked more than I have in ages. It’s as if she’s saving me. From what? Probably myself. The negative factor in it all is once the summer comes to an end, we’ll close on her Gran’s house and she’ll leave. I can’t let that happen.

I did some quick research after Lucy told me how much she enjoyed her old job. Cheryl, now a music teacher, owed me a favor. Hopefully, it will pay off and I can convince Lucy to stay—no, force her to. She’s not leaving.

I canned the tear-down of her Gran’s house. I still plan on purchasing the lot, so Lucy can have the money from it, but the house is hers. The stories she tells, how happy she looks, her voice is like music to my ears—a silencer to the madness inside my head. I couldn’t take that away from either of us. So, I’m going to call off the dogs. I’m willing to do anything to keep her in my life—keep the sanity she brings to it. Once I get the application, I’m forcing her to take the job. There’s no other solution.

My phone vibrates again in my pocket. Eric's been blowing it up the last hour.

I need to get to work. I need to get my shit done and get back to Lucy.

* * *

“You wanna look at your watch again or finish this shit up?” Eric snaps at me. Don’t know why he even fucking cares. The meeting is done. All the partners are sitting around spilling bullshit about who they’re sticking their dicks into. My purpose for being here is done. I need to get back home. “Clearly you have more important things to be doing. Feel free to share with us who has your attention lately.” His tone is laced with annoyance.

The stress returns full blast, and the numbers start piling. I slide my hands over my face and tug at my hair, needing my head to stay clear. “First off, none of your business. Second off, yep, none of your business.”

Mateo slaps his hand on the table, bursting out laughing. “Whoa there, cowboy. Want to tell us something? You got a girl keeping your dick warm finally?” I’m irritated that he puts Lucy in a category of just being a lay for me.

“You’re telling us you found someone who puts up with you and those stupid ass sandals you always wear?” Levi chimes in.

I’m done with this. I stand, tossing the folder holding today’s numbers at Eric. “Numbers are solid. I’ll be remote the rest of the week if you need me.” I walk off, letting those assholes laugh at my expense.

I’m out of the conference room when Eric grabs me. “Wait just a second.”

I turn, waiting for the undermining. “What?”

“What? How about where the fuck have you been all week?”

I brush his hand off me. “Handling some shit. None of your business.”

“It is when you blow off the company. You sat through half that shit mumbling. You slipping again?”

My hands begin to shake as I fight the tornado in my head. The personal file I’m holding slips out of my grip and falls to the ground. Eric is down before me, gathering the strewn papers and picking up one in particular.

“What’s this?” He waves the application for the teaching position.

“Nothing.” But there’s no hiding the stress on my face. I don’t need his scrutiny right now. “Listen, I’m fine. Just leave it alone.”

“The hell you are. I know when you’re not fine. What’s got your head all jammed? Whatever it is, whoever it is, get rid of her. It’s not helping you or this business.” I take in his cold, calculating stare a second longer before snatching the contract out of his hands and shoving it inside the pocket of my suit coat. Turning my back, I walk away before I take my fist to his perfectly manicured face. He knows nothing about happiness. He hasn’t truly been happy since Julia, who took off on him several years ago.

“Where the fuck you going? Don’t walk away from me, Trevor.”

I don’t bother turning around as I address him. “I’m going to live my life the way I want to.” And then, I’m gone.

By the time I pull into my driveway, I’m a fucking wreck. I’m reciting the exact measurements of my driveway as I pull in, counting down the exact second until I park. The three Xanax I popped are doing shit for me.

I barely shut my car off before jumping out and heading across the way.