Chapter Ten
Sydney
Ryder had woken me with a fog horn that morning, which earned him a black eye. It was reflex, swear.
“You punched me in the damn face,” he said with a smile. “I’m glad to know those lessons I gave you come in handy for something.”
The baseball hat on his head was turned backward. A bundle of his dark brown hair stuck through the front. “I’m so sorry, maybe you should never do that again. Sound like a good idea?”
He nodded and patted his eye. “Sounds like a good one. Now get up we’re going mudding.”
That was all I needed to hear. I dressed in my most worn jeans, boots and a white tank top. The humid August air was already sweltering in the early morning hours.
Mom called out to us as we rode away into the woods on the four-wheeler. “Wonder what she wanted?” Ryder called over his shoulder.
I shrugged and held tighter to him as the trail started to curve. We sped toward the river where it’d rained the night before. When the roads began to get muddy, I held tighter, squealing when the wheels sprayed us with mud.
We rode for hours, until the four-wheeler’s gas gauge told us that he didn’t have much fun left in him. Ryder drove slowly toward the house, and that’s when I heard it.
Meowing.
“You hear that?” I asked.
Ryder killed the engine and tilted his head. “Yeah, that’s Nyla. I know that obnoxious cry anywhere.”
I rolled my eyes. Ryder always pretended to hate Nyla but I knew he loved her. When he thought no one was at home, he’d hold her and carry her around. Which required love because she was heavy as hell.
We followed the cry until we stood underneath a giant tree. Nyla sat on a far left branch, her huge eyes silently begged for help. “Stupid cat,” Ryder whispered.
“Why, Nyla?” I ask, tossing my hands upward. “Why?”
“Hold this.”
I reached to catch the cap and that was all it took for Ryder to start up the tree. “Ryder, get down. That’s crazy high.”
He tossed me a look over his shoulder. Those bright eyes that matched my own were happy. Always. Ryder got to the third branch from the bottom and that’s when it happened.
He laughed as he reached for Nyla. “She’s hissing at me. The ungrateful thing is hissing at me. You better know I love you,” he yelled down.
I smiled. “Until infinity and beyond?”
Ryder tossed his head backward, his laugh echoed in the forest. “Infinity,” he said.
The moment his foot slipped, I watched his hand fail him, he grasped for a limb, but he only caught air.
I failed him.
He fell to the earth beneath, only a few yards from me. The two seconds it took for him to land felt like an infinity. What a cruel joke the universe had played. This couldn’t be real.
It took five long seconds before I caught my own breath. Blood seeped from underneath his head, darkening the leaves around him.
Vomit rose in my throat. I fell to my knees, my stomach released itself onto the forest floor beneath me. Tears clogged my throat and marred my face. The world had tossed me head first into a never-ending ocean of pain.
And it didn’t get easier with time.
I woke under a sweaty sheet. The heavy beat of my heart rang loudly in my ears. The room spun around me, the only thing I could focus on was the ceiling fan that turned slowly above me.
“Breathe,” I whispered into the dark room. “Just breathe.”
The silence of the room took over my body and stilled me. The nightmares had gotten better over the last year but when they did happen, it was worse than ever. I felt like I was right back on the forest floor.
Nyla jumped on my bed and a blanket of guilt fell over my body. Guilt felt like an elephant that sat on my chest. Never giving me rest, always teetering in the back of my thoughts.
If she hadn’t climbed up that tree, my brother would be here. But she did, and she was an animal. My therapist helped me through the guilt of my brother’s death. Though being at home had been a constant reminder.
My parents never did forgive me. It still hung over my head when I walked into their home on Friday nights, or when they’d call me. The nasty never-ending rain cloud that hovered over my head, weighed hard on my shoulders, and slowly ate at my soul.
I knew I wouldn’t get any sleep. Instead of force-feeding ice cream down my throat, I walked over toward Cash’s house. I planned to get a little work done before the morning.
I read the text message that Cash had sent with his security code on it. I was glad when he offered it, because I was deathly afraid of tornadoes and Georgia had their fair share. If I was stuck in the guest house by myself, I’d spare the tornado the trouble and die of a heart attack.
The lock clicked opened, and I slipped inside. The dark didn’t scare me, it was the silence. I flicked on the front light and pulled out my headphones. Thirty seconds later, I’d climbed the ladder while Maroon 5 blared in my ears, and added some color to the bottom section.
Songs blended into one another and my paint brush slipped from my hand. I hadn’t realized I’d gotten sleepy and stumbled backward off the ladder. I landed on my ass, my arms wrapped tightly around my head.
I heard the ladder crash through my Beats. Pain shot up my tailbone and into my lower back. No. No. No. I tried to move but fell back on my bottom.
Seconds later my headphones were snatched out of my ears and someone grabbed my face. “Goddammit, are you okay?”
Cash’s voice was deep, a rasp that I hadn’t recognized at first. A bedroom voice that would strip me clean of any clothing. “I-I’m fine,” I whispered.
His heavy lids widened as he reached down to pick me up. “Ouch,” I whispered.
Wide hands wrapped around me, and I was in his arms a moment later. “Is it your back?” he whispered, his breath heavy with scotch and mouth wash. My body vibrated.
“My butt too,” I whispered. “I think I just bruised it. I’ll be fine.”
Cash studied my face for a few seconds before walking up the stairs. I clung to his wide shoulders for support, he really gave me no choice. “I said I would be fine.”
“I heard you. I’m not deaf.”
I gaped at him. “You must be, because if you did hear me, you would have put me down.”
Cash continued to ignore me, his footsteps thudded against the hardwood. I’d never been to this part of his house, but I knew where he carried me. The double doors at the end of the hallway were the width of three normal doors with iron handles I could slip my arms through. They looked like they had been carved for a king.
I guess they had.
He kicked them opened with the heel of his foot, and they swung inward to the room where I knew he slept.
The darkness hid most of the room from me. A path of moonlight streamed in from the balcony doors on the left and lit up his bed. The size alone was fit for royalty, much larger than a California King.
A downy white comforter bunched around the middle, and I felt my heartbeat quicken. Cash laid me down carefully on what I assumed was his side. I sunk into the softness, but I squealed when my butt touched the mattress.
Cash pulled me back toward him, his wide palm dug into my thigh. “You’ve bruised your tailbone,” he whispered, his voice still deep. “I’m going to lay you down on your stomach so I can have a look.”
I squeezed my eyes as he lowered me to the bed. My body ached from the fall but nothing felt broken. Pressing my face into the mattress, I breathed in the scent of him. It lingered in the room, brushed against my chilled legs.
Silence overtook the room, and another chill ran up my body. I shifted and felt why I was so cold. I still wore my tiny girl boxers. I started to sit up when I felt his flat palm against my lower back. “Stay still,” he rasped out.
I froze.
My fingers tightened in the sheets and all my insecurities emerged from hiding. When he turned on his lamp, I groaned into the mattress. “Please,” I whispered. “I just want to go back to bed.”
He chuckled from across the room. Knowing he wasn’t near, I started to sit up. “Don’t you dare,” he said. “I’m getting you an ice pack.”
“I don’t need one.”
He didn’t answer, but I felt his weight from behind me on the bed. “Yes, you do. Now pull down your shorts.”
My nipples hardened against my T-shirt. There wasn’t anything I wanted to do more, and I hated myself for it. “Oh, no sir, you’re not getting me out of my clothes.”
Cash slipped in behind me, but held me down with one palm against my upper back. Pressing himself against my bottom, he hooked two fingers into the waistband of my shorts, and slowly tugged them down my thighs.
Every part of me screamed against my closed mouth, but in all honesty, the euphoria from his touch was slowly rendering me speechless. The calluses on his hand scraped the backs of my legs. I sent a silent thank you upward for the lacy panties I knew hugged me right.
I knew when he noticed the fabric, because his grip tightened against me. A deep groan left his throat, I expected to feel him press harder, but he didn’t. As much as I wanted to press myself back against him, I didn’t.
Half of me died inside. Why wouldn’t he touch me? I sat with my ass up in the air in lace panties. The cool ice pack settled against my tailbone. “Now, does that feel good?”
The hottest sensation caught flame between my legs. It felt stupidly good. I was thankful that he couldn’t see my face, because I knew he’d be able to tell what a simple touch from him did to me.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Do you want to turn over and sit on it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I think I’m good to go back to my room now.”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t think you need to walk right now. You’ll need to sleep in here.”
Panic settled in my throat. “No,” I shook my head. “I can’t do that. That’s not a good idea.” As badly as I wanted him to want me, the good part of me knew it was a bad idea to stay any longer.
Cash stood up and suddenly I was picked up and laid on my back in his bed. He propped a pillow behind my head, and helped me sit on the ice pack. His closeness made my skin prickle. “Well, it’s going to happen.” A smile curled up his mouth. “You scared I’m gonna take advantage of you, Sydney? What kind of man do you take me for?”
An incredibly hot one. That was used to getting what he wanted. “I just don’t think it’s appropriate.”
Cash smiled in the light from the lamp, his lazy eyes and messy hair hotter than before. I’d be sleeping next to that. Everything in me wanted him to crawl into bed and strip me of any innocence I may have hidden within me.
He reached over and turned the light off, only the moonlight from the window brightened the room. The bed didn’t move or squeak when he crawled inside the covers. “Well, it’s too damn bad, because that’s where you’re sleeping. I can’t have you sleep hundreds of yards away from me, I wouldn’t hear if you hurt yourself. And we can’t move you now, you need to rest.”
I did feel sleepy. The nightmare had jerked me out of a deep sleep, but I didn’t know if I could sleep now. Tall, dark and gorgeous slept next to me, and I was absolutely sure any straight woman would agree with me. “I’m not sure if I can sleep.”
His silence made me look over. One arm rested beneath his face, those too green eyes heavy on me. “What would help you sleep?”Between my legs throbbed as he lowered his eyes to my lips. “You not being so close to me.”
His lip drew up into a smile. “I’ll be a perfect gentleman. I swear it.”
A giggled bubbled out of my throat, and I hated myself for it. “Maybe you should sleep on the floor?” I suggested.
Cash’s brow rose to his hairline. “Did I sign my house over to you and not remember?”
I rolled my eyes. “It was only a suggestion.”
He tilted his chin upward. “You never answered my question.”
I knew I hadn’t. I didn’t want to tell him that music helped me sleep, or that a good fucking would knock me out for the night.
Cash reached forward and rested his hand against me. His paw easily wrapped around my waist. Heat snaked up my body, and took control of my muscles. “Tell me what would help you sleep,” he whispered.
I swallowed, my pride fought the good fight, but it didn’t win. It never did. His pale eyes searched my face for an answer that I struggled to claim. The tip of his finger slid against my skin. “Music,” I hurried out. “Music.”
His fingers turned me toward him slightly, and slid down to cup the bottom of my ass. I couldn’t breathe he was so close. “That all?”
What was wrong with me? I wanted to tell him what else would help, but I knew I shouldn’t. I should get up right now and limp my way back to the guest house. That’s exactly what I should do.
But his eyes hadn’t left mine, his fingers brought me even closer to him. The fragrance of his mouth had all of my senses on high alert. I’d never gotten so turned on from breath before. Something definitely was wrong with me.
“Just music,” I whispered.
Cash didn’t believe me; I saw it on his face. But he reached over my head and retrieved a remote, music filled the darkened room. It was classical music, no lyrics but it soothed.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
I moved and it stung. “Still sore.”
He got up and walked toward what I assumed was his bathroom. His shoulders were wider than I’d thought. The muscles in his back moved as he disappeared into the blackened room.
When he came back he held out a glass of water and two pills. “Aleve,” he said. “It should help the pain.”
I greedily took the medication and laid back down against my pillow. “Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure taking care of you.”
Giving him a long sideways glance, I looked back at the ceiling where I’d decided was the best place to look. “You’re not really taking care of me, I mean, you’re being helpful, but I can take care of myself.”
Cash cleared his throat which forced me to look at him. He lifted a brow. “Have you ever been taken care of?”
I opened my mouth to protest but no words came out. I couldn’t think of a single time where I’d been taken care of. No relationship in my past contained that memory.
I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and willed the sadness away. Not now. Not here. “Not really,” I whispered.
Cash didn’t speak for a few moments. I was thankful for the silence. I needed it to contain my voice. It was an awful feeling. Realizing all over again what you were: easy. Realizing I’d never had a good relationship in my life. Not with my parents, not with anyone but Ryder.
And I’d killed him.
I’d killed my only real relationship. I’d doomed myself to this failure. Craving attention so much that I didn’t even like myself anymore. The feeling of your heart sinking so far into your chest that you can’t breathe. Once someone offered me that quick gratification, that quick affection, I couldn’t turn it down.
I wanted it so bad.
Cash caught my jaw, and I saw him examining my face. “Well that’s about to change, Peach. You can relax a while, I’m going to take care of you.”
I wanted that, a lot. I felt myself wanting to lean over and kiss him but he hadn’t kissed me yet. Hadn’t made a real move. Cash leaned back against his pillow, his hand touching my chin before his hand disappeared.
“Good night, Sydney.”
No words formed in my head. He didn’t try to kiss me, or touch me. Rejection formed in my stomach but I fought against it. I shouldn’t sleep with my boss. Don’t do it.
“Good night, Cash.”