Johnnie sat in the backseat of the truck, strapped in and gazing out the window as if they’d just driven into Disneyland. Since the woman didn’t drive and Caleb had been gone a while, it was obvious the child hadn’t left the homestead. It tugged at the aortic strings around his hardened heart that a sweet kid could get such a rotten deal. The mom didn’t seem so bad, but she married a man like Caleb Morrow. In his estimation, that meant she wasn’t that good either.

“Hey kid, when was the last time you’ve seen your old man?” Cotter asked, looking in the rear-view mirror.

“It’s been a while,” Johnnie said. “I think it was at my birthday. Momma made me a cake with four candles on it. Daddy was home then. Haven’t seen him since.”

“You miss your old man?”

“Not really,” Johnnie said. “Mama says you can’t miss what you never really had. She was talking about meat, but I know she meant Daddy.”

Cotter looked again in the rear-view mirror at the boy. Scrawny. However, the eyes held a spark and the kid was no dummy. He seemed to pick up on everything said and unsaid. It amused him that the child knew just what to say when asked a question. Never giving away too much, but telling him just what he wanted to know.

“I don’t know what size you are, so I hope you don’t mind us going to the second-hand store to get you some clothes,” Cotter said. “The way you’re eating, I can see you tripling in size in no time.”

“Second hand? You mean like used clothes?” Johnnie asked.

“Yeah, is that a problem?”

“No, Mama always went to the Goodwill when Daddy took us to town to shop,” Johnnie said. “She never bought used underwear though. Or used shoes. Said she didn’t want me getting a foot rash from somebody else’s dirty toes.”

“Smart,” Cotter said.

“Yeah, Mama is really smart. She taught me to read, write my name, and do math too.”

“You don’t go to school?”

“I just turned six,” Johnnie said. “I think she said in the fall, I would start first grade. She’s been working with me to make sure I don’t be behind the other kids when I do. The car should be fixed by then, so she can drive me to the bus stop.”

“Good to know,” Cotter said, slowing his speed as he drove through Rocheport, connecting to Highway Bb, and then the interstate.

“Where are we going?” Johnnie asked, looking out the window.

“Columbia, they have more stores,” Cotter said. “I need to get a few more things that are cheaper in a bigger town.”

“If I had some money, I would get Mama something pretty to make her feel better,” Johnnie said pausing. “Mister, can I have a few dollars to get her a present. I will work hard to pay you back.”

“I tell you what, Johnnie, I will give you $10 and we will call it an allowance,” Cotter said, “for all the help you’ve given me with your Mama and the house.”

“An allowance? Cool!” Johnnie said pleased. “Do I get that every week or every month? I have to know so I can make a budget.”

Cotter burst into laughter. The kid was growing on him. A bit too much for his comfort, but in every life, there needed to be hope. If there was nothing else, he could give him or his mother before it left, it would be hope. At this point, most of what he offered was a blind hope, because he couldn’t for the life of him see it going anywhere, but he was here. So, were they, in the pile of poo together − for now, anyway? In a week or two the woman would be well and he’d be gone on his way. A great deal needed to be done before he left, and staying busy was always a plus.

****

THE GPS GUIDED HIM to the Salvation Army Family Store where the first item he looked for was a heavy winter coat. Finding one he liked, that had a zip out lining, it wasn’t very pleasing to Johnnie who didn’t like the color. The kid wanted one in bright orange that looked more like a hunting jacket.

“You sure that’s the one you want?” Cotter asked in disbelief.

“I like how bright it is,” Johnnie said, locating a pair of matching neon orange socks with the price tag still attached. “Mister Cotter, this pair is new. Nobody’s toes have been in these.”

He frowned as a saleswoman came over to offer them help. Cotter went down a list of sweaters, long sleeve shirts, and pants that was needed for the growing kid. Since he didn’t know the kid’s size, the lady offered him assistance.

“I need one for show and one to grow,” he said, echoing the words of his mother when she would shop for him as boy. It didn’t matter how big the size of a shirt she bought, in less than two months, Cotter seemed to outgrow the material. Johnnie looked as if he would do the same.

Four pairs of jeans, two pairs of pants, and a shirt, which looked more like a salmon colored blouse lay in the cart. A brand-new pair of snow boots, minus a previous pair of owner’s feet, were added to the buggy, along with two sweaters, a Kermit the Frog sweatshirt, and four long sleeve shirts.  Satisfied, Johnnie, in the neon orange socks, matching coat, and new boots, climbed into the back seat, happy as a lark.

“I’m hungry,” the kid said.

“Kinda figured,” Cotter replied. “Whaddaya want to eat?”

“Don’t know,” Johnnie said. “Am I buying my food out of my allowance or is it your treat?”

Cotter laughed again. He was really starting to like the kid a great deal. He drove the two of them to Wal-Mart, which had a Burger King inside. To his surprise, Johnnie didn’t want french fries but opted instead for apple slices. He inquired as to why.

“Those fries taste funny,” Johnnie offered. “My Mama makes the best fries from real potatoes. Those don’t taste real. The chicken nuggets are good though.”

“Leave it to me to get stuck with a kid with a refined palate,” Cotter mumbled as they ate in silence. Johnnie’s eyes followed the young girls with their mothers, taking note of the clothing they wore and hair styles.

“What are we getting in here, Mister Cotter?”

“Undies, soap, washing powder, that kind of stuff,” Cotter said.

“Good, I need a new toothbrush,” Johnnie said. “Mine looks like a cartoon character with bad hair.”

Cotter found himself laughing again. Bright. Imaginative. The kid had a good imagination even after nearly freezing to death in that hovel of a handmade house. His hand went to his chest to stop the rush of feeling around his heart.

“You okay, Mister Cotter?”

“Yep. Let’s get moving so we can get back and check on your Mama,” Cotter said, throwing away their trash.

Johnnie walked alongside him in the neon coat and new snow boots that the kid insisted on putting on in the truck, and they went in to the health and beauty section. Toothpaste, new brushes, and soap were added to the basket. The one aisle men never went down made Cotter stop. She said she’d run out of everything. That means this stuff too. He thought back to Andrea, his on again off again crazy lover, and the items he’d seen under her bathroom sink. Searching his memory, he reached for the blue package along with a blue box of girly inserts.

“Not those,” Johnnie said, reaching up on the shelf to get another brand and different size. “These.”

“Thanks,” Cotter said, anxious to get out of the aisle, but Johnnie went down another to get lavender soaking salts and a bath sponge.

“My Mama likes these,” he said, checking the price and doing the math with his fingers. “Together, these are only $3, which leaves me $7 more to spend. I want to get her a new pair of slippers to keep her feet warm.”

“Do you know the size?”

“I think a seven,” Johnnie said. “Her feet aren’t very big.”

“Then let’s head to the shoe section,” Cotter said.

Johnnie picked a pair of soft lined slippers for $5 for the woman and asked if Cotter could afford a pair for him as well. The pair Johnnie chose were a bright red, making the man wonder if something was wrong with boy as they traveled to the underwear section. Cotter reached for boxer briefs and Johnnie started to laugh really loud in the store.

“What’s wrong, you don’t like this kind?” Cotter asked.

“They’re okay,” the kid said with a smile. “But I wear this kind.”

The small fingers pointed at a shelf on the opposite side to girl’s underwear. Cotter was confused by the expression on his face, which made Johnnie laugh even louder. He took it back, he didn’t like the kid. Something was wrong with it and he needed to take it back to its Mama.

“Mister Cotter, I wear panties because I’m a girl,” Johnnie said, her face bright with amusement.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Cotter said, looking at Johnnie in a whole new light. “Well, shit, I guess we need to go back and get hair barrettes and ribbons too.”

“Oooh, can we? Can we?” Johnnie said, clapping together her hands in the new pair of gloves they also scored at the second-hand store.

It was at that moment that Cotter Wihlborg knew he was in trouble. The little imp had fooled him, but moreover, she’d snuck one in on him and impressed the hell out of a man who rarely, if ever was duped.  The idea of barrettes in the wild hair brought a smile to his face as he threw a cute pink hat in the basket before heading back to get ribbons for Johnnie’s hair.

****

JUDY FIDGETED ON THE couch, waiting for them to come back. Fear held onto her chest, almost preventing her from breathing at the thought of the man taking her child and not coming back. She didn’t know why she trusted him, but she did. Johnnie was smart and she’d taught her child well. However, there was going to come a moment when the man found out that the kid, he’d been calling son was in fact a girl. For safety, living in a remote area, she dressed the child as a boy. Lost people infrequently found their way to the door of the home, and the last thing she needed was to fight off a weirdo who had a thing for young girls. It was bad enough she had to worry about fighting one off that wanted to take liberties with her, let alone her child. The concern eased as she heard the sound of his truck coming up the long drive, bringing her child home safely.

The darkness which surrounded Cotter didn’t give off the vibe that he would hurt a child, and he was all she had right now. At his mercy, the blind hope that Cotter would treat them well kept her calm when she got to her feet, feeling stronger this afternoon. The pills he’d been giving her helped to break the fever, but her recovery was a long journey from being over. Adding a log to the fire, she warmed the room as an exuberant Johnnie burst through the door with bags of loot, anxious to show off the goodies she’d scored.

“Mama! Mama! Look at my new coat,” Johnnie said. “Mister Cotter gave me an allowance and I was able to get some things for you too!”

Rummaging through the bag, Johnnie pulled out the slippers, helping her mother put them on her feet. “I got ribbons and barrettes for my hair too!” the child exclaimed while showing off the Kermit sweatshirt, orange socks and other items.

“We got new toothbrushes too, Mama!” Johnnie explained. “We even got you supplies!”

She yanked the personal items out of the bag, leaving Judy’s eyes wide. Embarrassment showed on her face as she dropped her eyes, not wanting to make eye contact with Cotter.

“It’s cool. I have sisters,” he mumbled. “Johnnie, we need to wash that stuff before you wear them.”

“Yes sir,” she said, heading towards the back of the kitchen.

“Oh, you have a washer and dryer?” he asked, shocked.

“A washer, yes, but the dryer is nature or this fireplace,” Judy said, sliding the personal items behind her back. “Thank you for all of this. I don’t know how I am ever going to repay you.”

“We can start by you trusting and being honest with me,” Cotter said. “You could have told me the child was a girl.”

“I am trusting and being honest with you,” Judy said. “I let you take her with me having no phone to call for help and being laid up here with pneumonia.”

“It’s not pneumonia,” he said. “You are just really sick and need nutrition and hydration. Yeah, the lungs are wet with sputum, but not to the point of all of that. Speaking of no phone...”

He tossed an unopened prepaid phone towards her. “This way, you have a phone. Later, I’ll program in my number.”

“Are you leaving?” she asked, suddenly aware of not wanting the man to leave them alone. The idea of his presence not filling the space evoked fear inside of her soul. The last thing she needed or ever wanted was to rely on a man, but this one she needed.

“Not yet,” he said.

The look of relief on her face touched him. It had been a long time since a woman wanted him to stay around. Even longer since he’d found one, he wanted to be around for longer than a few nights. Touching her hand, he went to check on the meat he left simmering in a Dutch oven on the stove.

“Cotter?” she said softly.

“Yeah Mrs. Morrow?”

“Judy. Call me Judy and it doesn’t matter,” she said softly.

He turned his head, looking over his shoulder at her. The soft glow from the fireplace lit her face, giving him the first real look at the woman. Even sick, she was kinda pretty.

“What doesn’t matter, Judy?” he said, placing the lid on the pot and reaching for two sweet potatoes.

“Whatever you did. Whatever awful thing you did which makes you feel as if you have to do penance here with us,” she said softly. “It doesn’t matter. Your willingness to stay and help is all that does.”

“I’m not doing penance for any damned thing,” he said. “Caleb was...”

Cotter lowered his voice, not wanting Johnnie to hear him say a bad thing about her father. He also needed a minute to phrase his wording just so without giving away clues of how he’d come across Caleb Morrow.

“My husband was many things, but he loved us,” Judy lied.

“The only person Caleb loved was himself. He sent me in a last-ditch effort to not rot in hell for leaving the two of you here defenseless,” he said. “I have a mother, a brother and sisters. I wouldn’t want this for them and would put a bullet in any man who considered this to be a life. Everything we do in this world matters. If not to us, then those it impacts. Caleb’s bad decisions impacted that sweet child. He will not continue to hurt either of you.”

That’s when she cried. He came to her side in six long strides, scooping her up to sit on his lap. The sour scent of sickness, sweat and an unwashed body filled his nostrils, and tonight they both would put their bodies in some water. He actually needed a hot shower as well and looked forward to washing off two days of sweat and grime. Holding her to his chest, he didn’t rock or offer words of consolation, just the strong arms of protection in her time of need.

Judy actually let go and cried the tears of hatred, fear, and frustration she’d held onto for so many years. Cotter was a bad man too. In her soul she knew it. Miles. Henry. The whole lot of men who straddled the line of good and bad were all bound up in this one body who sat still, cradling her in strong arms, holding her as she cried.

More tears came as she cried for herself, feeling some sort of way at being held by this man. The warmth of his touch. The tenderness of his care. She wanted more than anything to be well so she could repay him by sharing the sweet spot of connection in the middle of the night between a man and a woman. It was all she had to give him.

Judy hoped it would be enough for now.