“I don’t understand the dreams. Where do you think they came from?”

Gentry shook his head before I rested mine on his shoulder.

In the middle of insanity, being in bed with him with his arms around me provided peace. Solace. I could believe we’d be all right.

“I’m not sure,” he murmured. “It seems as though I came into your dream around the time I reached New York, or a little before.”

“And that was when I started sleeping again. Thank you for that, by the way. I missed sleeping through the night without blood-chilling flashbacks.”

“You dreamed that every night?” He craned his neck to look down at me, frowning with concern.

“Every single one since I got home. It sometimes felt like I never left. Part of me was always back there. You were the one who helped me feel safe, finally.”

“I would go insane if I had to go through that even once,” he murmured as he stroked my hair, then let his hand trail down my back, leaving goosebumps in his wake. “You’re even stronger than I gave you credit for.”

“I told you I’m the Big Dog in the pack.” I tried to smile and make light of the situation, but the joke died on my lips. It was safe for me to be vulnerable around him. I trusted him. “I didn’t feel strong. Not through all of this. I felt small and weak and scared. Or I did until a tall, dark stranger appeared and changed the dream’s script.”

“Even though I wasn’t the one who saved you.”

“Even so.”

He held me a little tighter. “For my part, at least I had the chance to feel powerful again. Even if it was only a dream.”

“Oh, Gentry.” I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to lose everything that ever made me who I was.

Only another witch or sorcerer could understand how much of one’s identity was wrapped up in his or her special powers and talents. These were what set us apart from the rest of the world. They made us who we were.

That I was supposed to be The Chosen One always capitalized in my head because it sounded that way when my coven sisters said it. I was special. Without my powers, I’d be no one.

“It’s not all bad,” he admitted, almost like he was answering the many questions I was too afraid to ask. “I mean it with all my heart when I say I’m ashamed of the sorcerer I was. I deserved to have my powers stripped. Truly. I see that now.”

“Do you miss them?”

He chuckled. “Only all day long. When I’m hungry, and there’s no one to cook for me. I sure as hell don’t know how to do it. Before you called, I was cold and realized I didn’t know how to use the fireplace. Having to walk everywhere instead of porting. A nightmare.” But he was laughing at himself—even so, there was truth to it.

He could try to hide his true feelings from me, but it didn’t work.

“You’ll get used to it.”

“I’m sure I will. It’ll take decades, but I will.” He looked at me again, sizing me up. “How old are you really?”

“What a question.”

“I was only wondering.” He touched my cheek, barely grazing my skin. “You’re so beautiful. And still so young. I’ll age faster than you will.”

I caught his fingers and pressed my lips to them. “Don’t. Just don’t. You’ll stay young for a long time—and if you do age faster than me, it doesn’t matter. What matters is this.” I pressed my palm against his chest.

“You say that now,” he chuckled.

“I mean it.” The fact that we were talking long-term wasn’t lost on me. It felt natural, the way Monday followed Sunday and November followed October. There wasn’t a question in my mind.

The sun was starting to rise, and the sky outside the window began to lighten.

I wanted to stop time, to make the night last forever. I would give up everything else in life if it meant staying in his arms for all eternity, right there in that room, in that very bed. It would be an even exchange.

But I had a gathering to prepare myself for. I’d scheduled an impromptu meeting for later that morning in the penthouse versus holding it right away, seeing as how several members were out of town and needed time to get back—we weren’t scheduled to meet again until the thirty-first, when we’d have our own version of a Halloween celebration. And in the meantime, the rest of the coven had gone off to live their lives .

I left the comfort of his arms with a groan, then stretched languidly before getting out of bed. All drama and anxiety aside, I had never felt better. Maybe it was the three rounds of mind-numbing sex. The memory made me blush, even as I grinned wickedly.

He watched me as I slid into a robe and belted it tight. “Do you really have to do that?” he asked, when my eyes met his. There was no sarcasm in those familiar jade-green pools of light.

All I saw was desire strong enough to make my body cry out in response.

There would be more time for that later. “Put clothing on, you mean? No, I don’t have to, if you’re all right with me walking around naked in front of Holden…”

He growled. “Good point. Leave it on. Maybe wear a parka and snow pants on top.”

I had to giggle at his flare of jealousy. “Oh, please. Do you really think Holden gives a damn one way or another? Nightwardens aren’t supposed to think about things like that.” But Elias had, and still was with my sister if there was any justice in the world.

“It doesn’t matter what they’re supposed to think. Any man with blood in his veins and a pulse couldn’t help but fantasize about you.”

“I hope that doesn’t sour your opinion of him.”

“The fact that he wants to kill me is reason enough to sour me, thanks.” He slid into his jeans with a grimace in my direction.

“That’s his job. It’s how he’s wired. He’ll come around.” With that, I opened the bedroom door.

Holden rushed in, almost knocking me aside as he hurled himself at Gentry.

Before I could cry out in surprise, he had him by the throat and up against the wall.

“Holden! What are you doing?” I ran to him, pulled on his arm.

It was no use.

“What’s he doing here?” he snarled.

Gentry’s face was red, but he somehow maintained his composure even though Holden was slowly strangling him.

“Put him down.” I stared daggers at my Nightwarden. “Damn it, we’ve discussed this.”

Holden bared his fangs.

Gentry didn’t so much as blink.

The two of them glared at each other. “I could bleed you dry right now,” my vampire NIghtwarden whispered.

My skin crawled.

“I know you could,” Gentry gasped.

“What’s stopping me, then?” Holden whispered.

“She is. She’s your charge, and you have to do as she commands.”

“Bullshit!” A growl this time. “I’ll kill who I want to kill. She doesn’t know what’s right. She’s not thinking clearly. You have her twisted.”

“Put. Him. Down.” I pointed my palms in his direction but didn’t use my powers. Not just yet. “I’m giving you a chance to do it before I have to hurt you, Holden.”

“You would hurt me?” he muttered, still glaring at Gentry. Practically licking his chops at the thought of destroying him.

The amount of absolute loathing was staggering.

I didn’t know Holden was capable of that much emotion—or, frankly, that any Nightwarden was.

It came at me in waves, wrapping around me, souring in my mouth. All that hate.

“I would do more than hurt you, Holden. Please, don’t push me to that point.”

He waited a beat before looking at me, and a wave of some other feeling slammed into me and almost knocked me off my feet.

No. I couldn’t be. But there it was. I sighed when it all became clear.

“Oh, Holden. I understand. We can talk about it, all right? But just not now. Please. There’s so much more at stake.”

Than you loving me, I wanted to add.

Why didn’t I see it before? It wasn’t just a matter of him outperforming Elias.

He glared at Gentry once more, and the claws at his throat tightened—I could see the way they dug into his flesh even at a distance—before he dropped him to the floor.

I held myself back instead of rushing to him. It would only rub salt in Holden’s wounds to watch me rush to another man.

Why hadn’t I seen it? It all made so much sense.

“Thank you,” was all I said, even though there was so much more to be said and we both knew it.

Gentry rubbed this throat. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Shut up,” Holden hissed. His claws were still extended, I noticed.

I could feel his emotions; every instinct he possessed told him to kill Gentry, and not just because of what he had done to vampires in his former life. I had been so blind.

“Both of you, stop. We need to work together, or we’re all screwed.” I held my head in my hands. “Like I needed one more thing to worry about. I have the entire coven on my ass, led by my mother, of course. A psychopathic sorcerer is nipping at my heels. And now this.”

“I wouldn’t say the coven’s on your ass,” Holden replied. He sounded a lot more like himself, and his eyes were back to their usual color.

“Please. My mother is furious, which means everybody else will be once she gets in their ears. Big surprise.” I flopped down on the bed. “She might have calmed down a little since the phone call yesterday, but I highly doubt it.”

“You told her about me?” Gentry asked.

“The little bit she let me get in edgewise had to do with you, yes.” I could still hear her shrill, ringing voice in my ear. “She wasn’t pleased.”

“I’ve caused you trouble,” Gentry observed, sitting beside me on the bed.

“Yes,” Holden replied before I had the chance.

I shot him a look before turning to Gentry. “It’s not your fault, believe me.”

“It isn’t yours, either. You didn’t know who I was, and I didn’t know who you were.”

“I knew,” Holden whispered.

“You didn’t know anything,” I reminded him, my voice sharp. “Having a feeling and knowing something are two different things. And you would’ve had a feeling about any man I dated. It’s irrelevant now. This is the situation we’re in, and that’s that.” I just had to find a way to make it work. Somehow.

“There’s no guarantee Dominic will attack you,” Gentry offered.

He didn’t believe it. I could see it on his face.

“Yes, just like there was no guarantee Kristoff would.” I stumbled on the name.

Saying it was like opening an old wound, but it was one that needed to be opened and dealt with for good.

I looked at them. First one, then the other. “I won’t wait around for another sorcerer to decide it’s time to strike. I won’t leave my fate in anyone else’s hands ever again.”