The creakiness of the wheels from the cleaner cart, have me bolt upright and look at the clock. It’s nine in the morning. Shit, Kane is late leaving today. Kane steps out of the bathroom freshly showered and grabs his motorcycle keys off the counter.

“You know the rules,” he mutters, and I roll my eyes. Stay inside, and don’t let anyone see me. Same shit, different day. I’m a damn hermit staying locked in this room as long as I have.

“It’s been six months, when do I get to go to Gatz?” I huff, my big belly making it hard for me to sit up all the way.

Kane shoots me a look; his eyes fall to my stomach as he steps out the door. The way he looks at my belly makes me uncomfortable. He doesn’t want anything to do with the baby and leaves anytime I talk about feeling the baby move, or what sex it might be. I went on a run with him and his club shortly after I got here, only because he had no choice but to bring me along. He called me his sister, and I was hidden in another hotel. As soon as we got back here, I was shoved back in this hotel, never to be seen again. I haven’t even seen a doctor about the pregnancy. I haven’t told Gatz that last part yet. I know as soon as he picks me up, I will be in good hands. Whenever that will be.

Gatz is like Narnia or Santa. I believe and hope I’m going to be sent to him, but the reality of it being true is starting to be questioned. If it wasn’t for the one time he actually came here and I got to see him briefly, I’d call Kane a liar all together and leave.

Sitting on the bed, the door opens, the sound of deep voices echoing through the room. I sit up, curious if Kane brought one of his club members to the hotel. I could use some interaction with actual people. I’m so lonely it’s pathetic.

Kane struts in, his face lit up more than I’ve seen in months.

“I found a stray,” Kane said nicely, and then Gatz walked in behind him. His dark hair perfectly in place, his white shirt tight and snug under his cut. My eyes lit up. He’s here for me, finally!

“Gatz!” I jumped up off the bed and hurried to his side. I couldn’t help myself, I swung my arms around his neck and pulled him close. He was hard but smaller than Kane. The smell of his cologne, grounding me. He’s just like I remember, soft and hard where it counts.

“Am I coming with you?” I pulled away from him, and his deep eyes darkened.

“Not yet.” His eyes fell to my belly, and before I could register my sadness that I’m not going with him, I became elated that he was acknowledging the baby. “Can I?” He held his hand out, and I nodded. Kane never asked to feel my stomach.

He kneeled in front of me and very gently placed his hand on the round of my growing four-month belly. I look down at my now six-month-old belly. It grew fast.

“Can you feel it yet?” he asked. “Yeah, but it feels like butterflies,” I replied with a huge smile.

“It’s unbelievable,” he whispered in astonishment before glancing up at Kane. Kane was hard in the face, his eyes dark and shoulders tense. He wasn’t happy anymore.

Gatz removed his caring palm and stood up, clearing his throat.

“The boys are probably wondering where I am, I better get,” Gatz changed the subject, and my joy burst into flames.

“But you just got here,” I protest, he’s the friendliest face I’ve seen in months. He can’t leave yet.

“Club duty,” he shrugs.

“I’ll ride you back to where they’re staying,” Kane mumbles, walking past us both like a pissed off girlfriend.

Gatz sighs, placing his hands in his pockets. Awkwardness swirls around us like confetti, we haven’t seen each other since that night. He glances around the room and suddenly frowns.

“You don’t have any baby stuff?”

I shake my head, my eyes gazing across the area. “I haven’t really left the room since I got here, I have cabin fever like crazy.” You can’t miss the edge to my giggle. I’m happy for what Kane has given me, I’m just lonely.

“Well, I kind of got something—”

“You what?” My heart skips a beat, and Gatz reaches behind his back and pulls out a purple stuffed dragon. The creature is masculine, but the color of this particular one gives it a feminine touch. The wings are dainty, and it’s face and eyes soft. It could be for a boy or girl.

Tears fill my eyes, and I lose my breath. It’s the first thing I’ve gotten for the baby. It makes everything feel that more real.

“It’s not much, but…”

“I love it.” I grab it, running my finger over the stitched horns on the head.

The sound of the wheels on the cleaning cart, bring me back from the memory, and my eyes fall to the dragon sitting on the dresser across from me. I don’t love Gatz like a lover, but I feel like we’re family. I miss him.

Standing up, I waddle to the window and watch Kane drive away. He’d be pissed if he knew I came outside when he left. Opening the door, I spot the housekeeper, Miss Suzy.

She has a clipboard in her hand, and a pen in her black curly hair. Her white and blue uniform is wrinkled, and there’s a run in her pantyhose today. When she places the clipboard on top of the cart, she spots me and lights up. She’s the only other person I can socialize with, without having to worry about someone finding out I’m here.

“Did you find any new books?” I ask with excitement.

“Room 3 left one, you’re in luck.” She bends down, grabbing a yellow book from a shelf and waves it in the air.

“Oooh!” I step out and waddle to her as fast as I can. The fresh air is amazing, so I don’t go too fast.

Grasping the book from her, I run my hand over the cover.

“The Gold Finch,” I read the title aloud, flipping through the pages.

“You ever read that one?” she asks, grabbing her smokes sitting next to the hard bar of soaps. I shake my head. I have four books that Suzy has found left behind in rooms over the last six months. One by John Grisham, Fifty Shades of Gray, The Little Prince, and now this one.

“Well, let me know if it’s any good, yeah?” She grabs her clipboard and lighter and unlocks room 5 before going in to clean it.

“Sure thing, Suzy!” I say without taking my eyes off the book. This is what my life has become. Sitting in a hotel room reading leftover books. I take bubble baths a lot, and watch TV when I can, but the signal sucks. Once I snuck out to the pool but a man wearing black was sitting across from me in a lawn chair and I became paranoid. I mean, who goes to the pool wearing all of their clothes?

At least in this room, I’m safe. Shutting the door behind me, I slide to the floor and stretch my legs out in front of me. One hand on my belly, I feel the baby move and kick as I open the cover to the book, ready for it to take me from this hotel room and into a place far away.

I’m halfway through the book, on the edge of my seat for the next chapter when Kane walks in the room. He’s here early, so I glance up from my book. Untucking my legs from under me, I stretch out.

“You’re back early,” I yawn.

His eyes are watery, and his face is lax and defeat from his usual hard mask. Little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Something is wrong.

I drop my book and stand.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

“Gatz, he’s dead.” Raising his head, teeth gritted tears spring from his eyes.

“Wh-what?”

Kane turns and sits on the bed, his head hanging in his hands as he cries. A man as brutal and infuriating as Kane crying makes the world freeze in time.

The baby kicks so hard I kneel over the bed, my fingers clawing at the unmade sheets. My clenched eyes fill with tears as I think about what Kane just said.

“Are you sure, Kane?” I whimper. “How do you know?”

Sniffing, he stands. His eyes fall on my stomach, and anger turns his face red.

His moment of vulnerability gone.

“Get your shit, we’re going to the Sin City Outlaws in Vegas.”

He doesn’t give me any answers, he doesn’t hug me and tell me anything. He just starts grabbing my things and shoving them in a bag. If I didn’t know any better, it’s as if now that Gatz is gone Kane is getting rid of me too.