He held his face in his hands as he sat at the small table in his equally small cabin. His head throbbed from what he suspected was thinking too much, though it might have also been the booze from the night before. He hadn’t had much in the way of sleep the night before and despite his exhaustion, he knew he would never be able to calm himself enough to grab a quick nap either.

When a sharp knock came at the door, he almost fell out of the chair. He didn’t want to answer the door in case it was Aidan, but he knew if it was the alpha and he wanted in, he would probably just let himself in. It wasn’t like this was a human settlement, where locks were ever used. All someone had to do was pull on the door and open it. He hadn’t even thought to have the door changed so it swung inward, at least giving him the chance to bar it if he chose.

When he opened the door, he breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of Lily standing on his front step. “Oh, it’s you.”

She looked at him quizzically. “Yeah. Why do you look so relieved?”

He took a deep breath to steady his voice. “No reason. Just didn’t know who was knocking on my door.”

“Who else would it be? Doesn’t Mags just come straight in when she wants you?” Lily asked, waiting for Kyle to either come out or step out of the way.

He decided on the latter, allowing her in. “Usually, but you also don’t tend to knock like you’re marching about on important business. You like to announce yourself with singsong.”

She snorted, eyes lingering on the empty bottle sitting on the table. “So, am I supposed to guess from the drinking, the fact that you look like crap, and that you were a little too happy to see me, that your, uh, talk with Aidan didn’t go that great?”

He winced, hating that she’d jumped straight to the point. “I guess it depends on your definition of great.”

“Well, you’re not sporting a black eye, and you’re not bleeding, so I’m guessing it didn’t get violent. He say something to get you riled up?” she asked, taking a seat at the table as if she lived there.

Said and done something. “I guess he’s just really good at getting a reaction out of me.”

“I guess so. I’m not used to you getting so riled up over someone. Normally you just get irritated, bitch up a storm, and then you’re over it within the hour. I mean, you’re still your normal, sorta grumpy self, but that’s just part of your charm,” she told him brightly.

He glanced down at his dirty shirt, deciding he should change it so he looked at least somewhat presentable. “Gee, thanks so much. You really know how to talk me up.”

“Isn’t that what best friends are for?” she asked.

He pulled his shirt off, rummaging in the small closet for another one. “I don’t know. When I get one, I’ll be sure to find out.”

She stared at him, her eyes widening in horror. “Did he do that?”

He followed her stare, finding faint bruises on his shoulders from where Aidan’s fingers had gripped and dug into his skin. Kyle hurried to pull on his clean shirt, if only to hide the shudder at the memory. It frustrated him that he consciously hated what happened, but every other part of him remembered it with a desire so strong, it threatened to overwhelm him. Just the thought of Aidan holding him that fiercely had him wanting to hunt the alpha down and go for round two.

“It’s nothing,” he said, trying to sound casual.

She was up and right in his face, trying to pull at the shirt to see the bruises again. “Don’t tell me that’s nothing. You’re bruised.”

“We live in the woods. Bruises happen,” he told her stubbornly.

“Not bruises that look like someone had a death grip on you,” she told him, sounding equally as stubborn.

He stepped away from her, leaning against the counter in the small kitchenette lit by a shaft of sunlight. “It’s not what you’re thinking. Calm down, okay?”

She got close to him again, her eyes roaming over him. “Are you going to tell me what it actually is then? Or am I just supposed to assume the worst?”

He sighed. “I don’t really want to get into it, okay? It’s not exactly the best story, and I would rather you just trust me instead.”

She reached out, her face going slack as she ran a finger along his jaw. “Holy shit.”

Kyle pulled back, swatting her hand away. “What’s your malfunction now?”

“Is that, stubble-burn on your face?” she asked, sounding breathless.

It was his turn for his eyes to widen and he pushed past her to look in the small mirror on the inside of the closet door. He’d been so desperate trying not to think about what had happened the night before that he hadn’t thought to check himself over. When he swung the door open hard to look in the mirror, he groaned in defeat. There was indeed, a faint streak of red along the line of his jaw that had persisted through the night rather than fading away like any decent friction burn would have done. His only saving grace was that at least his lips weren’t red and swollen. If there was a friction burn on his face, he would bet his lips would have given him away too.

“Look,” he began, whirling around to face her shocked stare.

“You and him,” she began, blinking slowly.

He began shaking his head vigorously. “No, we didn’t fuck, so don’t even go there. No, no, do not.”

Her mouth parted, she hesitated, and then the words came. “But you did…something.”

There was no way he was getting out of this one, and his shoulders slumped. “If…look, if I tell you everything, you promise to keep it to yourself?”

The shock disappeared and she looked offended. “I’m your best friend. Of course I’m not going to tell anyone!”

“I just mean, this is kind of a really big thing, and I don’t want you getting super excited over it is all,” he said, backpedaling.

She blinked. “Just how big is big? Because, you just fooling around with an alpha isn’t really that big a deal. If it was, you would have been the talk of the sept ages ago.”

“I know you didn’t mean that as an insult, and yet it’s sounding like one,” he said, amused.

“You know what I mean! An alpha getting their rocks off with an unclaimed omega isn’t a big deal. No one even mentions it. Even if you hate the guy, which you obviously do, only a few people would comment on it. It’s hardly a big deal,” she continued.

He closed the closet door, slumping against it. “It happened.”

“It? What’s it?” she asked.

“The Joining,” he winced as he whispered the words out loud.

She hesitated, and then the full realization hit her. “With Aidan?”

He glanced toward the doors and windows, motioning for her to quiet down. “Don’t go announcing it to anyone who might be walking by, Lily! Yes, with Aidan.”

She backed up until she could find a seat to plop down in. “When?”

“The night of the Showing, he followed me back to the village to confront me over me running my mouth off to him. We argued a bit, or well, I insulted him more and he acted like the cocky alpha that he is. When I tried to walk away, he grabbed hold of me and then…it happened,” he said, wondering at how easily the story came out.

“What was that like? The Joining,” she asked eagerly.

He frowned at her. “Is that really important right now?”

“Just humor me. I’ll probably never experience it myself, and you know I’ve always wondered. You’re going to tell me your secret anyway, right? Why not add that in too, just for my curiosity,” she said, eyes widening with interest.

“I don’t really know how to describe it. It was like being aware of him, of his body, of his existence, in a way I’ve never been aware of anyone else. It was like I’d been walking around in a sea of ghosts, occasionally touching them here and there, but never really knowing they weren’t all there. Then he touched me, and it was like the first living person to ever lay a hand on me, and it just…woke me up,” he explained, feeling that although it was the closest approximation to his experience he could think of, it was still far off the mark.

“Wow, that sounds…about as magical as I thought it would be,” she said wistfully.

His eyes narrowed. “Sure, if it was with anyone but him.”

She winced. “I don’t know if I should feel bad that it was with Aidan, or that you just mentioned your bonded mate like he was a curse word.”

He slapped the door, pushing away from it. “He is not, and I mean absolutely not, my bonded mate.”

She held up her hands. “Okay, alright. So what happened last night?”

He deflated in shame at the memory. “He was trying to talk to me about the Joining. For obvious reasons, I didn’t and still don’t want to talk to him about that. He kept pressing the issue, things got heated, and then he grabbed me and…kissed me.”

“And it was bad enough that he left bruises?” she asked, looking angry once again.

He could feel heat rush to his face. “Ah, no.”

“It didn’t leave the bruises?” she asked, her eyes dancing around as she tried to figure it out for herself.

“It…wasn’t bad, at all,” he admitted.

She nodded in understanding. “You liked it.”

He threw up his hands in dismay. “How could I not? This stupid Joining, bonded pair shit is making me like it. I hate it, but I also can’t hate it! I want to hate it so much, but the rest of me refuses to. It’s like going through my first change all over again; I can’t control my wolf half whenever Aidan’s around. My wolf wants him, and because he does, so do I, on some level anyway. I’m sort of okay so long as he doesn’t touch me…or so long as I don’t smell him.”

“Wait, smell him? He didn’t smell all that different to me,” she said.

“I think the Joining changed something, either in him or in the way I smell him, I don’t know. I just know that he smells really good,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound too eager.

“What’s he smell like?” she asked.

“Lily, there’s only so much tolerance I have for your curiosity. Consider it off limits to talk about what he smells like to me, or how much I enjoy how he smells,” he growled.

Lily rolled her eyes at his attitude. “Alright, fine. I won’t ask if you get horny because he smells super good. So he kissed you and you really liked it, but you really want to hate it. Which pretty much covers how you feel about the whole thing in general, right?”

“Overall, yeah. Pretty pissed about the whole thing,” he said.

She winced, drumming her fingers restlessly on the tabletop. “What are you going to do?”

He stared at her. “What am I going to do? I’m going to avoid him, I’ll hide until he goes away if I have to. I don’t know. I just know there’s no way I’m going to go through with this, Joining or not.”

“Aren’t you the one who said there’s no way to get out of it? It’s kind of a ‘for life’ sort of deal, isn’t it?” she asked.

She was right, but that fact only made him angrier. “So what? It’s not like I haven’t had to deal with bullshit before. I don’t care what anyone has to say about it, werewolf or otherwise, I refuse to be bonded with him. He’s an asshole, and he seems to think I’m just going to…to give into him. He doesn’t even have the decency to treat me like I’m anything other than a toy to drag behind him and play with whenever he feels like it. Gaia can take it back, because I sure as hell didn’t ask for this or want it, and I know I haven’t done anything to deserve it.”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t think it has anything to do with what you deserve or don’t deserve. And if it does, well, last I checked, Gaia isn’t really big on subtle punishments.”

He scoffed. “When was the last time you heard about her striking someone blind at a blasphemy, or killing them because they betrayed their pack? Or whatever other dozens of stories there are about her wrath? You ask me, she’s gotten subtle.”

“Well, you haven’t exactly been her biggest fan,” she pointed out.

“Oh, and no one else has ever been critical about their life and circumstances? Suddenly I’m worse than everyone else and I need to be forced to settle down with that…that…alpha?” he sputtered.

“You’re the one trying to make it all about how you’re the one being punished. If you wanna make it all about you and what you’ve done wrong, don’t yell at me when I roll with it. Either you’re being singled out to be punished, or this isn’t a punishment at all and you have to accept that. You can’t have both,” she huffed.

The sheer force of logic she was using gave him pause, and his mouth snapped shut. It was the first time he’d doubted that the Joining had been anything but a punishment. The only other option that allowed him to keep being pissed was to consider the Joining a mistake. Despite his years of complaining about what Gaia had allowed to happen to him, he wouldn’t go so far as to claim that she’d made a mistake. He might bitch and complain, maybe partake in the occasional casual blasphemy, but he would never resort to outright blasphemy.

He slumped into the seat opposite her. “What am I going to do?”

She snorted. “That’s what I just asked you, and you started yelling at me.”

“That was the part where you were supposed to give me advice,” he told her.

Lily laughed softly. “And when did you start taking advice?”

“You tell me what I should or shouldn’t do all the time,” he reminded her.

“Yeah, because you really listen to me. Don’t think I don’t know that you block me out half the time,” she said in amusement.

His arms flopped onto the table helplessly. “Okay, well, I’m asking you what you think I should do now. I’m listening, totally and completely.”

“You could always try talking to him,” she offered up lightly.

He glared up at her from the table’s surface. “Okay, how about you give me a good idea this time?”

“Look, you’re bonded with him now, and don’t give me that look. You spent the past fifteen minutes bitching about it, so it’s too late to ignore the fact now. My point is, you’re bonded, and that’s…not going away, now is it? You’re stuck with it, and the easiest way to find a solution would be to talk to him, since ya know, he’s part of this,” she continued, ignoring his deepening glare.

“Define easiest, because the last time we talked, I ended up held against him with him kissing me,” he growled.

“Yeah, and you pretty much already gave away the fact that you enjoyed it. So let’s just, for one moment, acknowledge that no matter how much you hate it looking back, you liked it and want it to happen again. Acknowledged? Okay, anyway. You’re going to have to deal with him at some point. You know that, I know that, anyone who knew about this would know it. Maybe find a way to talk to him without yelling at him, and well, still managing to put a decent physical distance between you so you don’t get distracted,” she said.

“I wouldn’t want to yell at him if he wasn’t such an insufferable shithead,” he ground out.

She sighed, looking annoyed. “Let’s continue being honest here. You’re not always the most pleasant person, either.”

“I’m not exactly a total dick to everyone in sight either, which he seems to thrive on doing. I might be grumpy, and occasionally tell someone off for being an idiot, but I’m not like that. You can’t tell me you think it’s the same thing,” he protested, knowing it was coming across as whining.

“Okay. No, you’re not that bad. But you know what? I can see where this whole thing makes sense,” she said.

He pushed away from the table so he could sit up and stare at her in disbelief. “What, Aidan and me? Have you been sniffing the herbs in Mags’ cabin or something?”

She shook her head. “I’m not going to bother trying to explain it to you, since you’ll just get all pissed off and stop listening. Are you going to try to talk to him?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Hell no.”

She nodded, expecting that. “Well, can you at least promise, that if he does track you down again, you won’t immediately start insulting him?”

Kyle scoffed. “Since when did you switch from hating him with me to asking me to play nice?”

“Since you bonded with him. The guy’s a dick, but he’s the guy that’s bonded with my best friend, and the only way I know how to make you happy is to help you two get past your issues,” she said with a little shrug.

“You’re still taking this far too well. You could always off him for me,” he said with a groan.

She nodded in sarcastic agreement. “I’ll get right on trying to kill a high-ranking alpha and experienced war hero.”

He sighed, motioning toward her in acceptance. “Fine. I promise not to immediately start insulting him, or be rude. I won’t promise to maintain that though, because he’s going to make it impossible for me to stay nice.”

Lily nodded, tapping the table with one finger. “One last thing. Talk to Mags.”

“What? Why? So she can babble at me?” he asked.

“She probably already knows, and the look you’re giving me right now says you already suspected that. She’s helped people go through the process in the past, and this is right up her alley. She won’t say anything to anyone else, and you know that. It’s better that you figure this out, and quick,” she told him.

“There’s a time limit?” He blinked, startled.

She leaned forward. “Kyle. He’s an alpha, and you’re an unclaimed omega. All he has to do is make the claim and you’re his.”

He sank back into his chair. “Well, shit.”