AMBER

THE LONG CONVERSATION with Serene leaves my psyche ready for whatever the day may bring as I open my eyes. I slept good—for the first time in weeks. I roll towards the nightstand and notice Nico sitting in the chair.

“Hi…” I say. “That’s kind of creepy by the way, you need to avoid doing that too much.”

He laughs and walks closer, carrying a cup of coffee. The gesture is one of kindness. He cares. He is caring for me. “Master Nico…”

“Actually, I prefer Sir Nick. Serene calls me Nicky.”

“Kind of like she calls me Sally,” he says, standing by the door.

Sitting up in bed, I cannot control the emotions as Sal strolls over. He holds me and I cry, long and hard. His fingers graze the stitches. “I am so fucking sorry, baby. So fucking sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I say, retracting any guilt he may have. “I made it out alive, which is far more than I thought I would be granted.”

“Are you ready for this?” His courtesy is impeccably placed at times. “Because if you are not, we can wait.”

I want to tell them to be gentle, but I know that is not what I need. “I am great,” I say with a smile, dropping my hands from his bare back. They are covered in blood. “What happened to you?”

“I need a bit of an alignment,” he whispers. “Just got out of an all-night session, but I wanted to come see you.”

“Tell me,” I demand, holding his hand. “Please…”

“I got into a brawl with D, and he had to call my trigger.”

“You dropped out…” I mumble, panicked that I hadn’t been there for him.

“Not all the way, no… I had a good lashing coming for the Camaro stunt anyway,” he reminds with a wink.

I smile. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

“I know,” he replies, unable to keep his hands off of me. “Nick is taking you to the dungeon today.”

Scared, I whisper, “Are you not coming?”

“I can’t… I have some things to take care of.”

“You cannot go to Arkansas,” I reprimand.

He scoffs, “I am not going to Arkansas.”

“Do you swear?”

“Yes,” he assures, looking me in the eye.

“Sal… Have you talked to D?”

“Ya, and that is probably not a good topic,” he offers.

“He knows what happened?” I let the tears roll down my cheeks as I am so ashamed and guilty. I swore to Serene I would be okay. I am the Crow.

“Ya…” Sal confides.

“He is going to go get himself killed,” I choke out. “You have to go to Arkansas.”

“You just told me not to go!”

“You have to! He will get himself killed! You know how he is!”

He closes his eyes tight as he leans down and covers his face with his hands. “Do you seriously need me to go to Arkansas?”

“I have notes,” I whimper, clutching onto his hand for dear life. In this moment, he is the only thing keeping me from drowning. “Of everyone who raped me.”

He brow shoots up like a rocket as I open the drawer and hand him the paper. “Is this everyone?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“I’ll be back tonight,” he assures. Taking a few steps to the door, he pivots back around and rushes to kiss me.

Hot. Wet. Demanding.

My toes curl as my lips succumb to his full-on Raniero-tongue-lashing. I haven’t been kissed like this since our night at The Church.

Refusing to let go of my hand, Sal requests, “Nico, can you give us a minute, please?”

“I can,” he agrees, touching my shoulder, “When you’re ready, come downstairs.”

The door closes, and I gaze at Sal. “Let me see your back.” I run my fingers over the horrific lacerations. He is bruised and bleeding. “There has to be a better way.”

“Not when you’re a masochist,” he says with a wink. “Look girl, I have put some serious welts on your skin, so I don’t want to hear it.”

“But she draws blood…” I argue pointlessly.

“Only because I like to play in the red.”

“Is that like playing in the street?” I quip, giving a scowl, “Because you know that is dangerous, too.”

“Not exactly,” he snickers.

Latching onto one another, I say the words neither of us want to hear. “We have to stop this thing we have, don’t we?”

“At some point, you are going to have to trust your Master,” Sal asserts with a low voice. “And that isn’t me.”

“But it has been you for years,” I plead, tossing a pillow angrily across the room. I hate the idea of losing my trainer. Really fucking hate it.

“It’s going to take some time,” he consoles, rubbing my arm.

“And what if he doesn’t get that?”

“Then I guess he loses the best thing that will ever happen to him,” Sal points out. “But see I don’t think Dale is that stupid. At times, he can be a bit dense, but for the most part he is pretty swift.”

Playing with his fingers, I whisper, “What if I asked you to make love to me?”

“I would tell you no. But only because I have to save the oaf.”

Concerned, I ask, “Is Nico going too?”

“Not if you don’t want him to.”

“I really think I need to be with one of true Masters the first time,” I whisper, crying again. “It was bad, Sal. Really fucking bad.”

“God, don’t do this to me,” he complains, rolling his eyes and cracking his neck. “You know how I am with aftercare…”

“Why do you think I am asking you…”

He stands up and I think he is going to leave, frustrated with me. His rippled hands undo the belt and drops his jeans as I gasp at the sight of his cock. I know this man. Immediately, my body recognizes his—his protective frame, his sweet kiss, the veins in his shaft—and responds.

Sprawling on top of me, Sal guides us to the bed in a shower of delicate kisses and soft touches, returning my sensations. He feels so good. So normal. So real.

It is so wrong.

We are so wrong. But it feels so right to have his warm, hard cock between my thighs. With everything I have, I love D and I want to get there…but we aren’t to this place of soul resurrecting intimacy. And I need to start down the path to recovery and as Sal slowly thrusts inside of me, I am on my way.

He swoops his arm under my bruised body, lifting me up and letting me guide the movements. Believing my broken, torn wings can fly with his support, I trust this man without question. His guidance and direction stabilize me quick as he commands my body with his touch. “Deeper…” he suggests. “Deeper, Amber. Take me.”

My swollen bits engulf his shaft, remembering the dance we have shared so many times. “That’s it, babe, you’ve got this,” he encourages, kissing my lips and neck and nipples. He is tender and good—this man. He is my shelter from the storm; my training wheels keeping the fall a distant memory. His strength lifts me on his own wings, so I can rise up again. Guiding my tattered wings to our tranquil space, I ride the clouds as he continues, “You got it. Let it all go.”

The serenity abounds through my soul as he pushes up into my body and sets my soul free again. His hands hold my bottom as we soar high together. I am starved as I feast on the moment of pure pleasure. His cock throbs against my walls as his strokes become shorter and more intense. He will come inside of me soon. Tears trail from my cheeks onto his chest as he braces his arms around me. “I am not giving up on you. I will catch you, I promise. I will not fail you.” His promise morphs into a command from my Master, “Now, come to me.”

And I do as I whisper, “Blow it.”

* * *

DALE

Bursting into my sister’s farmhouse, I bellow, “Where is she?”

Finding her in the kitchen, I take note of the flat screen—sports—and cringe. I know Raniero is here before me. Not only am I angry, but hurt that no one felt the need to call me—her fucking fiancé—and use my skills for the rescue operation. This is the problem. Every one puts him before me and for the life of me I don’t get it, which only further provokes the beast I am about to unleash.

“She is being cared for,” Serene says with an emotional absence as she stirs her tea. “No thanks to you.”

“Where is she?” I barrel my fist down onto the marble countertop. “Fucking tell me where Amber is.”

“She is with Sal right now. I will let you see her, but we need to have a chat first,” Serene demands, finally acknowledging me with a scowl. She is pissed too—at me.

I demand, “Why the fuck is he here?”

“Does it matter?”

“You didn’t even call me,” I rage, getting up in her face. “You called him!”

“She was raped…”

“So, you called Sal?”

“I called Sal because he is good with her. Rampage is being dealt with,” she assures. “I sent a clean-up crew as soon as I found her, and things are already falling apart.”

“How did you know?” I say, clinching my jaw. “And why didn’t you tell me.”

“Sal told me where she went. You are a bull in a china cabinet, and we need someone with a more precise, delicate touch. If you would had gone, Pock wouldn’t be alive. And we need him now more than ever.”

“She was raped…so you could have a swing at the mafia. You are playing a game you know nothing about. People are going to die. Hell, she could have died. Where is he?”

“Sal is visiting with her now. He would never go guns ablazin to be the hero.”

“You don’t fucking know!”

“Sal, hero?” Sal says with a gloat, strutting in like he just took a walk in the park or a trip between my girl’s thighs. I want to kill him.

“Where is she?”

“Hoss, I am not letting you go see her right now. She is having a therapy session.”

“Who is the therapist?” Sal’s eyes flash to Serene and back to me. “Someone better fucking start talking.”

“She is with Nico Cristos,” Serene imparts.

“Seriously?” I blow, shaking my head at them both. “Delartes’ son?”

Sal coughs and rumbles low. “And you were with his sister.”

“Fuck. You.”

“No, fuck you.”

“Boys!” Serene interrupts, raising her hands between us.

“I swear to fuck I am going to beat you to a bloody pulp,” I snarl and scowl. “Everyone is doing everything to help you take down your family, and you are fucking acting like a god damned punk.”

“I made arrangements to see that things worked in my favor. If having a plan is being a punk then…”

“Amber was fucking raped because of you!” I accuse without regard.

“Dale!” Serene scolds. “That will be quite enough!”

“No,” Sal commands. “Amber was raped because she is desperate for attention from a daddy that would just as soon she didn’t exist. You need to give her a minute, let her breathe. You are being a fucking selfish bastard. For half a second, why don’t you think about what she has gone through? Stop worrying about when you will see her, she is fine.”

I ball my fists and storm out the door, slamming it behind me. I roar—uncontrollably letting go of everything—and end up crying my eyes out like some sort of pansy. I hear the door shut behind me. “I don’t know what is happening to us.”

Raniero plops in the chair in front of me, lighting two smokes and handing me one. “You need to listen to me. Really listen now. Ignore your wealth of experience and elder status,” he slams with a smirk. “You need to fucking trust me.”

“I don’t know how…”

“You just do it. When I say I have got this—I have got this. And I have Amber. But if you go see her like you are right now, you are going to end up crushing her.”

“What is she doing with Nick?” I ask, clenching my fists on my knees. “Please god, tell me she isn’t fucking him.”

“Nah, man…” he assures, pulling another chair closer to his. “Come sit with me, have a drink, and a smoke. I’ll tell you a story, and then you are going to go apologize to your sister, who did nothing other than chartering a private jet and saving the woman you adore. You are going to clean up and calm down and maybe I will let you go see Amber at dinner.”

An hour later, the mostly empty whiskey bottle and half pack of cigarette butts reveals the stress of the conversation. Serene and Sal enacted a plan I knew nothing about to destroy Rampage and launch Red Crow with Amber at the helm. Though difficult to listen to, I started to comprehend what they both meant. I had no patience and rarely listened to anyone other than myself. On top of that, my aftercare lacks compassion.

The list of wrongdoings grew by the minute as I took in everything Sal said and confessed all of my sins. When he finished, I no longer wanted to kill him, but hug him. With his gentle persuasion and polished finesse, Sal managed to enlighten me and not end up with a broken bone.

“Can I ever have her the way I want?”

“Absolutely, Hoss.”

“Just remember, I did what you asked. I trained her, but that also means I gave her everything that I have learned. Everything I am as a Dom, I put into her submission. She doesn’t react properly to your language because she doesn’t speak it. I don’t act like you. And I don’t necessarily believe you need to act like me, but you have to give her time to adjust. Having the physical parts of BDSM is easy, it’s the emotional ties that tangle you up.”

Cracking my knuckles, I query, “How did you get so smart?”

He cackles once. “I have been a practitioner in theory for many years. When I came here, I absorbed every single session and every passage of command like a sponge, and I listened—a lot. I am not perfect. But if you keep going on your current trajectory, there will be a disaster waiting for you at the end.”

“You are such a fuck, but I love you nonetheless, Nero.”

“I know. And I love you both—and that is why I am here. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t fight with you.”

“I know, man. I know.”

Sal kicks back and breathes a deep sigh. “There is one more thing you need to know.”

“Huh?” I say. “What’s that?”

“She changed.”

* * *

AMBER

Though his instructions were to head downstairs, Nico reappears and stands in front of the door, blocking my exit. I can hear Dale downstairs, yelling like a madman. I know he thinks he has a right to be upset, but I also realize if he comes up here now I will end up a broken mess.

I don’t fight Nico on leaving as his eyes convey the uncomfortable stress of the downstairs ruckus. “He can be difficult,” I say with a knowing smile that turns into a giggle.

“I see this.” He corrects himself, “Well, hear it.”

“I love him though…” I admit, moving closer.

“I know this as well. He adores the ground you walk on. Just because you are having some issues doesn’t mean it is over, you just need to work harder at understanding one another.”

I think about what he says and concede that maybe my dependency on Sal is too much. But for years, anytime I needed him or he needed me—the other one came running. We have an undeniable history and I cannot just pretend it doesn’t exist. And I won’t walk away from him either. We grew together—he and I—as people trying to survive do. Our bond is unbreakable. I think sometimes we forget beneath all the D/s fetish crap, we are all just human beings.

It doesn’t really matter who is on top or on bottom; it is the connection that counts. Sal and I flicker off one another like sparklers on the Fourth of July. We have a splendid, natural bounce, leading to a dance of our souls between the sheets.

I should feel guilty for wanting him to be the first man after the rape, but I don’t. Seven dicks had their way with me. And somehow, I think D’s love for me would say—you have the choice babe…

I would have been paralyzed by his approach, falling into a downward spiral of running. And running is the last thing I want to do with D. I want this to work more now than ever before, but we have to find a way to capture the spark and make it our own outside of the bindings and tethers he gives me.

Our love is a beautiful, fluid, continuum, passing over time and space. Nothing really matters. Not who I fuck. Not who he fucks. At the end of the day, it is the reuniting of our souls that brings us together and keeps us as one.

I think about how jealous I was of seeing him go off with the sexy hot piece of ass, Jaid. But what did it matter? Is it worth our complete destruction? He doesn’t love her. She is no more than a ride with a new sensation. What he has with her, he could bring back to me, sharing his experiences and flourishing us even more. He isn’t going to have children with the woman, tuck her in at night, or hold her hair back when she is sick.

That is me.

My unconventional thoughts lead my gaze to Nico. His lips flick at the sound of the battle as he protects me from interceding. What he doesn’t realize is I have no desire to go down there. I don’t want to deal with Dale right now any more than Sal does. But Sal will do it because he enjoys fixing things, including people. He carefully picks up their pieces and reassembles them with his glue to be better than they were before.

He is working on Iris now. I know how broken she still is. She will take time. Much like the time he spent with me. He is collecting us—his shattered porcelain dolls––and we are a special bunch. I wonder if Jaid is broken. I could ask Nico, but think better of it. Her kisses were delectable and sweet. I briefly hope Dale did his thing and went savage on her ass. I would have. I smirk and giggle.

The idea of Sal polishing his rough patches should frighten me, but I also know we could all use some sparkle. If Dale is chipped or cracked at all, Sal will repair him. I don’t know how long our trinity or for that matter our quad will last. As long as there is love. Maybe we can help glue Iris back together.

Staring at the hunk of a man guarding my door, I inquire, “You have a sub?”

“Me?” he asks like there is someone else here.

“Yeah, are you involved?”

“Nah. I don’t have time for relationships, working with my dad all the time,” he says with an admirable dedication. He will take over Delarte Cristos’ business one day, I cannot imagine that is stress-free. Smiling, he adds, “Last serious woman couldn’t deal with the scheduling conflicts.”

“You sound heartbroken,” I console, sitting at his feet.

He slides down the door next to me. “Aren’t we all?”

“I think so,” I mention, fidgeting with my fingers.

“Does she have a name?”

“Yeah, Steph,” he says completely transparent.

Shocked, I gasp and look at him. “As in Stephanie Serene Smith-Stanton?”

“The one and only,” he confirms with a smirk.

I realize what this must mean as I suggest, “So, you are a bottom?”

“Only for her.”

The brief conversation starts the wheels spinning in my mind. I wonder if Dale would ever kneel for me. It seems crazy to think about this gargantuan six-four monster, built to kill, actually taking a subservient role. I wonder if my sanity is worth that much to him. Serene wants to empower me.

That would damn sure do it.

* * *

DALE

In Sal’s bedroom at the farmhouse, I let the hot water run over my body. After our long talk on the porch, Sal took us into town for lunch and I stopped at Ruby’s Salon for a haircut and shave. We went into the only clothing store in town and I bought a nice shirt and trousers. Not something I would typically do, but seeing how my girl is trying to recover—I want to make a good impression. If getting out of my flannels and jeans helps her mend the wounds, fuck…it’s an easy decision.

I am her fucking alpha dog.

And I want to be her hero—for every breath she takes—all the rest of her life.

Rather than offering up hefty amounts of resistance, I will attempt to change. It may not be easy and I may not succeed every single time, but we have both suffered apart long enough.

Sal and Serene were right, I would have gone to see her like a wild animal— pouncing, claiming, and taking back what was mine. In actuality, re-enacting her rape. Amber didn’t need that. She needs me strong and whole.

Sitting in the bedroom, Sal is chuckling and texting back and forth. I can tell by the grin on his face as I slink out of the bathroom who he is yammering at. He loves that fucking girl more than life itself. Bastard best not blow it.

“You going to see her?”

“Probably,” he says as his eyes dart up to me. “I crawl up the trellis to the second floor.”

I furrow my brow and shake my head. “What are you fourteen?”

“Jack threatened to send me off on assignment again.”

“Holy shit,” I say, dropping the towel and ripping open the package of boxers.

He shifts gears fast. “You should forget those, Hoss.”

“What? The underwear?”

Looking up from his phone, he informs with a smirk, “Yeah, just another layer you are going to have to chuck.”

“I am not going to have sex with her, I am going to see her,” I say slow and steady, acting like it’s our first formal date—ever. Because the first two—fifteen years ago and recently—we ended up fucking. First time, I took her V-card. Second time, I screwed her in a dirty bar bathroom.

God, I really am a chump.

“I am telling you,” he assures with a wink, “She is going to want to hook up.”

“Raniero, I am a forty-two-year-old with a fiancé, we do not hook up.”

“Maybe, you should,” Sal suggests, getting up and heading for the door. “Just be a gentle giant.”

Originally, I scoff at the thought, but as I am dressing for the night of my life, I think he might be onto something. Right before I leave, I drop the trousers and kick off the underwear. Chubs takes note of the idea and responds with a determined bump.

Walking out of the room, I feel strange barefoot, so well dressed. But I know Serene’s rules. She has signs posted at every entry point—please remove your shoes. I pause at the door, wondering if I should knock or just go in. My hands are clammy and a light perspiration forms on my skin.

Why the fuck am I so nervous?

I know this girl like the back of my hand, or so I have believed. Maybe I need to not think that way at all. We are strangers—she and I—and starting over is new and exciting.

Opening the door, I step inside and look around. Serene’s room is magnificent with her bed on risers—oh the things I could do to her there—and the tranquil view out the wall of windows. They are open, letting a spring breeze rustle the gauzy lace curtains.

Without knowing the closet was behind me, I feel a hand grip to my elbow. I spin fast and pick up my darling doll. In a white sweater and pants, her new bangs flow and dark color shines, bringing attention to her delicate face. “Baby…oh my god.”

She is so tiny in my husky arms.

Wrapping her legs around my body, I have a million questions, but all I can do is breathe her in. Everything about her is sheer perfection and I never want to let her go.

“I missed you so, so much D,” she cries on my shoulder. “I am so sorry for everything.”

“Hush, babygirl. Hush, I am here now. You look incredible, so fucking gorgeous.”

Beneath my hands holding her bottom, my johnson knows it, too. Internally, I reprimand myself for never considering to darken her hair—she’s fucking hot. Her eyelashes brush against my neck and I can feel the wetness pour from her ocean blue eyes. “I am the one who is sorry. I was a jealous asshole.”

“You weren’t though… You were acting like any man would.”

“I know you don’t want Raniero,” I whisper, rubbing her back slow. I never want to put her down. I would prefer if she would stay latched to my body forevermore.

“I need him to keep my balance.” She stares up at me. “Only because we’ve used each other for so long.”

“Hell, I know—I need Sal, too.”

“You have been having issues with it for a while. I think we need to breathe and trust one another,” she says as her mascara tears run onto my shirt. “Because I don’t want to be without you—ever again.”

Her body collapses into mine and we reunite into one. She kisses my neck, running her lips along my gold chain. She is turning me on as my cock turns to steel. And she says the most amazing words I have ever heard, “Make love to me, Dale.”

Carrying her to the bed, I make short work of her clothes as she pulls mine away. Her lips are everywhere—my pecs, guns, abs—as her fingers trace through the hair and she finds her way to my happy trail. Blowing and teasing, she takes my dick into her mouth slow…so painstakingly slow, it aches.

“I want to take care of you… I want you to be my little, spoiled princess,” I say, letting my feelings come to the surface and bubble out of my mouth. I do not share emotions well. I use my body, and that is part of our problem. She wants to know how I feel; she needs to hear how I want her. “I want to be the Daddy you never had. I want to give you everything you ever could want and so much more. We’ve been apart far too long in this life, and we have to make every minute count. And maybe I didn’t say that before, but I am saying it now.”

My hands are in her hair as her lips collide and slick my shaft. I need to put my dick in her, but I notice the bruises and the massive fear of failure returns. I let her get hurt; how do I deserve this now?

Closing my eyes, I pump into her lips and feel her love blooming inside of me. She doesn’t blame me or harbor the resentment—that is all my doing. I cannot punish her for my shortcomings. And I cannot hold back either.

Pushing her back onto the bed, I capture the gaze of her soul and know this is meant to be. We are meant to be. Breathless and crying, she moans, “Fuck me, D.”

Her tiny ass fills my enormous hands as I pull her closer to the edge of the bed and sink deep into her folds. She soaks around me, sucking my dick into her spirit, and taking every bit of me with it. Rocking slow, my fingertips caress over her cheeks and run down to graze over her nipples.

She owns me as much as I own her.

“Stop being gentle with me, I won’t break.”

Grabbing my hand, she rests it on her breast and I squeeze as my hips continue pulsing her into her dampness. I cannot resist her request as I twist her nipple, rolling it between my fingers and bringing it to a stiff caramel peak. I want to rub chubs all over her tits, her face, her ass. I want my scent marking her body, so she never forgets. So I never forget.

She is mine and I am hers.

We breathe and our hearts beat as we are two broken souls becoming one again. Fucking her has never been so good. Her pussy is like a warm wet sheath, sucking and milking me for all she is worth. This is who she is. And I stick it to her good because this is who I am.

“D, I am going to come. And I need yours.”

“Baby, I am so there,” I growl, rubbing her clit softly and feeling my walls coming down. “Come to me baby, come.”

She closes her eyes and erupts all over me, drowning me in her wonder and loving me like no other soul ever has. She is my girl—mine. Mine. And as I am pounding her cunt and coming deep inside of her, I cannot believe someone dared to touch her sacred space.

This is my sanctuary and my shelter.

I claimed it first, it belongs to me, and I will be the last. Who she welcomes here is her business, but my church between her legs will not be violated or scarred by anyone but me.

I am an asshole and her Master.

The devil and one fucking pissed off bastard.

* * *

AMBER

The next morning, I awake to a note from Dale. He has gone to Kate’s Kitchen to get me fresh croissants. I smile and hold the paper to my heart.

Startled by Jaid, sitting in the chair, I grip the sheet. “Hi…”

She walks to the bed and sits down before lip locking with me in a completely unsolicited kiss. It is decadent and sensuous and soft. “Sorry, I have been wanting to do that since the night at the club. I have to give you this.”

Handing the thick envelope to me, I scan the writing— DLA. Touching her hand absentmindedly, I refute, “This is Dale’s.”

“It’s not though. It is research Sal did on your mom. You need to read it.”

“Okay,” I say, rather taken aback and stunned. Not only had I not expected Jaid in my bedroom at nine AM, but the news of the contents leaves me conflicted in so many ways. “Where did you get it?”

“I stole it out of Dale’s jacket.” Curiosity flickers in my eyes as I go to open it, and Jaid stops me. “Not now, but you need to do it alone.”

Concerned, I whisper, “When?”

“You will know when and if you need me, call. Any time. Do not hesitate.”

“Thank you,” I reply, squeezing her hand and kissing her cheek. “If you need—us—let me know.”