Chapter Eighteen

When she broke away from the bonds of sleep a few hours later, Jewell felt completely disoriented. Where in heaven’s name was she? These sheets and these covers didn’t feel like hers. Her adrenaline spiked, but then she felt Blake’s body next to hers, felt his arm draped around her back, and felt his heartbeat beneath her hand.

Her eyes still closed, she savored the moment, letting her guard down fully as she enjoyed being held with what almost mimicked tenderness. If only she could admit to Blake how much she needed this moment.

The sex had been wonderful — unbelievable, in fact — but this right here, right now was what she needed more than anything else. She needed to feel comforted by another person. By Blake. She shouldn’t feel anything at all toward him, but her heart had made its choice.

True, he was demanding, and he’d made no promises to her, but how could she not feel emotion toward a man who had changed her world so dramatically? Would it really be so bad to take his name, if that was even what he still wanted?

Yes. It would be far worse than just bad, because she had no doubt that if she spent too much time in his presence, she was going to fall in love with him, and that was something she couldn’t afford to do. She was already too dependent on him.

When he disappeared for days — he’d been gone for more than half of the time, in fact, since he had reappeared in her life — she’d felt unmotivated, almost listless. What would it be like if she were with him for months, or even years, and then he decided to toss her aside?

Could she be tied to him without giving him her whole heart? Not at all likely. But what other choice did she have at this point? That was the fundamental question she needed to answer.

“Are you hungry?”

The sound of Blake’s voice jolted her out of her reverie, but Jewell didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. Damn. Holding her tongue was becoming such a habit with her.

“Are you in a sex coma, Jewell?” he asked with a laugh as he turned her gently to maker her face him.

She was afraid to open her eyes. Maybe if she stayed as she was for a little while longer, there wouldn’t be any stress, no worries, nothing to upset the moment. She needed just a few more moments of peace, a few more moments to savor the contentment she felt being in his arms.

“Ve haf vays, Fräulein Weston, of makink you talk,” he said in an accent she’d never heard him use before. Was he actually joking around with her?

“I … uh … I’m awake,” she finally said, letting her eyes slowly drift open.

“I think I’ll enjoy this boat,” he told her as he rubbed his hands up and down her back.

“I can’t believe anyone would pay so much just to have sex,” she blurted out, and then felt her cheeks turning crimson. Not only had he paid a heck of a lot for just a month with her, but he’d just shelled out millions for this new boat so they could get to the end of their horizontal tango.

His mood lost its lightness. “Don’t think about it, Jewell. Don’t analyze it.”

“How can I not? What in the world are we doing? Why would you want to help me? I just don’t understand any of this.” She’d laid out her vulnerability for him to see — if only he cared to look.

“I explained it very well. You need help with your brother, and I need a wife for this business deal, so we’re both getting a major advantage out of this.”

“You’re always so calm and determined. How can you make marriage a business deal?”

“Life is a business deal, so marriage can’t be any different,” he said, his voice firm.

“I don’t feel as if I have any other option, and that makes me almost despise you, I hope you know.”

He paused, his hands stilling on her naked skin, his face losing all expression and retreating behind the mask she was most familiar with.

“I don’t need your love, Jewell.”

This he had said before, but it still hurt. Although she was saying things intending to wound him too, it still hurt.

“You just want my body, Blake.”

“Yes.” He didn’t elaborate. Even though she hadn’t asked him a question, he still answered.

“Don’t forget that my little brother comes along with me, Blake.”

“I like kids.”

“Have you ever even been around them?”

“I was a child once.”

Jewell had a hard time believing that. It seemed more likely that he’d sprung from the womb full-grown. She just couldn’t imagine Blake smiling with dirt smeared on his cheeks, or running around playing cops and robbers. Yes, he worked on construction sites even now, but that was different from making mud pies or building forts.

“I don’t think you know how to be carefree and go with the flow,” she told him. “I don’t think you even knew how to play games when you were a child. You’re too hard, too set in your ways. You won’t be good with Justin. You’ll realize this eventually, and then I’m the one who will pay the price.”

He was quiet for so long that she figured her words had finally gotten through to him and he was deciding to break things off with her. She absolutely loathed the pang it inside her chest.

“Once I decide on a course of action, I don’t change my mind, Jewell. I’m not letting you go, so don’t waste your time thinking about it.”

With that, he took his hands off her and stood up. And as much as he exasperated her, she couldn’t help but look at the awesomeness of his naked behind, and she almost groaned when he pulled up his slacks, covering up the prime view.

“I don’t think we’re ever going to agree on this,” she said when he turned back toward her.

“It doesn’t matter what you want, Jewell. It’s about what I want.”

With that, he walked from the room. She gazed at his retreating form and sighed. What was worse than anything else at this moment was that she knew he was right.

What she wanted didn’t matter at all.