I left the restaurant with my jaw clenched tight and my own warning to Randy ringing in my head. I had had enough of his shit. Why did I even bother with meeting with him? When was I going to learn? What was going to change?

“Meleyna, wait up—” Randy called.

I stopped next to my truck and hung my head. There were too many years, too much between us for me to just climb in the vehicle and drive away. I should, but I couldn’t. Randy stopped his jog next to me.

“What is it now, Randy?”

“Don’t be like this. I mean, please, don’t be mad at me. You can’t expect—”

“Stop, Randy.”

Randy looked away and pursed his lips.

“Okay, look, I have some of your things at my apartment. If you don’t want to have anything to do with me you should get them.”

“Just drop them off.”

“Look, just come to the apartment.”

“Don’t you have to work?”

“I worked third shift. Switched out with one of the guys. I’m done for the rest of the day.”

“Well, good for you.” I pulled open the door to my truck and tossed in my lunch. Randy put his hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m an idiot for dragging you on.”

“Now that’s a surprise.”

“Meleyna.” A look of pain crossed Randy’s face, and my resolve to keep my distance crumbled.

“Okay. Sorry. That was harsh.”

“Look, come to the apartment for a few minutes. Get your stuff. And after that, I won’t bother you again. It will be officially over between us. Friendship and all.”

“You promise?”

A shadow fell over Randy’s face as if I was forcing this agreement.

“Yes,” he said hoarsely.

My old truck rattled driving to Randy’s apartment. I knew where it was, alright. I had helped him move to his new digs after high school and spent a lot of time there. When I entered, it was the same way as I had left it several months ago. Dirty laundry was strewn on the floor and leather couch. Beer cans and pizza boxes littered the ersatz coffee table constructed from concrete bricks and a piece of plate glass. In fact, the bricks were leftovers from my construction upgrade of the kennel.

The scent of the man cave, stale pizza, beer, and Randy hit my nose bringing back memories of the things we’d done here. Not that we had sex here, not after those first six months. We had hung out, appearing like a couple outside, but then reverting to being friends inside. At least, that is, while we were together.

I stood at the door, unwilling to move further into Randy’s personal territory. I would just collect my things and leave.

“Shut the door, Meleyna,” said Randy. “Want a beer?”

“No. I need to be getting back to work. Where’s my stuff? I just need to get it and leave.”

“In a box, in the bedroom.”

I just shook my head and walked into the bedroom, a place I rarely went. It was in need of a good cleaning like the rest of the apartment. But that was none of my business, except I was poking through piles of clutter looking for the box Randy mentioned.

“I don’t see it,” I said, getting frustrated.

Randy stood in the doorframe, nearly frozen, and looking as if he didn’t know what to say. He licked his lips. “Meleyna,” he sighed. “I don’t want, hell—”

“You didn’t put my stuff together, did you?”

“No,” admitted Randy. “I just thought if I could get you alone, to talk to you, we could work things out.”

“And are you willing to work things out, Randy? Are you willing to make this work between us?”

Randy looked away. “I guess. I mean, it’s been tough, not seeing you. We’ve been friends for so long.”

My heart sank. This was just the same nonsense from Randy. “So you aren’t willing to change anything? You’re still going to see men on the side?”

“It’s complicated,” Randy replied.

“No. It’s not. God damn it, Randy, I love you. Get it. Love you. Or at least I did. I don’t know anymore. But I do know that I can’t go on like we used to. I’m sick of the meaningless farce of a relationship we had. I’m not willing to share you anymore until you figure things out. I’m moving on and you should too.”

“Couldn’t you?”

I spread out my hands. “Damn it, you are thick headed. We’ve discussed this.”

“Yeah,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

“You just have to decide how you are going to live your life. Either you’re gay, or you’re not. If you’re gay, you should come out, and live it as a gay man, or you will stay in the closet and pretend to be something you’re not. Either choice is okay, and I support you. It’s just if you choose option B, you can count me out. I can be your friend, I don’t care if you’re gay. But you’re pretending, which is wrong. And you do have your girlfriend. If you want something to work out with Cherie, then you should put your energy into that. She’s a sweet girl, and probably would be good for you. It’s not like you’d be the first gay guy to have a relationship with a woman. But we tried that while you were in denial, and see how well that worked out.”

“It’s not the same,” Randy said through gritted teeth. “It just isn’t the same. She a nice girl, but—”

“She does nothing for you? Just like the rest of the girls you’ve gone out with. Just like me.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry. Can’t help you,” I said coldly.

“She’s talked about getting married.”

“Has she? Congratulations,” I said, unfeelingly.

“It would be a good move, you know.” Randy moved back into the tiny living room, flopped on the couch, and studied his hands. He spoke in a low voice as if convincing himself more than me. “When you’re married, upper echelons give you more respect. Make you more promotable.”

“I’m sure that is true. You can’t have barbecues with the crew at this place but if you bought a house, you could.”

Randy snapped his head to meet my gaze.

“But I can’t do it alone. I need you, Meleyna. If I had you, I could do all that.”

A part of me felt a tingle of hope and the pull toward Randy, of wanting to take that bit he offered, and run with it. But it would be a life unfulfilled, and I resolved not to settle for less than what I deserved.

And then anger flared in my heart. How dare Randy offer so little just so he could make the life he wanted, without a care for mine. How did I not see before now just how selfish this man was?

“Seriously? You want me to live a lie so you can make your career? You are delusional.” I crossed the living room and closed my hand on the door handle. I couldn’t believe that Randy, once again, was trying to convince me to live his life with him in the shadows.

“Meleyna,” Randy pleaded.

“Look, Randy. I don’t deny that I have powerful feelings for you too. But it can’t be like you want. Not ever.” I closed my eyes as I turned the knob. Would Randy ever relent? Would he ever see that my needs were just as important as his?

“God damn it, Meleyna,” he said. In one step, his hand gripped around my arm and flipped me toward him. We were chest to chest, him pressing me against the wall, pressing his hips into mine. Randy’s semi-hard cock pressed against me.

“Do you see? Do you see what you do to me? I can’t help it.”

“Randy,” I breathed.

“Ssh, ssh,” he whispered unthinkingly in my ear. “We don’t want the neighbors to hear.”

That brought me to my senses. He thought I was one of his guys. He’s confusing me with a man. That thought killed any remaining hope that I had left for Randy and me.

“No,” I said firmly and sharply pushed him away from me. “I’m not one of your gay lovers! Live in your truth, Randy! Shit!”

“Meleyna, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I—.”

Randy opened his mouth to speak, but a sharp knock on the door shattered the moment.

Randy looked through the keyhole and shook his head.

“Fuck,” he whispered. “Cherie.”

“Hey, Randy. Open the door. It’s me, Cherie.”

“Go ahead,” said Meleyna. “Open it.”

Randy shot me a glare, but I stepped away from the door and motioned for Randy to let in Cherie. She swung the door open as I gained cover by stepping behind the couch.

“Hi, baby,” said Cherie walking into the apartment. “You weren’t answering your phone. I thought we could—” She stopped short when she saw me.

“Oh, hi Meleyna,” she said slowly. She glanced back at Randy then at me again. “What are you two up to?”

“Just saying hi,” I said. “But I’ve got to be on my way.”

Cherie gave me a glare that was all suspicion with a tinge of anger.

“You two always were thick as thieves,” she said with her eyelids lowered.

“We’ve been friends since we were kids,” Randy said reassuringly.

“Until recently. Tell me,” she said looking into Randy’s eyes. “Just what was the fracas about, eh? You never said.”

“I really must get going,” I said, anxious to get away.

“No, Meleyna. Stay. I’ve some questions for you.”

I crossed my arms. “Such as?”

“That new man of yours, you know the one ‘working’ for you, is he gay?”

“What!”

“I mean, I may not be the prettiest girl in Russellville, but one thing for sure. Most guys take a gander at my tits, they being as big as they are. They almost can’t help it. But that guy. No.”

“What difference does it make?” I said acidly. “Are you looking to date him?”

“No. But it seems curious to me that you’d hire a gay guy. Unless, of course, those rumors about you and Randy are true.”

“Cherie,” said Randy in a warning tone.

“No, Randy. Because I deserve to know. I find it curious that we’ve gone out for three months now, and the most I get is a peck on the check.”

“I just respect—”

“Cut the crap, Randy. I’ve talked to other girls you dated, and it’s the same thing. Maybe it’s true what they said about you two in high school. Especially since you couldn’t find one of you without the other. But I hardly ever saw you do anything more than peck Meleyna’s cheek. In all these years.”

“Look,” I said, and my heart raced as this situation spun rapidly out of control. “This is between you two, and none of my business. If you move away from the door, I’ll be on my way.”

“You stay right there, Meleyna Harris. Or I’ll be having a talk with your grandmother about what I heard on the other side of that door.”

“And what did you hear?” said Randy.

“I heard what she said, that she wasn’t one of your gay lovers.”

“You’re crazy,” Randy said. His face flushed though at Cherie’s too accurate assessment of what happened.

“Am I?”

“Yes,” he said. “And I’ll prove it.” With a swift move, he pulled Cherie into his arms and kissed her. How easy it was for Randy to do this, to pull other people into his lies and work to make them believe those falsehoods.

“Ok,” I said “I’ve had enough here. Looks like you two need the room. Later, Randy, Cherie.”

Before Randy could say anything else, I yanked open the door and navigating around the couple, stumbled through it.

“Meleyna,” Randy said. He was still holding Cherie, who now had a glazed look in her eye as she stared at Randy. I just shook my head.

“Gotta go,” I said brusquely.

I took the stairs to the first floor quickly as tears stung my eyes. How foolish was I to have strung along with this mess? I’m a strong woman so how could I’ve been so weak?