“Okay.”

The single word gives me hope.

Hope for our future, a future together, one where I’m free and she’s not afraid of anything, where all of her dragons are slayed, where our children run around catching fireflies at dusk.

It’s an incredible picture. Hopefully, it’s not a dream but a reality.

After dropping her off and leaving her with a simple kiss on the cheek, I make a promise to her, letting her know she’ll hear from me over the next few days while I work for Martinelli. I plan on becoming a permanent fixture in her life going forward. She has rules—big deal. What fun would life be without slight complications along the way? It’s all about the journey in the end anyway. How we get there doesn’t matter.

Smiling to myself, I begin to set my plans in motion for while I’ll be working. A few calls made to the zoo and I’m in the possession of Louie’s home address and phone number. It’s shortly after 9 p.m., but I decide to call him anyway.

After three rings, a groggy voice comes on the line. “Hello?”

“Is this Louie?”

“Depends on who’s doing the asking. If you’re a telemarketer, nope. If you’re not, the answer may still be no.”

My respect for him goes up a few points as I hear the way the old man answers his phone.

“If this is Louie, this is Brant Ashley. We met earlier when I was with my friend Tessa.”

“Oh, yes, I remember you. What can I do for you, son?” he asks.

“I’m going to be away for a couple of days on business, and I’m planning to send a different gift to Tessa every day while I’m gone. What I’d like from you is one of those giant stuffed pandas I spied in the gift shop—the insanely overpriced ones. If I got the money to you, could you grab one for me? After you have it in your possession, I’ll arrange for it to be picked up and delivered to her.”

“Yes, I can do that for you. It sounds like you’re making up for the little mishap you two had at the zoo?” he inquires. It’s way more than that, but he doesn’t need to know about it.

“No, not fully. I’m only showing her I’ll be thinking about her while I’m away.” It’s the honest truth. “When would be a convenient time tomorrow for me to get you the money?”

“Well, I, uh, have the day off. Do you want to stop by my loft?” He sounds nervous. Honestly, I can’t say I blame him. I’d be nervous if someone I barely knew was planning to stop by.

“How about somewhere public? It’ll make you more comfortable and will also set my mind at ease.”

“If it’s okay with you, how about around lunchtime at the Starbucks in my building? I wouldn’t be far from home, and I could still flee if needed. Us old men have to be careful in this day and age, ya know.”

Believe me, I know. People like my father exist in this city, not to mention how many others like him live in this screwed up world.

“Perfect. I’ll treat you to lunch for doing me a favor, and I’ll enjoy some great coffee and company while doing it.”

“Bah, don’t go trying to soften me up, Mr. Ashley. It’s the girl who needs it, not me. I’m trying to uphold my image of a grumpy old man, one who works at a zoo and talks to one sweet girl. Don’t for one minute think I’m the grandfatherly sort. I’d just as fast whack you over the head with my cane as shake your hand, and you’d do well to remember it.”

What fresh hell is this? It’s like he’s had a personality change in less than thirty seconds. I’m debating how to respond when I hear his cackle through the phone.

“I tricked you with the whole cane thing, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did.” I’m still puzzled, but I don’t say anything else.

“Don’t worry, I was only pulling your leg. I’m the same nice guy you met at the zoo. I don’t own a cane, and we’ve already shaken hands. How does 12:30 sound?”

Shaking my head, thinking it’ll clear away the bewilderment stuck on pause in my brain, I mumble out, “Sure,” and quickly hang up.

Are all the people in San Diego nuts?

I’d ask if all the people in California are, but I know they’re not because my mom isn’t, and my stepdad isn’t either. Rhys’s parents? Well, maybe one of them is insane, but at least his mom is a good egg.

Putting aside the strange-as-fuck conversation, I go about setting up the rest of her surprises. I’m not going to be out of town, but I will be working, and that means three whole days without Tessa. If I include tomorrow in the equation, it’s four. She’s working tomorrow, and I have tossed around the idea of stopping by to see her, even if it’s only to see her sweet smile. If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll get to kiss her cherry-flavored lips.

Surprising her is my main goal.

The Brant she knows was a pig. To clarify, I claimed to be. I talked shit about my so-called conquests when in reality, all I saw was her. Since the day she walked into my life, I’ve only had eyes for my sweet Cherry.

Now if only I could convince her.

* * *

Waking the next morning with a smile on my face feels…foreign. It’s been a long damn time since I’ve had anything to smile about. This shaky relationship I have with Cherry has given me anticipation, and for the first time in years, I know what it feels like to have hope again. It feels like I’m finally waking from a long nightmare.

Ten years is a long time to feel trapped in your own life, unable to make your own decisions. Trust me, it’s a horrible feeling, one I hope to never repeat.

Stretching, I reach for my ringing cell phone, quickly swiping to accept the call before it goes to voicemail.

“’Lo?”

“Brant?” Averill’s sweet voice fills my ears.

Holy shit. Why is she calling me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy as fuck she’s calling me, but there has to be a reason behind it. I quickly wonder if Rhys is hurt, if the baby is okay.

“Did I shock you into silence?”

“For a second there. How are you?” I ask.

“Um, I’m decent. Being pregnant has its days, but otherwise I’m great. We’re, uh…we’re good, but I’m not calling to catch up.” With those words, my heart shatters. “I, uh, was wondering if you’d be one of Alixandria’s godparents.”

“Have you had the baby already?” Why I ask a stupid question instead of saying yes like I want to, I have no idea.

“No, I have a couple months left before then. It’s okay if you say no. I know we’re not on the best terms at the moment, but I’m hoping we can patch things up before she’s born.” She pauses for a moment, and I hear her intake of air. “Screw it, I’m going to rip off the Band-Aid and blurt it all out. Why the fuck did you do it, Brant? Why would you hurt Rhys the way you did? How could you?” Her tone pleads with me for answers, and I want to give them to her. I want to so badly, I ache with it.

“T-Lil, I’ll give you the answers the instant it’s humanly possible, okay?” I’m pleading with her to understand.

Sighing, she lets the subject go and asks me one more time, “Will you be her damn godparent or not?”

“Yes. One hundred percent, yes. It’d be my pleasure to be her godparent.” Running my fingers through my hair, I groan and lie back on my pillow. “Av?”

“Yes?”

“I’ll be home in a few weeks and I’ll tell you both everything. I can promise you that with everything in my soul.”

“I’m holding you to it. I love you, Brant. I hope you know how much, and I hope you trust in how much Rhys loves you, too.”

“I do, honey. I truly do.”

“Okay. Talk again soon?”

“Yeah, we’ll talk before long. I love you, too.” With those words, she disconnects the call, cutting off my one connection to the only brother I’ve ever known. Dammit, I miss him. If he knew how twisted and fucked up this issue was, he’d kill me.

He’ll kill me once he finds out who I am. When he finds out the truth, I’m not sure I’ll be able to live through it. I’m hoping to have Cherry by my side, because I feel like I can get through anything if she’s with me.

Including telling Rhys who my father is.

Not to mention the fact that Vinny was my half-brother.

Every fucked-up situation Rhys has lived through leads back to me.

He’s going to hate me for the rest of his life.

Deep down in his soul, he’ll hate me. I should’ve told Averill no. How can I say I’ll be a godparent to their unborn daughter when I know her parents will despise me? I’d hate me if I were in their shoes.

We all know my friendship has been less than stellar lately. Going to Cancun was one of the stupidest mistakes I’ve made in a long line of mistakes. Why? Because I knew deep down I’d cave and tell Rhys about withholding his letters. It’s been nagging at me since his world collided with Smith’s. I’ve been itching to tell him every dirty detail.

And yes, I’ve drug Agent Justin Milks—one of my best friends—into this mess, because I’m praying once I’m out, I can help him fully destroy my father’s complete operation. If I gather enough intel, I’ll succeed. Now the only question is how to keep Cherry safe while destroying a huge part of the Italian mafia.

* * *

Lunch with Louie was…bizarre. He’s an odd duck. I’ll admit I do love how protective he is of Tessa for only knowing her through her visits to the zoo. He doesn’t know her last name, merely knows her as Tess, the girl who loves his pandas and reads, but he feels like she’s a part of his family. Can’t fault him for it actually—she’s definitely a part of mine.

Shelling out three hundred large for a stuffed panda was a bit extreme, but I’m a man on a mission. The extra fifty was for Louie’s trouble. He threw the extra cash back at me—twice—but I managed to convince him to keep it after I started to make a scene in Starbucks. He stuffed the money in his pockets real fast once I brought out the Brant most people assume I am—the swearing, ignorant, don’t-give-a-fuck frat boy.

He’ll have the stuffed toy by the time she starts her workday tomorrow, which works out perfectly for me. The young kid I hired to run errands for me all week will run by the zoo, grab the panda, and have it delivered before lunch. She’ll be calling me before my meeting with the lawyers from Panama.

Walking into T&T today feels different, like I belong, instead of my mere presence making me feel like a trespasser. Maybe it’s because I’m no longer fighting my feelings toward her.

“Welcome to—oh, hey, Ace. What brings you by?”

“Do I have to have a reason other than wanting to see you?” I inquire.

“Um…no,” she replies. A blush I’ve never witnessed on her before spreads across her face.

“You look amazing in pink, Cherry.”

“Pink?” She looks down at her dress and sees she is indeed wearing yellow. “I’m not wearing pink. Are you color blind?”

“No, sweetness, I’m not color blind. You are in fact wearing pink…on your cheeks.”

The blush continues to spread across her body while I stalk toward her. She’s a conundrum. One minute she’s feisty, the next she’s timid. I fucking love it. It means she’ll always be a puzzle I’m figuring out, discovering new pieces of.

“Stop. Don’t come any closer, Ace,” she begs as she backs away. Her retreating makes me want to haul her into my arms more.

“Cherry, I want to hold you. I won’t be able to see you for a few days, and I’m going to miss you. Please let me hold you. After, I’ll leave you and not see you until Friday, but I couldn’t resist coming in here today.”

Letting out a soft sigh, she starts to walk toward me. “Fine, a hug—one hug.” She stresses it as if it’ll be enough for either of us. Now, since we’ve both given in, she knows as well as I do, it’ll never be enough.

“For now, Cherry.”

“You say those words to me a lot,” she whispers.

The bell above her door chimes, alerting us to a customer. She turns to greet them but her associate beats her to it.

“You thought you were saved by the bell, didn’t you?”

“I did.” She lets out a small laugh. “This is all new and it scares me, and yeah, I was relieved when a customer came in. Admitting defeat when it comes to you is hard for me. It’s going to take time for me to become accustomed to any man in my life, let alone you.”

“To use your words, it’s hard for me, too. I’ve never let any woman get close before. I’ve used them and left, always. It’s been my life since college. At first it was because I was in college and I wanted to experience it to the fullest, which happened to include no strings. After, it was because my life was no longer my own. I couldn’t bring anyone into a life as dangerous as mine—until you.”

She’s still not in my arms, and my fingers are itching to grab ahold of her. Instead of acting on my instincts and hauling her into my arms, I place a gentle hand on her cheek, bringing her azure gaze to mine.

“You’re it for me, Cherry. I feel it in my bones. Hell, my soul feels it—it has since the beginning. Maybe you don’t want to hear those words now, and that’s okay. I’ve been an asshole to you, and you’ve lived through hell. I get it. It’s completely selfish of me bringing you into my life while it’s still dangerous, but my penance is almost up. Once it is, I’ll be cooperating fully with Justin to bring them all down. With you by my side, I feel like I can take on the world.”

She doesn’t utter a word, but it’s okay; she doesn’t have to. Her actions speak volumes. She opens her arms and hauls me into her embrace.

His words should scare me. They don’t.

They send me into action. Grabbing his shoulders, I bring him into my arms, hugging him with all my might. Screw what the customers in the store think, and who cares what my employees think? What matters is having him in my arms. Before I can give it another thought, I’m reaching up and pulling his head down to mine. His lips meet with mine in a hungry kiss.

This kiss is different from the first one. Not only am I the one who initiated it, now I know how he feels about me, and he knows about Mick. That shouldn’t make a difference, but it makes all the difference in the world.

My tongue darts out to lick his bottom lip, begging him for access. He tastes like the coffee I know he drank for breakfast, and something else. The first time he kissed me, I couldn’t place the flavor, and now I know why: it’s Brant. It’s unique to him. His tongue tangles with mine. One of his hands moves from cupping my face to my hip, pulling me in closer. His thigh moves between my legs, causing wetness to pool in my barely there undies.

The moan I let out brings out a chuckle from him and he releases my lips. “Cherry, we’re in public. If you keep moaning like you are, we’re going to give everyone in here quite the show.”

“Shit,” is my only reply. It’s the only thought making it through this foggy sexual mist taking over my brain.

He laughs again; this time it’s deeper, and contagious.

“Ace, this isn’t funny. I’ve made an ass of myself twice now in front of Jasmine. She’s not likely to forget either instance. I brushed the last time off as a moment of insanity. This time I don’t think I can use the same excuse.”

Letting out a groan, I take a step back from him, because if I stay close to him a second longer, I’ll lose myself in him again. It can’t happen, not in public. When it comes to my public persona, I like to keep private things private. In other words, I’m reserved. Hand-holding is pretty much my limit. Since the day Mick first slapped me, I’ve taken to not showing affection of any kind with a man in public.

“This probably makes no sense to you, but if you follow me back to my office, I’ll explain—if you can spare the time.”

Before he can reply, I turn and start walking to the back of the store. I don’t need to see if he follows me or not; I can hear his heavy footsteps. Taking a seat in front of my desk, I leave him to take the only other option in the place—the chair on the opposite end of the room. To my surprise, he leans on my desk next to me, his thigh brushing my arm, which rests upon it.

“Okay, explain. One second we’re hot, the next we’re cold. You say you can’t kiss me in front of your employee because it’s—and I quote—‘insanity’. What gives, Cherry? I get you wanting to take things slow. I get you having issues when it comes to men. I also get you having some rules, which we’ve yet to establish. I’ve basically told you I love you and yet you can’t kiss me without feeling uneasy about it. Why?” His voice is laced with frustration, and I can’t say I blame him.

Taking a deep breath in, I chance a glance up and let it all out. “It’s one of my rules, actually, the no touching in public thing. I told you about Mick slapping me in public. Since the day it happened, I’ve become a bit reserved when it comes to any actions in public, and yes, that includes with friends. If you’ve paid attention, my actions with Averill are limited as well…except when tequila is involved.

“But you seem to make me throw caution to the wind and stop caring. It’s happened twice now when you’ve kissed me senseless. I don’t like knowing I can lose myself in you. It means someone else can take advantage of me when my defenses are down. I know better than to let that happen.”

A deep sigh is the only reply he makes, letting me know he’s heard me. He stays silent for a few minutes, processing what I said. It’s one of the things I like about this new side of him I’m witnessing. Old Brant would’ve put his foot in his mouth by now and ruined any chance of existing in my life as more. This one thinks before he speaks. Is this one who he truly is?

“Okay. I get it, Cherry. I’ll abide by your rule. To be clear, you were the one who kissed me this time, but starting this moment, no affection in public. I can deal with it if you can.”

“If I change my mind, you’ll be the first to know. Deal?”

“Deal,” he says while moving away from my desk. “I’ll miss you. See you Friday?”

“Heck yes, you owe me a pizza night. My place or your hotel?”

“Your place. Movie or Netflix?” he asks.

“Netflix. You can watch some Salvatore brothers with me,” I tease, knowing he’ll never agree to watch The Vampire Diaries.

“The who brothers?”

“Salvatore. You know, Damon and Stefan Salvatore on The Vampire Diaries. They’re vampires, both in love with the same chick—who’s totally lame, by the way. I’m on season five, so it’d be a lot to catch you up on if you’ve never watched, but…I wouldn’t be opposed to starting from the beginning again.”

“Do these vampires sparkle?”

“Nope, no sparkles. They have lots of sex, and there are also werewolves, half-breeds, hunters, witches, you name it. Plenty of things to keep you interested.” Who cares if I leave out the tiny tidbit about most of the characters being in high school? What he doesn’t know ahead of time won’t kill him. He watches Arrow with Rhys, so he can damn sure watch my show with me.

“Netflix it is. Around seven?”

“Perfect.”

“Bye, sweet Cherry,” he says as he walks out of my office and out of my life for the next few days.

What am I going to do without him?

* * *

“Delivery for Cherry,” says a messenger boy as he walks into T&T before I can get out my welcome. Since he said it’s for Cherry, I know it’s something from Brant.

Smiling, I walk over to the door to sign for the huge delivery.

“I’m Cherry.” I guess. “Do I need to sign?”

“No, everything is all set. Have a great day, ma’am.” Wait a frickin’ minute—ma’am?

“I’m not old enough to be a ma’am, kid,” comes flying out of my mouth before I can stop it. Snide remarks like that one are what lead to trouble. Move, Tessa—he’s going to smack you.

“Apologies. It’s a habit, I say it all the time. Sir and ma’am roll easily off my tongue. Sorry,” he says while fleeing out the shop’s door.

Well…shit. I didn’t mean to scare him off or reprimand him. Hell, I thought my mouthing off was going to lead to him hurting me.

Shaking my head, I brush the remorseful thoughts away and take in my gift.

It’s a giant stuffed panda.

Brant bought me a ridiculously large stuffed panda.

The grin spreading across my face can’t be stopped. It’s real and genuine, one I’ll admit I’ve been getting used to over the last few days.

Since he’s working, I decide to send him a text instead of calling—this gift just can’t go without thanks.

Tucking my phone away in a drawer under the register, I go about finding a place to set Ace Jr. for the next few hours. Where does one put a giant stuffed panda?

“Holy smokes, boss, where are you going to put him?” Jasmine asks as she walks in from the back storage room, her hands full of new dresses I ordered last week from a mad talented new designer named Teagan.

“Funny you should ask, I was thinking the exact thing. I could put him in the back for the day, but he makes me smile. At home, I have the perfect place for him.”

“Is this a gift from the hottie you’ve been kissing on?” she inquires.

“Aha! I knew you’d be asking about Brant. Thank you, by the way, for not bringing him up yesterday after he left. I needed the time to just…be.”

“Trust me, I didn’t stay silent for your sake. We were so busy the rest of the day, I just never had the chance to bring it up. I’ve been dying to ask—you know how nosy I am. Give me all the glorious details.”

Shaking my head, I find the perfect place for A.J. and stash him on the display of black and white journals, picture frames, scarfs, skirts, and leggings. Hopefully, no one will think he’s on sale.

“Don’t sell my baby, Jasmine. He’ll go home with me later this evening, but he’ll look lovely on display for today.” Ignoring her questions for a moment longer, I straighten up the shelf a bit. “Brant is my…valuable friend. I know you already know who he is, but I’m starting at the beginning. We’ve decided to give this dating thing a go. You heard him yesterday—he feels deeply about me, but I’m skittish. If it’s more, we’ll see. If it’s not, we’ll see about that as well.”

My explanation must be enough for her because she doesn’t ask any more questions.

My phone buzzes in the drawer, making me smile. Grabbing it, I see several texts from Brant and one from Averill.

Looking at the clock, I see I have less than two minutes to answer him. Knowing him like I do, I know he’s serious. Typing out a quick reply, I press send with seconds to spare.

What in the world? If this is any indication of how our relationship is going to be, I’m not positive I’m equipped to handle it. He was worried, I know, but giving a person ten minutes to reply before coming to their aide is a tad rash, not to mention in-fucking-sane. I’ve had enough of controlling men in my life.

It’s day two into our new normal and my head is spinning—and not in a pleasant way. It was positive before the text messages, but now I’m worried. Is this how it’s always going to be? Am I always going to question his actions? Is he always going to worry something is wrong when it isn’t?

I’m not going to let my self-doubt get the better of me. No more questions. I’m done with remaining cautious about every aspect of my life.

It’s time to start living life for me.

A life out of the shadows.

One where I kiss a man in public.

One where I’m not scared of losing myself in another person.

One where I don’t run from my own shadow.

You’d think all the self-defense classes and Krav Maga—as well as the mace and gun I carry—should give me confidence. Normally they do, but since he admitted to me who his real father is, I’m a tiny bit scared. Okay, I’m scared shitless. His father did bring a serial killer back to Averill’s doorstep. Maybe it was unwillingly, but still—it was a frickin’ serial killer.

And what does Brant do exactly? Before I let myself dive in head first, I need to dip my toes into the water. Rule number one may be no public displays of affection, which is now null and void, but rule number two is him answering my questions, starting with exactly what he does for a living.

Watch out world, Tessa is about to get her groove back. Granted, I may have never actually had a groove…eh, who cares? I’m sticking with it.

I’m lost in my thoughts when the bell above the door goes off and Jasmine’s voice fills the air, welcoming the customer. Grabbing my phone, I proceed to walk back into the office where I can grab my debit card. I’m hungry and figure Jasmine can handle things around here while I step out for a bite.

“Hey, Tessa, are you by chance…Cherry?”

He didn’t—did he?

“Yeah, I am,” I reply as I stop with my back facing her.

“Okay, I’ll sign for these and bring ’em on back,” she informs me.

I’m secretly jumping up and down inside. Who doesn’t love presents? A.J. the panda was more than enough, but it seems Brant wants to shower me with gifts. The smell of lilacs hits my nose before I see them.

“How did he manage to find lilacs this time of year?” I ask no one in particular.

“Girl, I don’t know, but if you don’t want him, send him my way,” she jokes while handing me the huge vase full of deep purple lilacs.

“They’re beautiful.” Taking a moment to breathe them in, I let their aroma fill my senses. I’m instantly back in my childhood home; my daddy always had lilacs in the house in the springtime. “The panda was one thing, but the lilacs? Yeah, these are definitely the icing on the cake.”

Turning, I place them on the counter behind the register, where I’ll be able to see them all day.

“Jasmine, I’m going to run out and grab a bite to eat. Would you like anything?”

“No thanks, Cherry,” she quips.

“Smartass.”

Choosing not to give her an explanation of the nickname, I grab my debit card and am out the door. I’m not only going to grab lunch, I’m going to have a delivery of my own made.