Mallory
Managing to make it through the holidays without any major breakdowns was, in itself, a miracle. It’s always been a hard time for me after my dad died. He loved to live it up during the holidays. I also completed the required therapy for my ankle with Daniel. Throughout our time together, I found it odd how he always worked with me one on one instead of having a physical therapy assistant take over like the other patients. Then, on my last visit with him, it became clear.
We had just completed my last session, Daniel having put me through the ringer.
“All right, Mallory, that’s it. You’ve officially completed all your therapy goals and passed with flying colors.”
“Oh yeah!” I say, breaking out into a little happy dance. He chuckles, and I look up, finding him staring at me in a way I couldn’t describe. He ducked his head before continuing.
“When do you follow up with Dr. Tomlin?”
“On Tuesday. I’m scheduled to start work on Wednesday,” I reply before taking a long sip of water.
“Twelve-hour shifts?” At my nod, he continues. “Make sure you wear your brace for a while longer. You’re not used to being on your feet that much right now, I’m sure. Take the ibuprofen as you need it and make sure to ice it after you get off work. Try to prop it up during the day when you can.”
At my little snort-laugh, he asks, “What?”
“I work in the ER. There is no sitting down.”
“Well, I’m sure that’s true. Just try your best. Take it easy on your days off. Don’t go trying to run any marathons yet.” He smiles that sexy ass grin at me. “And keep up with your exercises. Just because we’re done here doesn’t mean they still aren’t good for building muscle strength.”
“Is it okay to start exercising again? My waist line is not liking me anymore.”
He gives me a quick once over. “Nothing too strenuous on the ankle. Walking, biking, or swimming are okay. Try to limit your jumping and running for at least a month.”
“Strength training is okay?”
“I don’t see any problem with that.”
“Thanks, Daniel. I appreciate you pushing me so hard.”
“Um, now that you’re no longer a patient of mine, would you…” he clears his throat nervously, “would you like to go out to dinner sometime?”
Shocked, I stand there staring at him blankly for a second before answering, the murmur of other’s voices filling the void. “Oh, wow. I-”
“It’s okay for you to say no, Mallory,” he cut in, despondence clear in his tone.
“Daniel, you’re a very nice guy.” Please tell me I didn’t just start this off with that.
“Please don’t say ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’” he groans.
“I’m not. Well…yes, I am, but in this case, it’s true,” Gah, how much do I really want to tell this man? “I just came out of a very bad relationship a couple months ago. Really bad. I uprooted my whole life to get away from that relationship. I’m still trying to find me…” I trail off, taking a deep breath. “I’m not ready to put myself out there yet. So, it’s really not you.”
“Are you okay?” He reaches out to touch my shoulder, but seems to catch himself before making contact.
“I’m getting there. I need to get my life back in order before I can even think about dating. Does that make sense?”
“Does that mean if I ask you out later, I might get a yes?” Hope colors his voice as his eyes light up.
“It’s not out of the realm of possibilities,” I reply with a smile.
“Then, until next time. I wish you the best, Mallory.” Reaching for my hand, he raises it to his lips and places a soft kiss on my knuckles before turning to walk away.
Now heading to my final doctor appointment to get my clearance for work, I think about what I told Daniel and realize it’s the truth. Finding myself is paramount before thinking about anything else. No matter how much I want Jason, friends are all we can be, and that realization is hard to swallow.
Tomorrow morning is my first shift in the ER, and excitement wars with nervousness in my veins. One thing I have not missed the last couple months is getting up at the butt-crack of dawn. Luckily, the hospital is only a few miles away from my apartment, allowing me to avoid Dallas traffic, which is a major plus in my book.
Being a nurse is what I live for—the satisfaction from making a difference in someone’s life. I’ve spent most of my nursing career working in the emergency room, gaining a rush from the fast-paced, quick-thinking reactions required to save someone’s life. But the downside is not everyone’s life can be saved.
Sitting here, staring out the window as the rain snakes down the pane, I reflect on how my life has changed. Nearly every free moment has been spent with Kristen and Camryn, just catching up, shopping, or eating. I’ve kept in touch with Jason’s sister, and she’s been helping me by making me talk about my feelings. She still encourages me to talk to a therapist here since I won’t open up to her completely—her words, not mine. And maybe she’s right. Maybe I’m afraid to open up to her all the way, afraid she’ll tell Jason. It’s an irrational fear, but it’s still there. What if he start to judge me for the things that happened? I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on his face. I wish I could just take that part of my life, wave a magic wand over it, and poof! It would disappear. But this is real life, not the movies.
The guys left yesterday for a few months, touring around the United States, and the silence from the apartment next door is already deafening. My ears strain every morning for the sounds that usually float from the paper thin walls. I’m going to miss Jason like crazy, but it’ll be good to have to function on my own. I’ve used him as a crutch for too long and need to be able to rely on myself, to be the strong woman Jason swears I am.
3 months later
My cellphone vibrates across the surface of the table. Glancing over, I smile at Kristen’s face on the screen and drag my thumb along the bottom to accept the call.
“Hey, girl. Didn’t expect to hear from you this early,” I say around a yawn. The last two days of work have been hell and I was planning on sleeping in late this morning. The early light of sunrise is barely peeking through the curtains.
“Mal, I need a favor.”
“Anything.” The seriousness of her tone has me sitting up, covers pooling at my waist.
“Can I stay with you for a couple days?”
The tears in her voice make me pause. “You don’t even have to ask. Of course you can.”
At that, she hangs up before I can even ask what’s wrong. What the hell is going on? She flew to Minneapolis yesterday to surprise Brett. Ever since they became engaged, I’ve never seen her so happy. So for her to be calling me after not even having spent a full day with him has me worried. Grabbing some clean sheets out of the hall closet, I make up the spare bed. No one has been in here since Donna left. I strip off the old sheet and put on the clean ones. By the time I’m replacing the blanket, there’s a knock on my door. My brow furrows as I check the clock while walking toward the door. It can’t be Kristen that fast, can it?
Sure enough, it’s her, but it’s not the happy Kristen I took to the airport yesterday. This Kristen looks like a wreck—dishevled hair, puffy, red eyes, mascara tracks down her cheeks.
“Get your ass in here.”
She shuffles through the door, her arms wrapped around her middle. Flopping down on my couch, she plants face-first into the cushions, her shoulders shaking with her sobs. Kneeling beside her on the floor, I sweep my hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her. But comfort her for what? What the hell is going on? After what seems like an eternity of my best friend crying her eyes out, she turns her head, and the despair in her gaze breaks my heart.
“Need something to drink?” At her nod, I make my way to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water. I place it on the table in front of her before heading back for a second glass, filling it with ice, grabbing two cans of coke out of the fridge, and snatching the bottle of Jack on top of the fridge. I have a feeling it’s going to be needed. Taking my bounty back to the table, I see Kristen has downed the bottle of water. When she sees what I’m carrying, her eyes widen.
“I think we may need this before it’s over,” I say, placing them on the table, glasses clinking.
“I think I drank a whole bottle of Jack last night,” she responds as she stares at the bottle.
“What’s going on? I thought you were in Minneapolis. I didn’t imagine dropping you off at the airport, did I?”
“Oh, I went to Minneapolis. The flight was delayed and I didn’t make it to the concert. I ended up waiting for Brett in the hotel.” She places her hand on her chest and takes a deep breath.
“Okay, and…?”
“Brett came to the room, but he didn’t come back alone.”
“Say what?”
“He wasn’t alone.”
“He brought a girl back to the room with him?”
“Two.”
“Two? Two girls?” Even I can hear the disbelief in my voice.
“Yeah,” she answers dejectedly, tears streaming down her face, smearing the remnants of the mascara already there.
“Holy shit! What happened?”
“I froze. I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was like watching a train wreck. You want to look away, but you just can’t.”
“Oh, Kris.”
“I just sat there and watched,” she whispers, heartbreak shining in her eyes.
I don’t know what to say. It’s hard to believe Brett cheated, and if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes, I doubt I would even think it was true.
“He was drunk or high. Maybe both.”
“Brett? Are you sure?”
“One of them asked if he wanted to snort some blow off her pussy. Yeah, I’m fucking sure.” She pours a half glass of Jack and downs it.
“I’m not doubting you. It’s just so out of character for him. I know the guys drink, but drugs? I thought they stayed away from that shit.”
“Shocked the hell outta me too.” She wipes her sleeve across her face before continuing. “But it was pretty obvious. And you know what hurt the worst? It wasn’t that he was cheating. It was when he looked straight at me and said I was nobody.”
Her voice cracks, and she leans over until her head is lying in my lap. I just let her cry it out, running my fingers through her hair. My heart breaks for her, but my world is rocked. Their relationship is what I wanted. That passionate, all-consuming love. And knowing how much she loves him and he loves her, and he still cheated…it makes me wonder if I’ll ever find the kind of love I want. If Brett can’t resist the temptation of cheating while he’s out on the road with all these gorgeous groupies throwing themselves at him on a nightly basis, how the hell would I expect Jason to?
It’s been a few months since Kristen started living with me, and it’s been nice having someone stay here again, especially since Jason has been gone most of the time still on tour. It was comforting knowing he was next door if anything happened. Work has been a welcome reprieve to getting my mind off things, allowing me to focus on saving lives and not let the past intrude on the present. Since I’ve worked the last five days straight, my supervisor wouldn’t let me fill in again today. He doesn’t want to me burn myself out, and doesn’t seem to realize work is all I have outside of Kristen and Mallory. Jessica says I’m trying to outrun my demons instead of facing them, and maybe she’s right.
I ran into Daniel in the cafeteria yesterday. Literally. Luckily, my tray was empty at the time, so I didn’t end up wearing the rest of my lunch.
“Whoa, slow down there.” Big hands wrap themselves around my biceps, keeping me upright.
“I’m sorry,” I say, glancing up. “Wait...Daniel, what are you doing here?”
“I work upstairs in the therapy department sometimes. We alternate weeks. I didn’t realize this was where you were working. Small world.”
“It is. How have you been?” Damn, he looks good. His auburn hair curling rakishly across his forehead.
“Good. And yourself? How’s that ankle been holding up?”
“It’s been great. No problems at all,” I reply, sticking my leg out and rotating my ankle as if to prove a point. Gah, I’m such a freaking goober.
“Work going well?”
“Yes. I’ve been working my tail off. This is my fifth day in a row.”
“That’s a lot of hours. Are you working tomorrow?”
“No, I’m actually off for once. Thanks to my boss.”
“Any plans?”
“I’m thinking about getting a pedicure, but other than that, no.”
“Want to grab a movie?” Throwing his hands up, he mutters, “No pressure.”
Mulling it over for a minute, I reply, “Sounds fun.”
“Really?” he asks, surprise lighting his eyes, brows arching.
“Yes, really. Text me tomorrow and we’ll figure it out. I have to get back to the ER. My break is over.”
“Until tomorrow.”
Waving over my shoulder, I hurry out of the cafeteria, making my back to the heavy double doors just as the ambulance arrives. Time to get back to work.
Leaning back against the cushion of the chair, my boobs shake as the massagers move across my back and a little Asian man works on the sole of my foot. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a pedicure, and I’d forgotten how relaxing it can be.
As soon as my hands are in the bowl of warm, soapy water for my manicure, my phone dings. Isn’t that what always happens? Wiping the excess water from my hand, I grab my phone and my heart skips a beat. It’s sad that just seeing Jason’s name on my phone does something to me.
After Christmas, we seemed to be moving out of the friendship zone and more toward getting together, but things seemed to change after Brett and Kristen ended their relationship. I don’t know if he sensed some hesitancy from me or what, but we went from flirty, sexy texts filled with innuendo to just the basics of what’s going on in our lives. Now, we’re right back to where we were before. It hurts to think he’s shutting me out, but maybe I was reading too much into it before. Had I just set myself up for disappointment? Self-doubt is a nasty bitch.
The phone dings again.