Chapter Thirty-Five
–Fletcher–
Angel knocks on the door again. I’m sure she’s figured out that I’m in here. Maybe wondering why I haven’t followed Haley out. But I’m in no condition to leave. I shake my arms out, trying to calm myself. And then I lean over the sink and splash some cold water on my face.
“Baby Scott,” Angel says in her the-kid-is-with-me voice. “If you’re gonna be a while, can you just toss the diaper bag out in the hall?”
Josie is crying now. Loudly.
My breathing hasn’t returned to normal yet, but other parts of me have. Mostly. Crying babies certainly help the cause. I exhale and then open the door and stand half behind it. Angel steps inside and immediately turns to face me. “That good, huh?”
I glare at her.
She dumps the crying kid on the floor and goes digging for a pacifier in the diaper bag. “I’m completely jealous. I haven’t had dressing-room sex in forever.”
Angel hands Josie the pacifier and then lifts her up again. “I have got to ask Bobby why we never have dressing-room sex anymore.”
I’m still not breathing normal. I know I’m gonna get hell for this, but I have no choice but to pull out the inhaler and take a puff. I point a finger at Angel. “Don’t.”
“Nope. Not saying anything,” she mutters. Josie popped that pacifier in, and now her head is on her mom’s shoulder, her eyes closed.
My lungs expand, my breathing deeper and more solid. I could go back out there now. Talk to Haley. Check on her. But something stops me. Confusion. I don’t know what just happened. I glance at Angel then back at the door. This repeats a few times.
“What?” she says, rolling her eyes. “I know you want to tell me.”
I toss the inhaler back in my bag and lean against the wall. “I’m not sure—I mean…”
“This must be a feelings question, because you don’t usually have any trouble talking about more physical topics,” she concludes. She lays Josie on her belly on the couch and pats her back in this hypnotic pattern.
“It is physical,” I say eventually. “Did Haley seem upset when she left?”
Angels thinks for a moment. “She seemed embarrassed.”
“That’s what I thought, too.” I walk a few paces. “I mean it was weird…good. Really good. But weird.”
“What was weird? The sex?”
“No sex.” I shake my head. “We were just kissing, but I think she…I mean I know she…”
Angel’s eyebrows rise again. “Oh. No wonder she was embarrassed.”
I stare at her. “Orgasms are embarrassing to girls?”
“Sometimes.” Angel laughs at my expression. “Wouldn’t you be embarrassed if things went prematurely on your end?”
“Well, yeah,” I agree. Been there, done that. Grew out of that, thank God. “But it’s different. Most girls would want that to happen, so it can happen again. Later.”
“You’re comparing Haley to Rosie and Henrietta—”
“Haley is nothing like Henrietta,” I say. Jesus. What the hell?
“I just mean all the girls in your life are too busy playing your teacher to be self-conscious. I’m glad I stayed out of that game, but I’m not an idiot. I know what’s going on. I know who you hook up with and exactly what went down.” She wrinkles her nose. “Or who.”
I open my mouth to protest but decide there’s no point. Not a lot of secrets around here. Plus, outside of my crush on a dancer way too old for me a couple of years ago, I’ve never been embarrassed about anything I’ve done in that realm.
“I’m sure we’ve all given you an unrealistic perspective. Plus, how old is Haley? Sixteen? Seventeen? When I was her age, orgasms were not a part of sex—”
“Wait…what?”
She laughs. “See? We messed you up. First sexual experiences are not pleasurable for most girls, especially if you’re young like Haley.”
I let that sink in for a second, but then I remember something. “She’s not a virgin. And she seems to be into honesty in that area. Guess that could be a new thing?”
Angel’s face lights up. “Oh! Maybe Haley is having one of those sexual awakenings, where it’s all about being physical and owning her body and her pleasure. Could be her summer project.” She waves a finger at me. “If that’s true, she picked the right guy. You refused to date her but will make out with her. You’re attentive, yet detached.”
It’s like someone sucker punched me right in the stomach. For a second I can’t breathe, and my stomach ties up in knots. I barely register Angel standing in front of me, offering her water bottle. I shake my head.
“That bothers you, doesn’t it? Being her boy toy.” She gives me that know-it-all look. “This is about feelings, Fletch.”
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose.
“Look at me.” Angel rests a hand on my arm and waits for me to turn my head. “You’re gonna fall in love with this girl. You can’t stop it from happening, no matter how hard you try. But I promise you, it’ll be okay. We’ve all been crazy in love. We’ve all had our hearts broken. You. Will. Be. Okay.”
“But what about everyone else and my town and—”
“It won’t matter. Just tell her how you feel, that you’re ready, and none of that will matter anymore.”
I want to protest, to give her a list of carefully thought-out, logical arguments to everything she just claimed to be fact. But I can’t. I’m too busy freaking the fuck out. I need to find Haley. I leave Angel standing there in the dressing room, and I’m out the door, back in the club in no time. I search the dance floor, the beating music hitting me right in the heart.
I’m frozen for a moment, the memory of Haley’s fingers pressing into my back, her incoherent words against my lips. I don’t want to love her. I don’t want to fall in love with anyone.
But I’m not sure I have a choice with this girl.
Haley is nowhere in sight, so I look for Tate. He’s taller, and I know he wouldn’t leave if any of the girls were still here. But he’s not here. Still, I keep searching, even asking a girl to check the bathroom for me, but no Haley. Or Claire or Tate. I send Haley a quick text asking her if she left, but ten minutes later, no answer. I head back to the dressing room where Angel is waiting patiently for me to return.
“Well?” she prompts. “How did it go?”
“She’s not here.” I turn around, checking the room, as if Haley may have hidden here or something.
“Do you know where she went?”
“No idea.” I shake my head, but then I remember. “I do know who she’s with. Technically I could call him—”
Angel gives me this look, and I shut my mouth and dial Tate’s number.
“Hey, Fletch…did we leave something behind?”
“Um, no, I don’t think so. Is Haley with you?”
“Uh-huh. We’re heading to Wilson’s party. He’s got that big house near Lake Cameron.” Tate seems to turn down the loud background music and protests follow. “If you want to stop by.”
“Okay, thanks, man.” I hang up before he can ask me why I really called. I turn to Angel. “Whatever I was gonna tell her will have to wait until tomorrow. She’s going to some jock-infested party.”
“Well, aren’t you a jock? Can’t you go to that party and talk to her?” Angel presses.
I eye her warily. “Tomorrow sounds better.”
“Yeah, because it feels real good to sit on that kind of embarrassment for fourteen hours.”
The arguments turn over and over in my head until I finally release a groan and say, “Will you give me a ride? I just had a vodka tonic.”
She smiles. “I’d love to.”