When I turned my phone back on, I had two more missed calls and a text. One from Tucker and the other two from Finn. I read Finn’s message as I rode the elevator to my apartment after lunch with Paige.
Please don’t leave without giving me the chance to see you. I’m here for you.
Shit. He was trying. The fact that he hadn’t come after me—that he’d given me space—showed that. He was letting me figure this out on my own as much as he could. I had to give him credit for that.
I stepped off the elevator and froze when I saw someone standing outside my apartment. Then I relaxed when I recognized the familiar lean and dark hair and walked toward him.
Finn straightened when he saw me, dozens of emotions crossing his face before he shut them all off. His hair looked like he’d run his hand through it over and over and his tie was loose.
I stopped a few feet away and said, “Hi.”
“Hi,” he returned.
“Why aren’t you at work?” It was still early afternoon. If he had anywhere near the amount of work I had to do, he wasn’t done for the day yet.
A muscle jumped in his jaw. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m okay.” I leaned against the wall a few feet from him. Giving him space as much as myself. “Are you mad?”
His laugh came out harsh, and he dropped his chin to stare at his shoes. “I’m…angry, yes. And worried. And frustrated. But most of all, I’m relieved you’re still here.”
The vulnerability in his gaze when his lifted his head again nearly undid me. It took away years between us. Brought me back to college, when I would have done anything to be with Finn. And now…he wanted to be with me.
Swallowing down my emotion, I walked to him and touched his cheek. “I’m still here.”
He reached up to take my hand, showing restraint I kept forgetting he had, and stared at it in his palm for a long moment. “Are you leaving?”
My stomach twisted. “I don’t know. I feel like leaving would be letting him win. But—”
Finn hauled me into his arms, his restraint snapping. I gasped as he buried his face in my shoulder. His breath was warm on my neck. “Don’t let him win. Stay.”
I held on, squeezing my eyes tight to keep control of my emotions. I could feel how much Finn cared in his embrace. Feel it in his arms, his cheek against mine, and especially in his words when he spoke again.
“Stay,” Finn repeated. “Charlotte, I need this second chance. And you do, too.”
He wasn’t saying the rest. That he needed to know the whole story about Mark. About my past. But he wasn’t pushing me, and I appreciated that.
“I’m sorry I kept you from work.” I eased back from Finn’s embrace and reached in my purse for my key card.
“I took off early. I’m not going back.”
“But…don’t you have things you need to do?”
“They can wait. This is more important. I think…” He frowned as he followed me inside the apartment.
“What?”
“Okay, don’t get mad at me for saying this, but I think it might be smart for you to stay somewhere else tonight. You can stay at my place, or your neighbor’s. Or I can find somewhere for you. Just…” He sighed before meeting my eyes. “Somewhere safe.”
I dropped my purse on the table by the door and pulled off my shoes, losing a couple of inches. “Is that okay if I stay with you?”
His eyebrows shot up. “Really? You sure?”
“If that’s okay. Just for tonight, or—”
“You can stay as long as you want,” he broke in. My heart twisted at the hope I saw there. “There’s plenty of room.”
“Are you sure you don’t need to go back to work? I could meet you at your place later.”
Finn took my hand, and it was the simple gesture that had me melting. “No. Come now.”
I smiled at him, tipping my chin to meet his eyes. “I’ll pack a few things.”
Thirty minutes later, Finn led me into his apartment with my bag over his shoulder. When I stepped inside, my stomach grumbled. The space was filled with the smell of something warm, juicy, and homemade.
“What is that?” I asked.
Finn glanced to the kitchen, squinting his eyes like he was trying to remember. “Pot roast? Tammy said she’d put something in for dinner.”
I ventured farther into the apartment, glancing around. “Is she here?”
“No, she left early to give us space.”
Smiling at him, I said, “I haven’t had pot roast since…my mom made some on a visit to see her.”
The thought sobered me, so I walked to the window and stared out at the view just like Finn always did. I couldn’t see water today, just clouds and smog. It suited my mood perfectly.
“How long has it been?” Finn asked.
I glanced over when I heard his voice close to me. He was standing just behind me, hands clasped at his back. Part of me wanted him to keep his distance and the other part wanted him to take over. To take care of this. Or even just to hold me and make me forget.
“Since what?” I asked.
“Since you saw her.”
I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. “Two years.”
Two long years, and I hated every moment of it. But it was better this way. The less she knew the better. If she wasn’t in my life, she couldn’t get hurt. But I missed her. And I missed my sister. We’d been close, even after things ended with Finn. It was Mark that had drawn us apart.
“How about I show you your room?” Finn asked.
I followed him to the other side of the living room, down a hallway opposite the one that led to his bedroom. There were other doors, some that were shut. Another led to a study. An additional spare room.
Finn stopped at the one on the end and stepped back to let me walk in. “I figured this one would be the most comfortable for you. It’ll give you the most space, too. But there are others if you’d like something different. The view is best from here, though.”
It was spacious. Larger than the master in my own apartment. This one also had a bank of windows with a view to the south and west, and a window seat lined with plush pillows. Someone, probably Tammy, had set a basket of toiletries on the bed even though I’d packed my own.
I skimmed my fingers across the handle, brushing the soft bow. “Nice touch.”
“Short notice,” Finn said.
Turning, I met his gaze. “No, really, Finn. You didn’t have to be so understanding about today, and you were. And now you’re letting me stay in your apartment like I didn’t just walk out on my job.”
He didn’t answer, only lowered my bag to the floor and walked over to the window. He stared out for a long moment, then sat, elbows propped on his knees. “I’m trying to understand what’s going on here, Charlotte. You quitting threw me off, and then I worried you wouldn’t even return to your apartment. I’m handling this as well as I can right now, which is checking my temper even though I want to yell at you.”
I walked over and stood in front of him. I tucked my hands into the ends of my sweater sleeves, one I’d thrown on over my work shirt before I came because I was chilly. “You can yell at me if you want.”
He glanced up, baffled. “You want me to yell at you?”
“No. I want you to feel better. I want you to know I see where you’re coming from and I’d probably be acting the same way if I were in your position.” I spread my arms. “So you can yell at me if you need to.”
“Shit, Charlotte.” Finn shook his head. “No, I’m not going to yell at you. And sorry, but you don’t know what it feels like not being able to help you. To know how he treated you—how he laid his hands on you—and—”
He broke off, swallowed, and shoved his hand through his hair. I stepped closer. When he didn’t move, I nudged my knee between his legs so he’d let me in. He straightened and shifted so I could step between his thighs.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and cradled his head against my chest. “You wouldn’t ever do that to me.”
“I wouldn’t,” Finn said, and his voice sounded choked. “Never. Charlotte, tell me you know that.”
Looking down at his face, I nodded. I brushed my knuckles on his jaw, catching on the short spray of stubble. His eyes were troubled, and all I could think was that I’d brought all this into his life. It wasn’t just me in it anymore, Finn was involved too if I stayed. Maybe even if I didn’t.
“I know,” I whispered. “I know that more than anything else about you. You wouldn’t hurt me like that.”
“But I hurt you in other ways.”
I closed my eyes, suddenly weary of the whole thing. “I already forgave you for that.”
Finn squeezed his arms around my waist. “I still love you, you know.”
My breath caught. My eyes flashed open.
“Don’t be scared,” Finn said cautiously.
Setting my hands on his shoulders, I opened my mouth, trying to find the words. “I’m not—I mean, yes, I’m scared. But I’m surprised, too. You never said that to me before. Not even when I said it to you.”
“And I should have,” Finn returned. He took my hand and set it against his cheek. It was cool against his warm skin. He closed his eyes just briefly, reveling in the touch. “I love you.”
Stunned, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even think of anything to say. It meant a lot for him to tell me how he felt—especially when part of our breakup before was because he hadn’t been able to reciprocate my love.
My whole body flooding with affection for him. With growing love as well as an echo of the love I’d had before. It squeezed my heart in a tight cocoon of safeness. At that moment, I believed there could be something more between me and Finn.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Finn told me, even though I could see he wanted it.
“I’m sorry. I can’t gather my thoughts. This is…a big deal.”
He smiled up at me, and I was surprised when it looked genuine. “It’s kind of nice being the one to say it first.”
I kissed him, just a soft brush of my lips against his. “God, Finn…you’re so different. I wish…”
“I wish it would have been different then, too. But I hope it’s not too late now.”
I couldn’t assure him of anything right now. It was all up in the air. But I knew I had feelings for Finn. He still had a place in my heart and right now, I didn’t want to miss any moment with him.
Bending my head, I kissed him again, my tongue sweeping his lips. He groaned and squeezed his arms around me. I responded by running my fingers through his hair in the back and then pulling just slightly so he was forced to look up at me.
His eyes met mine. “Maybe we should, uh”—he cleared his throat—“unpack your things.”
“I don’t want to unpack,” I said quietly. My body thrummed with need for him. What I wanted right now was to lose myself in Finn. To take a little pleasure from a world that often tried to cause me so much pain.
His gaze dipped to my lips, and then returned to my eyes. “What do you want to do?”
“Use my new room for something productive.”
“Charlotte.” He stood, his breath hissing out. “Are you sure? I’m afraid you might run out on me if you’re not ready.”
I blinked, my stomach twisting at the words. They surprised me, and I deserved the little flicker of hurt. “I’m not going to run out on you.”
“You quit your job today.”
“Because I’m scared of what you’re going to do. I’m afraid you’re going to make it worse,” I said, defense lacing my tone. I stepped away, suddenly warm in my sweater. “Finn—damn it. I don’t want to fight with you.”
“I’m not trying to start a fight,” he said. “I just don’t want to go too fast and ruin this. Us.”
Yanking off my sweater, I tossed it on the bed in an agitated gesture. “I shouldn’t have quit like that, okay? But you don’t understand.”
“And I’m not going to understand unless you tell me.”
“You’re stubborn.”
His eyes flashed with amusement, and then admiration. “So are you.”
“I’ll tell you when I’m ready. In the meantime, you have to follow my lead. You can’t do anything I don’t agree to or I’ll lose my trust in you.”
He gritted his teeth, hands on his hips. “That’s not fair.”
I reached for the button of my shirt and undid it. His gaze simmered with heat. “Promise,” I said, “because I don’t want to have this discussion again.”
I undid another button. I was done with words. I wanted something more between us, and I wanted to be done with this conversation until we were both in a better frame of mind.
His eyes narrowed. “Now you’re just playing dirty.”
“Scared?”
His jaw shifted. “Charlotte,” he said, voice filled with warning.
I undid another button so my bra peeked through. I wasn’t above playing dirty. It wasn’t just that I wanted him to forget this, though, it was that I wanted him. All of him, all over me. Right now.
His hands twitched on his hips as the last button came undone.
“Promise,” I said.
He growled in frustration.
I smiled. “Promise.”
“Fine,” he huffed. “But—”
“No buts. I want you, Finn. And now that we have that out of the way, we can focus on something else.”
I started to pull off my shirt, but Finn knocked my hands aside. “Hell no, we’re not doing this your way, too.”
Laughing, I reached for his shirt instead. He captured my hands in his and pulled me close. My breath whooshed out and my throat dried. I could feel his entire body, hard and firm against mine.
“I’ll keep my promise,” he said, “but I think it should be open for negotiation.”
At the seriousness in his eyes, I dropped my defenses and my playfulness and nodded. “You’re right, Finn. It should be. I want to…” I looked down at our hands, Finn’s fingers twined with mine. “I want to talk to you. You’ve been open with me, and I want to do the same with you.”
When I returned my gaze to his, his eyes were wide. Surprise reflected back at me. He wasn’t expecting this. And I wasn’t either.
“I trust you,” I said.
His lips parted. “Thank you.”
And then his mouth was on mine like he couldn’t hold back anymore. My hands were trapped between us, but he wouldn’t loosen his hold.
“Charlotte,” he murmured, changing the angle of the kiss so his hand supported the back of my head.
My whole body tingled with anticipation and longing. A long roll of pleasure went through me, making me come alive.
“No more interruptions,” I told Finn.
Finn removed my shirt. “Not a problem for me.”
I smiled at him and he paused, hands framing my face. “You are so beautiful. Please don’t stop smiling like that. Ever.”
The words made my smile falter. It had been so long since I’d been able to live in the moment. And Finn was giving me that.
I kissed him tenderly on the mouth, lingering with my tongue sliding across his lips. “I don’t know what to say, Finn. You’re…”
His hands roamed on my back, and then unlatched my bra. “You don’t have to say anything, just feel.”
He dropped my bra to the floor and then stood back, eyes drinking in my bare skin. I reached for him, but he backed me to the bed. He curled one arm around me and leaned me back. A laugh of surprise lodged in my throat. Finn’s eyes gleamed with amusement and hunger.
When I was horizontal, relaxed on the soft comforter, Finn slowed down. He skimmed his fingers over my shoulders and then traced a path to my breasts. He followed the motion with his mouth, capturing one of my nipples between his lips before swirling around it with his tongue. The light from the window shone on the side of his face, and I blinked, feeling a familiar rush of love for him. Most of it was left over from before, when I had been barely more than a girl getting to experience the feeling of being intensely connected to someone. But part of it, a growing part, was new to me. Fresh feelings for this new man who stood in front of me.
God, it was so different than it had been with Mark. Mark had liked to come home from work and let his stress out almost every day. Sometimes rough, sometimes gentle, but almost every day. Mindless sex that didn’t equal love.
“What is it?” Finn asked, his breathing heavy.
I drove my fingers into his hair, hating that I’d let the memory of Mark intrude on the moment. “Nothing. I want you, and this. Don’t stop.”
He removed his pants, letting his cock spring free. I exhaled. I’d forgotten how well-endowed Finn was. How perfectly we fit together. He leaned over me on the bed, raining soft kisses down my neck to my collarbone. He squeezed my breast with one hand and then rubbed the pad of his thumb over the nipple, making me arch on the bed.
His cock pressed into my thigh, hard and ready for me. My body ached for him. To have him inside of me, for us to be one.
I reached for Finn, but he whispered, “Not yet,” and kissed lower. Down my stomach and to the peak of my legs. My hands clenched on the comforter.
“Oh, God,” I gasped.
Finn made a noise of approval and swirled his tongue in slow circles on my clit, making my body burst with sensation. He took his time. Unlike Mark, he spent time on every part of my body until my breath came out in sharp pants.
“Finn,” I said, reaching up again, moments before exploding against him. I hooked him around his neck, using all my strength to pull his mouth to mine.
I matched his pace with one of my own, assaulting his senses to give my own body a break. To be able to hear that low groan in his throat and know he was feeling as much as I was.
Then I arched my hips to his and he entered me, slow and full. After so long, it made my body tighten up at first. Finn paused and pulled back.
“Charlotte,” he murmured.
“No, it’s fine. Keep going, Finn. It feels good.”
He linked his fingers with mine, setting a slow speed at first, possessing me like he had in the past. I reached around, cupping his ass, and pressing my hips to his to feel him as deeply as possible. He stretched me so wide all I could think was Yes.
My body remembered his so well. Each thrust, each movement. But there was more. Finn wasn’t the young man he used to be. He was more.
With his eyes on mine, he drove in and out, building speed until his body tightened up. I whispered his name on an intake of breath before the world shattered around me. Finn followed after, his arms coming around to hold me tight until our hearts settled into a linked rhythm and finally slowed down.
We stayed like that for a long time, arms locked around each other. Finn’s breath tickled my hair and for a moment, I thought he might have fallen asleep.
Then he said, “Are you okay?”
I tilted my head so I could meet his eyes. “It’s been a while since I’ve done that,” I said with a wry grin. It had. I hadn’t been with anyone since Mark.
“Did I hurt you?”
“No.”
He gripped my chin, eyes glued to mine. “Honestly, Charlotte.”
“No, you didn’t hurt me. I forgot that it could be like that. Gentle and intense at the same time. Finn…”
When I didn’t continue, he pressed a kiss to my temple. “You can tell me.”
“I really missed you.”
He nodded and in all seriousness, said, “I really missed you, too.”