Cain

The past two weeks had been long and crazy. At work, I was involved in all kinds of extra meetings following the tsunami, assessing whether our evacuation plan had worked well (it had), where we could improve (a whole long list of action items), and assisting with repair damage done to the beach.

On a personal level, Sunny and I were better than ever. We'd made arrangements at work for her to report to Ivan, meaning we could be open about our relationship with our colleagues. We'd booked flights go visit her parents, which I'm not going to lie, was weighing heavily on my mind. I'd had a brief phone conversation with her father one night as I sat on the couch with Sunny and he seemed nice enough, if a little protective of her, which I totally understood.

My hesitation lay in the fact that I was smack-dab in the middle of a relationship that I'd never envisioned for myself. In fact, I'd purposely avoided any kind of entanglements in the past, believing it was the best route for a guy like me. What I now realized was that route was actually the safest, but most lonely. And for the first time since I was a young kid, I actually felt the loneliness. Opening up my heart to Sunny meant opening up my heart to all the other emotions I'd kept buried over the years.

And I was opening myself up to Sunny more and more every single day and that was stretching me plenty. Add in opening up to her parents and I didn't know if I could do it. But I'd promised her my best, so every day, I repeated that promise to myself. I'd never considered myself a coward, but this whole situation was testing that belief, and reaching for a glass of whiskey every night wasn't a solution I cared to continue.

So, I was going to suck it up and deal with her parents head on.

That was why, when our plane landed and we walked out to the baggage claim area, I held back and let Sunny and her father hug while I discretely rubbed my suddenly sweaty hand against my leg. When they broke apart, I immediately reached out to shake Sunny's dad's hand.

"Mr. Miller. Lovely to meet you, sir."

He shook my hand, his grip firm, but friendly. "It's John, and it's nice to meet you too, Cain. I intend to get to know you quite well over the next two days." He had solid gray hair and wore jeans and a faded green t-shirt. He looked fit for his age, and I knew from Sunny that he worked hard around their property to keep in shape since he retired.

I swallowed and nodded. "Sounds good to me."

Scratching and yipping interrupted my lie and all heads turned to the crate I still carried in my left hand.

"Where's my Chili Dog?" John cooed as he bent down to get a good look at the Yorkie we'd flown across half the country with. Chili started panting, trying to get to him, obviously more friendly with him than me. I'd been bringing home treats almost every night, but he merely gave me plenty of space as thanks. We tolerated each other for Sunny's sake, let's put it that way.

"Oh, there's our bag! I'll be right back." Sunny ran off to the conveyor belt, leaving me with the dog and her dad and a whole lot of awkward silence.

"You're the first man Sunny's brought home." John had stood back up and was looking at me with a straight face.

"Yes, sir. She mentioned that."

"You two serious?" Still no hint of a smile.

"I'd like to be, yes, but I'm leaving that for Sunny to decide." I glanced over at her struggling to get the suitcase off the belt. I wanted to run over to help, but I didn't want her dad to think I was running from his line of questioning.

Which I totally would be.

"I don't know you yet so I can't say one way or another, but isn't that a little risky? Leaving it all up to my daughter?"

"Well, to be quite honest, I don't know what I'm doing. I never envisioned being in a relationship with anyone, let alone someone like Sunny, so I'd rather leave the ball in her court. She knows where I stand, but she's got to decide if I can give her what she wants and needs." I slammed my jaw shut, wondering if I'd said too much or the wrong thing. Probably yes on both accounts. I didn't need to present all the reasons not to like me on a platter.

There was a beat of silence before Sunny reappeared at our side, suitcase in hand.

"Ready!" She was all smiles, looking back and forth at us, either oblivious to the tension or simply looking past it with her characteristic optimism that all would be well given enough time.

She'd have to be optimistic enough for both of us.

"Okay, let's get back to the house. I know your mother is looking forward to seeing you." John pulled his keys out of his pocket and led us over to the double doors sliding open to the parking lot outside.

I followed with Chili's crate in one hand, our suitcase in the other, having finally wrestled in out of Sunny's hand like I'd wanted to from the moment it came down onto the conveyer belt. If I let the dog crate get a little more jostled than the suitcase, I was sure it had nothing to do with payback for his lack of affection towards me. Thankfully, Sunny didn't notice the scratch of his little nails against the crate bottom as he tried to remain upright.

Sunny stayed by my side while we walked to her father's car, her refusal to ditch me for walking with her dad doing more for my confidence than all the pep talks I was having internally. Hopefully I could pull her aside and beg her not to leave me alone with her dad again. New rule for the weekend: stick together always.

Except for bathroom breaks. But even then maybe we could wait outside the door for the other person to finish. No, wait. That might be too weird. Damn, I couldn't think straight with these nerves. What the hell was wrong with me?

The rest of the evening passed without incident. The conversation with her mom and dad flowed naturally around the dinner table and I knew I'd found an ally in her mother when she winked at me and told John to quit with the twenty questions. She looked a bit on the frail side, with an old USC hat of Sunny's covering her bald head. However, she was lively in the conversation and flashed a million smiles throughout dinner, telling me exactly where Sunny had gotten her disposition from.

When Sunny pushed back from the table, excusing herself to go to the restroom, the nerves returned full force. I nearly followed her, even going so far as to stand up.

"Hey, Cain. Let me show you the rest of the property." John also stood up and put his hand on my arm, steering me toward the back door. I gave Sunny's retreating back one last look of longing before letting him push me outside. We walked across the small field in silence towards an old dilapidated barn, for which I was grateful, even though it felt like just a matter of time before the other shoe dropped. Before he told me to leave his daughter alone. Before he confirmed what I already knew: I wasn't good enough for Sunny.

John led me around back to a little white picket fenced-in square. He stopped and stared down at the ground inside the fence line, where wildflowers were growing. Not knowing quite where this was going, I stared too, trying to understand what I was looking at.

"Doesn't look like much, does it?" John finally spoke, his gaze still on the ground.

"No, sir." I clenched my jaw, waiting for the blow that was sure to come.

He finally smiled, eyes watery. "This is a graveyard of sorts. Marie and I buried eight children here. Eight times my wife got her hopes up, thinking we'd finally have a baby. Eight times her body miscarried and we grieved. She quit picking out names after the second one, thinking maybe she was jinxing her pregnancy. Ten years of elation followed by unthinkable sadness and despair. Anybody would think the universe was trying to tell us something. Hell, I heard neighbors and people we called friends whisper the same thing when they thought we couldn't hear them. We weren't cut out to be parents. Plain and simple."

Then he looked up at me, his gaze fierce, none of the softness I'd seen just a few moments before. I couldn't look away, knowing instinctively what he was telling me was important.

"We could have bought into that nonsense, but we didn't. We decided that being parents would bring us our life's greatest joy. We just had to keep the faith and keep trying. We could choose to be bitter or we could choose to believe there was a purpose. And I thank God every day that we made the right choice or we wouldn't have the gift of Sunny." He stepped closer into my space, making me fidget like a little kid in the principal's office, still not knowing where this conversation was going.

"So you can think you're not cut out to be in a serious relationship, but you'd be wrong. Life is full of surprises. You just have to keep your eyes and heart open. When you find something that lights you up on the inside, like what happens to your face when I see you look at my daughter when you think no one's looking, you gotta grab that happiness and not let it slip away. Now Sunny hasn't shared with me exactly what happened in your past, but I see you today. The man that you are. Not who you were or who raised you. I see you. And you're a good man. And you make my daughter happy."

My jaw unlocked, only to fall open and stay there. The guy had barely spoken a complete sentence to me since we'd gotten here and now here he was dropping bombs on me in the form of life advice. And his guesses about my hang-ups were spot on. Eerily so.

"So what's got you all twisted up, thinking Sunny won't choose you, even though you're clearly crazy for her? Even though, from the little she's told me over the phone, she's crazy about you too." His eyes turned kind, the corners crinkling with the hint of a smile.

I wanted to be angry at him for the invasive questions, poking around in areas that didn't concern him. But on the tail of that thought, I realized that my mental health did concern him. If it affected his precious daughter, the one he'd endured a decade of pain to get to, then my current state of affairs affected him too.

Instead of counting to ten, I repeated my mantra and pictured Sunny's face with that smile of hers that woke up the dead corners of my heart. The look of hope and admiration that would shine in her eyes, like I could slay dragons and conquer the world for her.

I'd do more than that.

I'd conquer my demons for her.

"I spent my childhood in foster homes, born to parents too young to take care of me. Then when they had the means, they still didn't come for me. I grew up fast and I grew up hard. Sunny is the opposite of all that. I don't want my darkness to bleed onto her. I don't know if I can change enough to be the man that she needs."

There it was. It was all out in the open for him to judge and find me lacking.

John held my gaze, the smile never leaving his eyes. "You know what I learned after burying eight tiny humans that could have grown up to be anything at all in this great big world?" He paused so I nodded, again, not understanding. "I learned they're born perfect, full of love, always enough, and exactly who they should be. It's us grownups that are lacking. We're the ones who fail them, teach them hate, who instill doubts and fears. Who warp them with our faulty beliefs."

His hand clapped me on the shoulder, staying there, making me feel uncomfortable. My stomach clenched and my throat tightened up. "You were born perfect, Cain. A clean slate. It was the adults in your life that messed you up, taught you wrong. That's on them. But you believing that bullshit now? Pardon my language. That's on you. You have the power to decide differently now. You're an adult without anyone telling you what to think and believe. You want to stay small and believe you're not worth it, then you're right. Let my daughter go. Don't drag her down. But if you do the hard thing, and decide to choose a different path, then I'm happy to call you my son. And for what it's worth, I think you're a good man already. It's just time for you to believe it too."

And with that, he clapped me on the shoulder, turned and walked back to the house, leaving me in the dark.

I stayed there, frozen, trying to comprehend everything he'd said. Going over my choices, wondering if it really was that easy. Just choose something different, just choose something different, echoed in my head, over and over.

I finally sat down in the grass and weeds, my back against the white picket fence around the tiny graveyard, oblivious to time passing. All kinds of thoughts raced through my head about why the universe picked me to be born and not any one of the babies in this ground that would have been loved and adored. Didn't I owe it to them to get my shit together? They didn't have a chance to live this life, I did. And what was I doing with it? Drinking and whoring my way through my youth. I could do better.

Didn't I owe that to Sunny?

Didn't I owe that to myself?

"Whatever he said to you, I promise he meant it with love, Grumpy." I swung my head up and saw Sunny standing a few feet away, a hesitant smile on her gorgeous face.

I grabbed her by the waist as she walked up and swung her down onto my lap, never happier to see her than I was right then. Her squeal of surprise was swallowed by my kiss. I needed her touch, her taste. I needed everything that she was to wrap around me and hold me steady. My foundation was being chipped away and reformed and I was smart enough to know I needed her to be my rock.

"What was that for?" she asked, breathlessly, the hesitation now gone.

"For being a genius. For bringing me to meet your parents. For just being you." My heart was thudding in my chest. The hand that held her hair out of her face was shaking. "That tsunami was a great metaphor for you coming into my life."

Her nose crinkled up and she tried to pull back. "I'm a natural disaster leaving destruction in my path??"

I barked out a laugh, feeling like I was a rookie lifeguard standing on the edge of the pier, being asked to jump into the freezing water far below. "Not quite, Sunshine. Our first sighting scared the shit out of me, but then you flooded into my life and it wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact, you've changed the landscape of the life I'm living. Nothing looks the same. And I couldn't be happier about it."

She cocked her head, that sweet smile back. "Wow, that was quite poetic. You getting mushy on me?"

Laughter bubbled up and even though I knew she would think I'd lost my mind, I let it flow, enjoying the lightness that filled my chest. The way I felt like I could float away and be happy the rest of my life as long as she was here with me. It felt good. It felt cleansing.

Sunny sat there, her arms loosely draped around my neck, patiently letting me get the laughter out, long after it was socially normal to keep laughing. I finally rubbed the heels of my hands over my eyes and tried to sober up. I'd finally gotten her dad's blessing and here I was losing my damn mind. I didn't need to give her any more reason to walk away from me.

"I don't think I've ever heard you laugh like that," she whispered sweetly.

My gaze snagged hers and I didn't ever want to look away. "That's because I don't think I ever have."

Her eyes misted and I was back on that pier, ready to jump.

It was time to choose a new direction.

"I love you, Sunshine." Her eyes widened and I hurried on, too afraid of her response to let her speak. "I'm also scared shitless and will probably fuck this up, many times. Starting with that last sentence with all the swearing."

A tear slid down her cheek and I caught it with my thumb. There'd be no crying over me, ever, if I could help it. She huffed out a breath that sounded half giggle and half hiccup.

"You were right to bring me here. To want me to fix my broken parts before we went any further. I just want you to know that I love you. And I'm on the path to being the man that you deserve, I promise you."

"Cain," she whispered, her body sagging into mine, all soft and warm. "I was trying to be practical and hold out, but it's no use. I love you too. And it makes me so happy that you've opened up to me and my parents. You aren't broken, love. You've just needed some people to love you unconditionally and to call you on your crap. We all need that. And I'm that person for you, okay? We're in this together, figuring it out together, loving each other through it."

I squeezed her tighter and brought my mouth to her jawline, kissing softly across her face, ending at her lips. She was the most precious thing in my life and I would spend the rest of my life showing her just how much I loved her. I didn't know what that would look like, but it would be an adventure figuring it out.

"You think your parents would mind if we got it on in the barn?" I whispered to her, half joking, but desperate enough for her to ask it out loud anyway.

She tossed her head back and laughed, the sound feeding all the dark, dying parts of me, each giggle illuminating what had never experienced the light.

"I think they'd be disappointed if we didn't celebrate our 'I love yous.’ And besides, who's going to tell on us?" My angel got a decidedly devious look on her face. How could I say no?

"Then get off me, woman, and get in that barn." I swatted her bottom and her jaw dropped open.

"Hey! No ordering me around, mister. One of these days I'm going to borrow Jack's handcuffs and have my way with you. And there won't be a darn thing you can do about it." She scrambled up, hands on her hips, like she actually believed I'd let her put Jack's handcuffs on me.

"Okay, Sunshine, whatever you say." I stood also, towering over her, smiling down at her indignation.

"You just want in my pants right now, but mark my words, Cain. The handcuffs are coming."

"I just want you coming right now, baby." It was cheesy, but I was done arguing about something that would never happen so I went total caveman. Picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder, I hightailed it into the dark barn before we got caught.

The squeals turned to moans, the clothes fell in a pile, and our hands found what our eyes couldn't see. When I slid inside, bare for the first time with a clean bill of health, it was like a new start. Where the past wasn't between us, creating a barrier that love couldn't conquer. We were connected in the moment and with whispered promises of forever.

This was it.

She was it.

The dark didn't stand a chance when it found sunshine.