I had the hangover from hell. Oh yeah, the devil was dancing in my head and his consorts were partying in my stomach. I was rougher than 40 grit sandpaper. Taylor’s twisting and turning through the night hadn’t stopped the room from constantly spinning either. I was cranky, had a mouth as dry as the desert, and I had to pee badly. Peeling Taylor’s sweaty hand from me, I climbed gingerly out of bed, swaying on the way to the bathroom. Jumping in a shower while I was there was the best idea. Twenty minutes later, feeling marginally better, I plodded down to the kitchen.

After a scalding, black coffee and some pain meds to keep the jackhammer at bay, I headed back to my bedroom to get Taylor up. If I wasn’t getting any more sleep, neither was she. Being kind, I took her a coffee. Pushing the door open I saw my intervention wasn’t required; she was sitting up with her back against the headboard, phone clasped to her ear. A sombre expression outlined her tired looking face, she barely registered my move to put her coffee on the bedside table. I made to leave the room, she held up her hand, silently asking me to wait. I shook my head and pointed to the door, not one for eavesdropping or being nosey. I wandered down to the lounge, she’d come find me when she was done.

Ten minutes later Taylor plopped her arse down next to me on the sofa and exhaled loudly. I swung my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into me, pressing my head against hers.

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Oh Lord, no. It’s not him, it’s Lucca. Ryder found him down at the docks drunk as a skunk.” She sighed.

I suspected she knew more than she was telling me, it was none of my business, I let it go. She was being loyal to Ryder, I respected that. Trust was difficult to come by these days, she didn’t need to be pressured into giving any information up about guys I didn’t know. I held my hand up in a ‘say no more’ kind of fashion and left it at that. I was sure Taylor appreciated the get out of jail card I’d thrown her.

After leaving her lounging on my more than comfortable couch, I took a stroll down to the docks for a breath of fresh air, trying to clear the funk going on in my head. Stopping at the café, I ordered take out cake and coffee not long after. My curiosity had me walking down to the end of the pier to have a gander at the old Lewis place, excited to see how Ryder and his friend were going to refurbish. I was hoping for upmarket, from what Taylor had said in passing, it sounded like that was their plan. Beaufort was seriously stretched for decent places to have a relaxing evening out with decent food. To sit outside and enjoy the view of the water in the summer would be wonderful. To while away the hours with someone special would be terrific too. Taylor was great and all, but life was moving on - she was moving on. I had to do the same.

I sighed, no longer interested in the Lewis property, and turned my back on the dilapidated shop front, wondering how I’d become so whimsical with longing. Taylor’s newfound happiness was rubbing off on me.

* * *

Monday rolled around, and I’d done nothing all weekend except potter around the house and read a sappy book about a billionaire and a maid. The book was delightful, but I had to make a move, the house wasn’t going to finish itself whilst I dawdled over inconsequential things I had no time for. The sewing machine had lain dormant all weekend too, with nothing pressing. All my orders were finished, and my summer designs were still in the process of being patterned. The weekend reprieve had been welcome, chaos would ensue before long with a new line of dresses hitting in late May. For now, panels for the dining room were in order; a trip to the hardware store was on today’s list.

Climbing into my car - a late model, bright blue Scirocco - I headed off to the merchants on the other side of Beaufort. For a small village, the store was huge, stocking a surprising variety of items. I found I could get almost anything there. If Mike, the owner, didn’t have it, he always knew someone who would. List in hand, I grabbed a trolley, entered the store and set off in search of the items I’d pencilled down. I’d be back again next week for different objects, today was panelling.

Fifteen minutes I stood staring at bloody wood, trying to decide if I wanted the Wainscot or the tongue and groove. Fifteen minutes of time I’d never get back. A simple decision, difficult for me, apparently, liking the appeal of them both. I had to weigh up which would be easier to hang on the wall, fixings, colours...

I almost jumped out of my skin when someone tapped me on the shoulder from behind. Spinning around, I shrieked, ready to toss a tirade of curse words at the person who’d dared to touch me. I came face to face with a grinning Ryder, his hands up in the air.

“Woah...”

“Jesus...you scared the shit out of me!” I blew out, trying to slow my heart rate down with each breath.

“Sorry, sorry.” He tipped his head to the side. “Jumpy little thing today, huh?”

“Umm, no...just concentrating.” I hitched my thumb behind me to the racks of panels as casually as I could, playing it off.

“Ah.” He peered around me at the display. “You into DIY, Laura?”

The git was mocking me, I distinctly remembered waxing poetic about my house when we were out Friday night. I was the world’s worst DIYer, I hadn’t mentioned that.

“Somewhat.” I muttered.

“Well, don’t let me keep you from your wood.” He snickered - such a child. “Wanted to say hi and thanks for great company the other night.”

He winked at me - yes winked – waved, then disappeared around the next aisle.

I stood there stupidly for a moment, my eyes popping wide when Ryder strode back around, heading to where I was. He didn’t say a word when he grabbed me by the arm and half dragged me behind him, back down the aisle he just came from.

Stopping behind what I could only describe as a six-foot hunk of a man. I was aware I may have been catching flies and I hadn’t even seen the stranger’s face yet. I flushed profusely. From behind, the guy was hot. Well, his arse was, with the way those jeans of his were hugging and moulding to his body, I couldn’t help leering.

I forgot Ryder had a hold of my arm. Hell, I forgot he was even there until I heard him cough from beside me. I snapped my mouth shut hoping drool wasn’t hanging off my chin. The noise garnered the other man’s attention and he slowly swivelled around. Lucca, the best friend. I remembered them sitting together in the cafe, the guy with the chocolate brown eyes.

Now Ryder was something to gawk at, but compared to this guy staring down at me? Shit, I didn’t even know where to start. Just looking at him had me blushing for Christ’s sake. Ryder had a haughty grin plastered on his face and I wondered if he could tell his friend just ignited my favourite pink panties.

Woah...that’s new!

I wanted to throat punch Ryder, the smug bastard, then run away and fantasize about his friend. The one currently boring holes into me as we stood awkwardly in the hardware shop. Shit...Shit! Be cool Laura, be cool. I was so flustered I didn’t even think I could breathe properly.

Oh crap...was I breathing?

In, out, in, out.

That’s how we breathe, remember?

“Lucca, my man, this is Laura.” Ryder introduced.

I swung my head back, meeting lazy eyes, vaguely remembering my manners and pulled myself out of the silly stupor I was in.

Get a fucking grip woman!

I extended my hand, barely whispering ‘hi’ as I peered up into those brown eyes of his. He was eyeing me in a perplexed manner and yes, it was as I had feared. The man was sinfully hot, one hundred percent sexy as hell. He looked mildly embarrassed upon second glance, his ruddy cheeks caused my own to flame. Oh boy - a flash of lust hit me, from the top of my head right down to the tips of my toes.

We shook hands, a warm palm in mine, flighty sensations tingled up my fingers. I struggled to calm down, overwhelmed by his presence. Faking a smile, I tugged my hand sharply from his, hoping I didn’t come across as rude. A streak of hurt flickered across his face as he shoved his hands into his pockets, our eye contact never wavering. Shaking off whatever bothered him, Lucca gave the most magnificent smile anyone had ever bestowed on me. Relaxing, my fakery slid into something more natural. I liked Lucca already.

“Well, hi, Laura.”

His sensual, resonant voice reached inside and wrapped itself around the parts of me that were distant and closed off.

What the fuck was this man doing to me?

“I’m sorry I had to duck out the other night. I heard you guys had a ball?”

Regret leeched from his apology and I found myself wishing he’d been there. His voice had a timbre I could listen to for days, even if he was only reading the Financial Times.

“Perhaps next time?”

I extended the invitation in a questioning way, tilting my head at him, hoping he’d agree. Shit, this was progress for me.

“Of course.” He smiled again, perfect teeth dazzling me further. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

There was a naughty lilt to his words and for some stupid, crazy reason I found myself leaning in closer to him. “I’d like that.”

The husky tone to my voice was foreign and I inwardly died of shame at the brazen hussy I’d suddenly become. I was acting like a bitch in heat and all I could do was cringe and listen to Ryder snickering off to the side. This was not me. I was shy and reserved and didn’t find anyone attractive. Ever.

“Yeah, me too...”

Lucca’s eyes darted to Ryder. My silly crush ground to a halt as the atmosphere around us changed. I scanned between the two men, who seemed to be sharing some kind of stand-off. I shuffled on my feet, did I make a giant arse of myself?

Casting glance over Lucca again, he could be just what I needed though - a distraction, didn’t need to get complicated. I pondered the bright side; I was happy a man could still evoke some desire in me, that for once, thinking about sex didn’t double me over and make me want to heave. There was that and it was enough.

The stand-off was awkward so, time to go. The uncomfortable silence no longer pleasant, I wanted to get out of there before I made a bigger fool of myself.   

“Anyway...I’ve got to get going. Panels, you know?”

With a nervous wave, I moved to walk away when I felt a tug on my wrist stopping me mid-flight. The only thing I saw when I looked down was the wedding ring on one of the fingers wrapped around me. I viewed Ryder, then back down to the hand clutching me, the cursed yellow metal glinting. I narrowed my eyes at Lucca, feeling altogether angry. Angry at myself for having debauched thoughts over a married man. Angry at him for having made me feel those things. There would be no pursuing this man no matter how attractive I found him.

Lucca must have sensed my rapid change in mood, for he let go of my hand and looked at me nervously. “Will you be coming to the opening, Laura?” My name from his mouth cut deep, sounding so perfect.

I gawked at him, open mouthed and all. I couldn’t help searching out his hand again, more specifically that ‘no-go’ piece of metal that had trashed all my desires.

“I might be busy,” I said.

He blinked slowly, and I left, turned right around and didn’t look back. I was utterly confused at my disappointment, yet thinking it was most likely for the best. As I slipped from the aisle I heard a ‘shit’ from Lucca and a raucous laugh from Ryder. What the fuck? Bastards.

Abandoning the panels, I hightailed it out the store and headed toward the docks, to see if Jenny could sort me out with a big bowl of homemade salted caramel ice-cream. It may have been zero degrees outside, but I was a furnace on the inside. Only ice cream could help, I reasoned. That’s what a girl needed. I could sit and feast on sugar while I metaphorically hammered those nails in tighter. Get those walls back up. Married or not, I had the feeling Lucca would have no trouble scaling them and causing havoc once he did. Nope, wasn’t opening myself up to that hurt. 

Jenny brought me the biggest bowl of sugary goodness she could, then sat across from me and started yammering on about Lord only knew what. I hardly listened, settled for making non-committal hums of approval or disagreement when they were called for. The early afternoon was mercifully quiet, and I was grateful for the distraction, keeping me out of my head while I tried to fight off brain freeze every few minutes.

Leaving the café late afternoon, with the air significantly cooler than it was earlier, I was thankful I still had my car. Driving home I started thinking about sinking into a lovely warm bath and doing nothing for the rest of the day. Lazy was becoming my life. Lounging around becoming the norm. Often, restless feelings unsettled me to the point where I wanted to lock myself inside my house and forget about anything outside my front door. The only constant intervention was Taylor. We might not see each other all the time, we certainly talked at least once a day, the need to hear her voice as frequently wouldn’t ever leave me. I was ashamed to admit I needed my sister like I needed air to breath. She was my safety, my sanity. She held my broken pieces together in her gentle hands.

Parking in the spot beside my house, I successfully managed to keep my mirrors intact, I whooped in triumph, feeling lighter than earlier. I was almost to my door, digging in my bag for my keys, when I looked up at the front porch steps, catching sight of the flowers. I froze, one foot on the bottom step, my fingers curled around the keys. Reeling wildly around, I tried to figure out if whoever left the blood red roses was still lurking.

Bile curdled fiery and fast as I turned my sight back to the bouquet of terror leaning against my door frame. The sickness in my stomach threatened as I gulped in large breaths, feeling like there was no air at all. I doubled over and retched, the soured ice cream splattering all over my steps and shoes as I emptied my stomach. Searing tears drove their way from my eyes.

Standing back up on shaky legs, I swiped the back of my hand over my mouth, struggling to breathe, not too far off a panic attack. I was sweating profusely inside my coat but felt chilled to the bone.

Not again...

I scampered away from the front of my house like a petrified mouse and let fear take over, sinking to my knees on the wet grass, wheezing and gasping for five minutes in sheer panic. Counting my breaths, the way I’d been taught, I thought of nothing else. In and out, in and out - until I could drag precious air into my lungs and get the oxygen going in my head again.

“You love roses, Jessie.” He pushed the thorny stem into my soft fleshy palm and forcefully closed my hand around the tiny little daggers. His teeth caught my lip and he bit savagely, a sharp cry muffled by tainted lips. Wetness trickled down my chin. When he pulled away he grinned, red blood-stained teeth prominent. “Roses, Jessie...”

Another couple of minutes passed before I stood again, staring at the roses. Shaking wildly, I collected my fear and scrabbled around for my bag, reaching inside for my phone. My trembling fingers struggled to push at the buttons to call Taylor while minding my surroundings. Fear was helpful, I convinced myself, kept me strong.

“Come on, come on...” I chanted, scrolling through my contacts list and locating her number.

I pressed call and waited, still glowering at the offending ‘thing’ on my porch. The call went to voicemail - I didn’t want her fucking voicemail, I wanted Taylor. I didn’t know what to do and I was freaking the fuck out. Dragging my eyes to my screen I concentrated on calling her again. Same thing, I dialled another time, only for the disappointment to mount. A sense of forced calm came over me as I focused on calling Taylor one last time. I caught sight of those fucking awful flowers and it was time to move before the hysterics set in. I couldn’t stand here with puke all over my shoes a second longer.

Tears fell down my face - I needed my sister, she’d know what to do. I took another glimpse around, nothing looked out of place, cars were in drives that should be, no eerie feeling of someone watching me. Paranoia was taking over, I didn’t feel safe here, I had to be away from the house.

I swiftly walked across my grass and through the gate. I started running the minute I hit the pavement, I ran down the street trying to think of somewhere public and safe.

Irrational thoughts ran amok much the same way I was. Aimlessly. Fast. He was here, somewhere near. What a fool I was to ever think I could live in peace, could ever find a place to call home. This was the beginning of the end of another chapter in my sad, sad life. I had tried to convince myself he wasn’t searching for me, wasn’t looking to finish what he started. I was so goddamned wrong - he’d always come looking, until I was dead in the ground.

Maybe...maybe this time I would wait for him, then he could put me out of my misery once and for all.