It was going to happen that night.

I knew I couldn't put it off for much longer. My head and my heart hurt just thinking about it, but I had to do it to save my sisters. Even if it meant sacrificing my own life in the process.

Knowing I would pay for what I was about to do was the hardest part of it all. I didn't care about our parents anymore, couldn't even pretend like I gave a shit about them. They'd used us, all three of us, for their own gain. And it was going to end that night. It was all going to go up in flames—literally. 

My sister's life depended on me doing the right thing. I'd perfected the plan over the past seven months. I hadn't told anyone, knowing it was better that Astor and Ginger blamed me for what was inevitably going to happen. I knew it would hurt them too much to know what our parents were going to do, Ginger especially. She was the oldest, and she believed them almost blindly. I didn't want her to have the same sense of betrayal I'd experienced when I found out what they had done.

My life had been pretty normal until that fateful day.

I'd had nightmares most of my childhood. They weren't recurring dreams, but they were scary nonetheless, and I stopped counting the times I woke up crying, lying in my bed with a layer of sweat covering my feverish skin. That night it had been especially bad, and I needed someone to comfort me. I had just turned twelve, and although I was a little embarrassed about needing to be reassured, I wanted my Mom. I wanted her to tell me everything was going to be all right, to sing me to sleep like she had so many times before.

I padded down the stairs, clutching my stuffed bunny to my chest. There was nobody in the kitchen or the living room, so I followed the sounds down the basement stairs. I peeked through the latch in the door, watching with curiosity as my parents spoke to some other people from Hollyhock.

I loved our little town, so quaint, picturesque and quiet. It felt like a family, all living together in that small town, and I liked that very much.

It seemed as if half of Hollyhock was in our basement that night.

Tall pillar candles around the room illuminated the dark space, casting long shadows on the floor and walls. It was a little bit eerie, and a shiver raced down my spine as I watched what was happening. 

A small voice inside my head told me not to make any noise, so I stayed as quiet as I possibly could, watching everything unfold before me.

My mother stood at the center of the rest of the group, my father, Mr. Smith, a family friend, and a couple other people in a circle around her.

"It's almost time," she said, sounding almost giddy. 

I'd never heard her that excited. I wanted to know more, even though a part of me knew I shouldn't be there. They were obviously having it in secret for a reason—no little kids allowed.

I looked around to find Allegra or Ginger, but neither of them was there. It really was adults only. Maybe Ginger could join them in a year once she turned eighteen.

"Allegra and Astor just turned twelve, as you all know," Mom went on, "which means there are only a couple of months separating us from the ritual."

They all nodded in obvious understand. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I was eager to learn.

"How are you holding up?" one of the women sitting around the room asked, a sympathetic expression on her face. "Are you coming to terms with it?"

"Yes." My mother nodded. "Astor will be sorely missed, but it's time for her to go."

I recognized the woman as the wife of the bakery owner in town, Sue. Her husband was there too. I used to play with their son, Cash, who was about my age, but he left to live with his aunt soon after we turned eleven.

"We expect you will all be at the ceremony," my father chimed in. "Allegra and Ginger will be staying with their grandmother for the night."

Our grandmother was the only one of our grandparents we had left. She was old, always annoyed with us, and smelled of mothballs. 

I was jealous that Astor would get to be part of the adults' party. Why wasn't I invited, or at least Ginger?

"How are we doing it?" Sue's husband, Joe, asked. "Stoning?"

"Not this time." My father shook his head. "Not after what happened with Cash."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"There will be a bonfire," my mom responded. "We expect her to burn. We'll douse her in gasoline prior, of course."

The conversation went on, but I couldn't listen to another word.

I rushed up the steps, knocking over a candle in my haste.

Everyone went quiet and looked up.

"Who's there?" Mom called out.

I'd never moved faster, racing into the kitchen.

"One of the candles must've fallen over," my dad laughed. "We got lucky we caught it in time."

I went to my room, my bunny forgotten in the cellar. I only remembered him when I was already in bed. It was impossible to fall asleep without him, especially after everything I'd overheard. 

It must have been the early hours of the morning when they walked into my room. I pretended to be asleep in my bed while Astor slept soundly on the other side of the room.

"Good morning, Allegra," Mom said soothingly. "Why don't you come talk to me in the kitchen?"

"We have something for you," Dad added. 

My eyes flew open and I looked at my stuffed bunny in Mom's hand. I swallowed thickly, not wanting to go with them, but what else was I supposed to do? They were still my parents, and I wanted to be a good girl.

I followed them into the kitchen where Mom made us all some tea. I sat on the chair with my legs dangling, the stuffed bunny back safely on my lap.

"Darling, did you sneak downstairs yesterday?" Dad asked calmly.

The color drained from my face.

"Don't worry," Mom said gently. "We want you to know what's going on. We think it's time."

I nodded and looked up at her, craving an explanation. I needed answers to convince myself everything was still all right.

"Hollyhock is a very special town, Allegra," Dad told me. " You know there aren’t a lot of people living here. We know everyone around."

"Yes."

"That's because the people who live here are very special," Mom cut in. "And to stay so special, we sometimes have to make some sacrifices."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"You know how you pray every night?"

I nodded.

"I told you every time you pray, you get to make a wish, right?"

Another nod.

"Well sometimes we have to do things as well, in exchange. If you get something, you must give something in return."

It made sense.

"You're very young, Allegra," Dad said. "We call you and other kids ‘tabula rasa.’ That means you're not your own person just yet. You're innocent. If we tell you this, you’ll be one of the adults. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I answered in a small voice.

"So what do you say, honey?" Mom asked. "Would you like to be a grown-up like us?"

It was all I'd been dreaming about for years. Of being able to be with Mom and Dad, because I was curious about their parties. 

But at that moment, I wanted to say no. It was as if there was a sense of premonition, a sense that something awful would happen if I said yes. Still, I found myself nodding, my eyes wide as I waited for them to go on.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Good," Dad said proudly, kissing the top of my head. "Do you know what it means to be an adult?"

"No."

"It means we have to give up things sometimes," Mom explained. "You love your sister, don't you, sweetie?"

I nodded, tears pricking the back of my eyes. I never cried.

"Do you love Astor?" Dad asked. "Or Ginger?"

"Both," I replied.

"Which one do you love more?" Dad insisted. "Which one is the better person? The one you love most. Your best friend."

"Astor."

Dad smiled, and I felt like I'd given him the right answer.

"It’ll be very hard for you when she's gone," he said, smoothing my hair, "but we'd like you to be there. We'll only send Ginger to Grandma's, and you can come with us. You can even light the fire. Would you like that, sweetie?"

I stared at him, my heart pounding and tears blurring my vision. 

"It’ll be okay," Mom said, hugging me close. "You need to adjust to the idea. She'll be all right, Hank. Don't rush her. You understand, don't you, sweetie?"

I blinked away the tears and nodded.

They both hugged me, and I smiled wide through the tears when they asked me to.

But inside my head I was already planning it.

Their deaths.

Escaping this fucking town before they took my sister.

I had no idea what I'd stumbled upon, but it was fucking ugly. Disgusting. And I needed to get the three of us to safety. Whatever it took.

So I smiled through whatever my parents were saying, nodded to every word out of their mouths. The whole time, I knew I was going to hurt them.

It was either them or Astor.

And I wasn't taking any chances.