13

- Sophia -

Caroline walks over to the fire I'm tending and reaches out her wooden cup. “Looks like someone put fresh flowers on Alesya's grave again, but no one knows anything about it. New flowers every day this week. Maybe some of the locals want to remember her. Got any more of that tea?”

“Sure.” I pour the rest of it into her cup.

She slurps happily. “Thanks. It's not Twinings, but it's okay.”

The 'tea' is hot water with an infusion of some sweetish leaves we found that Delyah deemed 'probably not too toxic for limited consumption'. We all crave coffee, but there is none here, and just slurping something that tastes less than terrible satisfies a little bit of the craving. I have the feeling it's good for us to be able to relax, too, and not just scramble to stay alive.

We had a good first week or so trying to make our little colony work. Turns out we have some talents that we didn't even know. Emilia has taught herself to weave baskets and does so, while Caroline is good at using rocks to hollow out pieces of wood. That's how she's made cups for us, and now she's experimenting with making pots from clay. Aurora remembered that boiling water can be done by placing hot rocks into it. Heidi has been able to make fire using her glasses as lenses, and now we can cook the things we find that we hope we can eat.

Which is mainly berries and fruits. There's no fish in the stream that we can see, we still suck at throwing spears at animals and none of us are that keen on eating insects. If we were, we'd have no problem staying nourished, because there's a lot of creepy-crawly things around.

We've found a way to bathe in the stream that isn't too dangerous as long as we don't wade to far out, so we're able to stay reasonably clean. And I have been looking out for plants that might have a medicinal use. And many herbs I find have a nice and wholesome smell, so I experiment with some of them. The girls and I keep getting little scratches and cuts when we go about our stone age business, and the one antiseptic herb I found is very promising. No infected wounds so far.

But our spirits are not as high as that first day when we decided to create our own colony here. Partly it's the lack of food, and partly it's because for each passing day, it becomes less probable that the aliens that abducted us will come back and take us home. So right now, the best we can reasonably hope for is that at some point we'll be accepted by Jax'zan's tribe.

Most of the girls don't find that a particularly happy vision of their future. I don't either, but it doesn't get me down as much as the other ones. First of all I know Jax'zan, and they don't. I've felt his arm around me and I've seen his relaxed and confident way of handling all the dangers here. I feel that his tribe might be a good one.

And also I think it has something to do with me committing to being the happy-go-lucky one after those false starts I had. I make sure that I try to say optimistic things and smile and even whistle as I do the simple tasks that we need to keep our colony running. It's weird – even if I don't really feel all that optimistic to start with, forcing myself to smile and be cheerful works in chasing away the worst depressive feelings. I guess the 'fake it until you make it' idea has some merit.

But yeah, I'm not mindlessly thinking that this will work out okay. It kind of seems that it won't right now. Our clothes are dirty. We're always hungry. We're always afraid of the dinosaurs and the not-dactyls, and we're scared to venture too far from the tuna can. Every time we try nibbling on a new plant we think might be edible, we know it might kill us. The dew water we're able to collect at dawn only lasts until about noon, and we're trying not to drink too much from the stream. It feels good for the first hours, but then we get depressed and feel hopeless.

But the food is the main problem.

We're doing our best, and we're resourceful. In a jungle on Earth, where we wouldn't have to worry about dinosaurs and huge centipedes, we could probably have survived for months. But it's becoming clear to me that we're not going to make it like this.

One morning Delyah and I go for another exploration walk in the direction of Jax'zan's cave. I'm drawn to it because I think he might be there. And I have missed him every day since I crossed the boundary into this place and he stayed on the other side. I miss the safety he exuded and his strong arms and his calm mastery of this wild planet. And a strange part of me regrets that I didn't try to seduce him. I suspect he might be good.

I pick up a dry twig and toss it away, making sure not to make much noise. “How do you think this is going? With the colony and all?”

Delyah takes a while answering. “We're in the dip, absolutely.”

I have flashes of little bowls of spicy sauces to dip potato chips into. My mouth instantly starts watering and I have to swallow before I can speak. It takes nothing to set that off right now. “The dip?”

“All new projects have the dip. First there's a honeymoon period when things go okay, and then after a while you start to see all the problems you're actually facing. You lose motivation and the task can seem hopeless. That's the dip.”

I nod wisely. “And that's when you quit.”

Delyah thinks again. “That's when you are better able to see if this project is actually going to work. Now you know what you're up against. Before you start, you don't really know. In the dip, you can make a decision about whether to keep going or cut your losses and go for another project.”

I shift the alien spear into the other hand. It's surprisingly heavy. “Should we cut our losses? Just try to find Jax'zan and see if he even has a tribe?”

Delyah likes taking long breaks between each time she talks. I like that. She's taking the time to think about problems. “The way things are going, I think we should consider finding allies. We can stay alive here for a couple of weeks. But we've eaten almost all the fruit that grows close to the tuna can. We have some problems finding enough water. Some of the animals are becoming brave and are coming a little too close. This forest is a dangerous place to be. And if we leave it for too long, we might be too weak to find the tribe. I notice our work days are getting shorter all the time.”

I toss another twig away. “I've been thinking the same thing. We can do both. We can make our colony work and at the same time see if we can find Jax'zan again. We won't need to go to his tribe, probably. We just need him. If he can help us hunt and show us some things, then I'm pretty sure we can keep going.”

“It will be dangerous,” Delyah says, because of course she's miles ahead of me. “Alone in the woods. Take the gun. I think this mission might be crucial for all of us.” She takes the little black gun out of her pocket and hands it over.

I weigh it in my hand. We've still not fired a single shot with it, and I'd like to keep it that way.

I've been thinking about this for a couple of days, and I'm surprised Delyah has, too. Of course I have to go alone. Sending two of us out into the jungle means risking two lives instead of one. I have very little chance of surviving, but Delyah is too tactful to say it.

We stop on the ridge, right inside the boundary of pebbles.

I stick the gun into my pocket. “What will you tell the others?”

“Oh, just the truth. We need help and you went to find it.”

I look around. I'd hate to leave the girls. Both for the companionship and for my own safety. But if anyone is going to find Jax'zan, it has to be the one he already knows and maybe even kind of likes.

“I'll try something first,” I say and fill my lungs with alien air. Then I yell. “Jax'zan!”

I do it three times, one minute apart. He might not be within earshot. The trees really dampen the reach of my voice. But if he can hear me, he'll know that I want his help. It'll be his decision.

I look around. At least he wasn't hiding behind a nearby tree. “He can move pretty fast. I'll give it one hour. If he's not here by then, I'll go. I have some idea of where he might be.”

Delyah nods. “I think I saw a new kind of berries over there. I'll go and check them out. Good luck.”

She turns around and walks into the woods. She was never much of a hugger.

I stand in the shadow of a tall tree and look around, hoping to see a jurassic warrior coming towards me with long strides and a confident smirk on his alien face. But the hour passes and it's still just me.

I take a deep breath and feel the bulk of the gun in my pocket. It doesn't make me feel safe at all.

Then I start walking.

- - -

I want to go straight back to the cave where I almost drowned. It's the only place I know where he might be. I know it's far, but it's also mostly downhill.

I'm scared and I regret this whole thing. What do I do if a flock of not-dactyls shows up? Or a sophiasaurus or one of those huge things that attacked the weird giant dino? I have no idea how to deal with them. I guess I'll try to shoot them, and most of them are so big I really can't miss. But I have a feeling this little gun won't make much of an impact on giant dinosaurs. And I don't know how far I can throw this spear.

A huge flying insect comes zooming straight for me, and its wings are so large its buzz sounds like a giant bass guitar. It looks like a dragonfly, all bright colors and spears and tentacles. I yelp and direct the spear towards it, but it's heavy and hard to handle, and I get it between my legs and it trips me up. I fall on my face and just avoid the insect as it buzzes overhead. I turn around onto my back and struggle to get the gun out of my pocket, but it's entangled in the fabric of my jeans and I can't get it out.

The dragonfly is the size of a seagull and just hangs in the air for a moment, waving what I'm sure is its stinger in my face. Then it turns around and continues on its way, it's deep buzzing slowly getting weaker.

I sob once, then get back on my feet. Shit. If that thing had wanted to sting me, I'd have no chance to ward it off.

I take the gun into my hand. If I trip I might end up accidentally shooting myself, but that spear just isn't much good as a defense. Still I keep it instead of tossing it away. Maybe seeing it will make the dinosaurs less interested in murdering me.

I keep looking around me and I can feel the tears are not too far away. This is a desperate thing to do. Any minute now one of those centipedes could come crawling for me out of the bushes. Or a not-dactyl could come swooping down. Or some other horror like that dragonfly could suddenly show itself.

“I hate this,” I seethe, then slap my hand over my mouth to make me shut up. I do not want to attract anything.

The trees are tall and they create a canopy that the sun rarely breaks through. On one hand that's fine, because that sun is hot. On the other hand it's as dark as twilight down where I'm walking, and it's hard to keep a lookout in all directions at once. The jungle is full of noises, some of them pretty scary, and I'm very highly strung. I want to aim for the cave where I first met Jax'zan, but I must have taken a wrong turn, because I don't remember this place. But all I can do is keep going.

When something finally gets me I don't even see it before all I know is that I'm horizontal and being carried a couple of feet off the ground. I'm being held in someone's mouth, sideways and face down. All I can see are claws like on a chicken, except these are more blue than yellow. And there are eight long talons on each one. The stench from the creature makes me retch – it's like inside the primate house in a zoo, just much worse.

I can just turn enough to see an eye. It's a slitted, orange eye that looks back impassively as the creature runs in long bounds across the ground and between the bushes.

Something has snatched me in its jaws. Something big. But it's only holding me firmly enough to keep me there – it's not trying to snap me in half. That may be good news or bad.

But I can move a little.

A strange calm comes over me. I'm in the jaws of a dinosaur, and that means that I'm practically dead. There's nothing more to lose.

I reach for the gun. There's intense pain from my shoulder as it chafes against my captor's teeth, but I don't care anymore. I keep reaching until I have the hard object in my hand. Then I try to pull it out of the mouth. The creature's teeth are cutting my arm, and I scream. And I feel that it will rip my arm bad if I pull it more. My hand and the gun are stuck inside the creature's mouth.

The creature suddenly stops and there's an unpleasant screeching nearby. I groan in pain as the pressure from the huge jaws increases.

Ah. That's its nest. There are giant, broken eggs with translucent shells and recently hatched dinosaurs. They look like birds, except they're much larger and they have teeth. Very large and sharp teeth. I can tell because I can see straight down into their gapes as they scream for food.

That food is me.

Fine. The gun is still inside my captor's mouth, but I aim it away from myself and then pull the trigger as many times as I can. The bangs are very satisfying and the gun jumps in my hand.

The smell from the spent gunpowder is strangely soothing. It reminds me of fireworks on the 4th of July and New Year's Eve back on Earth. Finally something that's not totally alien. A little slice of home at the end of my life.

The dinosaur jaws squeeze me harder. The world goes silent and black and white, then recedes from me very fast.

I grin. At least I got a reaction. “Don't fuck with Earth,” I say out loud, for some reason.

And then I remember no more.