Chapter 13

Caden

“You cool with this?” I ask Rebel. We’re standing outside of the house while he has a smoke. I know that his brothers and that slut Ciara have got him rattled. I need him at 100%, so it’s my job right now to set him straight. Nothing can fuck this up.

“I told you, I’m fine,” he says irritably.

“Then answer me this: why the fuck are you smoking? I thought you quit ages ago.”

“I still smoke once in a while. It’s been a long day, seeing my brothers after all this time … it’s a lot of things. But I can tell you one thing, it’s definitely not Ciara!”

“Ok, man. I’m not gonna press you. If you say she doesn’t affect you, then I believe you. But I’m also gonna remind you that I can’t have your head in your ass while we’re here. You got me?”

“I know. Fuck, Ice, you are harping on me like you’re one of my older brothers. Enough already. I get enough crap from them, I don’t need to get it from you too.” His words cut me like a fucking knife. What the hell was that all about?

I grab him by his collar and push him against the side of the house. I get in his face and say, “You listen and you listen good! I am one of your older brothers and in this world, I am the only older brother you need to fucking worry about. Your number one loyalty is to this club and my fucking sister! So what if your big brothers in there push you around? You gonna let ‘em? You gonna let ‘em walk all over you like they did when you were a kid? Fuck no! You’re a big, badass biker and my sergeant at arms! And if you still feel inferior to those two dickheads in there, you remember one thing—you and your club are the ones they called to fix this mess!”

He just stares at me intently, and I realize I am still holding on to his collar. “Are we clear?” I ask. He nods. He still hasn’t spoken and I’m beginning to worry about him. “What the fuck, Rebel? You ok?” I ask as I release my hold on him.

“Yeah, man … holy shit. I get it! Ok! Don’t release that famous ice-cold rage on me now.” He pauses and then adds, “I’m good, really. No need to lose control.”

“Well, what have you learned from my lack of control?”

“Learned?”

“Yeah, fucking learned.”

“Don’t piss you off.”

“Damn straight. And what else?” I prod.

“Get my head outta my ass,” he answers dutifully.

“And what else?”

“I’m a badass biker!” he says proudly.

“And don’t forget it!” I pause briefly and then say, “Now that we got that out of the way, I’m gonna ask you again: are you sure this shit with Ciara isn’t gonna fuck with your head?”

“I’m sure, Ice. You were right to set my head straight about my brothers. They’ve fucked with me all my life, but I see now I don’t have any reason to feel inferior to them. Like you said, I’m a badass biker.” He laughs. “But where Ciara is concerned, I meant what I said. She means nothing to me and I’m thrilled that she is now Damon’s headache. Ari means the world to me and I won’t do anything to fuck that up.”

I nod, convinced. “So, where do we start tomorrow?”

“I know a few people we can talk to, we can start with them.”

“Ok. I’m letting you take the lead on this. You know the people we need to find and where to look. Doc, Ryder, and I are your backup.”

“Thanks, Ice. We’re gonna find them,” he says with determination, but it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than he’s trying to convince me.

Rebel

I’m home. I never thought I’d be back in my old room again. And I can’t fucking sleep. I’m just laying here in my bed thinking about everything that’s happened since we left the States—and everything that happened before we left the States. In the midst of all this chaos in my head, I realize that Ice is right about everything. And the more I think about his words, I come to another realization: he’s more a brother to me than both Damon and Patrick combined. I’d give my life for Ice. He’s my brother and my prez. But I’m not sure I feel the same loyalty to my biological brothers.

Damon has always believed that since he’s the oldest, he’s in charge. He’s always been the take-charge type, and with Mom and Dad always being gone, Damon believed that Patrick and I were his minions to control. He and Patrick were closer in age, with only a couple years separating them, but there was an eleven-year gap between Patrick and me.

Damon was always right and Patrick was his loyal follower. If Damon was giving me shit for something, Patrick always joined in whether he agreed or not, just to stay in Damon’s good graces. It was always them against me.

I do find it hard to believe that Ciara is sleeping with Damon. It almost pisses me off. Not in a jealous sort of way; I feel no jealousy where they’re concerned. But what makes me mad is that she’s sure that her being with my brother is making me jealous. And worse yet, Damon doesn’t care that it might bother me. I guess they both deserve each other, ‘cause their plan failed miserably. I don’t give a fuck about either one of them.

Knowing what I know now, I don’t think I ever really loved her … not the way you should love a wife. We were so young, just kids ourselves, and we had no business even thinking about getting married. When I compare what my feelings for her were then and what my feelings are now for Ari, the difference is like night and day. I look at Ari and I see my future. I see us getting married and having a home of our own. I see her pregnant with our children and I see us growing old together, swinging on a porch swing while surrounded by our grandchildren. She’s the one for me and I’m not going to do anything to screw that up.

I really hated leaving my parents when they sent me to the US, but it’s been a relief to be rid of my brothers and their constant dominance over me. Going to the States gave me the opportunity to grow and find my own niche in this world. Coming back has made me absolutely certain that my place is not here in Ireland. My place is with my club, my brothers, and my girl. I still love my family, but I could never return to this life.

I needed this. I needed Ice to set me straight and the time to think all this shit through. This is me getting my head out of my ass. I’m ready now to take on this task that I have enlisted my MC brothers in. I’m ready to get done what needs to get done and get my ass back home where I belong. Damn, I feel great!