Anita
Shit, Trev could carry the fucking thing by himself,” I growled in frustration, making everyone grow silent around me. My tone was scathing. I couldn’t stop it. “Bram, Alex, Shane, and Trev can carry him; all this bullshit about pallbearers is stupid. You’ve got four. If you don’t want the honor guard to do it, tell them no. The end.”
My hands shook as I set them in my lap, the silence growing heavier and heavier as I looked at the floor I was sitting on.
My nerves were fried.
It had been four days since we’d found out Henry was dead, and they were finally sending him home to be buried. We were supposed to go meet the airplane he was on—in the fucking cargo hold, no less—in just two hours, and I was about to lose my shit. I couldn’t deal.
Arielle was doing fine. She didn’t seem to notice or care about the extra attention she was getting from our family and was still sweet as sugar when it was time for her to sleep. No fussing or anything. Like she knew that I couldn’t take it.
But Bram was in my bed each night. I’d let him in that first night because I didn’t want to be alone, and I couldn’t stand the thought of Bram being alone, either. Now that Alex was in town, I’d assumed that I’d be able to distance myself a bit.
I’d assumed wrong.
Bram was up in my space even more. He kept coming to my house, and I kept letting him in—because how could I not? I loved the jackass, and I knew he was hurting. I couldn’t turn him away.
However, each time he rolled into me and wrapped an arm around my waist, I felt even more desperate for some space. I was holding on by a thread, barely making it through the hours I was awake without completely breaking down and sobbing my eyes out. There was shit to do, things to plan, people to see. The first week after a person dies is full of company and appointments and never having a moment to yourself.
I knew that.
When I went home at night though, I should have been able to shut all of that shit away and grieve. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t do it with Bram’s wary eyes meeting mine as I opened my front door to him over and over again. I couldn’t do it when he shuddered against my back, practically trembling until he fell asleep every night. I couldn’t do it when I woke up in the morning and he was in Arielle’s room, changing her diaper and speaking softly to her about everything and nothing.
There was no time for me. And so, as I sat there on the floor, words had slipped past my lips without thought, and now I felt even worse.
“Jesus Christ, Ani,” Shane murmured tiredly.
I swallowed hard.
“That sounds fine to me,” Ellie said, her voice trembling. “You boys carried him around on your back for years, most of the time because he’d jumped up there trying to bug you. Makes sense you’d carry him now.”
My breath hitched.
“Anita,” Liz said, making my entire body tense, “kitchen.”
She climbed up from the couch and walked away as I pressed my hands against the floor, pushing myself up to follow her. I’d fucked up. When Ellie had gone on and on about not knowing who should fill the last two pallbearers’ spots, I’d completely lost patience, and that was really shitty of me. I deserved anything Liz had to dish out and more.
“What’s going on?” Liz asked sharply as I hit the kitchen.
“I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t ask if you were sorry, and I wasn’t looking for a damn apology. Now tell me what the hell is going on with you.”
“Nothing,” I sighed, running my fingers over my hair. “My nerves are just fried.”
“All of our nerves are fried.”
“I know—it’s no excuse.”
“Go home, Ani.”
My eyes shot to hers, and I almost stumbled back from her words. She was kicking me out? My throat got so tight it felt like I couldn’t breathe as my eyes began to fill with tears.
“You need sleep, baby,” she said gently as I stared at her in horror. Then she lifted a hand and ran it through my hair. “You need some time out of this house.”
“I’m fine.” I shook my head.
“No, you’re not. Go home for a few hours. I’ll keep Arielle here with the kids.”
“We have to go get Hen,” I argued stubbornly, chewing the inside of my cheek.
“Henry won’t care if you’re at the airport,” she said quietly. “But I care that you look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
“But—”
“Anita Bonita,” she murmured, shutting me up. Only Henry used that nickname. Oh, God. My stomach turned. “Go home and get some rest. I’ll have Danny drive you.”
I nodded as I braced myself on the table. Less than a minute later, Liz was walking Dan back into the room, his worried eyes on me.
“Come on, kiddo,” he said gruffly, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
I walked back to the bedroom Arie was sleeping in and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead before grabbing my purse. She’d be fine there while I got my shit together. All the adults were going to get Hen that night, but a really nice lady named Heather that Ellie and Liz knew from some club was going to watch the kids at the house.
I walked out the door with Dan on my heels and dragged my weary body into his truck.
“Only two hours, okay?” I rasped as we reached my driveway. “Come get me on your way to pick up Hen.”
Dan looked like he was going to argue for a long moment, then finally gave me a small nod.
I nodded back, then climbed out of the truck as he rolled to a stop.
I didn’t bother undressing, just took off my shoes and crawled between the sheets of my bed.
Then I finally let it all out. It started out as sniffles, a catch of breath, a hiccup, but soon I was sobbing so hard that my entire body jerked with each cry. I cried freely. Hard and loud. Then I fell into an exhausted sleep.
* * *
I woke with a start, looking around my bedroom blearily and wondering what had startled me awake. When I glanced at the clock, I cursed and scrambled out of my bed. When my feet hit the floor, I stumbled to the side, slamming my hip into my nightstand, knocking the lamp there onto the floor with a crash.
It was an hour past when we were supposed to leave to pick up Henry’s body.
No one had come to get me.
My heart raced in panic as I ran to my dresser, pulling out the bottom drawer too far, making it fall to the floor. I ignored the mess and grabbed a pair of dark jeans, throwing them on the bed before I grabbed one of Henry’s old boot camp shirts out of my pajama drawer. It was navy-blue mesh, with a little emblem in the chest, silky and shiny, and one of my favorites even though it was way too big for me.
Running into the bathroom, I screamed a little as I caught sight of my face and hair. I frantically wet my hair down and grabbed a beanie off the floor to cover it up, then swiped at my face to wipe off the tears pouring out of my eyes.
“Shit,” I sobbed, my beanie falling back to the floor as I stripped out of my clothes quickly. My hands were shaking as I panicked.
I was going to miss it. I wasn’t going to be there. Oh, God.
I was down to my bra and underwear, scrambling to pull on my jeans, when my name was called from the front door.
“Ani?” Bram asked in confusion, walking into the room as I lost my shit. I was sobbing by then and tripping as I tried to pull the jeans up my legs.
“Why didn’t anyone wake me up?” I yelled shrilly. “I said to wake me up!”
My words were garbled with sobs.
“Baby, stop,” Bram ordered, hurrying toward me. “Stop!”
His arms wrapped around me tightly as I shook.
“You guys were supposed to come get me!” I screamed, slapping at his chest.
“I’m here,” he said, trying to soothe me. “I’m right here.”
“You were supposed to pick me up,” I sobbed, my entire body going limp. “Dan said—”
“The flight was delayed,” Bram said quietly, leaning his face down to mine. “We’re leaving as soon as you’re ready.”
My chest heaved as his words penetrated. I wasn’t too late.
I cried in relief then. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t even try. I was so far gone that I could feel my eyes growing tight as they swelled with the force of my tears.
“Come on,” Bram whispered, letting go to grab the jeans at my thighs and pull them up my body, gently buttoning and zipping them as I held his shoulders for balance. “I wouldn’t leave you.”
I wiped at my face as I tried to catch my breath, my chest aching with each spasm.
“This shirt?” he asked, reaching behind him for Henry’s shirt lying on the bed. “I remember when he came home with this.”
He pulled it over my head and waited while I threaded my arms through the sleeves.
“Everything okay?” Katie asked, coming into the bedroom as Bram grabbed me some socks.
“I thought I’d slept through it,” I said achingly, meeting her eyes. “I thought I missed it.”
“Shit, Ani,” she murmured, coming farther into the room as Bram pushed me gently to the bed and lifted my foot. “I’m sorry. Once we heard the flight was delayed, me and Mom figured we’d give you a little extra time. We didn’t want to wake you up if you were sleeping. Damn, your poor eyes.”
“Hey, baby,” Bram called quietly, kneeling at my feet. “Rain boots?”
I nodded as he reached up and gently ran his fingers down the side of my face.
“I remember that shirt,” Kate said softly as Bram left to get my boots. “He gave it to you after I told him he looked like a stripper.”
I gave a watery laugh as I glanced down at the T-shirt I was wearing. It had tiny holes throughout the mesh, making it look almost see-through. Good thing I’d be wearing a coat.
Bram carried my boots back in and helped me to my feet so I could step into them, then he held out my coat so I could slide it on.
“Ready?” he asked, handing me my beanie.
“No,” I said, pulling the hat on.
“Me either.”
“Amen,” Kate said, leading us out of the room.
* * *
Airport staff met us and led us to where a group of Marines wearing Dress Blues were waiting on the tarmac. They were reserved. Kind. Solemn. Respectful.
Quiet.
We didn’t wait long before another Marine was coming down the steps from the tunnel connected to the door on the plane. His strides were long and purposeful, but he didn’t seem to be hurrying. His gaze passed over us, his eyes pausing on Shane before he came to a stop.
“Good evening,” he murmured, glancing at each of us, like he wasn’t sure who he should be talking to. “I’m Gunnery Sergeant Samuel Monroe. I have the privilege of escorting Staff Sergeant Harris home.”
Ellie sobbed once loudly, and Monroe’s eyes immediately locked on her.
“Ma’am?” he asked, stepping in front of her.
“Thank you,” Ellie rasped out, reaching for Monroe’s hands.
“It’s an honor,” he said gently. “Henry was a good friend.”
My throat tightened as Bram’s hand came up to wrap around the back of my neck.
“Do you have any questions?” Monroe asked gently.
“No.” Ellie shook her head, looking up at Mike.
“The chaplain explained it all,” Mike said gruffly.
Monroe nodded, then glanced at Shane, giving him a small nod, too.
“I’ll be escorting Staff Sergeant Harris to the funeral home,” he said, his eyes going back to Ellie. “A Marine will stay with him at all times until we’ve laid him to rest.”
“He won’t be alone,” Ellie said, almost under her breath.
“No, ma’am. He won’t. I promise you that.”
He squeezed Ellie’s hands once more, then stepped away from us as the honor guard went under the plane.
I held my breath.
A few moments later, his feet snapped together as the six Marines came back into sight, a flag-draped coffin carried between them.
Our Henry. There you are, friend.
I slapped my hands against my mouth as my knees began to buckle. Then Bram’s arm came around my belly, holding me tight against his chest as we watched them carry Henry toward the waiting hearse.
Monroe was completely motionless as Marines stopped in front of him, then he raised his arm and saluted the coffin.
From what seemed like far away, I heard Katie give a small sob.
Then they slid Henry into the back of the hearse.
We followed the hearse back to the funeral home, but I don’t remember much of the ride. Bram held me, I know that much. I wasn’t sure if it was more for my benefit or his. Alex sat with his elbows resting on his knees, his seat belt pulling tight against his chest as he covered his face in his hands. And for the first time since I’d met Liz, I watched her slide across the bench seat in Dan’s truck and ride home nestled against his side, her head on his shoulder.
* * *
“What’s that?” I asked the next day, coming to a stop on the sidewalk in front of the church where Henry’s funeral was held. Once we got him home, arrangements were in full swing. We weren’t sure how long Shane would be able to stay, and Ellie and Liz didn’t want there to be any chance that he or Alex would have to leave before we buried Hen. They deserved to say good-bye with the rest of us.
Arielle was asleep in my arms, a dark gray blanket wrapped around her purple dress. I hadn’t been able to dress my baby girl in black. I just couldn’t do it.
“It’s the Patriot Guard,” Trevor said thickly, stopping beside Bram and me.
“Whoa,” I breathed as I looked down the row of motorcycles lined up around the block. “Did someone—”
“No, they just showed up,” Trev cut me off, running a hand down the tie hanging from his throat.
“Henry would dig that,” I said, looking over the men who were standing next to their bikes. “Oh, shit,” I breathed, leaning into Bram’s hand at my back as the hearse pulled up.
The motorcyclists, almost as if it had been choreographed, reached up and pulled bandanas, military baseball caps, and beanies from their heads, holding them to their chests.
“We’re up,” Alex announced, walking toward us in his Class A uniform, his back ramrod straight. He and Shane were both in full military dress, and I’d never seen either of them look more handsome.
“You good?” Bram asked as he walked me over to where Liz and Katie were holding the kids’ hands.
“Yeah, go get him,” I ordered, glancing at the hearse.
Our family followed the boys as they carried Henry’s casket into the packed church, then we slid into the front two pews silently. Even the kids were quiet as the pastor began to speak.
There were photos near the front of the church, lined up to the sides of the casket.
Henry at eighteen in his Dress Blues. I remembered him telling me that it wasn’t even a full uniform they’d made him put on for the photo, just a jacket and cover.
Henry at around seven or eight, sitting on Trevor’s shoulders, his face smeared in what looked like blackberries.
Henry at four, his arms wrapped around Ellie’s neck as he cheesed for the camera. Her mouth was open wide like she was laughing.
Henry in full camouflage, a helmet on his head and his face dirty, his blue eyes vivid as he smiled widely for the camera.
Henry and Mike, sitting in the rockers on Mike and Ellie’s back porch—obviously unaware that anyone was taking their photo.
Henry, with me hanging off his back, the rest of the kids crowded around during a camping trip right before Alex had left for the Army.
The last one was my favorite. It was taken the last time he was home, and Katie and Shane’s kids were hanging on him like monkeys. Iris and Gunner were on his shoulders like he was showing off for the camera, Gavin and Keller were sitting on his feet, and Sage was standing with her arms wrapped around his waist, her smile wide as she looked up at him.
It was Hen’s life in a series of pictures, and I hated that we couldn’t put up any extra. He was more than that. He liked vodka, especially the flavored kind, though he’d sworn me to secrecy on that. He didn’t wear underwear, but bought new socks once a month because he said he liked them soft. He carried around one picture—of Ellie—that he’d stolen when he was twelve from one of Ellie and Mike’s old photo albums.
He hated Mexican food, but loved Thai. He said drinking milk was like drinking someone else’s phlegm and refused to have anything to do with it. He liked the color blue and wore it because it looked good on him. He put more product in his hair than I did. He had a tattoo over his ribs that he refused to discuss with anyone, and one on his shoulder that he called a boot camp scar.
He loved his family. He was abnormally good at Ping-Pong…and beer pong.
I looked down at Arielle as I listened to the pastor read the story of Henry’s life that Trevor had written. It was full of facts. The day he was born, the day he’d moved into Ellie and Mike’s, when he’d graduated high school, his military accomplishments.
My face felt numb.
Arielle woke up and kicked her feet as Trevor and Shane stood up at the end of the aisle, stepping toward the podium at the front of the church. “Shh,” I whispered, unwrapping Arie as she pushed at her blanket. “Gotta be quiet, Uncle Trev and Uncle Shane are talking.”
“Thank you for coming.” Trev’s deep voice flowed through the church’s sound system. “My little brother would really like that his funeral was standing room only.”
The crowded church broke out in quiet laughs.
“He’d never let us hear the end of it,” Trev said with a smile, leaning toward the small microphone in front of him. His voice cracked a little, and he reached up to rub a hand over his face as Shane stepped closer to him.
“Henry was annoying,” he said, making the church laugh. “Funny, and charming…and annoying.” They laughed a little louder.
Liz reached out and rested her hand on my knee as Trevor continued, and we listened to how Trevor remembered his little brother.
The rest of the funeral went by quickly, classmates and a few of Henry’s Marine friends that had flown in for the funeral got up and shared little stories about Hen. Most of them were funny, some were poignant, all were welcome. I didn’t get up to speak. I didn’t think that I’d be able to do it without making an ass out of myself.
Then all too soon we were on our way to the military cemetery a half an hour away. When Mike and Ellie had found out about Henry, they’d immediately found a spot for him, and since Mike was a Marine veteran, bought the plot next to him, too.
The Patriot Guard escorted us there. It was sweet of them to do, even though Henry’s death wasn’t exactly high profile. I couldn’t imagine anyone giving us any trouble that they’d have to guard us from, but according to Bram, it was more of a respect thing. Either way, it was pretty incredible to watch.
The Marines kind of took over the ceremony as soon as we got there, and I knew it was a relief for Ellie. She didn’t have to worry about any of it. She could sit there numbly while the cemetery director and honor guard took care of everything.
They played Taps and folded the flag draped over Henry’s casket in quick, precise movements. Then one of the Marines moved to Ellie, dropping to one knee and murmuring to her as he handed her the flag with both hands.
Bram took Arielle from my arms, and I watched in confusion as he braced her head against his chest, covering the opposite side with his wide palm.
I jerked at the first gunshot.
Then I closed my eyes as the other two rang through the quiet afternoon.
“Thanks,” I whispered, leaning against Bram’s shoulder.
“Didn’t want it to hurt her ears,” he replied.
I nodded, my chest tightening.
Then, all of a sudden, it was over, and we were just supposed to leave him there alone.
* * *
“I’m glad it’s over,” Katie said quietly, dropping down beside me on the couch as I fed Arielle.
The last person had finally left Mike and Ellie’s house just fifteen minutes before. The funeral had gone well, as far as funerals went, but it had hurt. Bad. It had felt so wrong to leave Henry at the cemetery. I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t Henry anymore. That it was just the shell of him, not the boy I’d watched grow up—but it didn’t matter. He was there in the cold ground, and I was afraid that, if I thought about it too long, I would start screaming.
None of us had been able to leave right away, and eventually, Dan and Liz herded the kids back into the cars and brought them home while the rest of us watched as the cemetery crew used a small tractor to fill in Henry’s grave.
We’d eventually moved away, but Trevor had said he’d be a few more minutes.
He still wasn’t back.
“When does Shane have to leave?” I asked Kate, pulling the bottle from Arielle’s slack mouth.
“He flies back with us tomorrow,” she said, reaching out to take Arielle from me, then cuddling my girl to her chest as she started patting her back gently. “Then he’ll leave the next day.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay longer?” I asked, turning toward her on the couch. “Since Shane is leaving anyway, you could—”
“No,” Kate said, cutting me off with a small shake of her head. “I’d love to stay for a while, but the kids need to be home.” She gave me a sad smile. “They need to be in their own house and going through their own routines. The little ones will snap back, but Keller, Gavin, and Sage are having a hard time.”
I nodded. Henry had been living in San Diego for over a year, and I knew that Kate and Shane’s family saw him often. It wasn’t the same with us in Oregon, only getting visits when Hen was able to take some leave. The Anderson kids were going to have to get used to not seeing their uncle at the dinner table and during birthday parties. He wasn’t a distant relative for them—he’d been a significant part of their lives, and on top of losing him, they had to deal with a dad who still had five months left on a deployment halfway across the world.
“Do you want me to come down?” I asked tentatively. “I still have some maternity leave.”
“Nah.” Kate shook her head. “I think that would push Bram over the edge.”
“What do you mean?” I asked stupidly, opening myself up to a host of shit I didn’t want to deal with.
“He loves you, idiot,” she said in exasperation. “It’s bad enough that Shane and I have to be separated. You and Bram don’t need to do that shit too.”
“We’re not together,” I replied woodenly, leaning my head on my arm. “It’s not the same.”
“Isn’t he staying at your house?” she asked incredulously. “How much more ‘together’ do you need to be?”
“It’s not like that.”
“It’s exactly like that.”
“He broke up with me, Kate,” I huffed, closing my eyes. “How much clearer do I need to be? We’re not together. He doesn’t want to be with me.”
“He loves you.”
“So do Alex and Trevor. I’m not with either of them.”
“You also haven’t slept with Alex or Trevor,” Kate retorted, then went completely still. “You haven’t, right?”
“Shut up,” I snorted, making her laugh. “Look, I get it, okay? Bram and I have this thing between us. But that doesn’t mean that it’s going to go anywhere. I have to think about Arielle.”
“He loves Arielle.”
“He does,” I nodded. “Absolutely. But he doesn’t want to be her dad.”
“You don’t know—”
“I do know that. He’s been really clear, Katie. And that’s okay. He doesn’t owe us anything. But I can’t start shit up with him again when I know there’s no future in it. That’s not fair to me or to her.”
“Mom said to call you guys into the dining room,” Bram said flatly from behind me, making my entire body tense. I wasn’t sure how much he’d heard, but he had to have heard something by the tone of his voice.
I twisted slowly to look at him, but I only met his eyes for a second before he was turning away.
“Shit,” Kate groaned, pushing off the couch.
“It’s fine,” I said distractedly, trying to shake it off. I hadn’t said anything that Bram and I both didn’t already know.
We weren’t together, and we weren’t going to be together. I loved him, I may always love him, but that didn’t mean that we were going to prance away in a field of daisies and live happily ever after. The real world didn’t work that way. People died in training accidents. Husbands left their wives for months at a time to fight in wars that had nothing to do with them personally. Fifteen-year-olds got pregnant and had to give up their babies.
Couples split up because one of them wanted children and the other one didn’t.
I followed Kate into the dining room and stopped short as I saw everyone sitting around the table. Apparently, Trevor had come in through the back because even he was there, his arm around Ellie as she spoke quietly into his ear. The kids were back in one of the bedrooms watching a movie, but every single adult was present and seated in a chair.
“Come in and sit down,” Dan said from his place at the head of the table.
I moved slowly, watching distractedly as Bram reached for Arielle as Kate passed him.
There were two spots left when Kate sat down, and I glanced to the side to see the kids’ folding chairs leaned up against the far wall.
“Here,” Bram said quietly, pulling out the chair to his left with one hand. “Sit down.”
I dropped woodenly into the seat he’d directed me to, and we all sat for a few moments, staring at each other as we waited for one of the parents to speak.
Finally, Ellie cleared her throat.
“First, I want to thank all you kids for how you stepped up this week,” she said with a small sniffle. She raised her chin and clenched her hands together on the table. “I don’t know where I’d be if my boys hadn’t stepped in and taken care of things the way they have. And that goes for you guys too.” She glanced around the table, her eyes stopping on Bram and me before moving to Alex and then Katie.
“Henry was my baby,” she said achingly, pausing to swallow hard.
My hand reached out blindly and grabbed ahold of Bram’s thigh, anchoring myself as a wave of sorrow seemed to crash into me.
“Henry was my baby,” Ellie said again after she’d gotten herself under control. “And I’m not sure where we’ll go from here. Hell, I can’t imagine tomorrow, much less worry about things down the road.”
Bram’s hand covered mine on his thigh, and he curled his fingers, lacing them through mine.
“But Liz and I were talking earlier,” Ellie continued, looking around at us. “And we were discussing how happy we are that we have children who come home whenever they can. A family that’s happy to spend time together and loves each other. Not all people have that, you know? Kids grow up and grow apart—but not you kids. You’re as close now as you were when you were little.”
Bram’s hand tightened in mine.
“None of you have wanted to sit down together like we’re doing now,” Ellie said. “And I understand it, because I didn’t want to either.” She sniffled again, and Mike reached out to rub her back.
“But this—sitting down together for a meal—it’s always been important, and it might be even more important now. I’m not giving it up. So we’re going to sit here and eat all this dessert that people have been dropping off, and we’re going to talk, and Alex is going to needle Trevor until he starts gritting his teeth, and Kate’s going to try and talk to Ani even though she’s all the way at the other end of the table. We’re going to get this out of the way now, so the next time we sit down and my baby boy isn’t here, it might be just a little bit easier.” Ellie finished off her last words with a hard nod.
It was a good speech. I understood the meaning behind it, and I loved how hard she was trying, but no one moved after she’d stopped talking and leaned back in her chair.
I glanced at Trevor, who was looking down at the plate in front of him, then at Shane and Kate, who were looking at each other. None of us wanted to make the first move. My gaze moved to Alex, and I braced myself when I saw the look in his eyes.
“I get the meaning behind it, and I fully agree with you, Aunt Ellie. But I’m not eating Mrs. Nielsen’s upside-down cake,” he said stubbornly, shaking his head with a scowl. “Last time she brought one over, I had the shits for two days.”
Everyone at the table froze.
Mike was the first one to break, and as soon as his raspy guffaw broke the silence, the rest of us began to laugh. We laughed so hard that there were tears streaming down our faces.
After the first few moments, I wasn’t even sure if we were laughing at Alex anymore. We were laughing in surprise that we could even laugh in the first place. We were laughing to prove that we still could, that maybe we were broken but that we could eventually live and not be so aware of the gaping black holes in our chests. We laughed because Henry would have said something completely inappropriate to Alex’s comment, and all of us were hearing his voice in our heads. We laughed because we’d been crying for so long that any other display of emotion was almost a relief.
“I’m not joking!” Alex bitched loudly, making us laugh even harder.
I wiped at my face as Bram’s hand squeezed mine, and when I looked back up at Alex, he winked, giving me a small smile.
I smiled back.
“Well, this one goes to the garbage,” Liz murmured with a chuckle, standing up to grab a cake off the middle of the table. “The rest should be safe.”
She walked the cake into the kitchen, and I made a face at Alex, causing his smile to widen. He freaking knew I liked Mrs. Nielsen’s pineapple upside-down cake, and I knew for a fact that it hadn’t given him diarrhea because we’d shared the last one between us and I’d felt fine.
I would have expected the asshole move from Henry, but not…My head jerked up to stare at Alex again as my eyes began to burn.
“Asshole,” I mouthed, giving a watery laugh.
“Pretty girl,” he mouthed back, blowing me a kiss.
“Cake!” Gunner yelled, running into the dining room, then sliding over the hardwood floor in his socks until he came to a stop.
“We’re having cake?” Keller asked, flying into the room behind his brother.
“I want some!” Gavin yelled from down the hall.
I looked at the boys, watching as their eyes darted around the room looking for an ally.
I knew who that ally would have been a week and a half ago.
“Good thinking,” I said, hopping out of my chair. “Auntie will get you anything you want. Grab your chairs and belly up to the table.”
“Ani,” Katie warned in a low voice.
I ignored her. My oldest niece and three nephews had already lost their mother. Gunner would never remember Rachel, and I wasn’t sure how much Gavin remembered, either—but Keller and Sage had already felt the loss of the most important person in their lives. They had Shane and Kate and a secure and loving extended family, but that didn’t change the fact that they’d had the rug pulled out from under them again.
There was little I could do for them beyond loving them. Soon they’d go back to California, and I wouldn’t see them for months.
But I could do this one thing. I could give them back that one person who had their back and spoiled them right under the nose of their parents.
My nephews wanted cake, and it was my turn to spoil them rotten.
“We’ve got white cake, pumpkin pie, some sort of Jell-O with whipped cream, and what looks like brownies,” I said to Keller as he pushed his chair up against the table.
“All of them,” he answered decisively, looking at me with a wide grin.
I glanced at a teary-eyed Kate.
“Good idea,” I said.