Celia

When Carlos came back, I knew that it hadn’t gone well. He didn’t look happy at all and I thought it was going to be what I thought. Leo wasn’t going to want to have anything to do with me or the baby, but I had already steeled myself to the eventuality. I pretty much knew what it was going to be and I tried to tell Carlos that, but he was sure that I was wrong.

“So how did it go?”

He had a snarl to his face and I tried not to laugh about it. It was going to be okay. I knew that I was going to be okay with or without him to help me. It wasn’t something that I wanted to do alone, but it wasn’t like I had another choice. I can’t make him do the right thing, right?

“Leo is not what I expected. I have met him many times before, but not like this.”

“Where was he?”

“He was at the club. He still plays in there a couple of times a week.”

“Oh, well Carlos, don’t worry about it. I told you that he was going to be rude about it. I am not going to worry about it and you shouldn’t either. That is why I wasn’t going to tell him.”

“It would have been easier if that was the way it was, but it’s not. He actually seemed thrilled about it and said he wants to see you.”

I was too shocked for words and I didn’t know what to say. I think it would have been easier if he would have just said it wasn’t his and walked away. My heart started to race and I knew that it was going to be hard to face him. It was one of the reasons I had made sure that he couldn’t find me before.

“What?”

“Yeah, I think he is still in love with you. I didn’t know that you were together that long Celia.”

“We weren’t.”

“Well I can’t blame him really. I fell for you not long after I met you.”

I didn’t know what to say, but I covered his hand with mine. He was not at all what I had expected. For a man with such a reputation, Carlos really was sweet.

“I don’t know what to say about it all. When you came home all upset, I thought it was going to be bad news.”

“I just don’t want to lose you Celia.”

I told him that he wouldn’t, but at the same time I worried about it as well. I worried about facing Leo, knowing how I felt about him. It wasn’t going to be easy to pretend that I didn’t care. I did and I couldn’t help it. It was why I was so worried about it. I didn’t want to care. I didn’t want to feel anything for him, but it felt impossible to turn it all off.

“Are you going to see him?”

I shrugged like I didn’t care, but we both knew that I was going to have to. I had to talk to him if he wanted to be part of the baby’s life. It was going to be hard to convince him that I didn’t want to be, at the same time I was trying to assure him that he had nothing to worry about. All I could think about at the moment was why he thought Leo was in love with me. Had he said something to that effect and why did I care if he had? I was over him, right?

I cared about Carlos, I really did. He was a good man and treated me well, but there had always been something missing that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that his fears may not be that unfounded.

He wanted to talk about moving in after he gave me Leo’s number, but I told him that I was tired and I had a lot to think about. It was going to be hard to imagine seeing him again and I wasn’t sure what I was going to say or how it was all going to go. There was a part of me that wished I knew, but the feeling I had didn’t sit well with me. I was too tired to think about it and once Carlos left a little deflated, I stayed up too long thinking about calling Leo. I was nervous at the prospect of hearing his voice, let alone the rest of it. How could I meet up with him if the idea of talking to him on the phone made me feel so crazy? It didn’t make much sense to me, it really didn’t.

The next morning I had the day off and I felt like I was going to sit there and ruminate about it too much, so the best thing for me to do was to figure something out. I had to just call him and get it over with, like a bandage, it just needed to be ripped off.

I stared at the piece of paper in front of me with the number scrawled on it and I knew that I was going to have to figure something out. I was going to have to call him and I finally dialed the number and waited for it to ring. I half wanted him to let it go to voicemail. I thought it would be easier that way.

“Hello?”

Hearing his voice made my heart sink a little and I tried not to let it bother me or change the sound of my voice. I was afraid that it was going to start quivering if I let it.

“Hi, Leo?”

“Celia?”

“Yeah, I got your number from Carlos. I thought I would give you a ring. He told me that you wanted to talk.”

“Merry Christmas, Celia. I have been trying to find you for months.  Where are you and I will pick you up? I want to see you Celia, not just talk. It has been a while and I can’t believe you are finally calling. It has been too long.”

He had a tone to his voice that bothered me. He sounded like he missed me and I had to wonder again if Carlos was right. Did this man really love me like Carlos thought he did? I knew that I had too strong of feelings, but to think that Leo too did was hard because he was not that type of guy. He was the type of guy that had many women and I was just one of a slew, I was sure. Why was he acting like he missed me so much?

“Happy holidays to you too. It has been a while Leo. We can meet somewhere for lunch if you want. I guess we do have a few things to talk about.” My heart was fluttering and I wasn’t too sure why. I knew that I was feeling this way because of our one night together, but there had to be more to it. Carlos was pretty good in bed, but he had never made me feel the way that Leo did. It was hard to imagine anyone making me feel the same way as I did about him. Now that I was pregnant with his baby, it was even harder. I was just going to blame it on the hormones though.

“Just tell me a place and a time Celia and I will be there.”

“Don’t you have to work?”

“I will be there whether I have to work or not. My boss won’t mind.”

I wasn’t sure what to say.  I don’t know why I was thinking that it would be a while, maybe after the holidays. I was thinking of next week or something. I hadn’t been prepared for him wanting to do it right away. I mean, what was I going to wear?

Giving him the name of a restaurant down the street, I figured it was a nice day for a walk and it would give me time to clear my head before I got there. I didn’t want to have all of this anxiety inside of me, but I didn’t know how to get rid of it. I was convinced that I wasn’t going to be able to face him again, but I was going to have to. It was silly after all of the trouble I had gone to so I didn’t have to. Now circumstances made it where I had to see him and now, whether I liked it or not, I was going to have to have Leo in my life.

But I didn’t have to fall for him again. I didn’t have to be with him. We were just meeting to discuss the baby. That’s it…