AS IT TRANSPIRED, they did discuss the wedding. But every time she met Bastian’s seductive brown eyes and saw the desire that was never far away when they were together Lily found it hard to curtail her feelings of lust and longing.
If she’d imagined that pregnancy would call a halt to sexual desire then she couldn’t have been more wrong.
And now, as if the prospect of their marital union didn’t already feel like a mountain to climb, Bastian had informed her that he’d arranged for them to visit the family’s private jeweller the next day, to look at a selection of wedding ring designs.
The Carreras had a private jeweller? Yet again she was reminded of how wealthy and important the family she was marrying into was and her stomach flipped. What would Bastian’s relations and friends think when they met her and found out that she was no one significant?
By the time they got back to her house her energy was exhausted by the see-saw of emotions. First of all at the idea of getting married in the ancient historical church that Bastian’s family had frequented for centuries. being a fitting enough bride for the heir to the Carrera fortune, and walking up the aisle with everyone probably suspecting or knowing that she was pregnant.
They were none of them small concerns.
She only hoped she would be able to set them aside for a while and garner enough motivation to finish some of her book illustrations.
As she opened the front door her handsome husband-to-be startled her by catching her arm and turning her round to face him.
‘I can sense that you’re still not at ease.’ He frowned. ‘I realise that everything that’s been happening must seem quite formidable to you, but I’d like you to remember that I’m doing all this for you and the baby.’
‘And what about you, Bastian...? Are you honestly happy to be marrying a woman you barely know because you made her pregnant and now find you have to support her?’
‘Don’t you listen to anything I say?’ For an unsettling moment, a flash of electrifying anger flared in his eyes. ‘I told you I’m not a man who runs away from his responsibilities. I am marrying you and supporting this child because I want to. No one is forcing me.’
Lily shivered. If only he’d said he wanted to marry her because he loved her, instead of still leaving her with the impression that he was merely doing his duty.
But even as she entertained the thought she knew she shouldn’t delude herself if she didn’t want to invite any more hurt and disappointment.
‘I heard what you said and I’m grateful. Really, I am.’
Clearly dubious, he released her to sweep his hand restlessly through his hair. ‘I don’t expect you to be grateful. I just wish...’
‘What do you wish?’
‘Never mind.’ His tone was dismissive. ‘It’s not important. Look, I need to get back to work. I have a pressing meeting with some of my workers this afternoon.’
‘That’s fine with me. There’s no need for you to stay any longer. We’ve discussed the most important things, haven’t we?’
‘Yes. I suppose we have.’
‘And I want to say if you need me to go to the hospital with you to see your dad later, just give me a call.’
‘I wouldn’t dream of it. You look dead on your feet. There’s been a lot for you to take in today, and you’re probably anxious to have some time to deal with your own work...hmm?’
Reaching out a hand, he lightly stroked his fingers down her cheek, and once again Lily’s heart leapt at his touch. What she wouldn’t give to have some more time with him alone...
But in the next instant he’d moved away, his smile regretful. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, around midday—I’ll pick you up for our meeting with the jeweller. Make sure you get some rest tonight and don’t overdo things. Arrivederci.’
Sighing, she watched him walk past the bed of new blooms she’d planted in the hope that they’d symbolise a new beginning for her and the baby. But he wasn’t to know that was her reason for planting them. Why hadn’t she told him?
He didn’t even glance at them. Instead he got into his car and drove away...
* * *
She had dark circles beneath her eyes from another sleepless night. She had tried to drink a cup of coffee to help perk herself up, but had ended up tipping it down the sink because in her pregnant state even the smell of it made her feel queasy.
But, remembering the reason for her lack of sleep, Lily knew she would have to deal with things as soon as possible before she backed out. So it was with trepidation that she rang Bastian on his mobile.
He wouldn’t like what she had to say, but he was the one who’d told her she needed to have more faith in her decisions and to believe in herself. Now she was going to put his advice into practice.
‘Lily... To what do I owe the honour?’ he greeted her, sounding pleased that she’d phoned.
Taking a deep breath in and out again, and staring out through the window at her sunlit patio, she answered, ‘I need to talk to you about something.’
‘Are you and the baby okay?’
‘Yes, we’re fine.’
‘Good. So, what do you want to tell me?’
‘It’s just that I—I want to talk to you about the wedding...’
‘Didn’t we discuss that yesterday?’
‘We did...but—’
Her tone couldn’t help but ring alarm bells for Bastian and he tensed. ‘What about the wedding?’
‘I’ve changed my mind about something.’
The excoriating point of what felt like something akin to a deadly arrow hit him squarely in the gut.
Hardly knowing how he formed the words, he snapped, ‘What do you mean, you’ve changed your mind about something? Are you saying you don’t want to get married to me after all?’
She was taking too long to answer, and fear and impatience stole a march on any chance of his staying calm.
‘For goodness’ sake...what are you playing at, Lily?’
Hearing her softly released breath, he felt as though she were standing next to him. If he shut his eyes he knew he’d be able to conjure up the incredibly seductive scent of her body... But all the things that made him feel good about her only made things worse for him right then.
‘I still want to marry you, Bastian—of course I do,’ she explained. ‘Just not in the traditional way. I mean, not in the church your family have attended for millennia, with me wearing a posh gown that probably cost too much money and wearing a ring that I’d be terrified of losing every time I wore it because you’d spent a small fortune on it.’
The words tumbled from her lips as though she feared she would run out of air. But, pausing at last, she sucked in another breath and then continued.
‘I’m not the kind of woman who likes a fuss. I’d be far happier if we could just get married in a beautiful garden or out in nature. We could have a celebrant marry us and after the ceremony maybe have a nice meal at a local restaurant. That’s what I’d like for our wedding—at least, that’s what I’d prefer.’
Bastian had wandered into the dining room, where he more often than not went with a cup of coffee when he had things on his mind. Pulling out a chair from the table, he sat down, his fingers gripping the phone tightly against his ear. Staring down at the grain in the burnished wood, he couldn’t hide his disbelief at what he’d just heard.
‘What is the matter with you?’ he burst out. ‘I’m offering you the kind of wedding that most women can only dream of and you’re more or less telling me that it’s not good enough? That instead of properly celebrating our union, in a church that has been the cornerstone of my family’s faith for centuries, where our friends and family will join us to witness the occasion, you want us to play it small—as if the event is of no importance at all!’
The silence that followed was painful.
‘I’m shocked that you think how we get married isn’t important to me—because it is. It’s just that the church and everything else might be significant for you and your family, Bastian, but it didn’t play a big part in the way I was raised. I already told you what it was like for me. But, putting that aside, it doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate beauty and reverence. God knows I’m thankful for any good fortune I’m blessed with. For instance, I’m especially grateful that as the father of my baby you want to marry me. I just don’t want to be a hypocrite, having to pretend I go along with a big fancy wedding.’
His heart was thumping hard. The last time he’d been so emotionally churned up about a woman was when he’d walked in on his cheating ex, Marissa, in bed with a business rival. The image had sickened him and it had taken a long time for him to forget it.
Lily wasn’t cheating on him. She was merely expressing her preference about where and how their wedding should be conducted. But the strength of his emotions right then wouldn’t allow him to be remotely reasonable. Telling him that she didn’t want what he was offering was tantamount to belittling him in the worst possible way.
‘So you think it hypocritical to accept what I intended to be my gift to you...a beautiful wedding, the memory of which I hoped you’d cherish always?’
‘What? Is that what you—? Oh, Bastian.’
On a sob, Lily ended the call...
* * *
No matter how many times he rang her, she didn’t pick up. Finally, nearly driven crazy by the thought of what she might do when he remembered she had a tendency to blame herself when things went wrong, he got into his luxury four-by-four and drove straight over to her place.
There was no sign of the small tangerine-coloured car she drove.
Already knowing it was a pointless exercise, he rang the doorbell. As he’d expected, it chimed uselessly.
Blinking up into the flawlessly blue sky, he swore vehemently beneath his breath. Where the blazes had she gone? She’d broken off their conversation without explanation and he knew he’d upset her. Now she was probably driving around barely knowing where she was going because she was too distraught to think clearly.
Finally, deciding on a more pragmatic approach, he rang his jeweller Gianni and told him their meeting would have to be postponed. After that he drove into the local town to see if he could locate Lily in any of the shops and cafés. He would give her description to some of the locals and ask if anyone had seen her.
A woman who looked like she did surely wasn’t so easy to forget catching sight of?
* * *
Having nearly worn herself out, walking up and down the sometimes steep inclines of the town’s picturesque streets and getting a stitch in her side, Lily found a café and went inside. She was pleased to see that they had a selection of fruit teas as well as coffee, so she ordered some camomile and sat down in a window seat to stare out at the influx of tourists that mingled with the locals.
She took unexpected comfort in hearing snatches of their conversations, and occasionally their laughter as they went by. Sometimes she was glad to be a stranger in a town that wasn’t her own. At least she could be anonymous.
But thoughts of Bastian never left her. Recalling the last thing he’d said to her—that he’d meant their wedding in the family church to be his gift to her and had hoped she would cherish the memory always—she knew it had utterly shaken her. It had been a bolt out of the blue, and the declaration she’d made beforehand—that she wanted a simple wedding and preferred not to have any fuss—now made her feel more than a little ashamed.
Bastian had already done so much for her and she’d acted as if she was throwing his kindness back in his face. How could she put things right again between them? She hadn’t taken his calls because whatever she told him would be woefully inadequate. She needed more time to decide what to do.
It was then that it occurred to her to ring her mum. It had been a long time since they’d spoken, but perhaps now was exactly the right time to talk? Lily needed to hear the familiar voice of someone who had once upon a time known her better than anyone else, and God knew Jane Alexander had had plenty of experience in dealing with the vagaries of relationships.
By the time the call came to an end Lily was gratified that she had indeed done the right thing. Her mother had professed to being over the moon at hearing from her, and had asked why on earth she hadn’t let her know she’d changed her mobile number?
The last time they’d spoken was when she’d been about to marry the stockbroker, Jane had reminded her, and she’d often worried about how things were going.
When Lily had told her they’d divorced, she’d gone silent for a moment. Then Lily had explained why it hadn’t worked out and that Marc was gay.
‘Why the hell didn’t he tell you that in the first place?’ Why string you along and pretend that he loved you?’ her mother had asked.
‘He did love me—but only as a friend. In truth, I often suspected he didn’t want me physically, but I wasn’t brave enough to challenge him about it. Yes, he should have told me the truth before we married, but he said he was afraid of losing my support and friendship if he did—that arrangements had gone too far. We should never have married—that much is clear to me now. Anyway, after a few months of living with me he fell in love with someone much more suitable. A man he’d met at a financial seminar. We agreed to part.’
‘So where does all this leave you, Lily? I hope he compensated you financially for this?’
‘He offered me alimony but I didn’t accept. I accepted a one-off payment, though—and that, combined with the savings I already had, was enough to enable me to start my new life in Italy. And fortunately I’ve continued to have plenty of work.’
‘Italy?’
‘Don’t worry, Mum, I’m really happy here. I’m living in a beautiful region called Abruzzo and the place I live in is near the beach. I’ve settled in well.’
‘It seems you’re full of surprises. How could I not know you’re so adventurous? Don’t worry about answering that. I shouldn’t have left it so long to get to know you again, love.’
Lily could have said many things about how she felt about that, but she’d been intent on repairing some of the hurts from her past—not making matters worse.
‘That’s not all I have to tell you, Mum...’
It was then that she had told her mother that since moving to Italy she’d met someone else and was about to marry him. She was also pregnant. But Bastian was an entirely different proposition from Marc, she’d explained, and he wanted to do the right thing by her and the baby.
She’d finished the call with the revelation that they were getting married in the exquisite ancient church that his family had attended for generations and he wanted her to invite her parents.
‘I can only speak for myself right now, but I’d love to be there for you, sweetheart,’ Jane had immediately replied. ‘I know we have a lot of ground to make up, but I want to make amends. I just hope that this man of yours knows how lucky he is to have found you. You’re a lovely girl, Lily, and you deserve only the best after all you’ve been through.’
‘Thanks for that, Mum. The situation with Marc did hurt me. It knocked the stuffing out of me, to be honest. And somehow I believed that I was the one to blame for it all. I haven’t always thought the best of myself...’
‘Well, you should. You’re not responsible for how other people behave—and that includes me and your dad. Don’t you still do those wonderful illustrations and earn your living from them? Anyway, your dad and I are talking again, and we’re both trying hard to come to terms with the past and put it behind us. I’m sure he’ll want to come to the wedding too, if he knows you want him there.’
After such an encouraging revelation Lily hadn’t hesitated in giving her mum all the details she wanted, including her new mobile number.
Her mother’s final words before they’d ended the call were, ‘I love you very much, darling, and I always have. I know I didn’t give you the childhood you deserved, but I was so jealous and hurt because of your father’s antics that I was consumed with my own troubles and lost sight of what was the most important thing of all...my child. I hope you’ll give me the chance to make up for that a little with your own children?’
‘I will. I love you too, Mum.’
Feeling as though a great weight had been lifted from her, Lily ordered another camomile tea and then checked her phone for any more missed calls from Bastian. As she tried to find his number the very effusive welcome to a customer from one of the young female baristas made her look up to see who the girl was greeting.
Wearing jeans and a plain white shirt, and making his usual arresting impression with his handsome face and tousled dark locks, Bastian was standing in front of the counter. After sharing some brief repartee with the girl, who looked as though she longed to have him stay and talk to her some more, he quickly moved his glance to scan the now crowded room.
His searching gaze didn’t take long to find Lily. As their glances met and held she felt her heart gallop dizzyingly with excitement, but she couldn’t seem to summon the welcoming smile she wanted. Knowing that she’d disappointed him, it wasn’t easy.
The other customers seemed to have no such reticence. Smiles and greetings abounded as he neared. People drew back their chairs to let him get by as though he was some kind of celebrity, and she mused that the scene was a bit like the biblical parting of the waves. That was the mesmerising effect the man had on people.
Unconsciously her hand moved to rest on her belly. And she was having his baby.
His opening line wasn’t the one she’d hoped for. Standing before her, his body temporarily shielding her from prying eyes, he demanded, low-voiced, ‘Why in hell didn’t you answer my calls?’
Inside, she wondered if he’d ever forgive her for the transgression.
‘Don’t ever do that to me again. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t found you.’
His words were laced with underlying passion, and Lily intuited that he was more upset than angry. Deeply regretting that she’d worried him so much, she leant towards him and caught his hand.
‘I never meant you to think I’d run away. I just—I just didn’t know what to say to you.’
His jaw tightening as though he was barely able to contain his emotion, he replied, ‘Let’s get out of here. We’ll go back to my place. At least I’ll know you’re safe there.’
‘I was never in any danger. I just needed to think things over...to walk and get some air.’
‘But now you look flushed and tired...as if you’ve needlessly exerted yourself. That’s hardly going to help you or the baby, is it?’
Because she was wary of saying the wrong thing just then, Lily stayed silent. She let the charismatic Italian guide her up onto her feet, deciding to tell him later that she’d decided to go along with the church wedding after all and that she’d invited her parents.
She just hoped he still wanted that and didn’t still believe she was being ungrateful in saying she wanted something different. She just hoped he hadn’t changed his mind...