Emory

 

With heartbreak comes fear…

 

 

 

 

A few months back…

 

I’m sitting in my doctor’s office for the second time for a stomach bug that just won’t seem to go away. I’ve had so many vials of blood taken that I’m becoming to feel like a victim of Dracula himself.

“Emory, sorry to keep you waiting for so long, how are you feeling today?”

“Still feeling a bit off, Dr. Stevenson. I have the never-ending stomach bug it seems.”

“I see, can you tell me a bit more about your symptoms?”

“I’ve been running a fever off and on, I am fatigued, and my bones ache down to the marrow.”

“Emory, I’ve run every test I can think of, what worries me is your white blood cell count. I’m worried with what I’m seeing that you may have a form of Leukemia.”

“Wh…what kind of Leukemia?” Being a certified nurse, I know a little about the different types.

“I’m not sure, I can’t even say for certain that this is what you have. I’m just not finding anything else in your lab work that says you have anything different. I want you to schedule an appointment with an oncologist. There’s a doctor that’s two hours away, but he’s the best and I’d feel more comfortable if he was to see you and find out one way or another if my suspicions are true.”

“Shouldn’t we wait until the rest of my bloodwork comes back?”

“I don’t want to wait that long, just in case.”

“Oh, okay…” What else is there to say?

“My nurse is setting you up an appointment as we speak, if you’ll go out into the waiting room and wait on her she’ll have your information on his location and a date and time.”

“Thank you, Dr. Stevenson,” I say as I grab my things and go out into the waiting room to wait for my appointment information.

Leukemia, it’s such a dirty thought that keeps running a continuous loop through my head. This cannot be happening to me.

“Emory Masters,” I hear my name called and get up and make my way up to the counter.

“Yes,” I say as I sit my purse on the counter.

“Hello, dear, we’ve got your appointment scheduled with Dr. Tremaine. It is next month on the twelfth at ten-thirty a.m.”

“Is it okay to wait that long?” I ask her.

“Dr. Tremaine wants all of your labs and copies of the x-rays we did on your chest last month. He wants time to review your charts before you come for you visit. If he feels that you need to be seen sooner, he’ll have his nurse call you and schedule an appointment at that time. Emory, dear,” she says, stopping me when I turn to leave. “At this time, this is Dr. Stevenson being overly cautious, this may turn out to be something completely different. Keep your head up and don’t stop living life, take every moment you have and enjoy it.”

“Thank you,” I say as I turn and walk out the door.

I get home and the first thing I do is fire up my laptop and research every sight I can find on Leukemia.

 

According to my online research, Leukemia is cancer of the body's blood-forming tissues, including the bone marrow and the lymphatic system. Many types of leukemia exist. Some forms of leukemia are more common in children. Other forms of leukemia occur mostly in adults. Leukemia usually involves the white blood cells. Your white blood cells are potent infection fighters—they normally grow and divide in an orderly way, as your body needs them. But in people with leukemia, the bone marrow produces abnormal white blood cells, which don't function properly. Treatment for leukemia can be complex—depending on the type of leukemia and other factors. But there are strategies and resources that can help to make your treatment successful.

Leukemia symptoms vary, depending on the type of leukemia. Common leukemia signs and symptoms include:

Fever or chills

Persistent fatigue, weakness

Frequent or severe infections

Losing weight without trying

Swollen lymph nodes, enlarged liver or spleen

Easy bleeding or bruising

Recurrent nosebleeds

Tiny red spots in your skin (petechia)

Excessive sweating, especially at night

Bone pain or tenderness

 

I slam the lid on my laptop down and cry uncontrollably while sitting on my living room couch. I make a decision, I will not tell anyone about this. I refuse to put my family through this. I just can’t do that to them. Then a thought hits me out of the blue…Marcus! I can’t tie him down to me, he’ll want to care for me and stick to me like glue. I’ll be the charity case that he has to stand by and fix. I’m not that woman, I’m strong and can do this…alone.

Fuck you, google! I don’t like your results.